Read it, don’t read it, I don’t care…just needed to get some things off my chest.
In no particular order of chronology or importance…
On the clock. Day rant. Speed version. Let’s turn and burn.
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1) Greetings and salutations, all. Thanks for joining me and happy Friday. I have a big announcement today. The Rant Squad is now two people stronger. We have one more driver, and one primarily for entertainment value. I am breaking the three incident rule for BOTH of these individuals due to the creativity of their offenses. Plus, we needed some action, as some recent Rant Squad possibilities went OVER the top and got thrown in prison. And Jennifer Capriati and Sebastian Janikowksi haven’t done anything in AGES.
2) Damn you, Aaron Hernandez. You are one of those people who went over the top. Killing people. I hear you won’t get to watch the Pats loss this weekend.
3) Yes. Pats loss. Predictions: Denver 31, N.E. 21. San Fran 23, Seattle 17.
4) Ex Jets GM Mike Tannenbaum admits that the Tebow trade was indeed a mistake. Not sure how it took a freaking year to fess up to this, but I guess improvement is a process. Someone tell him to come clean that the sky is blue and the grass is green while he is at it.
5) I would like UCONN and Memphis basketball to figure out who the hell they are. UCONN “upset” the 17th ranked Tigers last night. Just when we are convinced somewhat one team is good OR bad, they confuse us. Memphis, you are at home against a team on the downslope. You should win that game. You two are as confusing as UVA basketball, who starts 3-0 in the ACC, loses by 35 to Tennessee and then barely loses to Duke at Cameron on a last second shot.
6) I will go back to early season rants. Kevin Ollie is doing SUCH a solid job at UCONN. Love that guy and what he is getting out of the present talent there.
7) Hey, Ohio State basketball. That is three straight. Minnesota isn’t bad, but they aren’t great either. I believe this is the FIFTH time in this blog over the last two months that I have said I am NOT sold on Ohio State as a top ten team.
8) For a brief time today, CNNSI.com had “Seahawks’ Carroll will not play in NFC title game.” That is true, SI, because Carroll is spelled “Harvin.” Top of the wire, boys. Get some proofreaders. You can borrow my intern if you would like at some point.
9) Serena Williams is cruising. If she wins the Aussie, as I expect she will, I think she drops EVERYTHING else and tries whole heartedly for the Grand Slam…and then retires. That would be SO dope. That might even top John Elway’s exit. Yes, it definitely would top his exit as someone wins a Super Bowl every year, and pretty much nobody gets a Grand Slam in the same calendar year. Her and Steffi Graf can go out and get hammered.
10) The Cubs are heavily pursuing Tanaka I hear. Might as well have an attraction if the rest of your team stinks.
11) Here is my absolute FAVORITE picture of the day by FAR.
12) MLB has approved expanding instant replay during games. This confirms that the only game that will be relatively the same length this coming year is one where Clayton Kershaw is pitching.
13) Shaun White qualified for something in the Olympics. I personally can’t keep track of the different events he does. Slope-style something or other. Congrats, Shaun. To celebrate, please stay at a hotel, get wasted, and pull the fire alarm again. I liked reading about that before.
14) The Knicks are saying that the Pacers are presently better than them, but not the 30 or so points they just beat them by. Ok. How about 27? Does THAT work?
15) Putin. Be quiet. Stop talking so much. I don’t do politics in here for lots of reasons, but be QUIET.
16) And now for the big news. Browns WR Davone Bess AND Jets TE are immediately advanced to a regular/ full time Rant Squad member as of now due to the creativity of their offenses. Below are the listed reasons.
A) You are a Jet
B) You are the son of one of the gutsiest, classiest athletes to ever suit up
C) Your offense involved masturbation in public
D) Your offense involved pot AND masturbation in public
E) Your offense happened in a Target parking lot
F) You are a Jet
A) You are a Brown
B) You were at an airport
C) Your offense involved “singing, dancing, pants falling down, fighting stances, taking your shirt off, and assault.”
D) Your offense happened less than 24 hours since you were already on the wire for tweeting a photo of drugs which evidently you took before the airport trip
E) Shouldn’t you be lamenting a bad season still?
F) Shouldn’t you be trying to be as good as Josh Gordon?
G) Shouldn’t you not be on my list TWICE since my last blog?
H) You are a Brown
17) That is it. Hope you enjoyed or are at least more informed. Will I blog tomorrow? That is a CLOWN question, bro. Peace.
18) Just a tagline. Off to Miami tomorrow for part play, part work trip for a week. No guarantees on a daily blog as I will be close to a beach, which overrides the daily urge to be on my laptop. I will check in when I can. Peace.