When I got tired, I slept. When I got hungry, I ate. When I had to go, you know, I went.

Read it, don’t read it, I don’t care…just needed to get some things off my chest.

In no particular order of chronology or importance…

I feel the need…the need for speed.

1)  So.  Of ALL the sportswriters who gave me feedback on my rant, I got one back from the person on TV I disagree with the most.  I admire Mr. Paige for taking the time to write me back feedback.  I sincerely appreciated it.  That being said, he doesn’t GET this thing.  It is kind of like someone intelligent listening to Jim Rome for two weeks and saying he doesn’t know what he is talking about.  You can DISLIKE how he comes off or what he says, but his knowledge is solid and his approach is different.  He has a niche.  Anyway, Mr. Paige, a few comments on YOUR comments.

-this thing is unedited.  It is raw.  I write, get my shit out, and post.  It is a RANT, not a re-creation of A Tale of Two Cities.  I work 65 hours a week.  Get off my back about the grammatical errors.  If you want to go have a beer and talk about independent clauses, antecedents, and have a spelling contest, I am in.  I will buy.  I went to UVA, am not dumb, and I would give you a run at whatever contest you would like to devise.

-I say bad words sometimes, because this is me just simply talking aloud on a domain.  I am passionate about this thing, and if “shit” comes out occasionally, it is because I would scare you if you saw my look while writing this.  It is a named the rant for a freaking reason.

-I have watched enough Around the Horns and 1st and 10’s to see you make SEVERAL name mistakes (I put RJ Dickey-my bad-they SOUND the same).  I don’t look shit up.  You have someone on the side feeding you stats and info half the time, and have all the time in the world to focus on sports, and you still jack it up occasionally.

-I would do this if NO one read this thing.  I am not trying to become famous.  You, Mr. Paige, are missing the point of this.

-I will give you baseball in a heartbeat (you know some CRAZY stats), but if you want to play sports trivia against me, I am game.  I am local, also.  By the way, you don’t know crap about basketball.  It is kind of like watching a weatherman point at a screen and talk about something he doesn’t truly understand.  I would pay $100 to watch you shoot 5 free throws.

I will stop.  I could go off on his email all day.  He doesn’t get the Rant.  If he knew how this thing began, he might, but not worth my time.  I am thinking aloud and typing it on a keyboard, NOT trying to become famous.  Geez.  Moving on to today’s rant.

2)  Now, can we freaking talk some sports, and can everyone forgive me for grammatical erors (I did that one on purpose, Mr. Paige…just for yu (that one too))?  I wuld like to beegin nou (sorry, it was still funny to me).  Ray Allen goes to the Heat.  I am kind of sad, and am not saying he is totally a sellout and that Miami doesn’t need a spot up shooter (that is healthy more often than not, Mike Miller), and I wish he would have stayed with the Celtics. I get it though.  Avery Bradley is the 2012 version of Raja Bell or Bruce Bowen (defensive 2), and you would like to go out with a little more playing time than you would have had with them next year if you stayed.  By the way, Ray, if you are in South Beach, and you find one of the two Steelers hats I have lost, please let me know.  I lost it on a waverunner.

2a)  Some people have watch collections and hat collections.  I have one hat, one watch, and I am religious about the hat.  I have had a total of 5 hats in the last 21 years.  You should SEE the retired ones (thanks, Scott, for finding one of them).

3)  Newly resigned Deron Williams says that the Joe Johnson trade helped him make the decision to stay with the Nets.  Not hard math, actually.  Uhhhh.  Joe Johnson OR some combination of Keith Bogans, MarShon Brooks, or DeShawn Stevenson.  He just bumped his already stellar APG about two up.  Unfortunately, Steve Nash is now passing to Kobe Bryant.

4)  So, Jason Kidd wanted to mentor Jeremy Lin when he came to the Nets?  Pretty clever, Jason.  I LIKE it.  That is media talk for “that kid better go elsewhere” so me and Baron Davis can listen to Huey Lewis songs together (age joke) and I can have some playing time.

5)  Ryan Howard comes back.  The Phillies have lost two straight and are in progress right now.  Same shit, and no dude who basically just swings for the fences is going to change it.  Chase, please do something quickly.

6)  Commercial break, ghetto version.  I would like to do a shout out for General Trim adhesive.  Why?  Because Josh Hamilton (yes, Woody, I just started a sentence with “because.”  Get over it.) is using this product so he can stop tossing the bat in the stands. Good.  I am assuming hitting a kid in the stands and hurting them would be a damn good reason to go out and get hammered.  We don’t want that.

6a)  Ouch.  That was harsh.  Sorry, bro.  I hope you know I AM a fan of you and your story. Read my old rants.

7)  Yay.  Bud Light has a new commercial, and it has my favorite warm weather song of ALL time.  DJ Jazzy Jeff-Summertime. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kr0tTbTbmVA

8)  THREE NASCAR notes.  Kurt Busch won the Nationwide race, AJ Allmendinger got busted for a positive drug test, and Tony Stewart won the NASCAR race.  What was that? Rewind, Fillerbuster (hello, Rickey Henderson), to that middle one.  Allegedly, it was causing AJ to turn left so much faster than the others, so others became suspicious.

9)  I heard Contraband was a “watchable” action movie.  Even being a Mark Walhberg fan, these reviews made me not watch it right away.  I watched it the other night.  Aside from three MINOR changes (me and Lindsey concurred on this so I had a second opinion), I thought it was pretty damn solid.  Different strokes for different folks, I guess.  Think of it as the non-car version of Gone in 60 Seconds, meaning you are rooting for the criminal because his younger brother messed up and MADE him come back into the criminal world.  Odd thing was this.  I made that immediate correlation (did I spell that right, Woody?), and the irony was that the dude MAKING Mark Wahlberg do all this shit was the younger brother who messed up and made Nicolas Cage steal cars.  Glad he did.  Otherwise, my Jeep wouldn’t be named Eleanor.  Long story.  Not getting into it today.

10)  Serena didn’t do a beatdown like I expected, but she did still win.  Very happy about this.  Her fifth Wimbledon.  What’s that?  You are not impressed?  How about this?  Five hours later, she went out and won the doubles title with her sister.  Bad.  Ass.

11)  I am officially impressed by the new ride at my favorite place in the world, Waterworld (yes, I went to tough it out with my bad toe).  The new ride is basically a roller coaster-like water ride.  Come on.  You are thinking the same thing I would.  Fillerbuster, how did they get water to go UP?  I will tell you.  Not only are the “ups” more fun than the “downs,” but they are FASTER.  Check this out.  You go down on water and gravity, and then the upslope has a MAGNET that makes you just rocket toward the next tunnel that tall guys like me think I am going to hit my head on and then be THAT person who was the first person who got hurt at a water park west of the Mississippi (how about THAT run on sentence???).

12)  Tyson Gay beat Justin Gaitlin in the 100m Olympic trials.  I wanted them to tie.  Why? Because I wanted Justin to have to answer the questions about how to break the tie-breaker and talk about Jello-wrestling (this is not a weird comment.  Be a regular reader and the joke is THERE I swear).

13)  Does anyone else feel like the Yankees or Red Sox need to win another World Series for me to care about their series against each other as much as I did like 5 years ago?

14)  Vikings RB Adrian Peterson got busted for resisting arrest the other night.  Evidently it took 3 cops to subdue him.  So, basically, his real life is a direct parallel to things on the field (talking about 3 people bringing him down).

15)  Jeff Green evidently might be coming back to the Celtics.  I think it would be a great fit…again.  If you recall, they traded him to OKC, and now they get back the return with a few medical penalties.  It reminds me of Antonio McDyess a few years ago.  The hook is there.  Think about it.

16)  Yay, HOWEVER it worked out, through the various stages of fan voting, manager picks, etc., Bryce Harper will be in the All Star Game.  Do something special, kid.  Make your biggest fan (don’t tell Chase Utley I said that by the way) proud.

17)  Interesting.  The casual NBA fan thinks all the important pieces are in place on the chosen team.  Big names gone.  What do I think?  I think that wherever Marcus Camby and Grant Hill end up could change the balance of power more than you think.

18)  One of the Kitschko brothers retained SOME belt in a win over SOMEONE.  I LOVE boxing, and still box as a workout, and I don’t even think I care. Sad.

19)  BIG NEWS.  There was a HUGE upset in a tournament over the weekend.  Hold on (sitting back laughing and gathering myself)… Ok.  I am back.  This thing is SO funny, that I don’t have any jokes for it.  Whatever.  Just read it.  http://espn.go.com/espn/story/_/id/8138809/big-upset-annual-international-cherry-pit-spitting-championship-southwestern-michigan

20)  Zach Greinke aka “I AM the trading deadline” got kicked out of a game the other night.  After FOUR pitches.  http://atlanta.sbnation.com/atlanta-braves/2012/7/7/3143931/video-zack-greinke-tossed-trade-rumors

21)  Worried that they would stay off the wire for bad reasons for more than 3 weeks, Ohio State dismissed thei LB Klein after he was arrested.  You guys are almost playing baseball in Columbus.  Whose up next?

22)  Does ANYONE else get stuck in Forrest Gump EVERY time it is on national TV when you have nothing TOO important to do?  Anyone?  Just happened again to me yesterday. Freaking incredible movie. That is all I have to say about that.

23)  In case you were not aware, the biggest cycling race in the world is still going on.  Crashes, time trials, and the certainty of some B sample of your blood being tested in 8 years.

24)  WAIT a minute.  THIS is important.  I was at a place last night where the Colorado natives had all of the TV’s on the MLS game against Seattle (that is true, not the joke).  While watching it on TV (it was the only thing on), I did NOT understand how so many Seattle fans traveled to the game in Denver.  The stadium was all green.  Then, I noticed that the stadium didn’t really look like our stadium.  Then, I looked it up.  You are telling me that the ONE FREAKING RULE in ALL of sports is broken in MLS?????  You ALWAYS know where any game is being played because of who is listed below OR last.  Evidently, MLS lists the home team first.  I rarely EVER feel like the not knowing sports jackass. I did.  I felt like a 6 year old figuring out there is not Santa.

24a)  If ANY kid under 8 is reading this right now, I want to let you know that there IS a Santa.  Promise.  And sorry for the cussing.

25)  Me and my bad big toe almost made it out to watch the Silva/ Sonnen fight.  I was happy to hear I didn’t miss the fight of the century.  The better fighter won, and now everyone can suddenly be quiet.  You had a nice run, Sonnen, and my toe is better.

25a)  UFC fighter Tito Ortiz was enshrined in the Hall of Fame Friday.  Then, I found out he lost LAST NIGHT.  I am thinking that you boys should adopt the old 5 year rule that the NFL has.  Confused.

25b) Griffin’s (the guy who beat Ortiz) antics afterwards were deplorable (is that right, Woody?).  No 5 year rule or not, Griffin should have bowed and let the moment to belong to Tito.

26)  The IOC has said that Formula 1 will not be an Olympic event at this time.  Thank you.  I would say that I would have jumped off my patio had it passed, but I live on the first floor so it really wouldn’t have worked as a hook.

27)  Finally, Murray-Federer.  Technically, I guess I COULD have written this during the rain delay, as that is the SLOWEST closing roof I have even heard of, but I didn’t.  Anyway, I watched pretty much the whole match.  I would like to do a shout out for the first 7’0″ ballboy in tennis history, and also credit John McEnroe for doing a Seinfeld reference (Art…Vande_____).  Anyway, I will say this.  Dibs to Andy Murray.  He would have beaten ANYONE else in the world today..except the greatest tennis player of all time happening to play his best tennis match of the year.  The quality of tennis was off the charts.  If anyone can tell me they can hit that drop shot by Federer in the third set, then I will buy your groceries for the rest of 2012.  Also, I made a proclamation to my girlfriend, Lindsey, while she was waiting (hungry) for ONE game to end (26 points, 20 minutes-poor girl).  In game 6 of the 3rd set, I said on the fourth deuce that whoever won this game would win the match.  Federer smoked him from that moment on.  Dibs also for Federer to getting the #1 ranking back.  If you told me one year ago that Federer would be #1 again ever with Murray, Djokovic, and Nadal in their prime, I would have asked what you were smoking.

28)  That is it.  A little work to do, packing, and then some food.  Will I blog tomorrow?  That is a CLOWN question, bro (especially since I will have 2 hours to kill on an airplane).  Thanks to my guest, Woody Paige.  Hope I run into you in downtown Denver.  I can’t be any more drunk than you were in Detroit at the Final Four on the off day.  Peace.

28a)  NOT edited.  SORRY for grammatical errors.

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