The Full Bug

Read it, don’t read it, I don’t care…just needed to get some things off my chest.

In no particular order of chronology or importance…

I feel the need…the need for speed.

On a semi-timeline…no rush, but not a long one either…

1)  The Phillies continued their fire sale sans Cliff Lee and Roy Halladay, this time passing along Joe Blanton to the Dodgers (don’t you love the system that trades still get made on the waiver wire after the DEADLINE).  I guess I am glad they have guys like Halladay, Lee, Utley, and Howard, but it doesn’t sit well that they are also helping to solidify the rest of the National League.

2)  I hear the Paterno family is pushing for an appeal by the NCAA.  Great.  Listen, family, this whole Sandusky/ Paterno/ children thing has demoralized a university and sickened the rest of the population.  I know you think Joe Pa might have gotten a raw deal, but when my logical, common sense knows that it would be odd to have not noticed that many abuse occurrences, then I am pretty sure they got it right.  Let.  It.  Go.

3)  The Saints Sean Payton has been cleared to attend the Hall of Fame ceremony and reception.  Hey, Goodell, you better be putting security in the bathrooms and closets.  This must be where he reviews the plays and players from training camp so far.

4)  I just watched a Cadillac commercial where the guys are saying they just hiked in Patagonia, except they said “gahn-ya.”  Either me and a lot of my college friends have been mispronouncing it all along, the commercial is wrong, or it is a word with dual pronunciations.  I am confused and too tired to look it up.

5)  I was sad to hear one of the two Saudi Arabian women lost her judo match today.  The other one still has her event to go (if I didn’t look up Patagonia, then I am not looking up THAT).  What I want to know is THIS.  If they are so rude to their women over there, and they have to listen to the man all the time, then how the hell were they letting her train in something that would allow her to fight back.  THAT is why she lost today.  The poor woman had to train when the husband was at work or in closets or something.

6)  A Russian cyclist was kicked out of the Olympics today for doping.  What is it with cycling and doping?  I am not saying that it is not a hard enough sport to shoot up, but if they ARE going to do it, don’t they have some internal group giving them better ideas on HOW to cheat?  They just suck at cheating.

7)  Another one bites the dust.  PSU lineman Ryan Nowicki will transfer to Illinois.  I didn’t look at the WHOLE article, but I hope he LIVES in Illinois or has roots.  Child abuse stuff or not, does he know that PSU is a MUCH better football team than Illinois over the last ten years?

8)  I am confused how the commercials say that Bourne Legacy is released today nationally, and how it is not in ONE Denver theater in my area.  I would say “confused” like I always do in a joking matter, but jonesing/ pissed would be more like it.  I already set aside time tomorrow to go watch it.  I HAVE to see it, as I consider myself an absolute EXPERT in all the Bourne movies, and the biggest fan.  It is one of the few movies where I believe my opinion on the movie is the truth on how good it is.  Think about it.  I am a movie snob AND Bourne fan.  They cancel each other out to make me unbiased.  LIE.

9)  A couple days after I make a joke about Karch Kiraly, the men’s beach team gets eliminated.  To quote Van Halen’s song from Diver Down, “where have all the good times gone?”

10)  This whole Cal Ripken’s mom thing is just weird.  The event is weird.  The media coverage consistency is weird.  No, I don’t have any jokes on this matter.  I don’t have an opinion.  This is my blog, and I just wanted to say it is weird.

11)  Paul Pierce has come out saying he is a little bitter about Ray Allen leaving.  You might think he is bitter, and he actually might be.  I think Stern just gave him a little side money to say something to build up the rivalry for probably the last year or two of all present players being involved.  Hey, the Avalanche/ Red Wing rivalry was a sudden flash in the pan that went away once the players left.  Neither are any Duke/ UNC or Celtics/ Lakers or anything.  They don’t transcend time and different personnel.

12)  Tiger fell further back today at Bridgestone.  It was his putter evidently.  Dude, just pretend you are a rock star, and the putter is your “little guitar.”  Guess we suddenly have the blog theme, aye?

13)  Serena and Sharapova will square off in the finals for Olympic tennis.  YOU watch it and tell me about it.  For some reason, although I will wake up at dawn or in the middle of the night to watch Grand Slam finals, I don’t really care about Olympic tennis.  I care as much as the Spanish soccer squad cares about Olympic soccer.  SOMEWHAT.  Anyway, it is great we have a great final, but I would rather watch Olympic ping pong than that.  The Olympics are when you CARE about seldomly watched sports.  I like that.  Hell, I am watching Olympic women’s diving right after watching women’s indoor volleyball while I am writing this blog.  By the way though, Sharapova is a “pretty woman.”

14)  The police are investigating the Montee Ball late night attack by 5 guys.  College scouts are also working with police, trying to figure out how the hell those guys actually took that huge man down and working the details into their scouting.

15)  The media is probably wondering why Magic Johnson and Charles Barkley were the only ones to comment on the 156-73 shellacking by the US squad yesterday.  Magic took the high road, and Charles said something very Charlesy (can I patent that word?).  I don’t wonder why they are quiet.  They are all waiting for the same thing I am…to see what happens against Lithuania and Argentina in the next two games.  I already called my shot.  They lose ONE of them. Book it. And the fans of that winning country will be “dancing in the streets.”

16)  Missy Franklin won the 200m back today AND set the world record.  Her and Gabby Douglas are vying for the Olympic sweetheart crown of the Olympics.  If Missy gets 4 gold medals and gives Gabby a run, don’t let Justin Gatlin decide how they determine the winner of the sweetheart title.  It would just be WEIRD and wrong.  That joke is deep, people.  FIND it.

17)  Boom!  Michael Phelps, for the rest of his life, can say he won his last individual race in the Olympics.  His last TWO.  After all of us doubting your beginning, you sure as hell proved to us that you are truly one bad dude.  I find it odd he lost his money event, the 200, but won the one he is more susceptible in, the 100 fly.

18)  I am slow to finding music that usually has been around for years.  I don’t know what I do wrong to miss them.  Anyway, this might just be my new favorite song, and it is COUNTRY.

19)  In case you care, or are jealous (I know I am), the random finding of a family heirloom netted the following amount of money.  For those of you who live in a bubble, some guy in Ohio found a priceless baseball card collection in his attic, owned by a relative.  Today, he was the proud recipient of $565k.  THAT will solve some problems.  “Happy trails” to all of those bill obstacles.

20)  Hackers are silly.  Here, they are smart enough to get into various computer systems, and then they do something dumb with that privacy bust in.  Some hacker said publicly that Derek Jeter will be missing the rest of the season for a sex change operation.  Really, dude?  That is the BEST you go after all that workt?  Lock and load, and “hang ’em high” smartly.  The computer is your “cathedral.”  Use it wisely.

21)  I need input.  My girlfriend and I bought an air conditioner for my place (it is ridiculously hot in my apartment) on the street at a random garage sale.  I LOVE the thing, especially for what we paid.  Anyway, the name of the machine is the SPL.  I need either a one word name for it, or an acronym for those three letters.  Either way, I need a name for that filthy work of cooling art.  Ideas?

22)  Finally, let’s play a game.  Since the preseason schedule was released, and since it is Friday, and since Lindsey is out of town (meaning she is the social guru and makes the plans so I am just going down the street to the bar like I did before she came along), I am going to take the top 5 teams in the preseason FBS poll, and tell you the game they will lose, and therefore figure out our national champion this year.  Here we go (wow, I need other hobbies):

(oddly, I am now listening to Red Solo Cup while drinking FROM a Red Solo Cup)

– LSU.  They will survive going TO Auburn, but I think they drop a game either AT Florida or at home against Bama.  Negative, Tigers, fans.

-Bama.  They start crazy fast with a home game against Michigan.  That would be dangerous if it was away.  It is not.  Dangerous game at Arkansas, they go TO a very weak Tennessee team (for their standards), I already said they would beat LSU at their crib, and then get the rivalry Auburn game at home.  I like it.  Leader so far.  Next?

-USC.  Here are their toughest three games.  AT Stanford without some guy named Luck. At HOME against Oregon.  At HOME against ND.  Boom.  Love it.  Leaders so far.

-OU.  Here is my problem (sorry, Lindsey).  It is not that they have any “trap” games, but they have a lot of tough games, and they are now missing an experienced lineman.  Between K State, Texas, ND, and OSU, ONE of them is going to give them a run.  If that doesn’t spell for a loss, then they go TO West Virginia, a tough place to play and not a horrible team, and one that will be playing for something in the weak Big East.  I don’t see them winning all of those.  Like it, don’t love it.

-Oregon.  The truth is, their schedule looks pretty easy.  But, I stand by what I said a few minutes ago.  I do not see any way they go into USC’s crib and win.  Bottom line.

SUMMARY:  I like USC over Bama in the championship, with about a 20% chance of USC beating Oklahoma for the championship.  There you go.

23)  That is it.  Hope you enjoyed.  Go dance in the streets, hang ’em high, perhaps catch a cathedral on Sunday, and happy trails.  Will I blog tomorrow?  That is a CLOWN question, bro.  Peace.


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