Read it, don’t read it, I don’t care…just needed to get some things off my chest.
In no particular order of chronology or importance…
Let’s turn and burn.
Back to business. I had a weekend of having my sleep schedule all messed up because of the British Open. I am back.
1) Andy Reid is evidently ok with Vick’s dynasty talk. I get it. What is Vick supposed to say when asked? “We hope to make the playoffs.” No. That being said, I would respect him more for saying “we will win the Super Bowl” than “we are going to be a dynasty.” Why? Because you sound like LeBron BEFORE you won ONE. Get one, and then talk. Plus, Michael, you are not exactly being called the best player in the NFL even though you haven’t won anything yet (clue: that is what we were saying about that guy LeBron). Everybody settle down. Go to South Street and get a cheesesteak. Actually, I guess you can’t do that since camp is starting. Guess I should have said that over the weekend, and the hook might have worked.
2) Very cool of the Broncos to go visit the shooting victims from the Aurora shooting. Sucks that CO has to be known for an every decade or so shooting. It was surreal driving to work that day hearing it actually on the radio when I thought it was just a really, really bad dream. My thoughts go out to all victims and their families. My colleague had his two daughters go to the midnight Batman showing that night. They went to two different theaters. Luckily, there are three Aurora theaters. Needless to say, he didn’t get much sleep that night. Hey, Tim, things happen in three’s. You had your knee, the kidney stone, and then this. I think you are safe for a while.
2a) On a material note, because of all of the crazy bad shit that has happened in locations over the last 20 years, I wonder how much Batman’s final weekend figures were affected by that terrible shooting. Ever since the word “copycat” became mainstream, I assume they lost some viewers.
3) I just laughed out loud watching Family Guy. Stewie is the new kid at school, and he is required to say “one more thing to be in.” He says he wears long sleeved shirts under short sleeved shirts. I am not saying I am cool,. but I AM guilty of wearing my favorite short sleeved shirts under short sleeved shirts ALL the time. Luckily, Lindsey likes Family Guy, and knows that fashion changes will be tough. I like her even though she hates my two favorite things: backwards Steelers hat and my soulpatch. True love. As you wish…
4) The A’s sweep the Yanks, and I guess the Yanks got pissed. They just picked up Ichiro for two minor league pitchers. Great pickup in my opinion. Their pitchers are getting healthy, they now have ANOTHER future Hall of Famer on their team, and they survived in the meantime. Hey, Detroit, Texas, and L.A., GET HOME FIELD ADVANTAGE. You will need it.
5) I had all these jokes and Rant Squad scout updates ready for the whole Aaron Berry thing, but I decided to make this hook serious. We could crack on Lions CB Aaron Berry and his stupid actions. We could crack on the amount of arrests the Lions have had over the last 7 months. All I care about is THIS. They cut him today. Way to make a stand, Lions, and say that talent does not make responsible behavior necessary. Cut him loose as an example. Don’t worry, Aaron, the Raiders will still pick you up, and I always have a spot on the Rant Squad for you.
6) The PSU penalties are severe, sad, but deserved. Of course I am mad at Paterno, Sandusky, and the rest of the sick or apathetic crew, but I am most sad about the football athletes who didn’t do a thing who now have ceased to exist on a winning front. I am also sad for the present athletes who are now totally lost. This isn’t a Matt Barkley thing, who could ride out the ban and still play a year FOR something. Freshman recruits at that school can leave, but most of the big schools are full on scholarship full, and know they can’t win SHIT in the four years they are there.
6a) Funniest, and sickest joke I have heard all week. Someone in the media announced that the Paterno statue was going to stay, but it was just going to be facing the opposite direction…looking the other direction is the joke I am looking for.
6b) Something tells me that Bobby Bowden is secluded in one of his houses quietly sad about the PSU thing, drinking a whiskey and water, but kind of happy that he is definitively the king of football again…unless you ask anyone at my address or anywhere in Alabama.
7) The Braves might have gotten Ryan Dempster. Ok. NOW I am bothered. The Braves get him, the Phils are 13 games out, Cole Hamels is not signed yet, and the only thing that makes me feel good at ALL is this. “The Red Sox are interested in Josh Johnson.” Geez. We overpay Ryan Howard, Rollins is getting old like dog years, and Chase Utley has a bad back. What the hell is going on?
8) Nice, NY Rangers. You quietly picked up Rick Nash somehow. Damn.
9) Chad Ochocinco, as predicted and reported here, just changed his name back to Chad Johnson. Because of his girl. Anyone want to bet me on when his crazy brother in arms, Metta, changes HIS name? I got 4.5 months. He will get lonely as a crazy named guy.
10) Speaking of my Rant Squad, I realized hanging out with my buddy, Scott, that I have never officially ever written down the list of members, so I will give it a shot. The Rant Squad from my recollection:
-Transportation: Marcus Vick
-Interview: Sebastian Janikowski (also in charge of any drugs needed)
-Jennifer Capriati (very complicated why she is on this team)
-Metta World Peace
(Kenny Britt is currently being reviewed as a candidate)
(at some point, I will update my man crush list, but I won’t overwhelm you this rant: it is something to the effect of Allen Iverson, Kirk Herbstreit, Ed Norton, Matt Damon, etc.)
11) Will SOMEONE take Jeremy Lin off the wire at least until we start something besides the summer league?
12) Today was the first day in two months that Dwight Howard hasn’t been on the wire. I heard that Brett Favre made some calls to stop the noise and avoid any media records being broken.
12a) In case you care, Brett Favre is joining some HS coaching staff down south.
13) I think I might start saying something like the commercial I just saw for The Watch. I am still working on wording, but it will be something like this. “listen to his words, and hear my face.”
14) I don’t know how it will happen, but there are a select group of about 8 teams on the list of “if Andrew Bynum goes there, the balance of power is severely shifted.” Let’s just say this. LeBron might be still celebrating his victory OR doing Jerry Rice workouts, but he is watching where Andrew is going. Trust me.
15) Hakeem Nicks, ex-NC State WR, just had his records yanked. I would LOVE a 5 second conversation to know how much he cares now that he is in the NFL.
16) I have decided that Coke Zero tastes like only the second best thing in life when you are NOT eating food. Jack Handy, call me.
17) The U is in trouble for recruiting. Wow, guys. If I was a just coming up lawyer, I would present myself to you as the one person who loved football AND knew the rules of getting players there.
18) In case anyone cares, Tim Tebow is spending a couple hours a day with some throwing coach from USC. That is great. PLEASE don’t let him get better.
19) I hear that Seattle RB Marshawn Lynch has apologized. That is great, man. Are you apologizing for the act itself or for just being dumb in general?
20) It came out that a female hockey reporter died in the Aurora massacre. I understand that a sports site can only report sports related stuff, and I know you have to reach sometimes, but does anyone ELSE feel worse for the mother of the 3 month old baby? EVERYONE is and was important. I am sickened about the whole thing in general.
21) Favorite headline I did NOT open. “Michael Phelps is irritated by Olympic swim caps.” I heard he got so stressed that he went and smoked up. Dude MUST be stressed out. Usually, it is some foreign guy amping him up about failure. This year, his biggest competition wears that SAME US swimcap.
22) I hear some dude got arrested for trying to steal the Olympic flame. Wow. I have done some dumb shit, but all my dumb shit didn’t have any morals involved. Sure, I tried to sneak in the Brad Pitt/ Jennifer Anniston party in Newport RI, but there was no downside. Dude, it is the freaking Olympic flame. Why don’t you and that dude who put tacks on the Tour de France road go out for drinks? I have Marcus Vick, who could drive.
23) When you are trying to order concert tickets, stone cold sober, why are the security codes SO DAMN HARD? I know the robot ordering devices have evolved, but if this doesn’t make me worry about Terminator/ machine taking over actually happening, I don’t know what will. You guys make it TOUGH.
24) I read the Braves came back from 9-0 to win against Washington. I almost fell on the floor when I found out it was against Stephen Strasburg. Side note, I can’t wait to hear how they explain shutting down Strasburg after the inning count when they are winning their division for the first time in 70,000 years.
25) I ate dinner with my buddy from California at a local place called Marlowe’s. I was sad to find out the appetizer with deviled eggs, prosciutto, and bacon was seasonal, but it made my day to find out that Fiona Apple was performing next door and I actually found out that people EXIST who scalp Fiona Apple tickets. No, I didn’t partake. His existence was interesting enough.
26) The same guy hung out with me that night. He didn’t realize that I wasn’t joking about me carrying around legal notepad papers for blog ideas. That is it, people. I carry around a piece of yellow paper with two pens (in case one runs out).
27) Look at the top 10 home run specialists of all time. Actually, look at the first SEVEN. Scary that Jim Thome is 7th, and he is not a lock for the HOF.
28) What is YOUR record for holding hands underneath a faucet before realizing that it is not automated?
29) I would like to announce something extremely important. I am 39. I have worked and been to many bars. I am an expert at GTee, but quit playing Big Buck Hunter years ago…because I sucked. I proudly announce that my buddy, Scott, sucks worse than I do. I beat him twice in a row. I will never play again, officially.
29a) I taught Scott how to play Gtee that night. It was a teaching session, and I shot like shit because like my parents, I care about teaching. Anyway, I am guilty for going back the next afternoon and shooting a 16 under and making sure I had the record.
30) Why is it hard to win a major? Brandt Scheneker went 53 holes without a bogie. And he still lost. Tough to do people. Yes, I am pissed about Tiger losing, but he didn’t hit any defining shots except for the hole in chip in on 7 (after his triple), I am glad Adam Scott had one of the biggest letdowns in sport history, and my favorite camera shot of the tourney was watching Ernie Els eat a sandwich while “anxiously” awaiting Adam to finish. He is not the big easy for nothing, people.
31) Tiger over-hit MANY shots. It changed his swing.
32) Nice to see that we freak out when Tiger doesn’t win, but when Mickelson shoots a 97, no one cares.
33) Ironic to see that there was NO coverage on McDowell when he was 4 under, but then he suddenly got into the mix. Come on, ESPN.
34) They were showing dunks of the year. No offense to Dino Gallinari, but him getting DUNKED on WHILE holding on to the rim, was freaking awesome.
35) Did ANYONE else doubt that Ben Sheets didn’t have anything left in the tank?
36) I am worried about ESPN News. The WHOLE objective was to have a channel with a 30 minute loop of sports news on TV. I have seen “shows” lately. I am worried about them turning into MTV, and showing Sportsnation instead of Real World and suddenly sports updates and Winger videos being OVER.
37) Am I the only person to notice that although we made fun of the “realism” of any Rocky movie, that “functional” training has taken over, and Rocky was actually RIGHT? All of a sudden, him chopping wood seems pretty right on.
38) Some Brit named Wiggins won the Tour. Get your iPhones ready for B sample testing REAL soon.
39) Michigan WR Darryl Stonum just transferred from Michigan to Baylor. He DID watch the draft, right?
40) True. I am a closet UF basketball fan. In case you care, they just signed 6’10” and prize recruit Chris Walker to a scholarship. Like I said, in case you care…
41) The Cubs are are after Matt Garza. Are they suddenly thinking they want to get better?
42) In UFC, Barao top Faber. Damn. Faber is one of the 4 guys I know from old school in UFC. Another one bites the dust.
43) Barry Larkin makes the MLB HOF. Well deserved, class act, and not a better guy to get the honor. Dibs.
44) The USA barely took Argentina in Olympic basketball the other day. I say they win the Olympic gold medal, but they drop at least one. And the jokes about the 2012 team being better than the 1992 Dream Team will come about again, and we will laugh again like we do during Princess Bride. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.
45) Well, Lindsey just showed up. Got to go. I made her sit through Tin Cup last night, after the Tiger collapse. She truly IS perfect. Will I blog tomorrow? That is a CLOWN question, bro. Peace.