Quasi-Game 4 Journal. #billsimmons #nbafinals2017

NEW ORLEANS, LA – FEBRUARY 14: ESPN TV Personality Bill Simmons Coach of the West Team reacts to a play during the Sprint NBA All-Star Celebrity Game at Sprint Arena during the 2014 NBA All-Star Jam Session at the Ernest N. Morial Convention Center on February 14, 2014 in New Orleans, Louisiana. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that, by downloading and/or using this photograph, user is consenting to the terms and conditions of the Getty Images License Agreement. Mandatory Copyright Notice: Copyright 2014 NBAE (Photo by Joe Murphy/NBAE via Getty Images)

THE GAME 4 QUASI-JOURNAL (because there probably won’t be much to say AFTER this game).

(in the spirit of old school Bill Simmons kind of, as his in game journals were the BEST)

(basically, I am writing a journal for the first quarter or so, but since I write this for free and have the house to myself, plan on using the rest of the game to use breaks and commercials for other stuff)

(with a closing of course)

-Let’s start.

-Sat down to watch rest of pre-game and that damn Matthew McConaughey Lincoln commercial is on.  Enough.  You were great in two movies and True Detective.  Let it rest with Lincoln.

-Paul Pierce is on set for pregame predictions, meaning I have to STILL listen to him talk about how Durant is taking the torch (BS).  Idiot.

-I have no bets on the Cavs tonight, meaning they probably will win.  No money line, and not taking the 6 pts.  They will probably get up big early too.  But probably not.

-WAIT a minute.  Tonight is a BLACKOUT at the arena?  Literally admitting this is a funeral?

-How come I have never heard of this movie Baby Driver and yet it is getting 5 stars all around?

-I wish I knew who this rapper was building up to the actual game.  I think it is Kendrick Lamar.  Not sure.

-I agreed to go with my wife to the cabaret tonight like a month ago before this schedule was released.  Luckily, the other dude cancelled in our double date, and an escape was possible.  My buddy at work, Brett, said it best.  “Mark, the cabaret is awesome.  I got up on stage, threw marshmallows into girls mouths and everything.  But…you made the right decision, 3-0 or not.”  Perfect, so not the worst thing to be dragged to, but the possible sweep still wins.

-Deep thoughts.  Maybe since LeBron did it 3-1 last year, he just wants to up his legend?  3-0.  Anyone?

-Starting lineups.  Yeah, Because I do this for free, I definitely only am doing one quarter of the game.  My mind is racing.

-Jordin Sparks.  Anthem.  American Idol winner.  Where are the VOICE peeps?  Sundance would have owned this.  Or Jordan would have made us forget who is playing the game.

-I love the face shots of the players and fans during the anthem.  My colleague, Damien, was on TV last night during the US-Trinidad soccer game during the anthem, and he was staring at his beer oddly.

-Cars 3 ad.  Cars 2 sucked, right?  I remember now.

-I don’t think I have been to a Carl’s Jr. but maybe twice, but that double jalapeno burger looks GOOD commercial.

-Steve Kerr does the emotional soft voice locker room pregame speech.  Solid, and really, what does he have to pump them up about?  Serious and very listened to from their just back leader.

-I wonder if the Cavs brought in Hoosiers actors.

-Good point, announcers.  No WAY LeBron wants this celebration to happen on this floor.  I didn’t think of that when not betting on this game.  Hmmmm.

-But, wanting and being better are different things.

-JR Smith and Kyrie both hit opening three pointers.  Good sign.  Good sign that JR Smith didn’t shoot it behind his back.

-Of all people to answer them, Draymond Green hits a three.  HAS to be frustrating.

-LeBron squares off against Durant, misses close, gets it back, and then gets a layup with a BIG celebration for being down 3-0.  Interesting.  Are you NOT entertained?


-Warriors TO.  JR Smith THREE.  The place is going so crazy they don’t even KNOW they are down 3-0.  Exciting.  Screw the cabaret.  They play Chumbawamba going into break.  I almost got up and danced.  But didn’t.

-Commercial for Transformers.  I think I am behind.  Is this the third or fourth one?  How long has Marky Mark been in these things?  Just asking good questions, people.

-Why am I writing ONE quarter journal?  Because I tend to think I am pretty freaking funny, but also this hurts a little of my game watching.  Just enjoy it.  Or turn me off.  Whatever.  My mind races too much, and I would miss some of the game, and my eating and drink breaks.

-Love scores (me thinking about why I didn’t take Cavs plus the 6, then remembering that this excitement is usually muted by Curry, Thompson, and Durant upcoming).

-Pachulia has an extremely awkward free throw stroke.  I can talk shit.  Once bet someone at a bar that I could go to the park court and nail 75%.  About 15 people followed to watch.  I hit 16.

-Love for three.  19-6.  Makes me want to ask for a rewind and start the trilogy from scratch.

-Hey, serious point as Thompson knocks down one.  Serious.  If the Cavs play in the weak East, then do they NOW realize they need home court advantage?  No cruising anymore, aye?  Two contested games and then going to Oakland would be better.

-Van Gundy is doing a monologue on the Kardashian curse and we should ALL find it on the internet, tape it, and share it.  Immediately.

-Kevin Love for three.  He must have read my last blog and gotten PISSED.

-24-9.  Call the game.  Very sarcastic.  But, damn this is fun.

-Bill Simmons must have been paid a lot and had lots of editors.  This play by play live journal stuff is exhausting.  But, I am typing like  a super-secretary took over my soul.

-Seriously, this is FUN.  If you brainwash yourself to the series score and write a blog furiously, it is magical.  Go CAVS!

-Death Lineup in.  I just love when we talk about that.

-I think Kevin Love spent so much time arguing there should have been a pass that he just cherry picked and GOT a foul.  Great plan, KL.

-Kyrie Irving only against THREE people with a bank shot.  You are being more humble.

-I think I would make a GREAT basketball game DJ for music.  GREAT.  I would play Crazy Train less times, and GNR MORE.  I might even sneak in some Ratt.  Lay It Down.  And definitely Jump by Van Halen half the time.

-AND I can play the funky organ already.

-Commercial (breath).

-A commercial for Black Panther.  I know that dude from Get Out could have used that guy.

-By the way, I WILL watch Get Out again, but only after watching, being horrified, and then reading the reviews, I realized this.  You are SUCH in a paradigm out of sorts, that you don’t see obvious shit going on.  My buddy, Brett, watched it again last night and said the clues were hitting him in the face.  One more time.  You just don’t see or come close to recognize the movie clues because you are so uncomfortable.

-This means my wife will figure it out in full in ten minutes.

-(that is impossible, but she will get close-smart girl)

-Back to game.

-Dammit, Durant.  Stop being good.

-Does Klay Thompson cut his hair perfectly, or is that a net?

-I wonder if Richard Jefferson watches Bull Durham before games and talks about Kevin Costner’s good times.

-Thompson fouls Durant on an inbounds.  I become more and more unimpressed by Mr. Thompson on all levels.  Him and Timothy out West are like one hit wonders from the 80’s.  Any of them.

-Durant shooting free throws.  Don’t his ankles and knees look like they could break at any moment?  So skinny.  He would suck in Karate Kid I.  Sweep the…never mind.

-I have noticed that Lue read my blog and has NOT played Korver as of yet.  Too many minutes last game even for decent effort by a slow older guy.

-31-20 Cavs and they are having two possessions where I think they looked at the score and just got nervous about how much they were up by and how the plan was working.  Predicting a Warriors three on the other end…and…

-Dammit.  Just a two by Durant.  I was only kind of right.

-JR Smith miss, Durant fouled BEHIND the arc.  Ugghhh.  I guess doing their thing, which is building a lead and giving it away at the end of each quarter.

-34-25.  Irving is like the GOOD version of JR Smith with his oddly balanced shots.

-While Richard Jefferson is shooting free throws, I will throw out my dart joke.  Nice pick, David West.  You picked right THIS year.  Dude just rotates among teams until he hits the $2 lotto ticket and a ring.

-Interesting.  Thompson has two fouls, and Curry picks up HIS second.  Now, they might be down to TWO HOF’ers for the second quarter.

-Clunk (sound the rim is making on Cavs free throws).

-37-27.  Who took the over?  Dammit.  THAT is what I should have done.  Just root for score, score, score.  Of course, I bet you they planned for that and it was probably 230ish.

-Green gets HIS second foul on a JUMP BALL.  Then, a technical rolls out.  Seriously, if this series was 2-1 right now, I would not be even sitting down.

-Is it weird to see JR Smith and Javale McGee, idiots in past and present lives, on championship squads?

-41-27, 1:33.  That over is looking strong.

-Kevin Love AGAIN for three.

-Jefferson dunk!


-(deep thoughts, the only reason we don’t think this will happen is because it hasn’t, right?)

-(I know-it won’t-just being positive)

-You know.  It is 48-32.  They still might sweep, but how embarrassing is this first quarter for their #1 defensive efficiency rating?

-Final seconds.  Everyone and their mom wants 50.  LeBron gets a foul.  No GT call.  LeBrons ruins the 50 pt chance by missing free throw.  Ok.  49 will do.

-That’s IT.  49-33.  I would be off my couch if it wasn’t 3-0, but it is.  I am winded from typing this much.  I will have closing comments, and hope you enjoyed what it would be like if I wrote game journals.  Peace (A).



(Sneaking in end of 2nd quarter comment-the CAVS are still trucking-wow-this would be MORE of a beating heart swipe if the Warriors stormed back and won THIS one when the Cavs are up huge-Van Gundy DID say this would be a blowout?)

(4-0 start to second-uh oh)

(LeBron just did a self-pass ASG dunk in the NBA Finals-wow)

(Have to put my computer down…)

(Draymond Green is a GREAT player, but got a second technical-uh oh)

(Not called?  Green is so lucky-conspiracy theory if this game goes to Warriors-half joking)

(Shump punched in groin, fan kicked out-this is definitely better than the cabaret)

(Warriors keep teasing a run, but Cavs respond.  Even Deron Williams scores for first time in playoffs-impressed)

(And here I was watching this like the last stage of the Tour de France and the first postseason undefeated season of all time-funny)

(So, Tristan Thompson ALSO reads this blog, because he has had a GREAT game-kudos-sorry for throwing you under bus earlier and in last blog)

(Noticed I have a lot of after thoughts since I quit my journal)


(But you keep watching because if anyone can come back, it is the Warriors, even though we all don’t want them to)

(Taking the over would have been SO low stress tonight and I could have won back my series money-STUPID)

(I feel like it has been since the Super Bowl since I saw that Puppy-Monkey-Baby commercial-thank you, kind of)

(Think about it.  The Cavs are breaking Finals records right and left, and still just beating the Warriors by a little more than ten.  Scary.)

(JR Smith just hit a 30 footer.  That’s it, folks.  No undefeated postseason.  Small victories.  Why can’t you TELL me your plan, Cavs.  I could make some cash.  Dammit.)

That’s finally it.  After that JR three, I am signing off.  I get to watch a Game 5.  Yay.

THE REST (added before the game-mostly):

  • 3-on-3 bball in the Olympics? You have one fan right here.  I hope you all have thought this all through, because when the Hoop-It-Up gangsters get around to this info, there will be a FIGHT to see who is representing the U.S.  Iverson already has mad ideas…
  • Can anyone outdo the Browns at missteps? I mean, today’s was awesome and so random.  They waive a DB today.  Gonzo-off the roster.  Dude in a couple of hours was supposed to throw out the first pitch of the Indians game.  Hey, media guy and coaches.  Link up.    So random.
  • And that dude totally was planning on still throwing the first pitch.
  • Good week for UNC hoops. Luke Maye gets in a flipped car accident and is fine, and they pick up a solid perimeter kid from Pitt.  All good.
  • So, I think Lindsey was hoping I would back out, and I SHOULD have, but we are heading spontaneously to Manitou Springs, and we just reserved a Terror-Dactyl ride. Google it.  I am pretty sure this will be the closest I have gotten to backing out ON the stand since skydiving.
  • Once the plane took off during skydiving, I was golden. There was NO way I was being the guy who came BACK with the plane.
  • I am honestly terrified for 10am on Sunday (you have to reserve and pay upfront). We are all in.  It looks like death in the mountains.
  • About Manitou, we did Hotwire because it sounded random and exciting. We ended up kind of like Jim Carrey and what’s her name from Yes, Man.  Cool idea, and we are pretty much heading to the Springs version of Omaha.  Not the hotel down the street from Garden of the Gods and a karaoke bar we hoped for.
  • There is an article called “LaVar Ball Unplugged.”  I didn’t do it.  Did YOU?  I feel like I am already overloaded with his material.
  • Glad Stan and Andy provided entertainment for tennis fans, because IF I bet on tennis (which I think is really weird), I would have bet Lindsey’s condo on Nadal today.
  • Stan will give him a run. It is either a close three set match or one set swings Stan’s way.  Remember, Stan has never lost a Grand Slam final in three tries.  Just saying.  My official prediction? Nadal 6-3, 6-7 (7-4), 6-4, 6-1
  • Yes, I will be seeing All Eyez On Me as early as possible when I have time. Love CA rap and Tupac also.
  • I think this odd Stanley Cup continues on home ice. I think Nashville wins the next one and Pens win badly in 7.
  • I am winded from my first quarter journal. Just read Deadspin.  It helps out your life.
  • Rotoden ideas-I start writing focused articles on June 18th for this site-need ideas)
  • Seriously, I have not many friends, but tickets to my 110th and 111th Widespread Panic concerts ever.  Who wants in?  It won’t suck.
  • These are the interesting items that stay on blog list and advance until our next conversation. I am out of pocket most likely until Monday.
NBA update
NHL playoffs
trip list-pics org
french open

That’s it for today.  Hope you enjoyed or at least are more informed.  Will I blog again?  That is a CLOWN question, bro.  Late Sunday or Monday.  Peace.

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