What the hell happened to Nora Roberts? When is the next John Grisham Movie?

Read it, don’t read it, I don’t care…just needed to get some things off my chest.

In no particular order of chronology or importance…

Let’s turn and burn.

1)  I was excited driving home from the airport from Frankfurt, KY.  I was going to go home, unpack, settle in, and hopefully catch 8 of the 9 innings from the All Star Game. Traffic was good from the ridiculously long ride home from the Denver Airport and I was on pace.  I decided to listen to the beginning of the game on the radio.  Well, evidently, I was driving during the only inning that mattered.  Damn.  If you would have told me that Justin Verlander would blow the game from the get go AND that there would have been a shutout, I would have walked away from the conversation with you.

2)  I am watching the ESPY’s so expect some “live” commentary.  Hey, Maria Sharapova, your little outfit tonight MIGHT get you kicked out of my top 5.  Actually, screw it.  You are out.  No, never mind.  My bad.  Your shrieks keep you in for now.  Rob Riggle?  I thought your opening monologue was just ok.  You really had to stare at the screen and literally read (not glance) when you did anything but improv, and your improv was just satisfactory.  That being said, your little “Go USA” thing you just did a few minutes ago was epic.  You went crazy.  Plus, you evidently agree with me that Rocky IV singelhandedly ended the Cold War.  We are good.

2a)  Why do they have the mic’s set up so low when a bunch of tall people are occupying the stage tonight?  Must be a lot of point guards and gymnastics chicks winning some awards tonight.

2b)  I just saw a Usain Bolt “badass” commercial.  They must have made that one before his injury AND before he got beat twice in his own country.

3)  Armstrong’s colleagues are all banned for life, there is a bike race going on overseas, and some British dude named Bradley is winning.  There, you are now updated.

4)  So, I just had time to glance at that racy ESPN website page the other day and didn’t know what it was about because I had a plane to catch.  NOW, I found out is the new MAG issue.  Yes. Hurry up and get here, and I am tired of being already behind in news by the time it gets to my house.  I might as well watch a Cinemax movie that night too.

5)  Sha-f%^&ing-dy.  Robert Kraft came up with a pretty genius and creative explanation for explaining the video of him and a friend, who happened to be a bikini model.  Brilliance came through when he said he was simply helping out his “friend” by reading lines with her for an audition for a Vince Vaughn movie.  What I want to know is THIS.  Was Belichick the one who was filming him?

6)  I am dogsitting for a work colleague.  I have done it a couple times before, and dogs never forget anything, so the dog remembers me each time.  But I thought the coolest thing was when he came up to me, he said hello and then immediately started licking my busted toe and my scraped knees from my freeze tag fall last week.  I LOVE dogs.

7)  The Nets locked up Brook Lopez for $60 mil today.  This translates to “we are as tired of the Dwight Howard story as you all, the Moneyball guy couldn’t figure out how to get the trade done, and there aren’t many seven footers out there in the NBA who have skills.”  They got Joe Johnson and Williams.  They are good for now, and can chase someone next year in their steady progression.

8)  Ok.  I just realized a mistake I have been making.  I thought tennis player James Blake was still going out with Jennifer Scholle aka the hottest athlete’s wife out there.  I have figured out that they broke up a while back.  Sorry for the bad info over the hooks in the last couple years.  Anyway, now I have to do a new search, meaning I either google people or I suppose go to the dentist more and read the People magazine more.  I am officially just starting my search, and my girlfriend nominated Ryan Tannehill’s wife as qualifying.  Ryan is the QB draft pick of the Miami Dolphins.  I concur his wife is hot.  Here is Lauren Tannehill.

Just so we are all clear and also why I am sad James and Jennifer didn’t work out, here is Jennifer:

Moving on.

9)  Charles Barkley came out and said that the Dream Team would beat the 2012 team.  If he would have just said “the grass is green and the sky is blue” first, I would have just pasted him in here as a guest hook.

10)  Great story on one of the greatest coaches of ALL time, a tier below John Wooden.  Pat Summit.  Women’s basketball was around, it existed, and people cared.  But that group expanded when she started winning.  What a story, and what a coach.  In the anniversary year of Title IX, I think this was an excellent choice for the first ESPY focus story.

11)  Ray Allen and Rashard Lewis made it official that both are going to the Heat.  Allen?  We already discussed in a past rant.  Lewis?  Before you start feeling bad that he is ONLY making the veteran’s minimum of $1.3 mil and think SO good of him because he is not just playing for the money and turned down other bigger money offers, please remember that he is getting $11 plus mil for the New Orleans buyout after the trade with the Wizards.  He will be ok, folks.

12)  The Mavs signed Chris Kaman today.  I like this move.  You couldn’t make a run at Howard at this point, you are tired of getting seven foot stiffs at that position, and you get a relatively young big guy with some skill.  I don’t think it is exactly what you were looking for, but I don’t think there were a lot of those out there.  I think this is a positive move for the Mavs.

13)  Headline: “Paterno defends PSU in pre-death letter.”  Hey, ESPN, thanks for clarifying that the letter was “pre-death.”  I almost opened the article to find out which one it was.

14)  KC fans.  You were funny somewhat for cheering Robinson Cano’s outs.  You crossed the line heckling his family in the stands, by the restroom, etc.  Get a grip, or move to Philly or New York where that stuff rides.

14a)  Sad to hear also that after this fiasco, Bud Selig is thinking about changing the home run derby into including a home team participant.  Don’t do it, Bud.  You already added more teams to the playoffs against many of us purists’ wishes.  Settle.  Down.  There is excitement again in the derby.  Leave it alone for a few  years.

15)  What the hell is this E.L. James stuff going on?  I was bored on the plane and read about some chick writing books about handcuffs and sex, AND occupying the top three spots in the most read books?  When did THIS happen?  Considering I would rather read the ESPN Almanac more than books, I won’t be reading it anytime soon.  Let’s just say that the big handcuffs on the front page of USA Today’s Life section DID catch my eye…and evidently made me read a little of the article also.  Top three spots?  That is CRAZY.  Where is John Grisham?  Where is that Nora Roberts chick?  Is Tom Clancy still alive? I thought the Hunger Games were the thing?  I’m a dude.  Do I read it?  Confused.

16)  I might have to walk away from the TV pretty soon.  I understand that Tim Tebow’s TD throw in overtime against the Steelers is nominated for best moment.  Uggghhh.

17)  Funny segment on the ESPY’s.  They pretended to have a live feed to Blake Griffin and Kevin Love.  Blake finished a huge drink, and then started conversing with Kevin about antics by Riggle the previous night, ending with “isn’t he married?  Well, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas…”  Classic.

18)  New segment when I have time to share.  Your interesting tidbit of the day from my ESPN Almanac reading time.  Did you know that Wayne Gretzky, in 1985, had FORTY SEVEN points in 18 games in the playoffs???  Do the math.  Come on.  That is BADASS.  Tell your friends.

19)  I actually had to take my hat off at the airport yesterday.  I have had a soul patch for YEARS.  I LOVE it.  People will say that I shave it occasionally now because Lindsey doesn’t like it.  I am sticking to the story that I treat my sales prospects with respect.  Yeah.

20)  Shaun White.  Don’t put your hair back.  I am formulating a joke of which older actress you remind me of, but just can’t place it.  Love you dude, but not the look.

21)  Finally, second half MLB predictions.  I think the Dodgers fall back and the Giants get the NL West.  If Kemp can stay healthy, maybe, but aside from Kershaw, I am not sold on their team.  Lincecum will not be quiet all season.  He is too good.  I still like St. Louis in the Central.  The Pirates are a great story, but think St. Louis gets them in the end with a weak record.  Washington has the goods to win the East, although I think Reyes hits stride and the Marlins give them a scare.  I think one other team gets hot and takes the OTHER wild card, which shouldn’t exist.  The AL?  In the West, Texas is just too good, and LA might have one of the best WC records of all time.  In the Central, Detroit realizes they are pretty freaking good and blows the other teams out of the water in the second half.  The second place record will be out of the mix.  In the East, everyone is waiting for Red Sox run, but I think Baltimore fades, while Tampa Bay surges.  The Yankees, who are already healthy will get everyone back for the stretch run.  Joba Chamberlain is throwing minor league starts as we speak.  Scary if they get healthy.  I am sticking with the Giants over the Tigers still in the World Series OR the greatest 2nd half comeback in history and the Phils go all the way in my biased self.

22)  That is it.  Got to do the work thing, and watch the rest of the ESPY’s.  Will I blog tomorrow?  That is a clown question, bro.

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