Read it, don’t read it, I don’t care…just needed to get some things off my chest.
In no particular order of chronology or importance…
No clock today. Weekend rant, and my stopping time is simply the Indiana-Michigan game. That would be about two hours from now, so I should be fine. Clearing the legal pad list.
I feel the need…the need for speed.
1) Oklahoma State went into Allen Fieldhouse and beat Kansas at basketball. Congrats. We have been waiting for the talent on that team to play consistently at a high level. Well, maybe they are finally starting to do so. They have a couple pro prospects on the team, and play for Travis Ford, who coaches with the same passion that he played the game with back in the day at Missouri and Kentucky. I would play for that guy any day.
2) I hope you were able to check out the ending of the Miami-NC State game. Miami was down a few possessions with a little more than a minute left. They fought back, had a great defensive/ non fouling stand, and after Barry Larkin’s kid got a quality shot on the rim, a teammate put it away with .8 left. The funniest thing was the full court length shot by NC State was almost in the bucket. Miami continues to win, and NC State continues to confuse us. Two things on this game. First, NC State is obviously a different, lower quality team without their injured PG, Lorenzo Brown. Second, if you think you recognize the guy coaching resurgent Miami, you DO. He is Jim Larranaga, and he is most famous for coaching George Mason to that historic mid-major run to the Final Four back in the day.
3) A shout out for an occasional reader and good friend, Marcus. He is a solid dude, the one good thing I got out of my engagement debacle, and one of the biggest Niners fans I know. Good luck tomorrow, Marcus. I think the Ravens will take it, but considering I am supposed to hate the Ravens being a Steelers fan, if the Niners win I guess I can consider it a win/win.
4) The NFL named their refs for the big game this week. I am glad they have 77 years of officiating experience and 50 playoff games among them, but I still think they should be bringing on the best CREW as opposed to the highest rated individual refs. Teammate overrides individual excellence in my opinion.
5) Seahawks LB Leroy Hill got arrested the other day. Leroy, I know my Rant Squad has been oddly well behaved over the last few months, but rules are rules. You have TWO barely qualifying charges against you. You have the marijuana possession a year ago, and then domestic abuse in this one. You can qualify with one more arrest, but I need more flash and creativity. I got an idea. Instead of randomly WAITING to be bad, set yourself up for it. Go steal some guns like Arnold in Commando, go get some drugs, pick up Marcus Vick if you can find him, and either go to a strip club or go driving very slowly through strip malls in suburbs. I wish you luck. My scouts are watching.
6) Final prediction for the Super Bowl. Although it pains me to do so, and although Joe Flacco winning might make him unbearably cockier than he already is being a loser, I think the Ravens win 30-23 in an exciting down to the end game. I am on the record officially. I think the Ravens contain Kaepernick just enough to hold them to field goals and steal the win. I see a huge turnover in the second half being the difference, possibly an INT for a touchdown.
7) There has been an Ed O’ Bannon sighting. He is spearheading ex-college players having the right to get money from television revenue. Ed is most famous for winning the championship in 1995 with UCLA and then disappearing on the NBA scene. This ruling does not give certification yet, but it is a step. I personally think you can start using the slippery slope cliché if they actually win. College basketball players from all over are going to go hmmmmm….
8) US soccer player Joey Altidore was taunted by the Dutch racially last week. I guess I could comment on this, but I have a lot to get to. Just clearing the list. It is a shame anyone taunts anyone else because of race, and you are now updated on soccer.
9) There are investigations that obviously are a waste of time, and then there are those that make sense. This one makes sense. With this whole batch of NFL coaches NOT being minority in any sense, I am glad they are looking again at the Rooney Rule, have no idea how people so blatantly don’t interview minorities, and am a proud fan of an organization that not only has a minority coach but also helped invent the rule.
10) The Falcons are lobbying Tony Gonzalez to come back for one more year. I don’t care about the Falcons, but Tony so changed the position and is so classy, that I think the Falcons speak for all of us NFL fans out there except the other teams in their division. Come back, Tony. Your team still has the goods for another run.
11) I think we are all up to date on Manti Te’o for the moment, how about you? Let’s just wait for the next twist. I think my sports writing hero Bill Simmons is right. This story has officially entered the Tyson Zone. Don’t know what that is? The Fillerbuster is there for you. Here is the origination of the Tyson Zone, and explains it clearly. http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/041217
12) If you aren’t watching Robot Chicken late night at some point in your life, you are missing out. I will be referencing a few more times, but here is a teaser. If you like Jay-Z as a rapper, and like Back to the Future as much as I do, then you will find the combination of both quite funny. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_RMV-e2D9S0
13) Hey, Mike D’Antoni. Is 22 and 10 enough to get back on the floor? Pau Gasol looked pretty damn good subbing in for Dwight Howard last night. How a guy who brought the final ingredient to WIN a couple of championships for a franchise is not STARTING for that franchise while still in his prime is beyond me. System-Shmistem, Mike. Put your best squad on the damn floor.
14) If I sounded like a Laker homer in that last hook, I am reminding you I am not. I just hate dumb basketball coaches.
15) I feel bad for Minnesota. They have lost TWENTY straight games to the Lakers. That is a LOT to one team.
16) Jello would like a tagline for LOSERS of the Super Bowl, since they worked so hard to get there. So, the winner would say they were going to Disneyland, and the loser would say they were going to go hang out with Bill Cosby and eat some Jello? Good luck with THAT dream.
17) So. I was sitting on my couch after running errands and thinking about taking a nap. I did not take the nap, as I suddenly was awakened out of my zone with this possible college basketball play of the year. Rodney Purvis just reserved a seat at the ESPYs. Check it out. Vicious. http://www.hoopsmanifesto.com/articles/basketball/ncaa-dunk-of-the-year-candidate-rodney-purvis.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+TheHoopsManifesto-YourPathToBasketballandMmaEnlightenment+(The+Hoops+Manifesto+-+Your+Path+to+Basketball+(and+MMA)+Enlightenment.)
18) Syracuse lost to Pitt today on the road. This is another example of how Boeheim probably should be scheduling early road games on his schedule to get his kids ready for other environments. My boy, Steven Adams only had 8 and 7, but Pittsburgh is finally starting to show some of that toughness that is trademarked in Jamie Dixon teams.
19) How adorable. Sorry. It IS on my list, and I AM clearing the list. http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20669969,00.html
20) Kansas State football coach Bill Snyder just got a 5 year contract from the school for his success this season. Go to the gym, Bill. Eat healthy. Because you look OLD, and we just want to make sure you LAST all of those 5 years.
21) (this is toeing the line) Robot Chicken. Picture a dog going #2 on the front lawn. Then, the camera slides over to a lawn gnome staring intently at the dog. Then the phrase “German Knome Porn” flashes up on the screen. Trust me. It is funny. Maybe funnier late at night, but still funny. That is the best thing about the show. If you don’t like one skit (which sometimes last 5 seconds), you know you have an entirely DIFFERENT cast of characters and theme for the next one. It is a cartoon rotating Saturday Night Live on turbo…with a demented edge to it.
22) Ok. Here is my Mark Grace hook. Mark just got sentenced to jail time after committing another drunken driving offense. He is a funny guy, and was a solid baseball player. What do I remember him most for though? Easy. I remember the slumpbuster interview in the Jungle. Thanks, Jim Rome, and I remember listening to your radio show LIVE back in the day and hearing this when it happened. To give you more of an idea of how much of a treasure Mark Grace is in interviews, here is a collection. Slumpbusting is on the list. http://www.markgrace.com/quotes.html
23) I watched Hotel Translyvania last night. Of course, you have to like cartoons for it to have a chance with you, but it was AWESOME. I actually ssshhhhhed Lindsey because she was talking during an important moment in the plot. Sorry, Lindsey. That is one thing about me. If I START watching a movie, I am WATCHING the whole thing. I will give it my full attention for at least the first go around. I am also horrible at identifying what celebrities are doing what voices, but am proud to say I got Adam Sandler within 5 minutes…because he sang.
24) Roger Goodell says the NFL is nearing HGH testing. How it has been this long and they still haven’t gotten to the end game is beyond me.
25) Phil Mickelson double bogeyed the last hole yesterday to miss the all time PGA two day mark (-18). So close, yet so far away. I have no idea of why I hate you, Phil.
26) The deer antler supplier says he never saw Ray Lewis use it, and then Vijay Singh came out and said that HE used deer antler stuff. Shut up, Vijay. As much as I love golf and mainly the Majors, no one cares what steroids you guys took and which ones you didn’t.
27) A shout out to my boy, Mitch, who lives in Minnesota but I met him at a job a couple years ago here in Denver. He grouped a couple of friends together who were in bands, and decided randomly to form a foreign thrash band, complete with Mitch talking and singing with an accent. A couple of Denver people in our circle of friends made the trip to Minnesota to watch their opening act, surprisingly at the primo place in Minneapolis for a band who just formed. Anyway, I couldn’t make the trip, and I HAVE the video of them performing, but I can’t figure out how to load it to WordPress. Sorry. Anyway, the best part was they opened with audio from the first Rambo. http://www.hark.com/rambo-first-blood/covey-leader-calling-raven
28) I will work on getting that video up. Brian, you will have to help me out doing that. Anyway, my first out of work meet up with Mitch was classic. I was new, and everyone was going to do karaoke. I decided to go. I got the feeling that Mitch was legendary at the place for his performances when I arrived, but we ended up joining forces. After he destroyed Mr. Roboto and I did my patented rendition of Sweet Child O Mine complete with air guitar on the floor, we all got up there and did Thriller, complete with dance moves and walking zombies. Awesome night. Congrats, Mitch. I liked what I heard of your thrash stuff.
29) Rudy Gay was impressive in his Raptors debut. No one is doubting his talent. Everyone is wondering if he has another level and whether the frustration of being on a bad Raptors team will allow him to do that.
30) Uh oh. I guess that is why they pay scouts to discount draft players the way they do. Celtics PF Jared Sullinger will have back surgery and will miss the rest of their season. Sad. He was playing well, but his back WAS the one thing that had him drop like a rock in the first round of the NBA draft.
31) Michigan is training their athletes on “catfishing.” I think that is smart. No jokes on this one.
32) How cool. Both Harbaugh brothers say that one day they would love to work for the other. I am sure both the Ravens and Niners feel good about THAT, since that would mean one team would lose a coach.
33) Just let me know when we figure out whether Arian Foster will have a heart procedure. Mixed signals coming out.
34) Robot Chicken. Picture two dice talking to one another in serious conversation. One is six sided, and the other has more than that. One goes to the other-“there are just so many sides to me you don’t know.” It was funnier when not describing it, and it only lasted 10 seconds, meaning a new fresh scene and characters were coming. This is also coming from the guy who thinks that THIS is the funniest joke ever written. “What did the fish say when he ran into the wall?” “Damn.” THAT is funny.
35) Bored with having present players getting into trouble, ex-players are taking the lead. Ex-Ohio State football player Jim Stillwagon was indicted for reliving Matrix and firing guns from his motorcycle at another motorcyclist.
36) In NHL, San Jose is 6-0 and looks solid as usual. So, now we just have to figure out which team will kick them out of the playoffs this year. Lots of season to go.
37) Hey. Thanks, Flyers for ONCE AGAIN starting out slow. Just one year, I would like to think that they are OVERachieving at the beginning of the season. They suck right now.
38) Texas alum Major Applewhite admits to having a student relationship while on the coaching payroll. If Texas was good these days, I think we all would care about this story more. Moving on.
39) I still laugh at the AT&T faster, two things commercials. “Hold on. I am watching this.”
40) Holy crap. A&M just tied Kentucky to take it into overtime. That might have been the ugliest regulation shot at the buzzer of the day. Hey, that sounded like Bill Walton, except I am not on TV and getting paid for my comments.
41) Sad. The Auburn oak trees are coming down.
42) I am not describing the next Robot Chicken scene. I will just let you WATCH the Devil’s Tower Throwdown. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S6vOhMAK5OE
43) Top football recruit Robert Nkemdiche met with Shaq today hoping to get him to commit to LSU. I don’t see it happening, even with Shaq’s assistance. He decommitted to Clemson mainly because he will probably go play with his brother at Ole Miss. Family, Shaq. You get an A for effort though.
44) Eagles WR Desean Jackson has said that keeping Michael Vick is a no brainer. Why don’t they just let Michael Vick and Nick Foles get in a cage and fight it out like Vick’s dogs back in the day? He would be in his element. They could all watch White Fang or Old Yeller after the fight.
45) This is horrible, but this IS clearing my list night. Robot Chicken. Picture a Planned Parenthood Clinic on Halloween. The person who calls people back is a Pirate with a hook. Moving on.
46) We all know about that skydiver who did it from literally space. I have done some brave, dumb, adrenaline stuff in my day. I think that BECAUSE you don’t see the ground, and because you are so far up that you ARE in space, and because there are SO MANY things that you might not have thought about in planning, I would be LESS scared than if I jumped off a plane inside our atmosphere. No. I am not talking shit. If I had the money to pay a spaceship to go up that high, I would jump. I have one rule in life. If I die early than expected, it better be exciting. Dying jumping out of a plane sure as hell beats the end I have predicted I will meet-killer bees swarm.
47) I am just covering my list. I had something from Tosh about White Men Can’t Jump. Hold on. I won’t write it. Just watch it on your own. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uj5urT2VBxo
48) Ex-NBA player Nick Van Exel’s son was charged with murder this week. I am sad for his son, but happy for Nick, as I thought HE would be more likely to do something like that.
49) Love him or hate him, David Beckham is rich and he wins. He is donating his entire salary to charity. Kind of like I donated my salary to my Jeep repairs this year.
50) OKC guard Russell Westbrook needs to tone it down without losing his passion for the game. He went off on teammates again the other night. You could be the best PG in the league AND win a title, but pick your battles, bro.
51) In my new hard boiled egg craze, I successfully finished all 48 eggs I bought at the store 14 days ago. I cut it so close though, that I bought 54 today at the store.
52) Beyonce admitted to lip syncing at the inauguration shindig. You are lucky you are hot, Beyonce, and also that I admit that I liked at one point that song “Irreplaceable.” Otherwise, I would go Milli Vanilli on you.
53) Gallinari’s prayer shot the other night was funny because he is from a soccer nation, they fake injuries, and although his shot went in, he tried to act like he got hit. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EOzVkinvs1k
54) List is cleared, and Indiana and Michigan start in 20 minutes. I hope you enjoyed, and thanks for reading. Will I blog tomorrow? That is a CLOWN question, bro. Peace.
55) Just a tagline. I am off tomorrow, especially as it is Super Bowl Sunday. I still like Michigan to win it all even if they lose tonight. It is at Assembly Hall. It will be a learning experience for the young ones. If they win, then I am MORE on board with my prediction.
56) And Kentucky closed it out against A&M in OT if you care.