Read it, don’t read it, I don’t care…just needed to get some things off my chest.
In no particular order of chronology or importance…
Kind of on the clock. On a trip, but it is a short flight. Let’s turn and burn until the captain tells me to stop. The airplane rant.
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1) OK. Johnny Football gets a half game suspension. Without going into how much I am suddenly a Rice fan (seriously, diehard since…Wednesday), why the half game? Are they making it THAT obvious that they WILL punish him, but not totally ruin any repeat Heisman chances? Ugghhh. Go OWLS. NCAA? You suck.
2) Don Mattingly is doing the right thing whether you like it or not. Not only disciplining Yasiel Puig, but doing it PUBLICLY shows the veterans he won’t take this crap. None of us should. And, he is telling the veterans that mad talent alone will not be allowed to play. The kid needs to settle down. The kid needs to have a serious talk with Mike Trout or Bryce Harper. Grounded young talent.
3) Dammit. Venus is out. Sorry, Venus. I did this to you. I talked about ONE more run at a Slam, and then BOOM. You lose. Why did you have to look so dominating in that first match?
4) Thanks, Joe Namath, for chiming in on your Jets.
5) Actually, I meant that sarcastic, but come to think of it, EVERYONE should chime in on the Jets. My bad, Broadway. You are good. The present day Jets are a trainwreck.
6) All except for Chris Ivory, who is my fourth RB. You are good, man.
7) Lindsey thinks I am ignoring her. No, babe. Just trying to not open my computer for long periods of time ON the brief vacation.
8) Yeah. Don’t even MESS with Lawrence Tynes. His wife will jack you UP on Twitter.
9) Angel dust is in the news. The younger crowd is probably scratching their heads. What I know about Angel Dust is that our teachers told us we would jump off of buildings if we took it. Thanks for bringing back memories, Aaron Hernandez. The teachers never mentioned wanting to carry guns and killing people.
10) Lindsey Vonn is almost healed. I guess Tiger’s yacht has a pretty good physical therapy program too.
11) I am still mad at you Lindsey Vonn. I am blaming YOU for my boy not winning a Major this year.
12) Or his greens in regulation…
13) Or his putting…
14) Or his driving…
15) Ugghhh, Tiger.
16) Barcelona won the Super Cup game vs. Atletico Madrid sometime this week. Hello, Logan. I mentioned non World Cup soccer, and I had NO idea there was a Super Cup.
17) I am on a plane. No link to share. Google “jerry jones tony romo’s brain.”
18) I am on a plane. No link to share. Google “couple 11 hours dies together.” These two people who met in third grade and who were married for like 1000 years died at the exact same time. In the words of the movie, Usual Suspects, I am weepy.
19) James Blake lost in the US Open, meaning he is retired. Last chance, people. Google “photos Jennifer scholle.”
20) Rolling Stone had an article saying that Belichick not only knew about Hernandez’s problems, but even told him to BUY the safe house. I can buy into that. If someone is a football genius, I am assuming he has a pulse on to a guy who is throwing people’s bodies in ponds and doing PCP after practices.
21) I have said it before, and I will say it again. Tabasco mustard is one of the best inventions EVER. Get yourself some, people. Put it on sandwiches. Dip turkey into it. Eat it straight up. Pretzels. Whatever you have to do. Just EAT some.
22) The NFL just ponied up $765 MILLION to settle regarding the concussions. Something tells me a few more ex-NFL guys suddenly have chronic headaches.
23) I can’t imagine having kids. I doubly can’t imagine taking them on a plane. Where are you, Samuel Jackson? Let’s do “Babies on a plane.”
24) Someone tell Mike Budenholzer that he should starting drinking AFTER the Hawks fail to live up to expectations for the 7th year in a row. Oh, mention to him he probably shouldn’t drive after that either.
25) I saw the headline that AJ McCarron is not concentrating on a historic three peat. Of course he isn’t. He is concentrating on his hot woman and making fun of Johnny Football tweets and acts. “Yes, Johnny, you beat me straight up AND won the Heisman. I personally have 2 national championships and a model girlfriend.”
26) Darrelle Revis tells Sherman to EARN best cornerback title. I hear him loud and clear and concur. Sherman has been mouthing off all the while Revis was hurt. How do we KNOW that Revis has lost a step? Could YOU figure that out during his rehab? Nope.
27) Copy and paste. “Serena advances.”
28) The original National Lampoons still makes me laugh SO hard. “Good talk, Russ.” (which I STILL say)
29) I saw that one writer from Fox Sports picked UNC to win the ACC in football. I think they were hanging with Lamar Odom when they wrote that, they work for an idiotic company, AND I hope that UNC doesn’t now regardless. Because South Carolina wasted UNC last night. Not that the ACC can look any worse at football, but if UNC did anything and we compared…nevermind. I am rambling.
30) I have on my list that “Tim Tebow threw two touchdowns last night.” That can’t be right, can it? Maybe I had some pops and then wrote that to TRICK myself on this airplane rant. I guess I COULD check the newspaper, but I am in a zone and have limited room…and don’t want to wake up my lady.
31) Thanks, Hotwire. I get the flight seat thing, but exit rows, too??? You shouldn’t have. Turn This Mutha Out.
32) I wrote that because I will see MC Hammer for free at Civic Center park on Sunday night.
33) So…if Marquis Lee DOES get hurt, we shouldn’t feel bad, correct? $10 million, right? Well, alrighty then.
34) I just read that Landon Donovan was made to “earn” his way back on the US Soccer team roster. Yeah. I believe that. I believe that like I believe that Mike Tomzac didn’t throw that interception on PURPOSE to Larry Brown in 1996.
35) For those of you who read that Giants RB Andre Brown might be a sleeper FF pick, I am sorry. Didn’t work out for you.
36) I don’t feel like doing an official hook on it, but I did just chuckle reading on my list “tony siragusa-drunk patron.”
37) Actually, I realized that what I wrote wasn’t actually funny. It actually said “tony siragusa drunk patron dies.” Not quite as funny as I thought. I wish I had better handwriting.
38) No, I am actually totally sober on this flight. I just feel a little “ranty.’
39) Mark Sanchez says he doesn’t second guess Rex Ryan’s decision for playing him late in a glorified practice. See? Those little notes in the Jets locker room ARE working.
40) REGULAR readers, people. You would GET that joke.
41) There is a guy across the aisle from me who is a true sports fan. I can tell by the way he expertly turns the page with his sports section. Two cases of this. The true sports fans like me and this guy I am referencing, and those guys in Chicago and NYC who are checking stocks in the Wall Street Journal.
42) Wow. I am just venting randomly.
43) I think that I have talked myself into believing that having Michael Vick as my starting QB for my fantasy team WILL work out. Seriously. Chip Kelly. Oregon offense. Crazy scoring. Yes, I am now drinking the Kool Aid. I need to change my team name to Old Yeller or White Fang or something.
44) The Mets losing Harvey to an elbow injury is kind of like the Cubs trading away Ryan Dempster.
45) There is a parallel. I promise. I might talk a lot in this thing, but I certainly don’t LIE. It means they sucked before and will continue to suck regardless.
46) Google “deadspin wing eating contest ends in punch in face.”
47) Google “deadspin olbermann show starts espn.”
48) Google “parguayan soccer player kicks referee.”
49) Yes, RG III. We hear you. You are healed. “Operation Patience” is a success unless you talk about how irritated I am about updates of your health.
50) Google “deadspin Denver sports writer turns vigilante.”
51) Google “deadspin hokies missing letter.”
52) That is it. I feel like the decline is about to happen. I have a long drive coming up after we land. Hope you enjoyed. Will I blog tomorrow? That is a CLOWN question, bro. Peace.
53) Just a tagline. I will NOT be blogging tomorrow, but I will shout at you before going to see MC Hammer on Sunday. May the force be with you.