Read it, don’t read it, I don’t care…just needed to get some things off my chest.
In no particular order of chronology or importance…
Let’s turn and burn.
Time Limit: I am kind of tired, so I guess I am just kind of talking aloud right now…but I will keep it tight on length.
1) I am SO excited about the first day of the British Open except for the fact that I only got to watch about 30 minutes of it before I went to work. I will watch lots over the weekend. Anyway, the leaderboard. Tiger did fine for the first day of a Major-striking range (-3), and he knows he just needs to be in the mix going into moving day Saturday, which would also be perfect for MY viewing schedule, which is what I know he is concerned about. Adam Scott is in the lead. It is too early to make that jump, but would it be INCREDIBLE to have Scott and Tiger’s ex-caddie and Tiger and whoever the hell is caddying for him battling it out for the final day. I am salivating. Finally, instead of having a Major have a bunch of no names up on the first day leadeboard, look at THIS. Adam Scott (no Major, but he got the Players and Bridgestone), Paul Lawrie (has one due to a guy in the creek), Zach Johnson (check-Masters), Ernie Els (check), Bubba Watson (check), McDowell (check), Woods (check times a LOT). Excited yet?
2) Anyone else notice that the loaded and underachieving Detroit Tigers are 9-2 since the All Star Game? You didn’t? I will ask you again in September or October.
3) PF Kris Humphries has gone back to the Nets. Maybe they needed him, maybe he wanted them, or maybe he just wanted to go to a state where he didn’t have to see that semi-ex Kardashian chick. Are they officially separated yet? I can’t keep up with celebrity relationships and I don’t really care, except my hook was funnier I suppose if they were indeed separated. Whatever.
4) Polamalu has said he lied about having concussions many times. I know we are concerned about long term effects and all of that, but as far as I am concerned, the rules don’t apply to him. Just let that guy do what he does. He is old school. Forget sitting out and technology…if he WANTS to of course-I am not being cold about the topic or anything I swear. I freaking LOVE that guy.
5) The Lakers succeeded in signing one of the over the hill guys they were on the hunt for. For all you younger folk or people just getting into the NBA, Antawn Jamison USED to be pretty damn good. He was also actually drafted before some guys named Vince Carter, Dirk Nowitzki, and Paul Pierce in 1998.
6) In a hybrid commercial, Shaq says that his shoes are bigger than most hybrids and “more stylish.” I am in sales. Isn’t that kind of a negative statement about the car he is advertising for? Confused, not saying your shoes are ugly, Shaq. Not sure you are going to fit that aquarium in a hybrid like you used to have, but maybe you and Tiger can go drag race your hybrid and his Buick.
7) The Pats have stated that the Summer of Gronk is over. That is cold. First of all, we all benefit from his dancing videos (because I NEVER dance…at all…ever), and I didn’t see anyone trying to shut down Costanza’s Summer of George. Bullshit.
8) There is this song with bagpipes, semi fast, and sung by a voice that is from a popular group. It sounds like any of the songs from The Departed combined with Kings of Leon and Coldplay. Know it? I know. That is not a lot of information, but I keep hearing it on the radio, the DJ never says who it is, and I am scared of my phone and have never downloaded one single app (ever), so I will not download that one that allows me to have it tell me a song artist when it is on (wow, good run on sentence).
9) Jeremy Lin was introduced with Houston and had an interview on ESPN. Cool. And I DO love that guy. That being said, can we wait until he has a few good games in a row before Linsanity continues and is first on the wire for 4 days straight? Hey. Just talking here.
9a) I am NOT saying anything negative in this sub-hook, but do YOU think that Jeremy Lin sounds like a Harvard guy? Do you? Dude must freaking Good Will Hunting in a basketball disguise.
10) Dennis Rodman is a pansy. Hold on. I love the guy, and don’t mean anything bad by that. But, he met his dad for the first time in 42 years yesterday. So, why is he a pansy? His dad evidently had 29 children with 16 mothers. Hey, Pops, you didn’t mix in any protection back in the day, or were your sperm as crazy evidently as the rest of your family and just swam around any shit in their path?
11) The grass is green, the sky is blue, and the Colts just signed Andrew Luck to a contract. I bet you didn’t see that coming, you can now get some sleep tonight, and I am glad to report it to you.
12) Nadal pulled out of the Olympics today because he is “not in condition to play.” I am sure there is truth in this, and maybe that is why he lost Wimbledon, but it definitely DOESN’T deter my conspiracy theory that he ONLY cares about the French Open. Just saying.
13) This is funny. Non sports related, harmless, not dirty, and really, really funny. http://www.buzzfeed.com/daves4/the-absolute-worst-things-in-the-world?ref=xpromo
14) Congrats to Rex Ryan. NOT being sarcastic or cracking on him. He has lost 106 lbs, gone from a 48-38 waist, and actually weighs less than Tim Tebow at this point. Forget jokes. Your health is so important, and I would rather him saying dumb shit to the media while looking like he might be doing it for a long time to come. Dibs.
15) The Flyers have signed Shea Weber to a $100 million contract. How many years you ask? Well, I will respond by saying the amount of years that MAYBE you sign a goalie to. FOURTEEN years, guys? Are we still bitter about a couple of traded away players leading their team to a Stanley Cup title? Yeah. Thought so. When depressed, some people eat chocolate, some people drink, some people go to the gym, and some people go shopping. The Flyers evidently shop. That is like a CAREER contract, boys.
16) The Celtics are set at SG now even with Ray Allen gone. Most casual fans don’t know who Avery Bradley is, and they just got Courtney Lee in free agency. Don’t sleep on them next year if Paul Pierce and Kevin Garnett can be injury free and have ANYTHING in the tank.
17) The Dodgers are after Ryan Dempster evidently. I am not even calling this the “trade deadline.” As I have said before, if Hamels remains with the Phillies, this is the Dempster Deadline, and if he goes to someone decent, there WILL be a slight change in the balance of power.
18) I just got back from my company meeting band performance. I hope that EVERYONE in that audience was clear that I kind of got “persuaded” into singing since I wrote the parodies, and that if the band chose their own song, it would have been something lower in range. I didn’t totally bomb, but the chorus of Eye of the Tiger was pretty shady. Luckily, I did the other parody ok, and the music side of the performance went smooth. I think I just feel better about the chorus of Eye of the Tiger because I still had the mic afterwards to make fun of myself to the crowd. Hey, they GAVE me a mic. That is dangerous enough in itself.
19) In case you live in a bubble, Dwight Howard wants to be traded, and for your most recent update, he now really, really likes Los Angeles and has totally forgotten about the Nets. Dude is like the basketball version of a stripper…or an exercise machine.
20) Michael Vick believes the Eagles can be dynasty. Michael, slow your roll. Let’s think of it in terms YOU can understand. If you were fighting one dog against another dog and this was both their first fight, neither dog could say they could become a dynasty until AFTER they won one single time. Make sense, bro?
21) That is it. Will I rant tomorrow? That is a clown question, bro (actually, that is just my tagline, and be aware that my fraternity brother is coming in town, so it actually MIGHT be a Saturday or Sunday Rant). Thanks for reading. Peace.
21a) Not sure how I am suddenly interested in this guy, but every time I announce David Price wins a game, he wins the next game, SO to test this, I just wanted to give a shout out to David Price, who just won his 13th game tonight. We will see how this trend goes.
21b) I am not worried about stats on this site since I have am too busy to network and would write the damn thing anyway, but if you like it, it would be much appreciated if you passed the link to one person this weekend. The Fillerbuster and Rickey Henderson would really appreciate it.