Heart of the Beast

Heart of the Beast

The Cast

By The Fillerbuster

10/4/2026

(No spoilers to the movie-promise)

(True, Watkins was talking about the region of the country and not the dog, but I went the dog route.  Dog=Beast in this piece.  My blog.  My rules.)

Let’s talk about the Heart of the Beast.

As one of my favorite books (Man’s Search for Meaning) says:

• “If there is meaning in life at all, then there must be a meaning in suffering.”
• “Suffering ceases to be suffering at the moment it finds a meaning.”

When suffering occurs, the most important thing is HOW you react to it.  Stimulus-Response.  Expanding the time between the two items maximizes human (and dog) potential.

My dog, Enzo, inspires me every single day during his suffering.

• He started limping back in June.
• He got CCL surgery a few weeks after that.
• He didn’t heal per the instructions, and after week 10 of 12 (full recovery), he was still limping/hopping.
• Before we took him to the vet, there was a night of squeals and high-pitched pain noises that made me shed a tear.
• We took him to the vet, and the next prognosis was that he possibly had a problem with a muscle, his iliopsoas, which I had to be educated on (inner groin).
• So, the next step was an orthopedic vet.  We took him there.  I then got the debrief from the doctor, and he said he was leaning that it was a neurological problem.
• So, neuro was next.  I took him there for an exam.
• He needed an MRI.  We got that done.
• The results of the MRI showed a growth and probable tumor.
• My choices became 8-9 months left in his life with amputation, and 2-3 months without.
• The doctor clarified that although the spinal tap result was still unknown, that there was about a 1 in 50 chance that the choices or prognosis would change.
• The spinal tap results came in. How about that 1 out of 50 chance?  Yes.
• Now, the prognosis was down to a coin flip.
• Half of chance of being auto-immune disease, and half a chance of being lymphoma.
• A PARR test was needed.
• Although he DOES have lymphocytes in his blood, the PARR test showed no evidence of lymphoma.  Dodged another bullet.
• So, the verdict is that PROBABLY Enzo will live a full dog life, just with a hop and a limp ongoing.  We still have to prepare ourselves that lymphoma COULD raise its head at any time, thus shortening his life.
• I will TAKE it. 
• So, what happened?  He probably started developing the disease, which then attacked his rear left leg.  Then, during one of his very energetic tennis ball chases, he tore his CCL because of already feeling something in that leg and compensating.  He ran differently, thus the injury.

Even with a hop and limp, and falling down constantly, he is the same old Enzo.  Jovial, beloved, happy, stoic, and just…slower.  We still play the tennis ball game, just without a lot of distance between us.  Ten feet instead of the full yard.  He still LOVES when we play that abbreviated game.  Like it is STILL the full yard.  He has shown me SO many lessons over the summer.  Everything that is thrown his way is just another bump in the road to him.  Still happy, still Enzo.  I even hurt MY knee accidentally during his injury.  So, you can picture a badly limping human walking a badly limping dog.  Quite a sight. It is almost like Enzo automatically KNOWS that other dogs have it worse. With no education. No speaking. No background. He simply and naturally understands that his life, his body, and his day could be worse. He shrugs off the limp with a smile. We should all be so lucky to have that engrained in us. And, we could learn from him.

Brad Pitt’s dog, Odin, inspired him every single day also.  They both served in the military together, and were a front line of defense.  And, after Odin got hurt in battle, and Brad lost every single other person in his outfit (not a spoiler, as they show that pretty early on), they retired together.  Adventures, trips, and time together. Then, a heart attack occurred as well as the plane crash.  Then, they regroup and encounter test after test. They overcome weather, obstacles, nature’s animals, etc.  Brad was tested.  Odin was tested.  They each learned from each other, helped each other, and made each other better. And, trust me. They BOTH pull their fair share of solutions with each problem. Equality in distribution.

(Side note:  this dog deserves to win the human Oscar award.  Seriously. Can that even happen? I would like to start a movement.)

• The simplicity, yet brilliance, of dogs
• • Excitement about the smallest things.
• • Excitement for the human to come home, every single time.
• • Excitement to do simple things in life, like a walk.
• • Excitement, and peace, while simply laying in the yard
  • Perseverance of pain, acceptance of hindrances, strength to overcome anything.

(Not sure why you are screwing with me, WordPress. Fine. Double bullets and one indented is fine. Moving on…)

I look at Enzo and my problems seem silly.  I try to tackle life the same way he has tackled his.  Well, my other problems are far from silly, but let’s just say that every walk, every time out with him, and every time I look at him, my current troubles hurt much worse.  His company makes me a better person, and the way he has handled his adversity has helped me handle mine.

Oh right.  This is primarily a sports blog.  There are plenty of sports examples of having the Heart of the Beast.  PLENTY. Some of my favorites:

• Rocky Bleier
  • This has to be my favorite one, and one close to my heart.  If Franco Harris was T-Rex, Rocky was Allosaurus.  If Franco Harris was the bald eagle, Rocky was the golden eagle (I like the latter of both examples more than the primary).  Yes, he was a Steeler.  My mom let me read his autobiography, and it had CUSS words, which were very exciting when I was a child.  Thanks, mom.  This was one of my favorite books, and I read it, then reread it, then reread it again.  I personally am not a sports jersey type of guy.  If I DID wear a jersey, I would ONLY choose Rocky Bleier.  I love him so much that I have an autographed puke bag, because a friend saw him on a flight.  His quick story is this.  After his rookie year with the Steelers, he was drafted by the Army.  He volunteered for South Vietnam in the Vietnam War.  His platoon was ambushed, he got shrapnel in his leg from an explosion, and earned a Bronze Star and Purple Heart for his efforts.  Art Rooney wrote him a letter after he was discharged, telling him that the team needed him.  He tried, tried again, and tried again.  He got released twice.  He kept trying.  Finally, he made the team.  Known more for blocking for Franco Harris, he had one 1,000 yard season, caught a TD in a Super Bowl against the Cowboys, and recovered the onsite kick in that same Super Bowl.  All four championship teams had Rocky on the them.  Absolute legend.

• John Tuggle
  • Well, since there is a movie coming out about it, I won’t tell you the story.  Great stuff though.

• Buster Douglas
  • For those who have heard the story, they try and envision what it was like knocking out Mike Tyson in 1990 and that is as close as they can get in their head.  For those of us who were watching it live, the floor literally dropped out from under us.  42-1 odds, and he knocked him out, not just beat him.  And, most people forget that his reign of 8 months only was ended by someone who ALSO ended up being a pretty good fighter, not just some putz.  That guy’s name was Evander Holyfield.

• Shaquem Griffin
  • This guy was born with amniotic band syndrome, and had his whole left hand amputated at age 4.  Somehow, after that, he grew up and became a football player.  Not just a football player though.  He was an All-American at UCF, and got drafted by the Seahawks.  He played 46 games over three seasons in the BEST football league in the world.  All without a hand.  After retirement, he became a motivational speaker.  Yes, you can’t tell me that people in his audiences don’t bow their head in shame about complaining about anything in life.

• Villanova Hoops 1985
  • The unstoppable force was Georgetown and Patrick Ewing.  Back in the day when big men made teams invincible before Steph Curry jacked up that entire system, this team was an 8 seed in their REGION before beating the big bad dudes from DC.  Harold Jensen, Dwayne McClain, Ed Pinckney, Gary McLain, and Harold Pressley were on that Nova squad.  Not exactly star studded.  Heart of the Beast?  78.6% from the field Heart of the Beast. If the conspiracy theory is correct that they were on cocaine in that game, props. Good focus.

• Milan/Hoosiers
  • Imagine, if you will, a single-class high school system of 752 schools.  Now, imagine a team from a high school with a total of 161 students enrolled.  Now, imagine that team getting thrown in a bracket with much bigger schools, and running the table and winning the state title.  Or, just go watch the best sports movie ever, Hoosiers. My team is on the floor.

• Antonio Gates (undrafted)
  • This guy went undrafted.  Yes, THIS guy.  You know, because he played a different sport at Kent State.  Basketball.  Not football.  The right person saw the right traits in him, and that right person…was right.  Three All-Pro nods, and eight All Star Games later, he was inducted into the Hall of Fame as one of the best tight ends ever…and college power forwards…sort of.

• 1969 Mets
  • Five 100-loss seasons.  Never finished higher than ninth in its history.  Didn’t matter.  In the first season of divisional play, they WON 100 games, and then beat the Braves and then Orioles in the World Series.

• Miracle on Ice
  • The feared Soviets beat the Olympic system of having only amateur athletes by finding talent, and giving them university and military jobs to satisfy Olympic regulations.  They had won 5 of the last 6 Olympic gold medals before these games.  The USA played by the rules, and STILL beat them 4-3.  Most people forget that the U.S. still had to beat Finland in the gold medal game to REALLY win, and that Al Michaels might have been elevated in stature simply from his call after that game.  “Do you believe in the Heart of the Beast??? Yes!”  Miracle.  Whatever.

• Rulon Gardner
  • What has been holding YOU back?  Have you gotten punctured by an arrow?  Have you had to swim an hour in 44 degree water after a plane crash to safety?  Have you been in a snowmobile accident and lost a toe?  No.  Stop complaining about life.  Rulon beat heavy favorite Aleksandr Karelin in 2000 to win the wrestling gold in 2000, and he tacked on a bronze in 2004.  He still keeps his lost toe in his fridge to remind him to Never Stop Pushing, the name of his autobiography. If he is not a motivational speaker, someone please tell me he opened a lawncare business.

• Brock Purdy
  • Him and Tuggle are boys because they are both called Mr. Irrelevant.  Last guy drafted.  He is doing pretty good these days, leading the Niners as their QB. I wonder how long he will look 14 years old for…

• Abebe Bikila
  • In 1960 and 1964, he won two gold medals in the marathon.  Oh, he ran BAREFOOT.  He pretty much started the whole dynasty of African runners dominating.  They run with shoes though.

• Kurt Warner
  • Our favorite grocery store stockboy ever.  He worked night shifts so he could train during the day.  No word on when exactly he slept.  People remember his Rams days, but most forget that later, in 2009, he led the Cardinals to the Super Bowl also.  Super Bowl winner, Super Bowl MVP, two times MVP…well, you get the idea.  If you have two hours to learn more, just go and rent the movie American Underdog.

• Jesse Owens
  • He not only beat competitors in 1936.  He challenged everything the Nazis stood for, and beat them too.  He won four gold medals, in the 100, 200, long jump, and 4×100 relay.

• Michael Oher
  • A crack cocaine mother, nor a murdered father, nor foster homes, no homelessness could stop Michael.  The fact that his battles were when he was a kid make his story even more amazing.  Like a lot of good stories, just go and watch The Blind Side if you have questions.

• Simone Biles
  • Another lesser-known foster child story.  She was one of four children who were given up by her birth mother.  After getting through that, she became…well, the best gymnast ever.

If you want to command more focus, more clarity, and more motivation, these are the three books I presently live by right now. I read them, and reread them all and put them on the shelf. During this present time in my life, they are pretty handy. A passage here and there uplift my day.

• Meditations
• The Power of Now
• Man’s Search For Meaning

Another one of my favorite quotes from Man’s Search for Meaning:

“He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how.”

On No Cure for Cancer, Dennis Leary says one of my favorite lines:  “Life sucks.  Get a helmet.”  Funny, but true.  And, if looking for a good thing today (or don’t have a helmet handy), then pivot.  Read the list of athletes above.  Read some of my books.  Or, just look at your furry friend.  They already have the Heart of the Beast.  Now, you need to also.  My life is pretty subpar right now.  Most things that could go wrong in the last two months…have.  But, I write this blog somehow on Cloud 9.  I write this blog somehow excited about the squirrels outside, the flowers in the garden, going for a walk with my dog, and ignoring anything that is wrong. I write this blog somehow excited about what tomorrow brings, and maximizing what the present is giving me right now.  I write this blog doing what I have always try to do in daily life and am known for, but doing it BETTER now.  Finding the bright side.  Creating a positive spin.  Realizing that suffering can lead me to life’s meaning just as much, or even more so, than the good times.  You should too.

For me, this is what is going on.

Up is down, black is white.

I am reading new books, listening to different music.

I am upgrading my fashion, changing my daily routine, and thinking outside of the box.

I am meditating daily, and finding myself.

I am playing the piano passionately, not in passing.

I am learning Spanish at a higher clip daily.

I am working out 1-2 times a day and am getting, if I may say so myself, absolutely RIPPED.

I am not boozing and am waking up bouncing around the room before my dogs are even thinking about licking my face. Sometimes, THEY don’t want to wake up.

I am smiling at passersby, holding doors for everyone, clapping during sporting events, and singing in the shower again (not at the gym though).

I have always been trying to change to this.  I sort of succeeded over the years, but now am doing it DURING my worst time.  The bad time is creating an optimistic MONSTER. The suffering has given me meaning. Too late for some stuff, but just in time for the Present (The Power of Now) and the rivers of life I have yet to see come my way (Meditations).

One of my favorite “change” songs I listen to when working out is ATTN by Beartooth.  From the song:

“Been growing up, I moved on
I’m putting new chords in my songs
A new way I speak, a new lyric sheet
For you to sing, sing, sing along”

(it is with VERY heavy guitar, so the “sing, sing along” part is not as cheesy as it reads-trust me)

All, while going through a really bad time.

Back to dogs and the movie.

If you love dogs and have not read Dean Koontz’s A Big Little Life, well then you are missing out on tears, smiles, aching, and happiness that would make you more complete and in love with dogs more than you already were.  Koontz doesn’t write dog books.  He writes normal books.  He just took a break and wrote an entire book about HIS dog.  Moving, to say the least.  Here is one quote from his book.

“One of the greatest gifts we receive from dogs is the tenderness they evoke in us. The disappointments of life, the injustices, the battering events that are beyond our control, and the betrayals we endure, from those we befriended and loved, can make us cynical and turn our hearts into flint – on which only the matches of anger and bitterness can be struck into flame. By their delight in being with us, the reliable sunniness of their disposition, the joy they bring to playtime, the curiosity with which they embrace each new experience, dogs can melt cynicism and sweeten the bitter heart.”

Now, I understand why he writes books and I write a blog. Dammit.

And, if you haven’t seen Heart of the Beast, you are also missing out on tears, smiling, aching, and happiness. I cried 2.5 times the first time, and 1.5 the second time. The .5 means that I was trying to be tough, but tears were still sneaking out of my eyes. The end will cause an avalanche, I don’t care who you are. The movie can be called predictable. The movie can be categorized by using a winning formula as opposed to changing it. Jack London will always be Jack London, and the movie is not trying to overtake Mr. London. It is trying to add to a topic that almost all of us can relate to.

Think of it this way. Jim Valvano, during his famous ESPY speech, said:

“If you laugh, you think, and you cry, that’s a full day. That’s a heck of a day. You do that seven days a week, you’re going to have something special.”

You do all three of those things during Heart of the Beast. You will laugh at Brad and Odin’s back and forth love, you will think about how YOU would handle the plane crash and next steps, and you will, of course, cry 1-3 times. No, I will not be going a third time to the theater, although the mountain scenery is worth the big screen alone. I can’t put myself through it again.

And, as I look to my left, lying on the floor is my guy, Enzo. He doesn’t complain when I open the door to let him out, and he hops down the steps and sometimes falls when doing so. He will go grab two tennis balls in his mouth, bring them to me with the cheesiest dog grin, and patiently wait to play the game we play every single day, with no complaints about his leg, his growth, or his limitations. I learn from that every single day. I think he will now have a normal lifespan, but I am prepared if something changes in the near future and my time with him is months and not years. I already beat the 1 out of 50 luck, so bring it on, life.

I am writing this, feeling like I am the luckiest guy alive.  Truly.  Under really bad circumstances.  And, I wanted to share, as let’s just say that I am beyond focused and motivated right now. Actually, I have gotten way past the crying-in-my-bed days, and NOW am really looking forward to what my next chapter, or part of the river, brings. Sad in the necessary and normal way, but excited in the optimistic way. I can’t change anything from yesterday. So, why stress about it? Life happens. That is the stimulus. How we respond, and extending that space in between is where our power truly is. I am expanding that time more every day. And, that is where MY full potential is.

So, let’s be a dog.  All of us.  Get happy about simple things.  Keep moving no matter what is hindering you.  Don’t complain, slow down, or question life’s intentions on us.  Just live in the Power of Now and the Present, find Man’s Search for Meaning during happiness AND suffering, and live every moment, or part of the river of life that is right in front of us before being gone, with focus, clarity, and happiness, without worrying for a SECOND about the past part of the river that has passed, like we would during Meditations.  Hope, live, love and be happy about every single second of life.  Be in a plane crash and somehow win the encounters and the wilderness.  Be Enzo.  Be Odin. Be BETTER.

Be a dog. Be the being that forgives, loves, and treasures everything around us. Be strong. Be patient. Be good.

Have the Heart of the Beast. Now, let’s all go find a stick and carry it around the yard with a smile.

I could say that I will TRY and not write a third consecutive motivational and uplifting blog next time, but that is kind of the zone I am in these days. I simply won’t let myself get down. And this is very therapeutic. I guess that when I read my OWN blog sometimes when I am starting to get down on myself, then it IS therapeutic. Hopefully, it is pumping up some others out there too.

One FINAL thing. I was writing a book called Re-Mark-Able before everything went down in my life this summer. I wanted to have something people could reference as my legacy, since Linds and I decided years ago to not have children. Want to know my positive spin on the situation? It sucks, but my book is going to be SOOOOOOO much better now. The recent plot twist wrote itself, naturally. The point of the book is more powerful than EVER now. Before it was words. Now it is actual life. More to come on the book…my objective is to have the first copy sent to publishers by my 55th birthday (I turn 54 in a month and a half). Hold me to the deadline!

(By the way, readership is WAY up after that Adversity blog. THANK you, everyone, for taking the time to read my jibberish. And I JUST realized after posting that Rocky Bleier is in my website banner lol…and Franco.)