Read it, don’t read it, I don’t care…just needed to get some things off my chest.
In no particular order of chronology or importance…
Not on the clock, unless you are talking about the NBA game that starts 6 hours from now. That being said, I don’t plan on being inside all day on a nice day either, so that should expedite things a little. No 100 hook rant most likely. Let’s turn and burn.
1) Big announcement. I presently have the Indy 500 on in the background while writing this. I watched the big soccer game yesterday. Pigs flying would complete this odd cycle. I will feel really FAST when typing my rant today with the background left turns going on.
2) I haven’t been this excited to watch a basketball game…since before the LAST Pacers-Heat game.
3) The Giants hit a walk off home run last night to beat the Rockies. I would rank the inside the park home run one of the most exciting plays in sports that happens SO fast.
4) In other sad local news, DU lost to Syracuse on a last second goal. Denver HAD them and was up one late. Being a powerhouse is a process in ANY sport, and Denver is experiencing this right now. But, lesson #1. NEVER go to sleep, even for a few seconds, when you are playing a team that has won it all a LOT. They are a powerhouse for a reason.
4a) What the HELL happened to UVA lacrosse? Where did we GO?
5) In case you care, the Indy 500 has already had 13 different leaders. That is a record, and there are still 50 laps left. See? I am paying attention.
6) I don’t know about you, but I don’t feel bad in the LEAST that Dwayne Wade has a bone bruise that is slowing him down. You all tried to build a super team by aligning together. I hope you lose SO bad.
7) Damn. I just remembered I missed the Denver Day or Rock yesterday. Whoops.
8) No one switch seats, ok? The Pacers are giving out shirts strategically so the crowd tonight resembles a checkered flag, with the big race there during the day. That is adorable.
9) Titus Young ignored the judge in court yesterday. Cut him a break, Your Honor. Titus is simply trying to remember which of the last three arrests he is in court for.
10) Roger Federer joined Twitter this week. Welcome, Roger. I can’t wait to read your tweets after Nadal lays waste to you in the French/ Nadal Open.
11) A Memphis restaurant refused service to Tony Parker. It made the news, and at first glance, you would think it would be something to do with team fans or old school racism. It was neither, people. Everyone just relax. The reason he got refused? He didn’t have a reservation and they didn’t have any of their 13 tables open. That makes sense to me. It wouldn’t kill you to make the call beforehand, Tony.
12) This combines my favorite sports writer and my least favorite athlete, Bill Simmons, Snowball, and parallels of Jim Carrey and Snowball. Awesome, and logical. http://deadspin.com/trope-recycling-bill-simmons-has-bill-simmons-syndrome-509873103
13) Good for you, Robbie Rogers. And jeers with any person out there who thinks gay people shouldn’t play team sports. Who ARE you people?
14) The Bayern win yesterday was pretty damn exciting. I will admit it. That last second goal was brilliant and showed some bad ass soccer skills.
15) Velasquez beat Silva last night in UFC, and I finally DIDN’T go all the way downtown to watch less than 2 minutes of fighting.
16) The Red Wings lost last night, but Wings fans shouldn’t panic. They still have the home ice advantage, and heading back to Joe Louis Arena must be feeling pretty nice right now. The series is totally on them to finish, and they couldn’t ask for a better situation. You go, Ponto and Soup. Sorry me showing your picture didn’t work this time, Ponto. Soup, GREAT to have drinks with you yesterday. You are one of my favorite people out there, bro, and there are only a handful of people I can go back and forth on Seinfeld like we do.
16a) Don’t worry, Erik. You are still the Seinfeld king. We just never go out for drinks.
17) So, we have the Bruins and Pens as the remaining two teams in the East. Pens are too good, and I see them winning it in 5, MAYBE 6 games if Sid the Kid can’t play for some reason.
18) The Phoenix Suns are talking to Jeff Hornacek about being their next head coach. I like this. Bringing in a new coach is one thing. Bringing in an ex-player from that team brings good karma. I think that GM’s should look at ALL sub par, non Hall of Fame players from every single team that made at least the NBA Finals. That is where the future coaches are. Winner, smart, not too cocky, and loyal.
19) WTF. So, you are telling me the person Rutgers brought IN to clean up the mess left her last job because she abused players on the volleyball team?? Are you even LOOKING at people’s resume, Rutgers? You all are looking like idiots.
20) Apparently, I am watching a very odd race where leaders are changing every lap or two. AND, 20 cars on the lead lap is evidently odd also. What a race I choose to tune in for!
21) That last hook was sarcastic for you new readers. There just happens to be no basketball on, and I have pretty much memorized the ESPN News 30 minute update.
22) Notre Dame was going to be a top ten team this year. First, super recruit Gunner Kiel left for playing time. Now, Golson is kicked off the team for academic reasons. They went from being loaded at that position to having a par QB, and probably pushing them much farther down the rankings. Odd. I love your style, Tommy Rees, but you are not a BCS championship caliber QB. It is not your fault. You just don’t have the gifts, bro.
23) Dibs to my buddy, Kyle. Great to see you for the first time in years yesterday. I was getting too fancy with my shot selection in GTee, and Kyle ended up even sneaking in a victory over me in that. That GUARANTEES our next get together won’t be that long from now, Kyle. I can’t let you do that to me.
24) It wasn’t a winning day. Kyle and I ALSO lost at Polish Horseshoes (beer bottle on pole, and you have to knock off the bottle. Other team can nullify is by catching bottle before hitting ground) to some KID. I left the party when no one would plug in the keyboard to play Jump and Piano Man. Maybe they did that on purpose. I ended up playing drums. I have rhythm, but I suck at playing those things. There was no one to hear me suck though.
25) Memphis lost in OT to the Spurs last night. Duncan thought Matchbox 20 was still popular and blazed out 24, 10, and 5. He scored 7 in OT. Once again, winning is a process, and the Griz beat the Spurs before in the playoffs. The way the Spurs are playing, AND the possibility that they might sweep and get some rest, I predict Tim Duncan pulls a John Elway. They win it all again in an odd year and he rides off into the sunset at the top of the game. Bad. Ass.
26) Am I the only one who notices this odd year/ championship thing with the Spurs?
27) There is a caution with less than 10 laps to go in the race. I don’t know the restart rules, but this sucks.
28) I went to a different driving range today and it was irons only. Isn’t the POINT of the driving range to “drive” golf balls? I one again proved to myself that I can’t hit any low irons, but that my 9 iron goes 140 yards straight ahead in the air. That is MY club. If I had a dime for every time on a golf course I said “Hmmmm. Looks and feels like a 9 iron,” I would be…better off.
29) I am starting to pack to move in with Lindsey. I am TRYING to throw things away. It is tough. Do I throw away my 150 glam rock cassette tapes since they don’t sell tape players anymore, or do I keep them to get laughed at 30 years from now? I will be 70 and STILL listening to Winger, dammit.
30) Do I throw away my Seinfeld VHS tapes when I taped them all for fear of the show going off the air and me never getting to watch it again, and not recognizing that technology and those things called DVD’s would save me???
31) I watch bartenders do their job and occasionally miss doing the gig. I have not accomplished a lot in life, but I was a DAMN good bartender. Great, my best thing was getting people drunk and in trouble.
32) I have NO idea what just happened, but this is the most boring end of a race I have ever seen. Something about cautions, restarts, and other stuff. They are going like 50 MPH with a pace car in front. Ugghhh. This sport sucks as much as I thought it did.
33) I wonder if SOMEONE at one of these locations acted all crazy from booze only to find out this. http://deadspin.com/13-n-j-t-g-i-fridays-among-others-busted-for-sellin-509733813
34) Can we stop talking about NBA anti-flopping rules until AFTER THIS year’s playoffs are over?
35) I feel like Titus Young. I am trying to remember what I did on weekends before hanging with Lindsey.
36) When I first read about the Charlotte to Vegas NASCAR thing, I thought they were going to actually RACE from one city to the other. That sounded fun. Found out it was actually having a race in the other city. Ugghhh again.
37) Neymar will join Barcelona in case you care. I don’t. You must have hit the wrong link…well, until the World Cup rolls around. THEN, I am crazy about soccer. That is NOT sarcastic.
38) I like weekends because I get to isolate myself in the TRX room at my gym with the jump rope and heavy bag, and listen to Rocky music without getting yelled at by trainers for using the TRX without a trainer. I think Lies of the Beautiful is now in my top ten workout songs. Got me thinking about my favorite workout songs. Off the top of my head, Queensryche Eyes of a Stranger, Rocky IV Training Montage, Queensryche I Don’t Believe in Love, Linkin Park One Step Closer, Rocky’s Eye of a Tiger, Rocky’s Gonna Fly Now, Undead-Undead, Nonpoint’s In the Air Tonight, Linkin Park’s Somewhere I Belong, Korn’s Get up (with Skrillex), and Sixx AM’s Lies of the Beautiful. That might be 11. Whatever. And then 12-16 would have a couple Skillet songs in the mix, along with Disturbed and another Sixx A.M song-This is Going to Hurt. Here is the song by Sixx A.M. I was talking about by the way: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JzAv7K8BtN0
39) Clearing the list. Here are some of my favorite links this week.
40) Joakim Noah can’t let old crappy music go either. Boom. http://deadspin.com/joakim-noah-dances-to-pump-up-the-jam-with-some-bros-509041413
41) Dodgers Andre Ethier can really stare. http://deadspin.com/hold-andre-ethier-back-bro-before-he-stares-some-more-509085080
42) So, let me get this straight about idiots out there. A woman hit a cyclist with her car, tweeted about it, and got arrested by the cops following Twitter stuff. Dumb. http://jalopnik.com/woman-brags-about-hitting-cyclist-discovers-police-als-509059331
43) Just in case you were bored with OTHER Lance Armstrong headlines, Deadspin is there for you. http://deadspin.com/comedian-says-lance-armstrong-asked-her-to-eat-his-butt-509046523
44) Andy Roddick will co host a Fox Sports show. Perfect. After underachieving his entire tennis career, he can be on a totally underachieving sports show team. Match made in heaven.
45) With Lindsey in Europe and her phone out of commission, I am trying to break the record for least amount of received texts in a three week period. I am not popular, know it, and am very much on pace.
46) Celtics Terrence Williams celebrated his official offseason by brandishing a gun to his significant other. Yes, Terrence. I have deployed the Rant Squad scouts, but you still need two more to qualify. Rules are rules. Ask Titus Young. He knocked it all out within a 8 day period. Come strong or don’t come at all.
47) Jay-Z’s company got Skylar Diggins a new Mercedes as a post draft thank you present. I want one, too, but I suppose I have to excel at something first. Damn.
48) Jerry Colangelo evidently punched a Bulls fan during the ’93 NBA Finals. I would have punched someone too, with that incredible losing performance by Sir Charles against MJ.
48a) At least Charles didn’t try to ALIGN with MJ, Mr. Wade.
49) Can someone shed some light on WHAT Vanessa Bryant was thinking? A random pony? Do I even NEED to reference Seinfeld on this? OK. First hers, and then the Seinfeld reference. http://deadspin.com/we-have-no-idea-why-kobe-bryants-wife-posted-this-to-i-508923092 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0RDLqb3umsw
50) DBacks P Patrick Corbin is the quietest 7-0 ever. His ERA is 1.44. Sick.
51) I am not saying the Cards can’t keep this pace, but losing P Jaime Garcia for the year does NOT help things. Dude was 5-2 and a solid starter.
52) So, Super Bowl 50 will be in San Fran. Stay healthy for you fans, Colin. You have the goods to play a hometown Super Bowl that year.
53) Jim Boeheim says that Melo needs a better cast to excel. I agree and would take that a step further. He needs a freaking brain to go along with that better cast. And some passes.
54) Phil Jackson says the best offer came from the Nets. Of course it did. That is that madly rich Russian dude that I somehow want to be friends with so I can borrow one of his jets.
55) Me thinking about the Phils possibly being sellers before the trading deadline sickens me.
56) Ugghhh. Living in a town that has a better football team disgusts me. I need to move. http://kdvr.com/2012/09/10/new-bronco-billboard-steelers-hit-with-manningitis/
57) We need new dress code rules, Mr. Stern. This is just plain ugly.
58) I can’t rap, and can’t even imagine doing a rap this fast. Amazing. A guy rapping while making breakfast. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Teaft0Kg-Ok&feature=youtu.be
59) It is one thing that I don’t own a Ferrari. It is another thing to see what people WITH Ferrari’s do with their cars. http://deadspin.com/jakub-voracek-smashed-up-his-ferrari-509304932
60) The Rams signed a 400 LB DL to convert to OL. The dude is 6’10”. That is one large man.
61) Just when the Yankees had hopes of getting healthy, Curtis Granderson went out and fractured his pinkie. How they are still in 1st place in their division without all of these guys is amazing.
62) Aaron Rodgers says his favorite opponent was Brian Urlacher. Now, that he is retired, I guess that WOULD beg for compliments. I have no interest in seeing Brian Urlacher running full speed at me with a helmet.
63) The Bears will retire the jersey of Mike Ditka. Confused. How the HELL did it take this long?
64) Once again, thanks for reading. My readership is way up, I LOVE writing this thing, and I appreciate the people out there who also enjoy reading it. Sad that my mom is not reading it as often due to it not being football season, but thanks to you who are keeping up.
65) That is it. List is cleared. I am off tomorrow, and the lady is in Europe. Blogging tomorrow will probably be a go after I do a peaceful hike in these beautiful mountains 20 minutes outside of my door. Will I blog tomorrow? That is CLOWN question, bro. Peace.