The Book of Eli

  1. Greetings and salutations, folks.  Thanks for coming aboard (the boat).  Let’s turn and burn.
  2. Football game on (USC-Stanford).  Check.  Home alone on a Friday.  Check.  Trying to allow for Sunday to be WORK on blog time as opposed to actual blog time.  Check.  Let’s do this.
  3. I am testing the theory of whether it is more or less painful to watch a full game you have money on.  Go Stanford and make sure if you lose, it is by less than four points.
  4. The Yankees are looking at Boone and Meulens as their new managers.  True, there are less “big” names out there, and true that new managers need their shot, but you just aren’t used to the big name chasers going for newbies.  I say go for Boone.  Image result for aaron boone yankees world series
  5. I heard not one but TWO of my colleagues today use the phrase “one throat to choke.”  Wow.  That is great stuff.  I need to incorporate that into MY sales monologues.
  6. They hit Ole Miss with harsher penalties today for misdeeds years ago.  As I have said before, we kind of knew it, right?  When a school SUDDENLY starts getting top 5 recruiting classes without winning anything or any big name coach coming in and not a traditional power, something is up.  Something was up in this case.
  7. Usually one of my most exciting days of the YEAR, the World Cup draw was released only to my sadness since the U.S. isn’t in it (still seems absolutely surreal).  I summoned up my inner self and still looked at the draw.  Very hard to see the Group of Death at first glance.  I would say Group F gets the nod.  Two reasons.  Overall balance makes me think of two heavyweights swatting away two relatively annoying but sly gnats.  Sweden lacks star power, and Korea will be simply irritating as heck to play.  I could see an upset, and Mexico having to fend off Korea or Sweden for 2nd.  The second reason?  Whoever DOES get 2nd in this group gets the reward of playing the winner of Group…whatever…it will be Brazil.  Lucky Mexico.  Enjoy your time in Group F.
  8. Jimbo Fisher leaves FSU to be the 2nd highest paid coach in the country at Texas A&M.  Why?  He was groomed to take over after Bowden, has successfully recruited the amped up breeding ground of FL, has won a title, and is in the top 5 or so of highest paid coaches.  I don’t get this.  This is a lateral transfer from one heavyweight to another “heavyweight” (traditionally only).  Guy is a WV born guy, and doesn’t have Texas pull that I am aware of.  Why leave?  Your cupboard is full.  Confusing if you ask me.
  9. THIS guy is happy though, and perhaps spot ON.  Image result for fan asked to leave fsu press conference
  10. It is Friday.  What does that mean?  One of the best reads for basketball fans of the week is released.  I actually was busy at work and haven’t read it.  But, given my expertise experience on reading Zach, I would just assume today’s is as good ass all of the others.
  11. This quite possibly could have been the best news I heard ALLLLLLLLLLLLL week.  Finally.  I don’t have to MAKE time on my CA and NV work trips to squeeze a trip in.  SOOOOO good.
  12. These headlines make it sound like we should be SURPRISED the Cavs are now winning a lot.  You could put LeBron out there by HIMSELF and he will win a couple maybe.  He is entering December with across the board averages that are HIGHER than past years.  Scary, people.  Very scary.  
  13. 30 plus PER is ridiculous.
  14. Here is something funny.  I go backwards in my blog list as you know.  In the last week, Tennessee football and the Giants have been in the news SO much, that I am just putting them on a list and going to cover them at the end.
  15. We just finished the fifth episode of Ozark.  Wow, is that an incredible show.  You name the uncomfortable things that could come up with suddenly becoming a money launderer and they are covering it.  It is only one season in, people.  Catch up before you get multiple seasons behind.  It makes you…uncomfortable.  Any issue you have had in life probably is in the show.  Image result for ozark show
  16. I had a feeling that Cowboys-Redskins game would go like it did, but I let myself get talked out of it by colleagues and experts.  They weren’t dropping that game after the Chargers debacle, also at home.  Missing Sean Lee and Zeke hurts, but they were a preseason Super Bowl contender with the best offensive line in football.  You tend to win a few games that way sometimes.  Kirk Cousins doesn’t care.  He either gets an inflated salary next year if they franchise them AGAIN, or gets paid premium from a new team.  Win, win.
  17. Seriously, this free agent class of QB’s in the NFL is going to be very competitive.  Cousins, Keenum, Bradford, Garoppolo, Brees, Bridgewater (so basically the entire depth chart of Minnesota) just to name a few.  The Vikings better win it this year.  They might end up with Brock Osweiler next year.  I love Broncos QB jokes.
  18. I decided to test my SD State cover the spread philosophy (my betting darling this year) in basketball once Dallas started losing.  It worked.  I promise not to do it again and push my luck until their next game.
  19. Drunk History is BACK.  Although I can’t get hammered and enjoy it the same way as before since I quit drinking, it is STILL funny and the lip syncing alone is funny enough to watch and enjoy.  Add in the cameos of stars who you wouldn’t expect to randomly see on there, and you have gold, people.  Christmas episode is out already.  New episodes coming in January.  Find it.  Image result for drunk history christmas special
  20. If someone asked me to list my hobbies, I think I would include “listening to Denver sports radio talk about their QB problem.”
  21. Want to know how scary Duke bball is this year?  Indiana was at home, shot 50.8% from the field, and only committed nine turnovers…and they lost by TEN.
  22. And covered…
  23. But DAMMIT isn’t it glorious hearing Dicky V do a basketball game.
  24. Right up there with Hubie Brown doing an NBA game.
  25. But not as entertaining as hearing Bill Walton do ANYTHING.
  26. If you don’t click on the above, then you are just going through the motions of life.  It is…special.
  27. We went to take advantage of the double date special at Melting Pot (as my wife is addicted to Melting Pot and I have no problem eating bowls of cheese) and once again, the garlic-wine stuff you can dash on food is ridiculous.  Buy this stuff for home as we do.  Whatever, and I mean WHATEVER, you cook, you will put this stuff on there and make it better.
  28. Notre Dame made a little comeback, but the Michigan State squad in the first half that ended up by 20 at half is the team I know they WILL be and why I picked them to win it all this year preseason hands down.  And Miles Bridges is such a good, good person and kid.  Image result for miles bridges church
  29. They just might not be playing Arizona like I initially thought.
  30. Zona is the first team to be in the top 3 and fall fully out of the rankings since…never mind.  It doesn’t matter right now. A long, long time ago in a galaxy far away…
  31. Kaep still doesn’t have a job that he rightfully deserves, but is still getting the Ali Legacy Award.  Sticking it to the man.
  32. And the man just forked over $89 million for the cause.  And Malcolm Jenkins won’t protest anymore.  Crazy things happening.
  33. Johnny Football finally did something right.  Assault charges dismissed since he has been good lately.  Dude probably is some regular at a dive bar these days, and probably leaves when prices go up after happy hour.
  34. Shit, that was me years ago.  Dammit.  I just never won the Heisman.
  35. It is your choice of lens when you look at your life.
  36. I just made that up.  I kind of like it.
  37. Whoa.  JUST broke.  Aaron Boone is your new Yankees manager.  I like the hire.  I will miss him in the booth though as he was great there too.
  38. (hold on-Star Wars commercial-so excited)
  39. Jameis Winston says he feels confident he will be found innocent of these Uber allegations.  I keep thinking about the visuals with the crab legs and find it hard to believe anything he says still.  Image result for jameis winston crab legs
  40. Rick Pitino is suing Louisville for about $35 million.  So, he probably is trying to make back the payoffs he was getting?  Lost income?  I love the guy, and want to believe him, but just can’t get there.  No way the head coach doesn’t know ANYTHING about those types of activities.  I think if he didn’t have the stripper thing right before this recent development, we would have a shot at getting his back.  Greased hair northerner goes to the South and rules.  Someone is getting paid.  Image result for slick rick rapper
  41. What?  Slick Rick.  The other one.
  42. So, OKC beats the Warriors and we figured they have seen the light on how to do this.  Losing streak right after indicates there are more internal problems, but as the old saying goes “any locker room with Melo in it is a PROBLEM locker room.”
  43. Ancient Chinese proverb or Aesop Fable.  Yup.
  44. So, basically the Big Ten can’t talk any smack on the ACC for a while after this week.
  45. Purdue beating Louisville was pretty impressive though.
  46. Lindsey’s sister wants her birthday dinner to be at New Saigon.  So, basically, a meal where I might eat McDonald’s in the afternoon for a foundation.  I don’t do well with grownup food.  Image result for new saigon
  47. So, did Gordon Hayward leave a kid behind?  
  48. I don’t feel like commenting on the new Big Baller shoe that is now released.  You know my stand on #lavar and odds are I will bring him up again before the end of the blog again whenever I get pissed at him again.  Usually 10-15 times a day.
  49. Speaking of shit I hate, I saw a BRILLIANT idea on Shark Tank the other day.  Hater.  Instead of a matching site finding your similar LIKES, it matches you to what you HATE.  Chalk up another item I am pissed I didn’t think of.  Image result for hater shark tank
  50. I agree.
  51. Maybe the turtle was a sign of things to come for FSU.  And yes, Deadspin even covers turtle topics.
  52. Even Drakes takes drinks to games and looks guilty IF caught.
  53. Did someone forget to tell Michigan basketball that UNC likes to play WITH PACE?  Even though they ALWAYS lack shooters, when UNC does what it WANTS to do in a game, it is so pretty and fun to watch.
  54. Wednesday was a great day at work, because free bagels was followed up by free pizza.  Today was a good day too, as I backed up a breakfast burrito with free BBQ with some of the best mac and cheese I have ever had (and that is something special, folks).
  55. I decided to take the day off from working out.  It was because of work that I didn’t have time, but also writing off the fact that I was eating LIKE it was a weekend at 11am on Friday.
  56. I am skipping a full NBA and NHL breakdown for this round.  I will blog again I think.  Possibly.
  57. I have never seen a player lock up Most Improved so fast as Andre Drummond this year.  Okay.  That is a little much.  He is in the mix.  Just saying his contributions can be felt rather than just looking good on a stat line.  Detroit is 12-9.
  58. KD.  I already dislike you for going to the Warriors.  Don’t meddle in the race game.  Leave it to others.  Thank you for your time.
  59. LeBron got ejected for the first time in his career.  That is what the Warriors in the NBA and Kyrie leaving your side does to you.  And playing with JR Smith.
  60. The Voice is having fans pick contestant songs for this round this week.  That is awesome.  My favorite?  Davon (a GUY) doing Whitney Houston.  My least favorite.  Collective Soul done by Janice.  Why did they set her up for failure?  Image result for devon the voice whitney houston
  61. I don’t get into too much world news, but I will just say this.  I will write every single blog with my MOST amount of focus and passion, because we might not be here next year at this time.  You put a missile that can fly around the world with Donald Trump at OUR helm, and things are bound to go very, very wrong.
  62. I voted for Hillary/ LOTE.  I am exempt of ALL this crap.
  63. LOTE is lesser of two evils.  I just made that up too.
  64. Pocahontas…does he have someone on his staff WRITE this dumb shit that comes out of his mouth?
  65. I will watch the Army-Navy game JUST for these uniforms.  Image result for navy uniforms for army game
  66. People might think that Mississippi State made an odd choice by choosing Moorhead, but he was the best up and comer coach out there without a doubt.  Image result for mississippi state moorhead
  67. Ben Gordon has now robbed someone.  Let’s all hope that Kemba Walker stays successful and employed.  He is next.  Short, undersized two guards from UCONN.  I don’t have the time to look up others to make this a more accurate joke.  Image result for ben gordon arrested
  68. You do what you want, but I am staying as FAR away from betting on the 49ers game this weekend with a minimal spread and Garoppolo auditioning for his free agency…I mean the 49ers.  The Hoodie will take credit for whatever he does in the future positive.
  69. Did anyone else feel MUCH younger when ASU started looking at Herm Edwards as their coach?  Image result for herm edwards
  70. I hope Alex Smith retains his job, but damn will ESPN be loaded for bear when Mahomes starts playing.  I have so many jokes and he is still on the sideline with a headset.  Image result for patrick mahomes
  71. I can say I hate Tiger Woods over the last few years as much as I want.  The fact of the matter is that I refreshed the leaderboard about 10 times during Thursday and Friday, and he made me truly love golf, as he did with many, many other golfers and fans.  Can’t look away.  Image result for tiger woods hero world challenge
  72. How did I go my entire life without hearing (or remembering) that getting a taco or burrito “trashy” was with queso on top?  Confused.  So, basically everything I eat is trashy, because no one likes cheese as much as me.  When you take a dare to eat an entire cheese plate at a function, then you have cheese issues.
  73. I know there is a difference between queso and cheese.
  74. Tell your friends this useless stat.  UVA bball is only the third college basketball team to not attempt ONE free throw and win.
  75. I find it ironic that the sharp shooting guy who didn’t like playing defense ever has the MACHINE that is UVA defense.  But, he is still the man.  Image result for tony bennett wisconsin
  76. I will definitely miss Kyle Guy’s man bun, but he is the real deal, folks.  Kid can ball.  Image result for kyle bun uva 2017
  77. But, I will also MISS this guy.  Deadspin has a beat on him though.
  78. I think “Chuck Pagano” and “groundhogs” should be in every headline ever.
  79. How did not ONE person show up at the Savage presser this week?  The dude gave it up like 1000 times.  You don’t have ANY questions for him?  Are you people all agreeing in conspiracy to not show up at his presser the same people who won’t give Kaep a job or will blackball frat pledges?
  80. Tim Floyd retired this week from UTEP RIGHT after a loss.
  81. So, THAT is where he has been…
  82. Mostly known for everyone Googling him when he took over USC bball, he has one of the oddest coaching careers ever in hoops.
  83. I watched the Nick Saban video about 1000 times.  Him saying his team deserves being in the CFP one year after saying Ohio State did NOT deserve it after not winning its Big 5 division is funnier than any movie or show out there.
  84. I know everyone doesn’t care about these things, but I sat up and watched the whole Monday Night Football game.  Why?  Because Vegas had the spread at 7.5 and the over/under of 49.  Final score?  23-16.  Glad I just simply pushed on the over, but I stayed up to see it.
  85. My “stay up” on a weeknight is about 10pm.  I am nuts.
  86. I have been unable to tie the Miami chain in with the Talib-Crabtree chain sequel, but have been unsuccessful.  But, at least you know I tried or at least was thinking about it.
  87. Am I wrong in the head by thinking it would be SO hilarious if the Bills were left out of the playoffs by one game?  Imagine the following Taylor would get if that happened.  Turn it over to the kid, and 5 INT’s in one half.  Make a run, now, Taylor.
  88. Reason #1045 why Deadspin is a must read every day.  How ELSE would you find out about this?   I am here for you.
  89. Not click on it?  Do you hate Shania Twain, Canada, or both.
  90. I know Cleveland wants and needs miracles, but I am expecting this stat line for Josh Gordon this weekend.  10 targets, 6 catches, 64 yards.
  91. Look at your roster, Griz execs.  So, Fizdale lost 8 straight.  Let him play it out.
  92. See, this is a FUN betting game to watch.  Spread is 3.5.  Score?  24-21 USC.
  93. Nobody score ANYTHING for the rest of the game.
  94. Scott Frost would be “hurt” if the Huskers don’t call him.  So, basically:  Image result for grade school note do you like me
  95. So, Kelvin Benjamin got sent to the city of Buffalo AND hurt himself for the year?  That is one bad year.  Watch out, Kelvin.  Things happen in three’s my mom and dad always used to tell me.  Image result for buffalo city
  96. Looks like Wilmington, DE, another place that really can’t make fun of anything, anytime, ever.
  97. Vegas is on a bad record pace for favorites covering for the year.  Dammit.  I shouldn’t have read or written that.  Now, I will feel like certain doom in betting on an underdog.  I have looked at the lines already.  Lots of 2 and 3 point spreads.  I like those.  Just pick the team who will win by a field goal.  I can do that.
  98. I said last week that the Sanu-Fitzgerald fantasy decision would make or break my season.  I was right.  Very bad move in switching out Sanu five minutes before game time.
  99. I LOVE my new wedding ring.  Love it.  And it fits after my lost weight.  
  100. Well, the mustache experiment is done for another year.  Movember officially closed.  The handlebars that the feedback told me was not bad.  
  101. And the cop, 70’s porn star, Tom Selleck look complimented by a cutoff shirt with my tattoo to make me totally look like I listen to Jeff Foxworthy regularly.  
  102. Last chance to give anything to the cause.  I haven’t raised much, so I will definitely notice YOUR donation.
  103. And THAT means the war at home is at its end.  Lindsey did NOT embrace the Movember time.  Enough that apparently she was in a rush to complete taking the above blurry photo.
  104. Seriously, WHY would I buy a cat tree when empty boxes occupy them for HOURS.  
  105. That box is like 3.5 inches tall.  Her legs are tiny.
  106. We joined the rec center Denver circuit on Cyber Monday.  $220 for a year.  That is pretty minimal per month.  I now belong to THREE gyms.
  107. Lindsey probably thinks I said yes to the new rec center membership because of the WATER SLIDE they will have.  Yay.  Nope.  It is because the membership says I can go HERE downtown.  My new official home.  
  108. I have a feeling that although I have never been a jigsaw person, I will be now.  For at least ONE puzzle.
  109. Just the ones I could even keep TRACK of or were released to public.  Schiano, Gundy, Doeren, Leach, Witten… Their hiring process is like a drunk single person.  This is one of the football MECCAS, and they can’t find someone to coach them. It is SO entertaining.  With Schiano, does the university NOT have Google on campus?  Confused the reaction they thought would get.  Or, give the dude another chance and don’t be surprised about reaction.  Pick a path.
  110. At least they got the right AD.  Fulmer is the shit.
  111. Well, I love Fulmer, but the confusion arises when you take in account that Tennessee not only showed HIM the door after 5 conference titles in 11 years, but recently said HE was sabotaging the coaching search process?
  112. Bryce Love playing really injured.  4th an goal at the 1 yard line.  This is a fun football game.  Still down by 3.
  113. Eli.  Rivers is right.  Steve Young is right.  It is not the fact that Eli needed to be benched.  It is HOW it was handled.  Play for a half or so to keep your streak alive and then we sub in?  Come ON.  I don’t care what his stats are.  When you have two rings and beat the Pats to get them, you are ASKED how you want to do it.  Make sure he gets crowd time.  Make sure you let him announce it.  Whatever.  Just make sure you treat the entire thing with kid gloves and step VERY, VERY lightly.  Not saying you keep starting a subpar QB.  I am saying when the guy you want to “look at” is re-tread Geno Smith, then you are reaching.  Beyond reaching.  Let ELi exit stage left with class.  You embarrassed yourself as an organization, and very impressed Eli handled it how he did.
  114. Tell your friends this useless stat.  The Giants are the LAST team to start a black QB…ever.
  115. The theme?  Well, the same name in pop culture and the movie is amazing and story solid with a badass ending with no violence.  You will have goosebumps on the final scene.
  116. Plus, if my name wasn’t Mark, I think I would have wanted Eli, or Luke.
  117. Stanford lost.  By 3.  I got 3.5.  Perfect.  Enjoy your night and weekend.  I might do a one sentence per cast on Sunday and then do some work on the site itself.
  118. Give me Auburn, Ohio State, Clemson, and OU in the conference championships tomorrow.  And welcome to the Bama vs. Ohio State debate.
  119. That’s it for tonight.  Hope you enjoyed or are at least more informed.  Will I blog again?  That is a CLOWN question, bro.  Peace.
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