Read it, don’t read it, I don’t care…just needed to get some things off my chest.
In no particular order of chronology or importance…
On the clock. Evening rant. Super speed version. Let’s turn and burn.
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1) Greetings and salutations, people. Thanks for joining me. I COULD listen tonight to The Jungle Smack Off recorded, BUT I am loyal and know I need to get out a blog. I have all day tomorrow to listen to Jim Rome’s show.
2) I actually got surprised. I forgot the Smack Off was today until I went on Twitter (because that is where you have to be to be hip). I used to LIVE by that show, and know ALL callers. I even got a fax and email on the air (before there was Twitter). Anyway, Jim Rome is the shit, and the Smack Off is the most awesome radio event of all time. I am not hip to the recent guys like Mike from Hollywood, but my favorite from back in the day was Terrence in Siera Madre. I still think he is like Phil Mickelson at the US Open, and owns the most runner up finishes.
3) Should I do my 30 NBA draft thoughts? No, I will wait until the end. By the way, read my tweets. I lost SEVEN Twitter followers today. Bad day. Listen, if you hate the NBA, then you should have never followed me in the first place.
4) OK. IF I am in the bathroom doing that or possibly in the shower, Lindsey should NOT yell through the door that Matt Damon was doing a Bourne 5 if it wasn’t true. That is truly unfair. That is ALMOST as bad as telling a kid that there is no Santa Claus while he is doing THAT. It is just plain rude. Anyway, I ran out dripping with water, Googled it, and found that all the articles said he was NOT being in it. TOTAL downer.
5) Yes, your math is correct. I am blogging while Widespread Panic is at Red Rocks. I USED to destroy my entire weekend going up the hill to see them. Why aren’t I? Because I have MATURED. Actually, that is not true. I am more lazy, more old, less organized, three days sounds like a lot, and I like Sundays…which is when I am going. For the fourth year in a row, I am going up to Red Rocks with no tickets, no plan, no friends, and no way home. It ALWAYS works out. I have said it before. If the rest of my life worked out like a WSP concert, I would be President of the freaking United States.
6) And you wouldn’t want that.
7) Except that there would be a lot of laws in stopping work for watching sporting events.
8) We would never have to worry about faking a cough during March Madness.
9) You can read long breakdowns on the US-Germany match on other sites. I will say this. We got what we needed and it is what it is. Advancing out of the Group of Death is cool whether pretty or ugly. Here is the deal. Ladies will FLOCK to the Belgium match on Tuesday. We are playing against some really good looking young guys. Check this out. They are #11 in the world. Whoever wins our match will play Argentina and lose, but know this. Belgium will be a top three favorite for 2018. They are young, fast, good looking, and VERY talented.
10) Did any of us really think Lincecum would NOT throw another no-hitter in his career. Has ANY of use checked out the Padres batting averages? Talk about picking on a team.
11) If by chance Switzerland beats Argentina and the US beats Belgium, we will still lose. The Swiss are good too. #6. Listen, I am not pessimistic. I am realistic.
12) Can Melo just end up on the Rockets so I have Dwight Howard-Melo jokes for the next year?
12a) Or lifetime?
13) He won’t. Chicago will get him.
14) If UVA would have won the World Series, they would have won the Capital One Cup, which is half the reason I went there…ALWAYS being able to see my school on TV even if I live in Alaska. Best school in overall sports. I needed best sports, best partying, and best academic. Check, check, check.
15) Omer Asik, you HAVE YOUR WISH. You are a starter…for the New Orleans Pelicans. Congrats. Feel good in those 30 wins in the EAST next year.
16) Evans said that Manziel would stop partying during training camp during training camp. 48 hours later, Manziel told us he would spend his off time as he wishes.
17) Which means that although he WANTS out of the headlines, he just made them again by saying that.
18) Obama says that JJ is the MJ of NASCAR. I need a flowchart of sports and ability or need to just get drunk again and watch Days of Thunder. Confused. I dont’ even know who won the ROAD race I ranted about over the weekend.
19) Denver gets Aaron Afflalo and then gets Gary Harris in a trade where they gain a foreigner goon and him. Way to draft a position you just traded for.
20) My boss was about to lose it either before or after the Nuggets got a foreign unknown player in the first AND second rounds.
21) Thank you, Mr. Ronaldo, for putting away Ghana and not crushing our brains with tiebreakers.
22) By the way, Mr Ronaldo is officially on my man crush list. He is behind Matt Damon and ahead of Tom Brady. It is what it is, and I come clean.
23) Tiger returns and misses the cut. Let’s be real. This is kind of unbiased and kind of biased I guess. He doesn’t give a shit about the next two weeks. Batting practice. He is healthy, rusty, trying some shots he might not in season, and all we care about is that he destroys the links at the Open Championship. I know Lindsey can’t WAIT for me to wake up at 5am on Saturday and Sunday. You can’t either.
24) I just realized that will be while I will be on my first week plus vacation with her FAMILY…ever. Wow, her family will HATE me with the combination of World Cup and the Open. Don’t tell them. Our little secret. They will probably figure it out when I am freaking out at the airport after our first flight as I have already mapped out the final matches in World Cup, but don’t tell her nevertheless. Her dad is kind of grumpy anyway. He will HATE me for watching the Open, Wimbledon, and the World Cup. I might suddenly get the flu.
25) Lindsey is still wondering when the sports “break is.” I told her RIGHT after the World Cup (and Wimbledon and Open), aside from the PGA Championship, and it is one month until college football. Hey, that is like 30 days.
26) Why do we care if Nadal is struggling to be dominant on grass? He just OWNED everyone on clay. Geez. Do I need to start a Nadal Open website? Wake up, people. He could get smoked in this tournament and still stay legendary.
27) Ok. I watched the entire draft convinced Kevin Love would be traded. I was wrong. Everyone just spent EVERY pick positioning themselves for Melo/ LeBron.
28) FIFA has docked Luis Suarez NINE matches in addition to the World Cup. Dibs to them for acting swiftly. Dude is one of the best in the world, but needs to go out with Mike Tyson at some point to understand how weird he actually IS.
29) Tyson Chandler might recruit Melo. Samuel is saying HE will take care of the defense and Melo can handle the offense. Cue Rick Carlisle rolling his eyes at ALL of this.
30) If you have a ring, then of course you don’t give a f%^&.
31) It is a shame that Stow has to ask for money, but he is disabled, and $37 million should come to him from SOMEONE.
32) Sometimes I think athletes are greedy. But, then I rationalize how much the average player makes. That being said, I think Chicago should pay Kane and Toews their $12 million each. You are NOTHING without them. Boom goes the dynamite.
33) I HATE the new CNNSI layout. There was ENOUGH teases on the swimsuit issue beforehand. Now, it is like a PORN site. Geez. Do I really have to go to Fox Sports as my second place site and read crap? I like CNNSI articles, but I can’t even FIND them among all of the swimsuit chicks. You guys are KILLING me.
34) Lasers are EVERYWHERE. http://screamer.deadspin.com/russian-keeper-gets-laser-shined-in-his-face-algeria-s-1596663486
35) Venus lost today, but I will say this. This is not oldness. This is because Venus is not as dominant and Petra Kvitova is NOT a bad player… at all.
36) Zach Randolph just signed with the Griz for 2/20. I like this for both sides. Zach is respected there but not a winner, but we all know he is good for 20/10 for a season. How do you really complain about that?
37) You might think it is insignificant, but I want Altidore better be back for Belgium.
38) Thanks, Mr. Clowney, for telling us that you played hurt. That is adoarable and kind of believable, but not really.
39) WC predictions:
Brazil-Chile: Crazy pick. Chile
Columbia-Uruguay: Not AS crazy pick. Columbia.
France-Nigeria: Great story, Nigeria. France.
Germany-Algeria: Come on. Germany.
Netherlands-Mexico: Not SO crazy pick. Mexico.
Costa-Greece: Euro was a sign. Greece.
Argentina-Swiss: You are silly. Argentina.
Belgium-United States: I don’t BELIEVE it, but I will pick it to be fun since Belgium is so young. U.S.
40) Na LOST at Wimbledon. She is so much better at slow courts.
40a) Lindsey is watching Hall Pass. It was funny for a bit. Now, people are crying. So, they made a movie about married people going to bang others and then getting sad? We are truly running out of ideas.
41) Shut up, Desean Jackson. But if you talk again, tell us more about how you were waving at you family.
42) NBA Draft. You have websites that get paid to tell you useful stuff. I am here for useless stuff. Here we go. One sentence each. I think Lindsey is irritated I am still blogging.
-Wiggins is a hell of a player, but the worst interview ever.
-Not ever, but could be a lot better
-It doesn’t matter about the satellite delay, the Embiid mean reaction to being drafted was funny as hell.
-All college players are considering not playing for 10 months and moving UP in the NBA draft like Dante Exum.
– I love the Marcus Smart pick for ANY team, but I guess Rondo should start selling his condo in Boston.
-I am sad my favorite college player, Nik Stauskas, didn’t end up in Denver.
-I didn’t play, but the Lost Letterman drinking game for the draft is hilarious (check my Twitter for the list).
-Noah’s hands are huge, and Lindsey thought I was being silly until Jay Bilas said the EXACT same thing.
-You knew Payton was getting traded from the Sixers as soon as he drafted, as the only problem about combo guards in the backcourt is when they both can’t shoot.
-I got so excited for the Nuggets for landing Doug McDermott that I didn’t settle down until AFTER I found out that they had already traded him.
-The Bulls made OUT.
-Zach LaVine went from L.A. to Minnesota. That is so funny and probably why he landed his face on the table.
-I got tired of the Dante Exum commcercial about 10 seconds into the first of 20 of them.
-The Sixers like waiting for big guys off the bench or across the pond.
-The Payne-Princess Lacey story makes me weepy. Not sarcastic.
-The Adam Silver presentation to Isaiah Austin made me weepy. NOT sarcastic. SO classy.
-Bill Simmons is funny with how big of Celtics fan he is.
-Bill Simmons does not know ANY foreign players’ pronunciations. At all.
-I think Ennis being drafted might effect the Eric Bledsoe negotiations.
-How did Gary Harris fall so far?
-How did Bruno Caboclo get drafted in the first round? Why? Someone nudge the Raptors and tell them we are not mad you drafted him at all, just in the FIRST round????
-Fran said he was two years away from being two years away.
-McGary got hurt, smoked pot, and STILL got drafted by a winning team needing inside help.
-LOVED the Utah Jazz draft.
-Can’t believe that we came SO close to Kemba and Shabazz being reunited until LeBron’s tweet got in the way.
-Do you realize that the Spurs got a bunch of draft picks, their stars are happy, they just won a title, and they STILL have $9 million in cap room? That is sick.
-Cleanthony Early got drafted…late. Hardy har har but true.
-I was a Cavs fan and might become a Cavs fan. UVA’s Joe Harris went to the Cavs.
-I took bathroom breaks in the second round during Philly’s FIVE second round picks.
-Anyone notice that the background music sounded circa 1989 glam rock?
-If you would have told me Patric Young, CJ Fair, Aaron Craft, and Luke Hancock would not have gotten drafted at all, I would have said you were crazy.
-Dinwiddie went way to late and was a great pick.
43) That is it. Hope you enjoyed or are at least more informed. Will I blog tomorrow? That is a CLOWN question, bro. Peace.