That’s totally inappropriate. It’s lewd, lascivious, salacious, outrageous!

Read it, don’t read it, I don’t care…just needed to get some things off my chest.

In no particular order of chronology or importance…

On the clock, sort of.  Evening rant because I had no time for a quick one during the day, lots to say, but would like this not to take up my whole evening.  Football game tonight.  Speed version.  Let’s turn and burn.

TWITTER: @fillerbuster11

1)  The Yankees have offered Kevin Youkilis a one year contract.  OK.  There HAS to be an end to this.  I GET there are only so many decent players out there, and sometimes you and your rival’s path intertwines.  I think we non fans were all disgusted enough (I can’t imagine what the actual Yankees fans thought) when you brought on Johnny Damon.  But Youkilis, too?  Come on.  Why don’t you give David Ortiz an offer when his contract expires just so you can make sure you cover ALL of the guys who used you in 2004?  Geez.

2)  Minnesota LB Chad Greenway wants fans “super duper drunk” at the game this week to offer loud support.  Put Chad on the getting longer list of athletes who should not be offered a microphone at any point in their career.  Shut up, Chad.

3)  The Rangers and Phils are talking about a trade for Rangers third baseman Michael Young.  Maybe the Phillies are bipolar.  Can they make a stand on whether they are buyers or sellers?  Stop flipflopping, dammit.  Jimmy Rollins is not getting younger, Ryan Howard’s checks are not going to get less, and Chase Utley is not getting healthier.

4)  Thoughts and prayers to Danny Berger, the Utah State basketball player who collapsed this week and ended up in critical condition.  He has now been upgraded to fair, and let’s all hope that he makes it back to the court someday, and more importantly, to a healthy life.

5)  When I talked about the perplexing (to me) decision for Bret Bielema to go to Arkansas from Wisconsin, I forgot THIS point.  Very rarely are there handpicked successors to legends.  Well, that was the case at Wisconsin.  Barry Alvarez, now their athletic director, named him when changing positionsa couple years ago.  Alvarez has announced he will personally coach the Badgers in the Rose Bowl.  The fact that there is no interim instead tells me he is NOT happy with Mr. Bielema.  Put a home and home on THEIR schedule in the next few years.

6)  Interesting stat to tell your friends.  Pierre Garcon is the receiver for the Washington Redskins that missed a large part of the season.  Here is the stat.  Although he might not light it up like an All-Pro, the fact is this.  The Skins are 5-1 WITH him, and 1-5 WITHOUT him.

7)  If you told me twenty years ago when I was growing up that Tennessee football would have a hard time finding ANY coach, let alone a GOOD one, I would have asked if you were on crack.

8)  Even if Tom Brady said it, and I know the word exists, but “hugely” just doesn’t sound right as a word to me.

9)  Kobe got to 30,000 points last night, joining the elite club of Kareem, Michael, Karl, and Wilt.  Kobe will have to average 25 points per game through the 2016 to catch Kareem (nope), and interestingly enough, everyone except for Michael played for the Lakers at some point in their career (yes, Karl, we are counting your bandwagon jumping stint).

10)  The NHL exchanged proposals, and then they met for an hour today before storming out.  Listen, media, just tell us when this crap is over.  They are taking valuable wire stories spots.

11)  I have found ONE thing that bacon doesn’t necessarily help.  ONE thing, and I assume I will never find another.  Lindsey bought bacon vodka for bloody mary’s a couple months ago.  With the vodka, the bloody mary’s are freaking great, but considering I don’t exactly make bloody mary’s every weekend, it just stares at me in my kitchen,waiting for me, the ex-bartender, to figure out what to use it for.  Enigma wrapped in a puzzle.

12)  (big sigh)  Big Ben will start Sunday.  That is it.  This is not a homer column.  But having a third string who finally did ok, and having the stud back sure helps my state of mind.  Moving on.

13)  The Nuggets were on national TV last night, meaning I could actually watch them with sound.  No Scott Hastings with his irritating voice and horribly homer analysis.  If you put Nugs announcer Scott Hastings and Cris Collinsworth on sound, and put me in the room with a wasp, I would probably have a stroke and die.

14)  I hear the Raiders might be interested in bringing Jon Gruden back to coaching.  Hey, Raiders, he might come back to coaching someday and I actually hope he does, but it ain’t going to be with a presently sad franchise like yours.  He will come in as the X factor to a club on the cusp that is underachieving.  On that note, I could see him going to Tampa Bay again before your crib.

15)  The IOC is stripping athletes from the ATHENS Olympics??  Yes, I said the Athens Olympics, and yes, they occurred EIGHT years ago.  Come on.  With all of the technology we have and all of the rules to guard against bad tests (see cheater Ryan Braun), we are busting amateur athletes 8 years after the fact?

16)  Interesting, and expected.  In a recent poll, the Cowboys were voted both the most loved AND hated team in the NFL.  If there was one team you don’t straddle the fence on as a fan, I guess it is them.

17)  Carolina Panthers Greg Hardy has said that his 3-9 Panthers are better than the Atlanta Falcons.  Greg.  See above on my Chad Greenway hook.  You two should hang out.  I will have Marcus Vick pick you up.  Sebastian Janikowski will provide the strip club passes.

18)  It is a story that is under the radar, but still important to the NFC playoff outcome.  Brandon Browner got busted for PED’s, got suspended for four games, and just came out and said he won’t appeal.  I guess he was guilty, or just wanted to be back for the playoffs. The question is whether him missing in the Seahawks’ secondary will seriously affect their chances or seed.  Hey, NFC QB’s.  Throw to the side of whoever is replacing him.

19)  Congrats to Vikings QB Christian Ponder and sports reporter Samantha Steele.  They are officially engaged.  The Vikings demise correlated EXACTLY to when they fell “in love.”  Way to jack up THAT team, Samantha.

20)  I think that Lindsey wants to go ice skating Saturday.  I am down with that.  It brings back memories of me playing ice hockey on the lake across the street from my house, the scene from Rocky, and the fact that after 40 years, I still have never officially stopped myself without falling or against a wall.  I hope it is indoor and there are walls on all sides.  It would be best for everybody within a ten foot perimeter.

21)  Butch Jones turned down CU after the Denver Post prematurely reported that he accepted their offer.  I get it, and my colleague, Tim, and I called it.  As SOON as that Wisconsin job opened up, it changed EVERYTHING.  Hell, Jones is even considering Tennessee reportedly.

22)  Only because Tennessee has a similar spelling did it remind me.  I find it funny that Manny Pacquiao’s product of choice to do ads for is Hennessy.

23)  Lindsey went to Colorado State.  She watched a basketball game and informed me that they have a guy named Iverson.  Of COURSE I knew that.  I hear the name Iverson, and I jump out of my chair.  He is a 7′ transfer from Minnesota if you care, and looks NOTHING like my boy Allen.  I need to find out where that dude is these days.

24)  The Patriots are practicing with lineman holding racquetball rackets to portray JJ Watt batting balls down on the line.  That is neat.  That is genius, I suppose (joking.  just going along with the masses).  Not sure how that is imitating the pressure he will also get as JJ doesn’t carry a racquetball and has hands available, but it is neat regardless.

24a)  They asked Bill about facing such a good team this week.  His crazy enthusiasm and not dry answer surprised ALL of us.  Just kidding.  It was monotone and boring.

25)  I see all these commercials and wonder.  Does JoS. A Bank know that we ALL know that two weeks after some killer three suits for one deal, they will have another similar sale?

26)  In case you care, this Monday night football game between the Pats and Texas has teams with the least amount of losses ever for a MNF game after Week 12…or SOMETHING close to that stat.  Don’t tell your friends without checking it.  I work 65 hours a week.  I have to pick and choose my Google time.

27)  I am still working on getting a community link, but for my friends, one of the amazing monkey dog videos is posted on my Facebook wall.  It won’t be hard to find.  I post things like once a week.  I don’t feel the need to tell people my status is I am walking across the street or doing laundry with a faulty washer.

28)  It is time for Pacquiao/ Marquez FOUR.  Aren’t winners usually determined after odd numbered bouts/ games/ etc.?

29)  I noticed I missed Criminal Minds again last night.  I used to be the BIGGEST fan outside of my mom.  They put together 4 bad episodes in a row last year, I have enough sports to watch anyway, and I have subconsciously totally lost interest.

30)  YYAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYY.  Hubie Brown announced an NBA game I watched last night.  I was working, actually, while watching it.  But, as you know, LISTENING to him announce a game is one of the best things in sports to me.  The guy is a genius.  THAT is a guy you can put a microphone in front of ANY day, and I would LOVE to have a beer with.

31)  My gym is having a drinks and appetizers Christmas party tonight.  I didn’t go because  I wanted to blog and watch football, and because I NEVER talk to anyone at the gym, I figure I would make friends and then lose them anyway after I ignored them my next 50 trips to workout.

32)  As you know, I took my Jeep, Eleanor, into the shop for someone to figure out why she idled low, and to simply get an oil change.  Two thousand dollars later, I broke down last night again, right outside my work.  After getting it towed to a DIFFERENT place (everything is baseball-three strikes and you are out), the guy called me literally two hours later, saying he fixed the problem…for $200 bucks.  After getting what I think was a new fuel pump, spark plugs, ignition coil, distributor, and who knows what else at the previous place, I find out it was a $100 sensor.  Way to think out of the box, new favorite person in my car life.  He said the sensor was off/ hot, which was telling the computer that it needed to lower the RPM’s when I actually did not need that, causing the stalling.  The sensor was doing its job, but was drunk.  The computer just follows directions.  Hell.  I am the farthest thing from a car guy that you will ever know, and I even understand that concept.  Thanks, new guy, Mario.

33)  JaVale McGee from the Nuggets makes one play down the court that could be the dumbest play of the night, and then does something athletically the next trip that not ONE person in the NBA could do.  His ceiling is the ozone layer if he figures stuff out in time.

34)  Why did the Nuggets NOT go to Lawson with the score tied late, when not ONE person they put in front of him COULD stay in front of him?

35)  Caron Butler, Mavs forward, is THIRTY TWO years old?  Ummm.  Now THAT made me feel forty somewhat.  Just a little, I will still carry around my college ID, but it WAS a punch in the gut, since I remember watching him at UCONN like yesterday…

36)  ESPN Mag just sent me a “gift card.”  Sorry, guys.  I am researching this Sporting News is back thing, because that magazine rocks your world.

37)  JR Smith hit a game winning shot for the Knicks.  Mayans.  Mayans.  Mayans.  It could be coming, and he is the barometer.  I PROMISE you.

38)  When I had to leave my car at work last night, I thought of Seinfeld.  I was first into work in the first spot, and everyone left when I was still in that spot (becasue I was broke down).  Then, this morning, everyone got there and my car was in the first spot (I walked the three miles).  Now, not that I don’t sometimes do that WITH driving home, but I couldn’t help think of the episode where George left his car at Yankees Stadium and took some time off because everyone thought he was always there early and left late.  Luckily, my car was towed before car washes were needed from bird crap or fliers were put on it. (If you are confused about the theme, they then go and wash George’s car, but crash seeing that chick in a bra walking down the street.  And the title is what the lawyer SAYS about what happened.  It is kind of a leap for a theme.)

39)  That is it.  Got to go finish up some work and watch the Broncos game.  My head boss asked if I was “too busy” today to take a lead.  That is hilarious.  I have been TOO busy since I started two years ago.  The next level is such a grey area that it makes my head hurt thinking about it.  Anyway, I hope you enjoyed.  Will I blog tomorrow?  That is a CLOWN question, bro.  Peace.