Well, at least I have SOME knowledge. Turn left, and rubbin’s racing.
Read it, don’t read it, I don’t care…just needed to get some things off my chest.
In no particular order of chronology or importance…
On the clock. Evening rant. No time to post during lunch today. Let’s turn and burn.
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1) Greetings and salutations, people. Thanks for joining me. I technically have time, but need a break from the laptop. Girl is at concert, watching a dog again, football on, and sitting around doing nothing actually sounds relaxing. But, there is a blog to get out (deep breath), so let’s do this.
1a) I am on the secret dog list where they know I am in the club, but the thing they like the best is that I talk normally to them. No cute raised voice. I just TALK to them.
2) Not that we are splitting the atom in expecting this, but now that we aren’t even sure if there IS a nephew, and now that we know that Shaw lied, why WOULD we be surprised that they are investigating some domestic violence…which would explain the whole shimmying down the building a lot more to me?
3) College Station stores better stop giving deals based on the football game. If you care, and if you were curious how much the people who bought furniture from a warehouse store from August 16th to August 27th paid? Zero. If A&M beat South Carolina by ten points or more, they refunded those people. Hell, with that score, they should have doubled it. Gig’em.
3a) I know that is the call sign because this bar regular when I bartended had that nickname…and I learned it was A&M.
4) 52-28 at THEIR crib? Still processing. Watch Spurrier run the table and once again end up in the top ten when we all thought “well, that was his best team so far there…” Georgia and LSU are drooling right now…which is why I like my Saturday picks even better. More on that shortly.
5) I think Mr. Brown might be not used to being smaller on the totem pole at a big school, but I don’t think Sarkisian is a racist. I think Brown might be the paid distractor from the Shaw incident. Hell, maybe he was out with him that night.
6) What? You don’t know who Yusmeiro Petit is? Shame on you. Just kidding. Unless you are playing fantasy baseball, or live in San Fran, I assume you don’t. He is the Giants pitcher who just broke the all time record for retiring 46 freaking batters in a row. Amazing.
7) It makes no sense to me, and has no rhyme or reason to me, but I do think it is funny that Adrian Peterson is telling Jerry Jones through the media that he would play for Cowboys…one week before a season with the Vikings. What?
8) I think the whole 6 games/ life thing for NFL domestic violence is a strong statement overall. I think the fact that Roger Goodell did a 180 on his Ray Rice ruling for FUTURE rulings just gained a TON of respect from me for him. Takes a man to do that when you have been the enforcer up to this point. He researched it, wrote a very thoughtful verdict on it, and I am coming around a little on him.
9) Tom Brady. I have a man crush on you, you are the shit, and you are the Pats to a point. But you are not the GM. We don’t care that you didn’t like the Mankins trade.
10) That being said (I feel better now), I didn’t think it made sense either.
11) The spread on the Baylor/ SMU game is 74.5. I can’t wait to see the spread against a team like Texas Tech (if they play them) or some other team who doesn’t give a shit about anything but scoring. This spread is assuming the score will be 72-3. That being said, I would flip a coin on the bet on that over/ under and have a good time.
12) Another reason you should read Deadspin. Headline. “AHL coach pleads no contest to sexting 13 year old girl.”
13) Google it. I am not making that up.
14) I don’t care about the B- Yahoo gave me on the fantasy draft. I know what I am doing. But, if I don’t pick SOME non thoughtful fun possibilities, then why am I playing? I know that Ladarius Green was still out there when I took Heath Miller. Heath is a MUCH more fun pick. AND, picking your team’s defense IS rooting for your team without worrying about throwing it long on a 3rd and inches. I HATE those fantasy people.
15) We joked about the Chiefs’ schedule strength last year. Warranted. Have you SEEN their schedule this year? They literally could be 1-5 before getting another fun batch of pushovers. Check this out. Week 2. At Broncos. At Miami. Home vs. New England. At 49ers. At Chargers.
16) Their win would be week 1 at home vs. Tennessee.
17) Kind of cool. 11,000 times someone has read my blog. Not bad for a dude who does NO blog build work and just likes to vent. That is even throwing out the robot hits. And whoever put me on that weird free site for blogs, thank you. I get a couple hits a day just from that.
18) I would like to catch some of the Federer match on the other channel, but even a tennis fan like me would consider that really, really wrong this weekend. This is college football, dammit.
19) Maybe a decade of sucking has beaten me down, but I don’t think the Cavs are covering the 19.5 points at home vs. UCLA tomorrow. I will watch, but probably can do other things as of the second half.
20) Speaking of that, someone asked me for my opinions on games. Here were my thoughts. No harsh words if you take them and lose. This is just a retired bettor…opening up.
LIKE:
Northwestern at home -10 vs. California
Notre Dame at home -21 vs. Rice
Florida at home -36.5 vs. Idaho
UF/ Idaho over (51)
LSU at home -5 vs. Wisconsin
Penn State +2 neutral site vs. Central Florida
(SUNDAY) Tennessee -4.5 at home vs Utah State
WOULD BET BUT LEAVE MY RENT OUT OF IT:
Oklahoma State +18 at FSU
Texas at home -26 vs. North Texas
OU at home -35 vs. Louisiana Tech
Clemson +7.5 at Georgia
Nebraska at home -21.5 vs. Florida Atlantic
Nebraska/ Florida Atlantic over (51)
Northwestern/ Cal under (62)
West Virginia +25.5 at Alabama
Navy +15 at Ohio State (I actually liked this more at +18)
Iowa at home -16 vs. Northern Iowa
WOULD BET JUST TO BET:
Youngstown State +10.5 at Illinois
Navy/ OSU over (53.5)
Iowa State at home -3 vs. North Dakota State
Appalachian State +34 at Michigan
Penn State/ Central Florida under (44)
UCLA -19.5 at UVA
(SUNDAY) Under on SMU at Baylor (74.5)
21) Lindsey bought horseradish cheese, which has quickly escalated on my rankings to just below Havarti.
22) Wait, wait, wait. You can’t just debut at #2. Let’s treat this like college football. Horseradish cheese debuts on my top 25 cheese rankings at a solid #18. On the next buy, THEN they can move up.
23) If I haven’t mentioned it before, Drunk History is the best show on television. AND the new one has Jim Thorpe, Babe Didrickson, and Jim Abbott. Boom goes the dynamite. The Thorpe skit was incredible. I remember hearing the shoes in the trash can story.
24) I love the Barbosa signing by the Warriors. He is over the hill, but not THAT over the hill. Solid backup who can score.
24a) AND team B that the USA should watch out for in the basketball World Cup.
25) Wow. I can’t wait until this whole Johnny Jamboogie thing gets released. As President of the Manziel haters club, the only thing I can think of being worse is being at a playoff game where Tim Tebow throws the winning TD against your team.
25a) Which happened unfortunately for me.
26) I have lived here in Denver since 1997. It occasionally rained in the afternoon, which was refreshing and cool. This summer, you might as well not even PLAN anything outside after 3pm…because it will rain very hard. Very odd.
27) Google “Eli Manning AMA” and you will find some funny stuff. I guess you have to have a sense of humor when you threw as many interceptions as he did last season, but still can be cocky enough to give your older brother BOTH middle fingers which may or may not have rings on them.
28) Don’t try and contacting me tomorrow. It will be futile. I will watch the UVA game, go to a dog training class, and then go to my fake fantasy football draft. Yes. You heard me right. Fake fantasy football draft. You see. Lindsey’s friend organizes a believable 12 people each year for a draft. But, it only appears real. The only reason he does this is because the place we are meeting serves free beer to anyone who holds their fantasy draft at their restaurant. Obviously, they get food and shots money out of it. They don’t count on people like us who will have laptops, cheat sheets, and be ordering lots of beer…without anyone actually ending up with a team. Our goal is $500 I believe in free beer. Maybe we will split some cheese sticks.
29) Actually, I think he auto-drafts everyone and makes drinking games about what the computer will do. My first time. Sounds fun.
29a) AND the rest of my day is shot because Lindsey lives and dies by OU football (LOVE that girl for loving football that much). Life stops tomorrow at 5pm.
30) Sammy Watkins is out again for a rib injury. That kid is amazing. I hope this is not the pattern for his career and that it is just a blip on the radar. He will be amazing and electric if he can stay healthy. Not to mention Buffalo needs SOMETHING good to happen to them at SOME point. AND I am tired of making Tracy McGrady jokes.
31) Ok, Montero. Getting in a fight with a scout is funny and cool. I still would have eaten the ice cream sandwich first BEFORE fighting him.
32) I was going to talk about the TriPod, the FrostZip, and the dumb bet my old boss made with me about LeBron not making it in the league, but I don’t have the time tonight. Another rainy day. ALL funny stories.
33) I already told you the Jared Lorenzen article in the Mag was solid and thought out. Well, the LeSean McCoy-Chip Kelly one was pretty solid too. Check it out.
34) Kershaw. Another walk in the park. 10k’s, 2 walks, no earned runs, 16th win. Machine.
35) The Cubs fans have something to cheer about!!!! Called up prospect Jorge Soler hits a HR in his first AB. It can only go down from here.
36) I would like to start a pool. Guess what the next weird thing that happens to USC or UNC football next and win some prize. I have $20 on a UNC football player having sex with an underage hostess at Denny’s. I got odds of 40,000-1. May the force be with me.
37) Do you think Josh Gordon is working out in a gym working his stress out from the year suspension…or sitting on his couch watching Dazed and Confused?
38) Yeah. You are right. Wrong movie. He is a younger guy.
39) I feel like I should say SOMETHING about the Peyton Manning taunting thing, but I am positive I can’t think of anything better than anything else you read.
40) Dimitri Patterson says that the AWOL allegations are false. Wait. Are you and Josh Shaw hanging out? Are you saying you WERE there and people didn’t know it, that your phone died, or you saved your nephew?
41) Got a TRX FORCE (military, latest one) for $125 online-retail is $300. With my work hours and increased travel, I am excited that this is part of the solution. Nothing more frustrating for someone who is a gym rat not having time for the gym. I am STRESSED out because of it. Trust me. This purchase is helping people around me.
42) So, instead of my Rant Squad doing anything proactively, I have enlisted help. You think Manny Pacquiao inviting Metta World Peace to play basketball out there is an anomaly. The Fillerbuster and Manny are actually tight. I am constructing some problems.
43) 49ers Aldon Smith was suspended 9 games. You know, man? I hope you learn something from EITHER of your TWO offenses. Your team is trying to win a Super Bowl. You are a stud on the field. Let’s hope your absence doesn’t cost them a game or two, and make them have to go TO Seattle again.
44) The Rams cut 17 more players. Sam is still on. I love Michael Sam, but I can’t wait to find out if this thing is over or if he is on the team. Kind of a feel good, worthy version of whether Brett Favre was coming back years ago. Maybe if Michael Sam was caught throwing a football to high school receivers in suburb Lousiana I would find this funnier.
45) Tony Stewart returns to the track this week. Everything I know about NASCAR I learned from Days of Thunder, and Cole Trickle had to get back in the driver seat again, right? Not sure about that exception for points I heard something about, and not expecting he will be himself (well, unless he really DID swerve off to hit the guy), but racing is where he is home…so do it.
46) I hear Tony is sending flowers and stuff to the family but hasn’t called. Pick up the phone, dude.
47) Venus Williams lost today in a weird match. Lost 6-0 first set. WON second set 6-0. Then, lost third set in a tiebreaker. She should retire I think (if her objective is Grand Slams and Grand Slams only), and I feel like singing Billy Joel “I Go to Extremes.”
48) Great song. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5xgjtm4_M20
49) Suh is not fined? Ugghhh. You know what this means, right? He doesn’t think he did anything wrong. Ugghhh again.
50) I liked Vandy’s Anchor Down jersey’s but we would have to break out “slippery slope” and “Pandora’s box” if the NCAA let that ride.
51) That is it. Mr. Royal is all set for tomorrow with another NFL division breakdown in his less distracted, higher quality writing. Already written. Hope you enjoyed or at least are more informed. Will I blog tomorrow? That is a CLOWN question, bro. Peace.
52) Hey, Bryce Harper. Start doing better or I am pulling your tagline. Threat. Promise. Fielding new ones, people, no pun intended.