Give me back my son!!

Read it, don’t read it, I don’t care…just needed to get some things off my chest.

In no particular order of chronology or importance…

I will keep to the 20 minute rule tonight.  Plans with the girl, and I am sure I will have time this weekend to get out anything I don’t cover.

Let’s turn and burn.

7:01

1)  I hear the Knicks might match the Rockets’ offer to Linsanity.  I would like to know timelines on this.  Something tells me that Jeremy should wait as long as possible to see where Dwight Howard goes.  If Dwight is going to the Rockets, I would start shopping condos in Houston.  It would be better than seriously splitting time with Jason Kidd, unless he just wants to go along with the dysfunctional ride that is the Knicks.  Is Baron Davis still on that team?

2)  Steve Nash says Kobe Bryant are fellow “gym rats.”  We are all proud of both of you, and you better be.  If we cut both of you in half and applied tree age methods, you would have a good amount of rings.

3)  Drew Brees might sit out training camp with the Saints.  Will SOMEONE please wise up?  I guess he is still not over the San Diego breakup.  I am losing respect for you by the day, Marino’s record or not.

4)  There is a squirrel outside my apartment that actually approaches ME.  He makes me back up.  It is quite disturbing.  I feel like I am in the squirrel version of Cujo.  Maybe he will eat some of the bees and brown recluses outside my apartment.

5)  My favorite sports headline of the week.  “Luke Bryan apologizes to fans for the MLB All Star Game’s national anthem.”  Why, you ask?  I clicked on the article.  He “wrote a few key words to the song on his hand to help him.”  Wow, that is freaking awesome.  That needs no jokes.  That is funny enough.

6)  AJ Allmendinger is trying to make Lance Armstrong’s saga look like a joke.  Not only is he in a sport that is marginally a sport, but he is “bringing in experts for his B sample testing.”  Do you want me to make a joke about the experts, racing in general, or the B sample?  As Chandler once said to Joey in Friends…”too many jokes.”

7)  The grass is green, the sky is blue, and an official report is telling us, the masses, that Paterno and PSU “covered things up.”  Thanks for the insight, I still feel bad for Paterno’s legacy, but I don’t need a flow chart about how they did it, I just need one to explain how the hell they pulled it off for so many years.

8)  You say tomato, I say tomahto.  Dog fighting/ clothing lines.  QB Michael Vick is releasing his own clothing line.  As Dennis Leary said in No Cure for Cancer, “because you got to have goals.”  Glad your goals are better, bro.

9)  Justin Verlander seemed a little excited, nervous, and high strung in his brief MLB ASG appearance.  I am sure there is NO connection with the fact that him and Kate Upton have been spotted at many restaurants and other places in the area over the last week.  Nahhh.

10)  Get the Gringo?  I am not hip, but evidently it is Mel Gibson’s latest movie.  It went into theaters May 1.  It goes on DVD June 17th.  Does anyone remember when he was a star?   Hell, the only reason I would want to have kids was to have someone else hold the kid while I am putting my side dish down at the local family picnic, and then I could finally say “Give me back my son!!”

11)  The longer this Dwight Howard goes on, and the more multiple parties that get involved, the more the masses will dislike Dwight.  He is the only constant in this thing, so listen to Charles Barkley, and just make a freaking decision, dude.

12)  Since the Big Three was in Vegas at training camp (interesting choice of training location, Coach K.  Colorado was booked?), Juwan Howard and Mike Miller had to accept the Best Team award at the ESPY’s.  I like the Big Two reference, I like the follow up with the Little Twelve, I have no idea what Mike Miller was talking about when he said let it fly, and every time I see Juwan Howard, I think of my roommate in college, Jamie, who said the following line at the top of his lungs whenever Juwan did something good at Michigan…”Ju WAN some of THIS???”

13)  The 2012 basketball team responded to the question about who would win vs. The Dream Team.  I think the spread should be 15 rather than 8 (yes, Vegas has released official odds), I think that the 2012 team would have NO CHANCE with Tyson Chandler vs. Patrick Ewing and Hakeem Olajuwon, and I love that Michael came out and said he “absolutely laughed” about the entire debate.

14)  Watching ESPN the day after the All Star Game is like watching Luke without his Light Saber.  There are no professional sports on that day.  They get into reporting women’s basketball and Canadian soccer (there IS such a thing?).

15)  I know I am not hip at all, and I guess I SHOULD know what they look like being a normal heterosexual, but were those two blond chicks the ESPY’s cameras kept showing the Kardashian chicks??

16)  I liked the Riggle joke about Tebow shadowing him and then calling out Mark Sanchez.  I thought Riggle toed the line talking to Jeremy Lin about Harvard and “Asian” people.

17)  He is nicknamed The Great One.  Wayne Gretzky can evidently reproduce greatly also.  She might not end up a hockey player, and I hate talking about people’s daughters, but come on.  This is Wayne’s daughter, Paulina (she is the one on the right). “Way” to go, Great One.

18)  Blake Griffin signs big deal.  Blake Griffin is on the Olympic team.  Blake Griffin hurts ankle.  The Clippers fans start drinking at noon.

19)  You know we are in between the NBA and college football kickoff when THIS headline is FOURTH on the ESPN wire.  “The Browns get Josh Gordon in supplemental NFL draft.”

20)  The #2 recruit and top linebacker today switched from Bama to Auburn today.  Way to put your two cents in on the greatest rivalry in sports.

21)  Go figure.  Stephen Strasburg, who unless you live in a bubble, is on a innings limit this year declared before they were leading the NL East all season, has said they are going to have to rip the ball out of your hands.  I hope the Nationals don’t shut him down, am evidently a closet Nationals fan, but also know who writes your checks.  If they do it, we won’t like it as fans, but this is a war, not a battle.

22)  Congrats to the nation of Saudi Arabia.  You are sending two females to the Olympics, the first ever.  In the words of What About Bob?, “baby steps…”  LOVE it.

23)  Finally, Olympian Tyler Clary has called out Michael Phelps for his work ethic.  Uhhhh… Tyler, shut the f%^& up until you win a couple golds.  Dude is a badass until proven otherwise.  Don’t mess up his Josie Wales/ John Elway-like ride into the sunset.

24)  7:21.  That is it.  Act of Valor is on the itinerary.  Will I blog tomorrow?  That is a clown question, bro… Peace.

24a)  By the way, ESPN, thanks for reading my blog, and taking out “pre-death” out of the Paterno headline last night and just putting “in letter.”  Tell your friends to read, too.

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