Falling faster in my car…
Read it, don’t read it, I don’t care…just needed to get some things off my chest.
In no particular order of chronology or importance…
On the clock. Busy at work, taking a break for “lunch,” and am dropping everything for 20 minutes to retain sanity.
This will be a different style. I have a slight problem. I have a LOT to say, with no time to expand. This will be quick hitter style to say the least.
1) A former Nebraska hoops star recently faked an attack to “spark change.” They CARVED anti-gay slurs on their body. Read that last sentence again slowly. WHAT?
2) The 62 year old woman trying to do the Cuba-Florida swim was recently pulled out of the water after a storm put her off course and jellyfish stings got the best of her. I will remind myself NOT to put that on my bucket list. Sounds like a blast.
3) NASCAR is going to review Martin’s crash over the weekend. THERE. There is your NASCAR update. Do you feel informed now?
4) A former US Open ref BLUDGEONED (love that word) her 80 year old husband this week. I guess she didn’t “love” him anymore, that it was definitely her “fault,” and that he officially got “served.”
5) Top Gun director Tony Scott jumped off a bridge to kill himself/ wanted to go out similar to Goose.
6) Maybe someone WILL approach the stolen base numbers of Lou Brock, Rickey Henderson, and Vince Coleman again. There is a dude in the Reds minor leagues who just stole his 147th base of the SEASON. Stellar, bro. keep it up.
7) My Phils are being idiotic and obviously don’t prefer logistical changes to their preseason schedule. They had Hunter Pence bobblehead night at the park this week. The problem is that he doesn’t play for them anymore.
8) Bodemeister is officially retired/ now gets to go to the really FUN part of being a horse. Having sex all the time.
9) Buick might be a crappy brand of car, but they sure pull some heavyweights as spokesmen. They had Tiger and now Shaq and Peyton are smiling on TV. Something just isn’t right about this. It is a freaking Buick.
10) I am naming my air conditioner Big Empty, because it has SPT on it, which is just dyslexic for a favorite group of mine, and because it is big, and still kicks ass even though I don’t fill it with water. Get it? Big. Empty.
11) What are kids’ allowances these days? I used like ten allowances to have a SHOT at buying a pair of Jordans, and LeBron’s new shoe has a nice little price tag of $300. Crazy shit. I will take my $14.95 Starbury’s ANY day of the week.
12) Congrats to the Ugandan baseball team, which won its first LLWS game this week. They were a great story regardless, but winning a game or two doesn’t hurt the cause.
13) Mark Cuban, feeling neglected by the wire in past weeks, decided to lash out at Jason Kidd and Deron Williams and them not joining the team. Don’t worry about him. He might appear to live in a bubble sometimes, but that is one money filled bubble.
14) Adrian Peterson says he is ok with no preseason before playing for the season. It wouldn’t hurt to get reps, but a beast like that just really needs to run to the openings and kick tiny cornerbacks off his legs.
15) I thought Seattle already named Matt Flynn the starter. I guess that was for the preseason game only, because word is that ex-Wisconsin star and very short Russell Wilson might get the starting reps in their next game. They better choose right, because that is not a bad squad outside of the QB.
16) Clemens is making his first independent league pitching start this weekend for the Skeeters. I don’t have any jokes. I just wanted to write the word “skeeters.”
17) Maurice Jones-Drew is open to a trade evidently. Whoever needs help at RB, get that guy. Hey, Steelers, why don’t you trade that whole backup entourage you got for him? It is better than Isaac Redman getting the call because of Mendenhall’s injury. Sorry, Isaac.
18) Strasburg had 10k’s in 5 innings. Yeah, they are really going to shut THAT guy down. I will believe it when I see it. By the way, Scott Boras, stay out of this. Your job is to just get them the job. Now, you should be quiet.
19) There is an Austrian dude who is going to skydive from 23 MILES above sea level. That dude just made MY bucket list look pretty lame.
20) Could Roger Clemens be pitching for the Skeeters (hah. got to write it again) to possibly push back his HOF vote, and therefore maybe have a better chance with the assistance of father time and changing of voters?
21) Michael Vick. You should probably GET to the regular season before proclaiming the word “dynasty” and your team in the same sentence.
22) Man U was stunned in its Premier league opener. There. You are now up to date on soccer leagues, too.
23) Injured pitcher Michael Pineda gets a DUI. THERE is a guy with drive for a World Series ring. Good job, bro.
24) My colleagues don’t believe me that our web conferencing tool at work is Where the Streets Have No Name…just really, really slow and in elevator style.
25) The yellow flyer on my car fell off coming home from the airport. I was legitimately sad for about an hour. I wanted a PERSON to take it off. Not rain.
26) I am 39 years old and truly thought that there were two types of sandwiches. One was a EURO, and the other was a GYRO. Yup. I admit it. Moving on.
27) Augusta welcomed 2 female members into its membership the other day. Speaking of something being really, really slow. Welcome to the modern age, Augusta.
28) That is it. Back to work. And then to a night showing in a park of Back to the Future. Will I blog tomorrow? That is a CLOWN question, bro.