Well? It might not be the best parallel, but it WOULD eat a lot I assume…

Read it, don’t read it, I don’t care…just needed to get some things off my chest.

In no particular order of chronology or importance…

On the clock?  Umm yeah.  Home from work, Steelers game starts shortly, so let’s do this quickly.  I feel the need…the need for speed.

1)  More proof that seven no-hitters still doesn’t give you an open, payed attention to mic at all times.  Nolan Ryan, if you didn’t talk for the rest of your life, you would have a championship, SEVEN no-hitters, and the most famous pitcher/ batter fight ever (Sorry, Robin Ventura).  So, why, after a collapse by your hard-working team that has a superstar who has almost gotten you to be promised land BUT is also fighting demons on a daily basis, would you SAY THIS??  I don’t get it.  PLEASE tell me that you would rather have one of your players free from addiction (smokeless tobacco in this case) then have an owned championship.  At least just TELL us that, dammit.

Ryan’s comment:

“You would’ve liked to have thought that if he was going to do that, that he would’ve done it in the offseason or waited until this offseason to do it,” Ryan said during an appearance on ESPN Dallas 103.3 FM’s “Galloway and Company” this week. “So the drastic effect that it had on him and the year that he was having up to that point in time when he did quit, you’d have liked that he would’ve taken a different approach to that.”

2)  I hear Michael Vick has confirmed he owns a dog.  If you want to check on him, watch for purchases like “sunken dance floor for living room” or “outdoor fencing with rubber bases” or “extended hybrid child/ dog blockades.”

3)  Hey, Scott.  Great, interesting article on your Skins and Dan Snyder in ESPN Mag in their DC issue.

4)  I hear the Shaun White vandalism case is “delayed.”  Don’t delay that case.  I want to hear the spin Shaun puts in as to what the phone booth did to HIM.

5)  Sometimes I tell you worthless facts.  Sometimes I tell you facts that I only care about.  Well, this fact you CAN tell your friends.  Merriam-Webster actually OFFICIALLY named/ referenced the originator of the phrase “F-Bomb.”  Who was it?  A PERFECT character in all of sports.  Ex-Met Gary Carter.  That is awesome.

6)  You KNOW you are expected to win in New York (in baseball at least) when you are managing a pivotal playoff game right after your father dies.  I get it, I guess, Joe, and my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family, but can’t you take a day off and just text your assistant when to take out A-Rod?  It is still just a sport.

6a)  What do you say about Girardi taking out A-Rod in a key, late moment in the game?  If you take the stats without the names of the players by them, it is supported.  But, A-Rod is a great one, and you have to have BALLS to make that move.  I couldn’t have done it, dibs to you, Joe, and his replacement hit the tying AND game winning home run.  Can’t really argue against you on that one.  It is like a guy in basketball taking a crazy long shot, seeing the coach in agony mid flight, and then it going in and everyone is all smiles.

6b)  What is UP with these ex-Phillies just RAKING?  First, Ibanez saves the Yankees.  Then, Jason Werth, hits the first walkoff home run in 80 years or so in the nation’s capital. Insult to injury for us Phillies fans.  A losing season AND ex-players making monumental runs?  Ouch.

6c)  I admit I already had commented on it to Lindsey, but how BADASS is it that my mother writes me a one line email complaining about the same thing today…about the ex-Phillies?  She is freaking awesome.

7)  Beano Cook died today.  Not only a personality, not only very likable, not only missed already, but his angles on college football and other sports will be a loss in anyone’s column.

8)  James Young, the ’13 #5 basketball recruit in the land, decided on the cheater’s school today.  Just in case you thought Calipari’s UK recruiting class two years ago was good, he got last year’s.  In case you thought last year’s recruiting class was ridiculous, he is putting together THIS year’s.  Either the dude is a cheater, or a Jedi Knight.  I have always said that if I was a Jedi, I would go do something like sales to just bring on a ridiculous amount of clients.  “These are the toilet bowl cleaners you are looking for.”  Anyway, Calipari might be one, because everyone and their mother is heading to UK these days.  Dude is like a rich little guy living with an elephant.  The cupboard is bare every day when he wakes up, but he just goes to the store and reloads.

8a)  Yes, I am aware that the last hook was an odd simile.  And made little sense.  Well, it made sense, but if the Steelers weren’t starting, I am sure that I could find a couple hundred better comparisons.  What can I say?  I know I am not funny.  Plus, I am distracted finishing this thing before the game, during commercials, and at halftime of my game.  Lindsey will be happy that I accidentally have an elephant reference in this (her favorite animal), which I am ballparking will be my theme at this point.

8b)  I hear that the NCAA is wondering if Texas player Myck Kabongo has had illegal contact with Rich Paul, LeBron’s agent.  Stop wandering down there, guys.  They ain’t winning shit.  Take a trip to Lexington.

9)  The NHL is “composing” a new proposal to discuss.  Great.  I see you all are giving updates, talking, and taking all the time in the world to show that thing called “urgency.”

10)  The Red Sox are asking to talk to Tim Wallach, LA’s third base coach.  Yeah.  If you are looking for a big name coming down their path, you can forget about it.  LaRussa is retired, Bobby V didn’t work out, previously little known Joe Girardi is doing just fine for their rival, so bringing in an up and comer sounds like a good plan.

11)  El Tigre blew by Rory McIlroy in the “World Golf Final.”  It was held in Turkey.  The country.  Yes, they have golf courses evidently in Turkey, and no, Tiger, we don’t care at ALL about this result.

12)  Dale Earnhardt Jr. will sit out two NASCAR races due to a concussion in the crash last week.  I was going to go the serious hook route and talk about concussions.  I was going to go the funny hook route and talk about his 1 plus % chance of winning the Cup before this race.  Instead, I am just going to say that you are updated on NASCAR, and I am moving on.

13)  My FAVORITE part of last night’s baseball game was this.  And I couldn’t find the video, so there is a chance I am the only person finding it funny.  Yankee goes to catch a ball near the wall.  Yankee tumbles over wall.  Umpire is no where around.  Fans scramble around for the ball, with player also.  Fan, with Yankee gear raises his hand that HE had the ball as umpire happens to arrive.  I am proud of you.  You actually could have handed the ball TO your player in the scuffle, had HIM raise his glove, and gotten your team an out and one more step to a win.  Idiot.

14)  My work and the sports seasons are taking too much of my time away.  Hard to squeeze in my usual workouts.  I have decided to incorporate my program with the old Herschel Walker workout program.  If you don’t know what I am talking about, look it up.  Dude was a beast when he got to the University of Georgia and hadn’t touched a weight in his life.  This will be fun.

15)  The Yankees have won too much over the last 15 years.  The difference between the ecstatic Orioles’ fans at home and the quiet as a mouse, stuck up Yankees fans at home was monstrous.  Act like you still like watching the game, folks.

16)  The Giants advanced today against the Reds.  Not only does Dusty Baker have a creepy “loser in the playoff” thing going over the years, but just saying, the Fillerbuster had the Giants in the World Series in my picks during spring training.  Got pitching?  Got a chance once that 162 game grind is over.

16a)  Losing Cueto did NOT help the Reds.  Mentally, physically, or whatever else.

17)  Terry Bradshaw rips Brees after conversation after breaking Johnny U’s touchdown record.  Terry said he was not about stats and all about Super Bowls.  I get it, Terry.  I love you, man.  I am about as diehard as you get for your team.  But, let Drew be.  He has ONE ring, so he is not a total loser, I am sure you wouldn’t have COMPLAINED if you had some of those records, AND I think that us just KNOWING you got 4 SB’s and you being quiet speaks LOUDER than you getting 4 SB’s and talking about it.

17a)  I think that that last statement might have been the deepest thing I have said in months.  I know. I am shallow.

18)  LeBron says that his expensive sneaks are all the way down to $160, $180.  Thanks, man.  I still don’t think that even in this day kids allowances get that high, but thanks for almost cutting the price in half.

19)  Back to my Steelers.  Hope you enjoyed.  Will I blog tomorrow?  That is a CLOWN question, bro.  Peace.

19a)  Bryce Harper, my boy, is wearing RED contact lenses.  Dude.  You rule…or at least WILL at some point.



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