I am guilty of having too many things go on in my head. Guilty as charged. But, sometimes being all over the board can be a little Helter Skelter for readers, so let’s try something. ONE focused “article” and then my remnants. Let’s turn and burn.
KEEP IN THE BOAT:
WE KNOW NOTHING
Maybe it was because the Steelers did what I said they would do and beat KC AT Arrowhead. Maybe it was because of a bad betting weekend. Maybe it was this game or that game. Well, let’s focus and provide a quick, not prepared, off the cuff synopsis of the state of the NFL. We truly don’t know anything, people. Some of us enjoy dominant teams. For those other people, this season is downright FUN.
I was supposed to possibly go undefeated and not be challenged all year. I scraped together a high scoring game at home against Houston. I barely beat the Jets on a questionable call. I lost at home in the opener. I am the defending champions. I am the Pats.
I have one of the best QB’s in the NFL. My QB threw FIVE int’s two weeks ago against a team that thumped at home vs. the Rams. I lost to the questionable Bears. Then, I go out and beat the Chiefs in the hardest home venue in the league outside of Foxboro (see above). I am the Steelers.
I got smoked by the Jets. I laid an egg against arguably the worst defense in the NFL. I beat the Titans, the Chargers at “home,” and came back to win with a supposed run offense against the most dangerous offense in the NFL. I am the Dolphins.
I lost to the Giants with them playing 5th and 6th receivers and no offensive line to speak of (at home), and my QB battle is not only entertaining in the state of CO. We thanked Steelers fans midday Sunday only to go out and blow an easy game. I am the Broncos.
I beat the Broncos at home. Recently. Fantasy people are picking up people on our team after Googling them. I am the Giants.
I was supposed to be a powerhouse. I was supposed to be the next coming. I have the best offensive line in football. I have FOUR losses in six games. I am the Raiders.
My three wins are against the Browns, Bengals, and Raiders (see above for leverage). The Bengals are showing signs of life. Luckily, we have the Browns twice a year. I am the Ravens.
I have not won a game since like 2001. I am the Browns. (At least ONE thing remains unchanged and consistent)
I have two power RB’s. I play in the easiest division in football. This year we were going to exert our dominance on the league. I am 3-3 and ONE game up on the last place Luck-less Colts. I am the Titans.
I beat the Pats at home. I lost to the Steelers at OUR home. I am still the best team in football just because no one else can figure anything else out. I am the Chiefs.
My only loss is to the #1 power ranking team. My city is waiting until winter so we can boo Santa Claus. We boo injuries and illegal hits. But at least angry fans have consistency to cheer about. I am the Eagles.
My only two losses are to the two best teams in the league. So, that is a good case. I have a QB I refuse to sign long term. I have a nickname that makes more headlines than box scores. I play in the same division as the other only consistent team in the NFL. I am the Skins.
My only two losses are against the Seahawks and the immediate team above. No one talks about me. I am sad. I am the Rams.
I am 3-3 even though we all feel like we are 1-5. We have a 73 year old QB who starts out like he refuses to believe Red Bull gives you energy. Luckily, we pay the Rams next to subdue any doubts about any of the above. I am the Cardinals.
I lose every game as CLOSE as possible to make sure we beat the spread and have heartbreak throughout the city. We are the poor man’s Chargers. Somehow the Browns are not on our schedule. We were the first team to believe Kaep couldn’t help us. I am the 49ers.
Shhhhhh. No sudden movements. Somehow we are 3-2 and almost leading our division. I am the quiet Seahawks.
We lost arguably the best player in the NFL for the season most likely. We suddenly realize we were just a decent team with a savior at the helm. We have no one driving now a questionable offense and suspect defense. We like cheese. I am the Packers.
No one is even sure WHEN we won 4 games. We have an eternally hurt playing QB, an eternally hurt NON playing QB, and someone else just filling in. Our losses border on consistent to buck the entire trend of this blog. Here we are. I am the 4-2 Vikings.
Our only losses are against the respectable Panthers, Falcons, and Saints. We consistently make sure we hit the over in our game. We have the highest paid QB in the league although we haven’t sniffed a Super Bowl. Maybe he will retire in his prime too. We scored 38 points last week and lost by 14 points. I am the Lions.
We beat the Steelers and Ravens, so that is a successful season by our standards these days. We lost the rest. I am the Bears.
We lost to the Saints and Eagles, so that is respectable. We have the most irritating QB in the league. We will have on paper one of the tougher divisions. I am the Panthers.
We were written off after giving away our best receiver, having an aging QB, and no defense. We started 0-2. Then, just to make things interestingly confusing, we got three straight wins against decent teams. Our losses were to the Vikings and Pats, and suddenly our schedule looks BRUTAL and we still have a winning record. I am the Saints.
After allowing the Pats to come back from 28-3 in the Super Bowl, we have almost given away a few more leads, and made sure to do that again just last week. We are changing things up by not starting out 7-0 and THEN submitting. I am the Falcons.
For the third consecutive year, we are the darkhorses of all darkhorses. We hedged our bets by losing winnable games and being 2-3. We will probably sneak in the playoffs at 9-7 and then beat the Eagles in Philly just to confuse everyone further. I am the Bucs.
We were supposed to rival the Browns as the beat down king in the NFL. To throw people off, we decided to win three out of six games. I am the Jets.
We start out 2-0. We then get smoked in London against the Jags. We get pummeled by the Steelers. After beating the Raiders, we decide to bow down to the Bears just to keep everyone on their toes. Success. I am the Ravens.
We lost to three “good” teams to start out the season. Then, for good measure, we win our last two, but then remember those teams sucked that we beat. We play the Steelers this week to clear up this “good on paper” logic. I am the Bengals.
In the top three for consistency on this list, our losses are at Cincy and at Carolina. We were supposed to be a nobody, which is why we are still confusing. We play the Bucs this week to clear things up. And then we face the Raiders, another confusing team. I am the Bills.
I woke up today and realized that the two teams we beat, the Cardinals and Giants, suck. So, this is a downer. We rival the Raiders as the supposed best offensive line in football. Now, we get to lose our RB for a bunch of weeks probably. What is wrong? I am the Cowboys.
I am also in the groupie clan of beating the Steelers and Ravens. And, we should lobby to have our games all in London. I have an offensive system where we have figured out the less our QB throws the better. Should be a paved road ahead. I am the Jags.
Somehow, some goof put us to play the Chiefs at Arrowhead and the Pats at Foxboro within three weeks. Our other loss was to the Jags in the first week before the Deshaun coming. So, all is good. Wait, we lost the best defensive player in the NFL. Not good. I am the Texans.
Matt Cassel II is taking place as another backup for the Golden Child in Boston is giving us signs of life. Luckily, we are pretty sure the rest of our team sucks. I am the Colts.
Somehow there are 32 teams in the NFL and I forgot the Chargers. I don’t have an editor or intern and enough hours in the day. This is the ghost hook. The Chargers will continue to be the Chargers and scare the crap out of everyone until the final gun sounds.
The point is that every consistent team on this list has done confusing things. We are in the dark, and good luck in picking favorites, Westgate. Other sports have the Warriors, Bama, and the blue bloods. Enjoy. If you put a gun to my head and made me pick the Super Bowl teams right now? Steelers over Eagles.
THROW IT BACK (one sentence only):
- Favorite comedies of all time. Easy list. Seinfeld, Cheers, Hogan’s Heroes
- The Spurs extending Aldridge shows two things A) how many superstars there are “out there for the taking” and B) trust he has a few more good years left.
- We all wish that Rick Pitino would crouch off into the sunset rather than suing Adidas.
- You go away too, Houston Nutt.
- My four year old phone and I (Droid Turbo I) wished that the Google Pixel had better reviews and I will stand pat for now.
- Next time I go to a beach, KNOW that I will be partaking in THIS sport. https://deadspin.com/skimboarder-gets-super-rad-1819558785
- I have hit the point in the fantasy year where I have faith in who I picked and dumbly do not pick up players.
- Soulless Coward, YES!!!!
- Since this week we found out Tiger Woods can start full golf activities, I give it 10 days before we hear that he is hurt again.
- If you like the 80’s and aliens, then you HAVE to get on board with Stranger Things…come ON. http://blazinhitradio.com/stranger-things-2-trailer/
- The Celtics are the first team ever to have 4 or less players from previous year after leading their conference in wins.
- If you don’t think that NFL players are boozing and using drugs, then read articles about Martavis Bryant is requesting a trade from the Steelers.
- GET them, Kaep…get them. #collusion
- When an NFL celebration has a stop and frisk action, we know we need to change the celebration rules…again.
- The Insomnia double chocolate chunk cookie might rival my favorite cookie ever (some mountain town cookie that I will probably never have again).
- I had it at the Westword Feast, which I would gladly do again.
- We need a TSA pre-PRE check, because the pre-check lines have too many people in them now.
- Cinderella stories are fun in sports, but when we get the Astros against the Dodgers or Cubs, we will not complain.
- I write that as the Yanks just scored 6 unanswered runs in Game 4.
- Michigan football won despite a school record SIXTEEN flags.
- They beat an IU team that is the only blemish on UVA’s schedule…pinch me again.
- Richard Jefferson is being courted by some fun teams in the Bucks and Nuggets.
- Washington State lost more ground than Washington this week, so that must mean that WSU will win in THEIR meeting to really jack things up.
- The question is not whether UGA wins each week now, but whether they cover bigger and bigger spreads.
- Auburn disappointed me against LSU, as I thought they would run the table.
- If you care, Southwest now serves (FINALLY) snacks AFTER drinks, which is more of a problem because you run out of DRINK…just deliver them simultaneously, people.
- USC might make the college football playoffs out of default, because that win against Utah was NOT pretty.
- I had no idea Utah lost because they went for TWO.
- I WILL be rooting for the firefighter who made both the US Open and Masters next year.
- We are sad, because JR Smith is sad.
- You have to love NBA basketball to understand this article, but one of my favorite articles of the week. http://www.espn.com/nba/story/_/id/21002422/zach-lowe-32-crazy-nba-predictions-2017-18
- Don’t have time tonight, so predictions in all sports another day.
- So, UNC is now again a perfect university after millions of hours and dollars spent investigating them…good job, guys.
- I think Arena did a Costanza, since he resigned right before being fired.
- I like Tony Romo as an announcer, and he will back off all of his involuntary pre-snap calls as he goes along.
- If you want to see my pics of the Red River Showdown, ping me (I have a shareable link that is easy to share). Great event, great game, and glad I went. Weird afterwards. OU fans knew they didn’t really put UT away, but UT fans knew they had lost the game. No one bragged about anything. The Texas State Fair is all that and a bag of chips…or fried butter and corn dogs from Fletchers.
- That’s it for today. Hope you enjoyed or are at least more informed. Will I blog again? That is a CLOWN question, bro. Peace.