I WON’T watch your next movie, Channing…

Read it, don’t read it, I don’t care…just needed to get some things off my chest.

In no particular order of chronology or importance…

NEW FORMAT: DAILY posts, 20 minute time limit-hard stop.

Ummm.  I have been very well behaved on this time thing over the last two weeks.  It is Friday.  I am in sales, and it was the end of the month.  Rough day.  No time to blog during the day.  I am decompressing, so therefore I am not putting myself on a timer.  I won’t do my old ways of 70 hooks, but I am not necessarily stopping at 15 either.  Consider it a compromise.  A decompressing, relaxing compromise.

I feel the need.  The need…for speed.

1)  Rafael Nadal owns the French Open.  Literally.  He probably just continues to play tennis so there might be some separation from him and Bjorn Borg for the greatest clay court player of all time.  I would say he needs at least one, maybe two for that distinct separation.  Anyway, he lost in the 2nd round at Wimbledon to pretty much a nobody.  He didn’t seem to be too mad afterwards either, illustrated by a playful wink.  Anyway, I am not saying he thinks about this consciously, and I am not saying he is not trying, but it just seems obvious that his focus is two months a year on red clay, and anything else is “extra.”  He will go down as one of the greats of all time, but maybe he just cares about being the best on clay.

2)  Deep thoughts.  Was David Stern booed EVERY time he came out on stage to announce a pick because fans were mad about the lockout or some other team/ league issue, or was it just because he had a Jersey crowd?  Someone call Jack Handy.  I want to go out for beers tonight.  Jack, I am blogging so I obviously don’t have anything planned, so give me a call.

3)  #1 pick Anthony Davis, acting humble but already wheeling and dealing now that he is officially a millionaire, trademarked his unibrow.  I think this is fun.  I think this is smart.  I think he now has a separate cash income.  And we don’t care if it goes all the way across, is a mole, or whatever, the concept is good.  Good job, AD.

4)  DAMMMMIITTTT.  I talk a little smack about Citta, the soccer team picking elephant extraordinaire, and what happens?  Citta smokes me.  I thought Germany was a lock, especially after a longer game for Italy in the quarters.  But no, the elephant gets me.  Alright, Citta.  I had Spain in my final before the Netherlands were eliminated AND after, so I hope you pick Italy for the final Sunday so I can talk shit about you and your fancy trunk.

5)  I didn’t read the article, but a few days after RGIII was extorted, Warriors head coach was also.  Is extortion suddenly hip?  Or are extortionists suddenly just dumb and getting caught?  Seriously, Jack Handy, give me a call.

6)  The grass is green, the sky is blue, and the Kings were going to lock up goalie Jonathan Quick…well, quickly (sorry, that pun WAS unintended).  Anyway, they locked him up for 10 years.  Good call.

7)  I have talked about ESPN Mag’s “debate” issue.  I am slowly reading it.  It is solid.  Except for the one I read yesterday.  The “big debate” was the greatest hockey player of all time.  What?  Lemieux and Howe are even in the conversation?  Sure, Howe had longevity, and Lemieux before his last comeback actually averaged more points per full game than The Great One (2.02 to 1.86 and I didn’t have to look that up-I read a sports almanac like normal people read…well, some popular author), but come on.  Wayne can’t help injuries and sickness cut short Mario’s career.  If we are taking a snapshot, there is no question and no debate.  Wayne Gretzky.

8)  I am smart about some stuff and absolutely an idiot about other things.  I won’t look it up, and I won’t ask anyone, but I can’t for the life of me understand how a phone can have no service, but still be able to text.  My girlfriend is in the Virgin Islands and we can text but can’t talk.  Moving on…

9)  I said that a good team with two picks in the first round would take a chance on Jared Sullinger and his bad back.  Well, it happened.  The Celtics had two great picks in the NBA draft in my opinion.  They are pretty set in the backcourt, with Rondo, Allen/ Bradley.  Kevin Garnett’s future is unknown, but I think he stays.  Anyway, they took the chance on the past lottery pick who was flagged for his back aka Sullinger, and then said in case he doesn’t work out, let’s get at least get Garnett back to the PF position and they took Syarcuse 7’0′ Fab Melo.  Sullinger will be a quality backup and can learn from Garnett like Kendrick Perkins and Big Baby did, and Fab Melo has an NBA body and just needs offensive skills.  What’s that?  You are worried about Melo’s attitude?  Would YOU talk back to Kevin Garnett.  I didn’t think so.

10)  The Rockets had picks 12,14 and 16.  I like the Jeremy Lamb pick, but I am wondering how he doesn’t overlap with Kevin Martin.  Then, they take Royce White and Terrence Jones.  They are both two phenomenal, unique players.  That being said, they will be either too slow or too short when they play defense.  Why not take one, and then pick a lock for an NBA body?

11)  When I was watching the draft, I stood on my couch and dropped a rock.  I was seeing what dropped faster, the rock or Perry Jones from Baylor.  The jury is still out.

12)  Just so you know, the window of cracking on Albert Pujols is just about over.  We had our fun.  He is still is only at .273 for the year, but that average has jumped substantially in the last week or two.

13)  Tiger shoots a 72 on the first day of the PGA tournament.  Then, he climbs back with a 68.  Don’t be overly impressed.  And be confused.  His stats on both days were pretty similar-he just caught a few breaks the second day.  Ok.  That was my unbiased Tiger breakdown.  He is STILL going to win the British Open, people.  Book it.  I have been saying it…well, since I was incorrect in saying that he would win the Masters.  Easy.  I DID say he wouldn’t have a chance in the US Open.  That is KIND OF not homer like, right?

14)  We have a big event in 13 years.  When Rip Van Winkle wakes up then, and reads how Lance Armstrong is still being charged with doping, he will ask a lot of questions, look for a DeLorean, and wonder if he is back in 2005.

15)  You hear stories about how certain people with their specific charges are treated in prison (ok, maybe most of my information is from movies).  What do they do to people who try and scam 200k off of a fake Babe Ruth authentic glove.  I don’t know, but I know I personally would destroy that guy.

16)  This is the first day in my apartment in 10 days where I am not literally carrying a fan around when I switch rooms.  Serious heat wave.  I love the fact that CO has no bugs and no humidity, but stop teasing us with a thunderstorm and let it rain, atmosphere.

16a)  I hope the “atmostphere” reads my blog.  I will add them to my email list after I am done.

17)  If anyone was doubting the San Francisco Giants pitching earlier this year, they aren’t now.  One perfect game, which my fraternity brother attended (BASTARD), and now on a four game run of shutouts with ALL different pitchers.  Scary stuff.

18)  RANT SQUAD UPDATE: Well, not really.  They were quiet the last few days (that is what we get when you lock Mayweather up-damn).  Anyway, I am sending Rant Squad scouts to Georgia.  Their running back, Isaiah Crowell, just got busted for weapon charges.  Good start, kid, and you are on my radar.  Go to a strip club and EASE into it.

19)  The coolest part of the NBA draft was when military veteran, and FSU PF Bernard James was drafted.  Everyone started chanting “USA USA.”  Moving.

20)  Article I did not open up and would never do so.  “LeBron opens up to Oprah.”  Uggghhh.

21)  Check THIS out.  Jerry Sandusky will STILL get his pension even though he was found guilty.  How does THAT work?

22)  (wiping forehead) Two Muslims were arrested for a “terrorist plot” and for being in close proximity to the London Olympic grounds (sorry, “grounds” is a UVA thing-I use it when I can).  We definitely don’t need that noise.

23)  Not to bust on my home team, but the Nuggets drafted the #1 foreign player on the board at #20.  He has an NBA body, and is only 19, but he is a shooting guard…who can’t shoot.  They need 3 pt shooting, and also could have benefited by the best shooter in the draft outside of Terrence Ross…Vandy’s John Jenkins. Confused.

24)  Roger Federer survived a 5 set match today.  I wasn’t feeling bad missing it until my mom emails me during the 5th set of what was going on.  I need those glasses from the movies where they LOOK like normal glasses, but I am actually watching a match in the right lense.  It was either in Men in Black, a cartoon, or some spy movie.  One of those…

25)  Scott Brooks and the OKC Thunder aren’t close on a contract??  SCOTT!!!!! Dude.  Take scraps.  You might lose Harden after this next year, so win a title, and then “listen” to people.

26)  Now that Ryan Dempster is off the DL after the All Star game, can I go back to calling the MLB trade deadline the Ryan Dempster/ Zach Greinke deadline?

27)  Breaking news.  Lamar Odom is going to the Clippers in what looks like a three team (during editing I found out it was a FOUR team trade…even more exciting) trade.  It is a solid, flexible addition for not that much loss.  Forget about the trade.  Am I the only person in the world who really gets excited when a three team trade happens?  I really dig them.  They are fun.  I know.  It doesn’t take much to get me going.  Hell, it is a Friday night, and I am having fun blogging.  Different strokes for different folks.

28)  Speaking of a need for a three team trade, I hear the Minnesota Timberwolves want Pau Gasol.  Uhhhh. For who?  Have you LOOKED at that roster?  Aside from the untouchable Kevin Love and Ricky Rubio, what do they have?  Hold on.  Take three of Lochte and Phelps…

29) (Watching swimming race)

30)  Holy shit.  That looked like a summer meet.  Lochte and Phelps were 1/4 pool ahead of the rest of America’s best at the end.  It was like when my coach asked me to “fill” a lane in the 100 butterfly in York, Pennsylvania…at age 9.  Amazing distance of their win.  Lochte won, but you could tell both were just making sure they were 1-2.  Mindblowing how much they won by.  Give some depression medicine to the rest of the “contestants.”

31)  Channing Tatum was on a talk show the other day promoting his new male stripper flick.  Also on the set was Michael Strahan.  Strahan had tear away pants and mid interview went stripper like on stage.  Kind of funny actually.  http://www.aol.com/video/michael-strahan-strips-down-on-live-with-kelly/517407111/

31a)  ( MOM.  SKIP THIS HOOK PLEASE) OK.  I CAN’T tell that story without telling this other one.  Every time I see something about male stripping, I think back to 2000.  I worked at a bar full time.  To boost volume, the owner had male strippers in house for 2 hours in a female only side.  This, of course, attracted local males, knowing that at 10pm, when they opened the doors to everyone, they had 100 females who just watched male strippers.  Kind of smart, actually.  Anyway, I was a bartender.  The owner (same guy who thought I was a loser for getting the satellite feed for LeBron’s HS basketball games because he thought he was a “bust”) wanted male bartenders during this time serving the female clientele.  It was PAINFUL.  Every week I talked shit about the strippers with my manager, until finally one of the females finally says “you wouldn’t have the guts to do it.”  For those of you who know me, I really have no fear of much (except anything involving bees).  So, I replied, “hell, I would do it.  I am not scared.”  This spread among the clientele, and then spread among the employees.  Then, the strippers heard this comeback.  Four weeks later, we had an “employee strip night.”  Me, a cook, and the manager all threw our hat in the ring.  We all had to pick a theme and three songs.  Not sure how I got my theme, but after some beers and about 10 tequila shots ( I am a bourbon guy but tequila seemed appropriate considering I was doing this odd dare) with my manager and the cook at a different bar, I marched down a wooden plank in a Gilligan outfit with knife cut pants that were loosely duck taped together, and boxers with a big smiley face on them.  We were supposed to be up there for 3 songs.  I had my stuff off by the second verse of my second song (after Gilligan-by the way, my third song was The Power by Snap so I could do the running man), which of course was Marky Mark Good Vibrations.  Anyway, DON’T say I am scared to try stuff.  If it doesn’t involve a bee, I will pretty much jump off of, swim across, talk to, sing on a mic, streak, ANYTHING…It is a catch-22.  It is one of my best AND worst traits.

32)  I like Carmelo Anthony more today.  Check out the video where he scares people in a sports museum by staying still and them saying boo.  Funny stuff, Melo. http://www.9wsyr.com/news/local/story/Carmelo-Anthony-poses-as-wax-figure-to-shock/rhCgwvBlj0KWug9sAAPZBA.cspx

33)  We learned this in grade school.  This Zimmerman play would be the equivalent of throwing an inbounds pass off someone’s back in basketball.  Awesome. http://www.cbssports.com/mlb/blog/eye-on-baseball/19439443/gif-ryan-zimmerman-fakes-out-carlos-gonzalez

34)  That is it.  I am going to pretend like I have plans and stop now.  Actually, I just got an itch to play Golden Tee.  Am I going to blog tomorrow?  That is a CLOWN question, bro.  Peace.

34a)  YES, I am working on stylizing this site.  It is a work in progress, and having my own domain is very nice, but slightly more confusing than blogspot.  Someday I hope to have guest bloggers, which I am sure people would appreciate getting away from the Fillerbuster for a bit.  For now, I am just glad I have figured out how to post.