No words necessary, Derek.

  1. Greetings and salutations, people.  Thanks for coming aboard (the boat).  Let’s turn and burn.
  2. Most of you know how much I revere Deadspin.  And, you either get it or you don’t.  Some might think it would make sense and be funnier if they explained this ranking, but we, the regular reader, know that its randomness and lack of explanation make it so much MORE brilliant.  Planets ranked, people.  Don’t worry.  Earth won.
  3. It is sort of like the NON-brilliance humor of Michael Beasley saying he still thinks he can be a superstar…in the NBA…for the Knicks.  But kind of different humor.  Moving on.
  4. We are going to play this whole college bball season, and you will become familiar with the names that might go early in the draft, and then you will be perplexed when the name Luka Doncic overtakes ALL of those names.  Get ready.  This scenario might happen.  Prepare yourself to be overloaded.
  5. The players reaction to the Yankees young fan being hit by a foul ball was sincere and a special moment in the sporting week.  Those two schmucks laughing behind Frazier laughing are a different issue and I hope THEIR names come out too.
  6. I was at a residence BBQ yesterday when the wind went crazy.  Then, I read how Denver had our version of a Haboob come through.  This is apparently similar to the sand storms in the desert, except for it was in Denver.  Funny name regardless, and you can now feel like you learned something today.  Haboob.
  7. I would like to thank my colleague, Will, for being the first person to notice my socks as they truly were today.  They were not just “red” socks.  They were Sriracha socks.  Big difference, and I sometimes bring the heat (no pun intended) on my sock selection.  He noticed that they were SRIRACHA socks and not just red ones.
  8. You have to love Jay-Z.  Dude probably turned down the Super Bowl halftime show because he wants to watch the freaking game.  I am pretty sure we are safe from his NY teams making it, so this WOULD have been a safe year.
  9. Ex-NFL CB Charles Tillman got media coverage because he is training for the FBI.  Shouldn’t we have a little more secrecy on who is training for our semi-secret United States crime crew?
  10. Big week for Draymond Green.  He not only gets Magic to testify in his East Lansing incident, but a glitch was discovered in the NBA 2K game where he sits on KD’s lap and luckily Deadspin covered those bases.
  11. And then KD tweets nonsense and unfortunately I HAVE to admit his apology…was pretty damn good and sincere.  Dammit.  He did something bad and then something good.  Push.
  12. Sounds like a push to me.  Neshek is a autograph hound, and Greinke was diagnosed with social awkwardness.  Actually, it sounds like a story that needs to be replaced on the freaking wire.
  13. Well, this just helps absolutely NOTHING.
  14.  Just when you thought Albert Haynesworth rode into the sunset of his very weird career, he accuses his ex-girlfriend of racial slurs.  We enjoyed the silence and welcome back to just being a dumbass.
  15. Aaron Judge just hit his 45th HR, and I feel like he might have spent the most time ever between 35 and 45 HR’s of a guy who was on The Tonight Show.
  16. Well, there probably isn’t a lot of people in that pool/sample, but WHATEVER.  MY blog.
  17. Richard Sherman doesn’t like injury reports and says they are just for gamblers and Vegas.  Well, good point, Stanford Richard.  But, and not to split the atom with you, SOME teams who oppose another team just MIGHT want that info too.  Fair?
  18. Terrelle Pryor asked Cody Davis on Twitter to avoid knee shots, and I asked Terrell Pryor on Twitter to start scoring fantasy points like a WRII.
  19. I don’t exactly have $1 million underneath my mattress, BUT I would pay a charity if a HR BOUNCED in a small can that has been there for most of the season. #justinupton
  20. I feel like I will be on my deathbed and Doug Collins will be hired in the NBA for something.
  21. Even Cyborg is making fun and WWE references with Ronda Rousey’s career.
  22. You won’t even care WHY this happened.  You won’t even care why this is suddenly hot when it appears it was done years ago.  You just won’t even care because you will be laughing too hard.  If this is not the funniest thing I have seen this week, then I just don’t know what is.  I give you Derek Carr, people.  And his weird not famous anymore brother.
  23. Fine.  Won’t click on it?  Afraid of computer viruses?  Just find it yourself.  Google “derek carr eecu commercial” and click on one of the video links.
  24. It won’t get the pub of some other games, and PROBABLY will be decisive, but Vandy WILL make the Bama game in Nashville a LITTLE interesting…at least early.  I will be catching it if possible. Vandy is decent and getting the Tide at home is a help.  I am at least taking the tiny over under of 42.
  25. We live in a world where one ex-NFL player goes on a talk show and lights up another former teammate and that other teammate replies only on Twitter and probably wishes it contained more than 140 characters at a time. #santanamoss #robertgriffin
  26. Even movie reviews on Deadspin are better.
  27. No interest in seeing the damn movie, but it was a fun read.
  28. I am not finding it for you, but you need to FIND the HS football kicker who got his kick blocked and then kicked it through uprights on a bounce anyway.
  29. Lindsey had La La Land on last night, and I tried to ignore it while working, but I admit I had no idea it was so piano based, and it was slightly better than I expected.  Of course, I expected it to be totally unwatchable, so basically I am saying is that it is slightly watchable with a decent storyline.  Ugghhh.  Just SKIP it like I intended to.
  30. Sometimes you just KNOW when a story is better read on Deadspin, and anything with “mad pooper” in the headline certainly qualifies.
  31. Galactic and Pepper at Red Rocks this weekend???? Hmmmm.  A) any concert at Red Rocks is good and B) I have seen both bands and the fact that they are together might clinch it.  Plus, I can drive EVERYWHERE now.
  32. Ironic that the guy who breaks the MLB all time HR’s in a season record is the guy least likely to hit a dinger. #alexgordon
  33. You know you want to read ANY story about 45 guys dressing as Magnum PI for a bachelor party and going to a Tigers game and getting booted.  HAVE to read.
  34. If a former #1 recruit is transferring from Auburn, which is really happening, should we just assume that he will be spiteful and go to Bama?
  35. I am 1-1 in fantasy and my depth is ridiculous right now.  My bench would win a lot of games.  Everyone scored more than 11 on my bench last week.  This is more impressive because we only allow FOUR players on the bench, meaning you can’t store sleepers and pay the waiting game.  The only guy I am keeping around for storage is OJ Howard…because I have Winston and I have…a FEELING.
  36. And I booted Sam Bradford and will carry two tight ends.  I picked up Hunter Henry, but firmly believe OJ Howard will end up being a stud by midseason, rookie TE or not.
  37. I wish these Hurricanes would stop for lots of reasons A) because I am human and don’t want more tragedy B) because my family lives in FL C) because Lindsey has become addicted to watching/ tracking these things and D) because they are jacking up the Caribbean islands we intend on returning to next summer.
  38. Mostly A and B though.  Swear.
  39. Feel bad for Browns fans, but if that team can’t get a win or wins against consecutive games vs. the Colts, Bengals, and Jets, then they have bigger fish to fry.
  40. Chris Long, a UVA guy, donated SIX of his NFL checks to C-Ville and us alum love that because A) he has the money and B) the people demonstrating WERE from out of town.  C-Ville is a great place for everything.
  41. This is the week I don’t give a damn about fantasy and will take the loss.  I play the league organizer, who conveniently has Big Ben and Mr. Bell.  Screw fantasy (or win like 20-3 with defensive touchdowns)…yeah.  I can hope for what I want.  Free country.
  42. When a guy plays 10,000 consecutive snaps as a lineman, he is going to have some stories.  Love the one about Joe Thomas having to introduce himself to the QB IN the huddle.  Math and research dictates it was probably Josh Johnson.
  43. Sad week for football, as we don’t want ANY high school players dying, but two in a week REALLY hurts.
  44. You know things are bad for the Dodgers (5-20 in their last 25 games) when the Phils are going for a sweep tonight against them.  The PHILS.
  45. I totally get the argument that Chris Sale has company in the Cy Young conversation, but when he gets to 300k’s, which he just did, then I think the pendulum sways HIS way.  First guy in the AL since Pedro in 1999.  That deserves an award.
  46. I personally wish more casual sports readers knew who Raul Mondesi was so I could spin some good 8 years, corruption, DR jokes at them.
  47. It is Thursday, meaning no one STILL appears to WANT to win the American League wildcard.  ALL teams involved have records over the last 20 games they should NOT be proud of.
  48. So, civilization lives with the networks pushing the Yanks-Red Sox on us constantly no matter where we live, yet the schedule makers can’t freaking SCHEDULE them to play each other in their last three series of the year?  Talk about a little miscommunication and bad planning with something that happens at the end of the season a LOT more than other unplanned things.
  49. I think if I had enough free time in life, I would find the make fun of Mr. Riley sites in Nebraska and enjoy my reading time.
  50. So, the Celtics sign everyone and their mother on the radar, then skip out on the most OBVIOUS pickup?  Bogut could have been had for $2.3 mil and they didn’t pick up the phone?  Odd.
  51. What do boxing judges do when put “on break?”  Actually, what do boxing judges do between matches when NOT on break?
  52. Matt Prater has the quietest cool streak in all of sports right now.  Dude can’t miss…from PLUS 50 yds out.
  53. IF, and I say IF, I understand fully why Kyrie left Cleveland and the best player in the game, then WHY would I understand him poking the bear STILL?  I don’t.  Dude, it is one thing to leave LeBron.  It is a whole other mess to find time to piss him off through the media.  Dude was going all OUT talking about how he doesn’t CARE about what LeBron thinks about him leaving.  Too much.
  54. I feel like Antonio Gates will still be playing TE when I am very old and hopefully on a beach in Belize.
  55. There are many different definitions of “drought,” but none really are in play when you are in the 50’s in HR’s with games to play.  #giancarlostanton
  56. The Orioles lost a minor league player in a car crash in the DR.  Having visited there, this seems the farthest thing from far fetched to me.  Driving in the car was probably the scariest part of the trip and it is TOTALLY out of your control.
  57. Since starting this blog, Nebraska has rightfully fired their athletic director.
  58. Even if it is totally fake about our favorite redhead, I like the media ploy McCarron is pulling by telling fans to trust Dalton.  He talked me into not using my losers pick on them.
  59. Yes, after some confusion, I am still in the losers pool and did NOT get N.E. as my default pick last week.
  60. I lost my office pool ironically by forgetting to change Dallas to Denver, when what really went down is that I decided by game time the Broncos would win going away and made money on betting ON Denver.
  61. Adidas passed the Jordan brand for #2 on the shoe selling list, and I for one would like to admit I thought the Jordan brand was just an offshoot of the Nike brand and therefore still a Nike brand.  Guess I was out of the loop on THAT one.
  62. I for one also knew the Lions had a shot Monday night, but really didn’t fully understand the horribleness of the offensive line of the Giants.  I don’t think ANYONE did.
  63. I refuse to believe certain foods should be eaten at certain times of day.  I will continue to eat Cheez-Its in the morning, Cheerios before bed, and other things whenever I feel like it.  If I want eggs for dinner, that suits me just fine.
  64. I am suddenly hungry.
  65. So, if Stidham was worried about his starting job before this week, I guess Sean White did him a favor by getting booted off the team.  In reality, Sean was probably drinking BECAUSE he had lost the starting job, so there is fun irony in that thought too.
  66. You might watch tomorrow’s college football game because you like UVA.  You might watch tomorrow’s college football game because you like Boise State.  You might watch tomorrow’s college football game because you bet on it.  Or,, you might watch tomorrow’s college football game because there is a DOG that retrieves the kickoff tee each time and that is…adorable.
  67. So, if the Chargers can’t fill a college stadium with 30k people in it, what size is the new stadium going to be?  I guess the family of Mr. Rivers would take a lot of room.
  68.  For all of the dancing on sidelines and not talking to media that Mr. Lynch does, it is kind of cool that he has a store in Oakland where good students get free hair cuts after they show their successful report card.
  69. Interesting fact to tell your friends.  Vinateri has now kicked exactly 177 games with Indianapolis and 177 games with New England.
  70. It is true that Ezekial Elliott could NOT have caught the interceptor, but that isn’t really the point, isn’t it?  Even if you go the anti-injury route, can he at least show for a split second he CARES by trotting the other way?
  71. HEADLINE:  Purdue football fans are suddenly buying tickets and that is a win in itself.
  72. Lawrence Timmons must think he got traded to a colder weather, shittier town team that wasn’t winning, because going AWOL is just dumb.
  73. Aaron Hernandez might have had late CTE before killing some folks, but pretty sure that might have been on the docket regardless.  His CTE probably just made it easier to do.
  74. My wife wonders why I go to work so early.  I love my job is one reason.  But, another is because I accomplish more before 8am than most people accomplish all morning.  My low point of the morning is about 7:50am when some jackass turns on the overhead lights.
  75. The Falcons won Monday and it was initially impressive, but the silence while Green Bay was getting a couple of scores in their own crib was awkward and AWESOME.
  76. My workouts are going well.  I had my first day in like a month where I GAINED a pound.  I will attribute that to the two brownies and cookie I had, and will acknowledge that as my weight gets lower, it gets harder.
  77. I could tell you what my college and pro picks are tonight, tomorrow, and this weekend, but still rolling in silence as I don’t want to jinx anything.  Aside from one round of picks on Saturday each week, and either the Sunday or Monday night game, I have been stellar.  I just need to eliminate those blips.
  78. Ironic that I lost my weekly picks pool after not changing the game that made my week on Sunday, the Broncos-Cowboys.  I firmly believed the Broncos would win and bet on it, yet forgot to change the pick in my office pool.  I ended up losing three games.
  79. For those of you thinking I am worried about the sluggish Steelers offensive start, I tell you a couple of things.  A) we are still 2-0 B) we have one of the top three offensive lines in football (Raiders, Cowboys other two) C) can you imagine when they DO hit stride?
  80. I nailed the South Florida and Thursday Night NFL game, but got greedy.  Not sure why I had to tease an over/under on a separate bet, but I did, and my under didn’t really pan out.  By a LOT.  In calculating the inefficiency of the offenses, I forgot to factor in the horribleness of the defenses.
  81. And should have gone much bigger on USF minus the 18.5.  Easy one.
  82. Losing a kicker for the season to an ACL injury doesn’t SEEM like a big deal, but considering colleges aren’t carrying a whole pack of kickers and considering you aren’t beating teams like Bama by more than field goals, it IS a significant loss overall…just not now in the blowouts.
  83. Charles Barkley says NBA players are whiny about back to back games, and he didn’t even average playing 70 games a year for the last 10 years of his career thereabouts.
  84. Ricky Williams was pulled over for license plate problems and it was discovered he had a few other traffic incidents on record and not resolved.  One of the incidents he labeled as racial profiling.  Sure, he might be right, but wouldn’t YOU pull over Ricky Williams if you were a cop knowing how much pot he smoked like…his entire life?
  85. Another day goes by, Brian Hoyer is throwing INT’s, and Kaepernick can’t even get a BENCH job.  Shame on all levels.
  86. If you were wondering about the state of Temple football, it continues to be not good.  If you want an example of that, knowing that taking risks is key in beating a team much better than you, than just do this early in the game.
  87. I hope some kid from Boston reads this part of the Tom Brady boat and gets skin poisoning.
  88. I am writing this part while watching the Family Guy when he drinks Red Bull and I am shaking the bed laughing.
  89. Park & Co. is an underrated burger place in Denver, and I would like people to know that even though they nixed a couple of the better ones, the burgers DO come with fries now at no charge and you can get the DELICIOUS garlic aioli to dip the fries in.
  90. I feel like the word “aioli” just came about like 4 years ago.  Or I have suddenly started going to restaurants who carry it?  I don’t remember ever coming across it when I worked 14 years in like 10 restaurants.  Seriously, when did this stuff come about?
  91. Fail on the schedule makers job.  Sure, you have to make the schedule way before the season starts, but we end up with ONE game between ranked teams this weekend in college.  And not sure Miss St.-UGA will make people outside of the south leave picnics at the end of nice weather to turn on their tube.  That is a ranked game of convenience for people in other parts of the country and non betting folks.
  92. You can make fun of it all you want, and I do to, but the facts remain.  Mike Gundy was 13-15 before his I’m a Man rant.  He is 89-31 since.  You just can’t argue that.
  93. I have had an excellent seven days at work for free food.  Fruit, yogurt, and cinnabuns highlighted this morning.
  94. The Warriors are debating on the White House visit.  You all can show solidarity ALL you want for other things, and you can even have some individuals bow out who feel extra motivated, BUT don’t NOT show up as a whole.  Don’t be THAT team that totally disses the President invite, even if he is a d-bag.
  95. I didn’t have time to edit this, so sorry for any repetition or grammatical errors.  Still taking resumes for my intern for Kramerica.
  96. I have figured out why it is so tough for me to write a focused article.  It is time windows.  When I have a window to write, I just WRITE.  Like Forrest Gump ran.  I don’t have time to research, my job takes too much of my time, and I usually have a LOT to share when that window unexpectedly comes.  Sorry SB Nation and Rotoden.
  97. I always say in work and life “more to come.”  I sit on my couch all Sunday, so…more to come.
  98. And Sunday will have some fun pics like I like to add.  Sorry for nothing this time.  This was a “write one thing” and move on to other things blog.
  99. That’s it for today.  Hope you enjoyed or are at least more informed.  Will I blog again?  That is a CLOWN question, bro.  Peace.
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