Well, as of this moment, they’re on DOUBLE SECRET PROBATION!

Dean Vernon Wormer, the authoritarian head of Faber College, has worked out a double-secret response to a rogue fraternity on campus.

Read it, don’t read it, I don’t care…just needed to get some things off my chest.

In no particular order of chronology or importance…

On the clock.  It is Friday night, I am disgusted I just did 90 minutes of work AFTER work on a Friday, and need to get a quick rant out being in the ranting mood.

By the way, I was “on” twitter up to this point, but I am officially throwing my hat in the ring to build something for this blog.  Call it Phase 2 of growing this thing.  Check me out.  I will start tweeting almost daily something random.  Follow me-it will be fun.  I can’t say dumber stuff than Ron Artest or Hope Solo.  @fillerbuster11

Let’s turn and burn.

1)  Feast Week.  The best week of college basketball until conference play begins.  Enjoy it.  There are some great possible final matchups in these early season tourneys, and you better believe that I will catch Indiana vs. UCLA if both make the final now that #1 super recruit Shabazz Muhammad has been cleared to play.  That UCLA team goes from decent to good with the simple addition of Shabazz.  I hope he starts better than Kentucky’s Nerlens Noel.

2)  In NHL talks, they didn’t talk.  Can’t they even PRETEND to care.  Hardcore NHL fans are about 20% of the modern sports fan, and those 20% are very sad right now.  I suppose they are watching a bunch of Boston College, Minnesota, and Denver games these days.

2a)  Gary Bettman wants a 2 week moratorium on talks.  Funny, I thought they had kind of already DONE that.

3)  Ugghhh.  The Knicks are still unbeaten.  Someone run outside and see if there is a meteor shower or lunar eclipse or something.  What’s more?  JR Smith is acting show I say NORMAL?  He is playing like he actually HAS something between the ears, and mentions less partying as a factor of his maturity.  I am telling you.  THAT is MY deciding factor on whether the Mayans were right or not.  If JR Smith doesn’t throw ONE behind the back pass in the stands, yell at ONE coach, or get busted at ONE strip club in the next month, then I am taking cover on the 21st of December.

4)  It is officially Cabrera Week.  Miguel wins an arguable MVP trophy from rookie sensation Mike Trout, and Melky splits the Giants to go to the hot spot of the baseball world.  After a monster trade the other day, the Blue Jays land Cabrera for only 2 years and $16 mil.  They pull two stud starters, a closer, and an MVP candidate AND others in about three days.  I think someone up north either is pissed about the Red Sox and Yankees, or is having flashbacks to the Joe Carter/ Paul Molitor days.  Whichever it is, they are officially a party now.

5)  Wire headline: “D’Antoni leads Lakers practice.”  Ummm.  I thought he was now the coach.  Was this somehow unexpected that a coach would lead practice.  Thanks for the info, guys.

6)  Think you wouldn’t mind playing for THIS guy?  49ers coach Jim Harbaugh had a heart procedure yesterday.  Today, he was back at practice.  Geez.

7)  I am watching SportsCenter and they just flashed that Baylor women’s basketball is down one with Stanford.  I am trying not to act like I care, but it is tough.  Count to 5.  Ok. I made it.  I am totally kidding in case you didn’t know.  There was no struggle.

8)  The Bills beat the Dolphins and all I know is that Reggie Bush only got me 4 fantasy points.  You haven’t had a 100 yard game since game 2 I believe.  Whatever happened to winning the rushing title this year?  Maybe you can steal THAT trophy like you did the Heisman.

9)  I like the new Old Spice commercial where the big guy has a little yellow note under his arm.  Then, he reads it and says “wow.”  I chuckled.  Still not as funny as this one, and a Lindsey contribution.  Mom, the first couple words out of his mouth is ballpark to what you taught me, right?  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Af1OxkFOK18

10)  L.T., I guess bored at being retired and still a little pissed at the Jets, says the anonymous players who bashed Tebow in the media were Bart Scott and Antonio Cromartie.  Lonely, L.T.?  Thanks for the info though.  Glad to see you still have inside stuff.

11)   Ex-Phillie Lenny Dystrka aka “Nails” will serve 2.5 years in prison for money laundering and bankruptcy fraud.  I hope he is as tough in the big house as he was at the plate.  The suicide squeeze is a little different in their I assume.

12)  Similarity between Rory McIlroy and Tiger Woods.  They get pub when they MISS the cut, which Rory did in Hong Kong.  Go see the sites, Rory.

13)  I have big feet and they stink  I carry Odor Eaters on my frequent trips.  It is a crapshoot whether the TSA has to search my bag with that container in there, even though I call it when they come down the line eyeing me up.  I think I need to find a smaller container.  I am a “master packer” (Seinfeld) aside from the foot powder.

14)  My college picks:

Kansas plus 6 at home vs. Iowa State:  Kansas has been pretty solid against the spread this year as underdogs and they are at home

Michigan State minus 6.5 at home vs. Northwestern:  These guys are bipolar, they are at home, they are the better team, and they win by ten.

West Virginia plus 10 at home vs. Oklahoma:  Sorry, Lindsey.  I like the points, I think OU wins by 3, WVU is great on paper and has played under their potential, and…they are at home.

USC minus 4 at UCLA:  Their fans can travel their across town, they will win by two touchdowns, and they are the better team that at some point HAS to look like the preseason #1, right?  Why not against their rival?

Baylor plus 11.5 at home vs. Kansas State:  I still think KSU takes it, but only by a touchdown or so.

Michigan minus 1 at home vs. Iowa:  Iowa is not THAT good, Michigan is at home, and Michigan is the better team.

Washington minus 20 at Colorado:  Ok.  I am IN.  CU IS that bad.  I will finally take the OPPOSING team minus the points.  Plus, if I lose this one, at least my present home town team would win.  Win-win.

Missouri minus 4 at home against Syracuse:  Missouri will take Syracuse as a breath of fresh air in comparison to ANY of their SEC games.

15)  My watering hole no longer has Golden Tee.  I was the only one really playing.  I WOULD have played it more, but they kept resetting the scores.  I am all about the reckoning and need my name up in lights.

16)  A chick signed a contract with the UFC.  Monumental.  Will it work?  I rather doubt it.  But, for the sake of what it is, count ME in to watch her first fight against a dude.

17)  It is coming out that the NFL paid disability payments to three ex- players, when they were SAYING that they had no link to mental problems from concussions.  Yeah.  This thing is going to get much worse before it gets better.

18)  Tennessee football penalties were extended.  It is more probation, with like 4 less visits per year.  It is basically the football version of Animal House.  Double secret probation. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1tfK_3XK4CI

18a)  AND a movie I can watch ANY time and laugh my ass off…

19)  Shawn Marion is coming back from injury for the Dallas Mavericks.  That doesn’t exactly give them younger legs, but it gives the 5-5 struggling squad MORE legs.  Plus, it gives us the oddest free throw shot in the league.

20)  Wow.  And I thought I partied when I was younger.  A fan got ejected from the Bills game for intoxication, and then was found nearby the stadium dead face down in a creek.  That is sad, and some odd shit.

21)  They make a CHERRY Coke Zero?  When did this happen?  Who did not inform me? Has it been out for months?  I saw it in the work vending machine today.  Boom.

22)  I have to wind this up as I want to go enjoy my Friday.  The boxer named Yusaf Mack went NAKED to make weight before his boxing match.  The trainer held a towel in between him and his opponent.  Just in case he was small, I guess that would eliminate THAT clinch smack.

23)  Colorado wins against an always talented but underachieving Baylor basketball squad.  It wasn’t even in Boulder in the altitude, making it more impressive.  Watch CU.  They have a big transfer from Minnesota, and a transfer guard from Arizona who was top 50 in recruits coming out of college.

24)  That is it.  What’s that?  It is not?  What could you mean?  Oh yeah.  THAT story.  Alright.  Chamique Holdsclaw.  Do I go the Jim Rome route?  Hah.  No horses in this rant.  Do I go the Chandler “too many jokes” way?  Maybe.  It is overloading my brain.  Check THIS out.  Chamique approached her ex-lover, Jennifer Lacy, while she was working out.  She asked her to take some things and put them in her car.  I guess Jennifer did this oddly enough.  Her car then smelled like gasoline.  Chamique then followed Jennifer as she went to a friend’s place when noticing she was being followed.  Chamique then took a bat to the windows, and then fired a gun into the SUV, apparently trying to set off the gasoline trap gift.  Then, she took off.  Then, she got arrested.  Chamique, remember when you were the prize pick in the WNBA draft and one of the best ever to play at the stronghold of Tennessee?  Geez.  If you were going to make THIS much noise trying to shoot a gasoline can to set off an explosion, why wouldn’t you just shoot the chick?  Are you trying to put a spin on it to get on my Rant Squad?  I usually require 3 offenses to make the Squad, but since Jennifer Capriati is a distant memory female member, then I will say that you only need ONE more offense (the next one just has to happen but CAN be a misdemeanor if you don’t go to prison on THIS one).  Marcus Vick can pick you up.  Janikowski gets the first interview, since I don’t have to worry about YOU two hooking up using his date rape drugs.  Anyway, I have an idea.  Post bail, and go call Lawrence Phillips.  He will give you ideas of the offense to commit before this trial starts.  Hurry.  I will root for you.

25)  THAT is it.  Hope you enjoyed.  I suddenly feel like catching some horse races tomorrow.  Nah.  Will I blog tomorrow?  That is a CLOWN question, bro.  Peace.

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