I choose not to run.

Read it, don’t read it, I don’t care…just needed to get some things off my chest.

In no particular order of chronology or importance…

Let’s turn and burn.  Lunchtime rant, so on a hard stop.

1)  Congrats to The Hyphens for beating their same country up and comers in the gold medal match in women’s beach volleyball.  Misty May will be retiring from the Olympics and Kerri Walsh wants a gold in Rio in 2016.  You two have the pleasure of saying you dropped ONE single set in all of your Olympic matches through the years.  Not bad at all.  Dominance at its best.  I have two points on this hook.  One, you better grab another woman with a hypenated name, Kerri, for your new partner.  Two, something tells me that I know what those two female Austrians who beat them will be toasting to for the rest of their lives.

2)  Justin Tuck fired back at Clay Matthews and thanked him for the “gift” after Matthews said the Giants didn’t beat them and that they beat themselves in last year’s playoffs.  Thanking him for the gift is the short version of saying “I WOULD say “scoreboard,” but I have to remember that they DID win the year before AND they will still be pretty freaking good this year since they are in the window of everyone’s prime.”

3)  Just short of the 8 year deadline, it appears that Tyler Hamilton, cyclist drug cheater, will also be stripped of his Olympic gold.  Why not?  My new game in watching the wire is to see if at any point in ANY time of the year, we can go two whole weeks without hearing about SOMETHING related to doping and cycling.  THAT can go on that alternate ESPN website I discussed yesterday also.

4)  Although she was offended, and although their is a MUCH smaller control group, I had to laugh that Lolo Jones was called the Anna Kournikova of track by someone in the media.  A lot of similarities.  To name three?  They both never won jack, they are followed around and quoted like an athletic dynasty, and they are both hot as shit.  That being said, this is a loose comparison (no, that is not a follow up joke), since Lolo Jones was considered the best at one point (but didn’t win the big one), and the best Anna got was #8 in the world.

5)  The indoor men’s team fell like a blind roofer.  They blow a 2 set lead to top ranked Russia less than a week ago, and then get stunned by a soft Italy squad in the elimination round.  You boys showed up and started as you should, but didn’t do anything after that.

6)  RANT SQUAD UPDATE: T.O. has declared to the media that “I have changed.”  As Chandler once said to Joey in a Friends episode after Joey did something not too smart…TOO MANY JOKES.

7)  Trent Richardson is a RB.  Trent Richardson got a sore knee.  Trent Richardson is having “minor” surgery.  Trent Richardson is a rookie.  I don’t have time to really drill down on this, so I will keep it simple.  When you have the phrases rookie, RB, sore knee, and minor surgery all in the same sentence, it is not good.

8)  Congrats to Allyson Felix, who finally got a gold in the womens 200m sprint. DAMMIT.  If this was in the 100m, I could bring back my hook about Justin Gatlin and jello wrestling (she was the one who had the tie in the trials where Justin thought they should jello wrestle for it), but it is the 200, so I can’t.  So, let’s keep to the serious side.  Congrats to you, Allyson.  Nice job.

9)  On the horizon.  USA basketball vs. Argentina.  I don’t know when they are taking the court offhand, but if you are around, and if NBC decides to show us more than look ins, than check it out.  It will be a treat, and probably scare the hell out of casual basketball/ go America fans.

10)  Speaking of basketball, I hear Kobe was egging on a drinking contest between employees and Team USA after the Nigeria game earlier in the Olympics.  Great.  Kobe is now divorced, he is hanging out with employees, and there is booze involved.  Perfect.  Absolutely perfect.  AND the eagle is the symbol of the USA, and it is during the Olympics. I could draw you one HELL of a pun flowchart right now.

11)  Jalen Rose doesn’t like the gymnasts being called the Fab Five (evidently, they already renamed themselves the Fierce Five).  A couple of things.  RELAX, Jalen.  I don’t ever remember seeing a little “r” next to Fab Five, it is the media CALLING THEM that term, and GEEEEEZZZZZZ.  LET THEM for now.  They just won the all around gold medal.  Can you let the paint dry before tearing down the house?

12)  It is a shame that the double amputee runner wasn’t able to run in the 4×400 relay after his teammate fell early in the race.  The guy has to fight legally to compete in TWO events, and he has a teammate fall in one of them.  Great show, regardless, Pistorius.

13)  It is just a glorified practice since most of you know I HATE preseason, but I have to admit the town is buzzing to see Peyton on the field, even if it is for one or two series.

14)  Bobby Petrino has declared to the world “I can’t believe I screwed up so bad.”  Whether you are talking about screwing with your Cardinals and then the Falcons, or crashing off a cliff with a female employee and then lying about, you are spot on, Bobby.  Spot on.

15)  I hear the 2016 Olympics might have judges for boxing instead of computerized scoring.  Glad we are making it more like real boxing, which is BOUND to make it better because of ITS lack of corruptness and an abundance of infallible accuracy, right?

16)  Finally, Titans RB Chris Johnson has proclaimed he can beat Usain Bolt in a 40.  First of all, if we are going to do this, these are the personalities we need to build it up.  Second, I think he could be close, but Chris would definitively lose (Johnson did run a 4.24 at the combine a couple years ago).  I would only worry about how Bolt is frequently a CLOSER in the latter half in the 100.  Third.  Hey, Chris.  Usain Bolt hasn’t been beaten in the Olympics in the past two times.  You haven’t won shit yet.  Play up to your contract and let’s revisit this conversation, concentrate on your own training camp for now, and GEEEZZZZ again.  Let the guy soak up his OWN moment for now.

16a)  This race still wouldn’t be as good as the Seinfeld race.  But, I COULD see Chris Johnson pulling out of the race last minute and uttering the words “I choose not to run.”  Chris, they don’t let cars park that close to the track to allow you to pull a Kramer false start trick.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0L8U5tKTTWo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=akANwligs2E

17)  That is it.  Hope you enjoyed.  Probably not tomorrow for a rant, but definitely one by Saturday night.  Will I blog in the next two days?  That is a CLOWN question, bro.

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