QUICK SHOUT OUT FROM THE FILLERBUSTER: Just click on this link if you want more Manziel. Classic stuff. Thanks for passing it along, Logan.
And now, Mr. Royal.
The Dark Period Shmorgisboard (I don’t know how to spell that word)
Ahh yes, the MLB All-Star break. The All-Star Break is like the dark period within the darkest period of time in sports. The World Cup is over for us, and literally all we have is baseball. So assuming you like baseball, during the All-Star Break aside from a mildly-entertaining HR Derby and baseball’s beauty pageant – err, All-Star Game, you’ve basically got no action.
But have no fear. A bored blogger with time on his hands has found some pretty interesting sports stuff from across the country and across all the major sports.
So this dude named Dom Dwyer steals the ball from a defender in some MLS game, scores, pulls out a cell phone and takes a selfie with his fans and gets a yellow card.
Hey MLS, for the record, I friggin love this. I hate selfies, I hate diva athletes who over-celebrate for doing their job, and somehow… somehow I absolutely love this Dom Dwyer dude. Hilarious. An homage to Chad “Ochocinco” Johnson in many respects. Plus, anything that happens that can get us to talk about the MLS is a very good thing. I’m on board for this soccer revolution thing people keep talking about but you gotta keep feeding me this stuff to keep me interested.
Hey Jimmy Graham, big fan here. But I’m tired of hearing about how you’re not a tight end. You can’t have it both ways, bro. Part of the reason you catch so many touchdowns and are as effective as you are is because teams have to play you like a tight end and respect your tight end qualities. If you were a pure wide receiver there’s just no way you’d see the same production. I don’t have an issue with you thinking you should get more money, I think you’re going about it the wrong way. You’re not a WR. What you should be doing is attacking the very concept of the franchise tag very publicly.
Having said that, Jimmy Graham is getting H-O-S-E-D hosed! Are you kidding me? The franchise tag is such a criminal abuse of front office power, I just don’t understand how the NFLPA hasn’t managed to outlaw that thing from the CBA. Look I’m not saying Jimmy should get Megatron money, and as I mentioned before I’m not saying we should call the dude a wide receiver, but any system where the Saints could fail to work out a long-term deal for this dude and he gets paid franchise-tag TE money is insanity. Best TE in the league (Shut up Patriots fan. Call me when Gronk plays a full season).
In unrelated news, I think Johnny Football, Mike Pettine (is he their head coach now? I can’t keep up), and Brian Hoyer all just collectively crapped their pants upon hearing the news that Josh Gordon was arrested (again) for DWI (again). It’s kind of like, “oh… well, there goes all of our offensive production.”
And please, spare me the “We shouldn’t even be thinking about football right now. Josh Gordon needs help,” crap. Yes, Gordon needs help. He needs to help himself. The NFLPA has hired dudes across the country that essentially specialize in being life coaches to these guys and many of them specialize in substance-abuse problems. Ever since this whole Jim Irsay stuff everyone wants to be a medical expert and talk about addiction as a disease. Maybe Josh Gordon does have an addiction disease. If so, then yes maybe his perceived selfishness turns into more of a situation that is out of his control and I’ll shut up. Or, maybe Josh Gordon is just a selfish idiot who cares more about getting high and driving drunk than his teammates or, I dunno, the people and children that share the road with him.
I filed this one under college basketball becaue PJ Hairston hasn’t even touched an NBA basketball yet. If Hairston wasn’t already a bad pick for Charlotte because he’s an insanely overrated basketball player, he already looks like one and he hasn’t even gotten to play for them yet. It takes a certain special kind of maturity to fight a high-schooler at a streetball game. Stay classy, UNC!
The Houston Rockets are offering Chris Bosh a 4 year/96 million dollar deal. No word yet on whether or not any Rockets Front Office personnel have gotten a chance to watch his 2014 NBA Playoff games or if they have a time machine to travel back to a time when Chris Bosh was more than an oversized jump-shooter. If the Bosh deal goes through, he will make more than Dirk Nowitzki and Tim Duncan combined next year. Hey Houston: YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG.
Speaking of Dirk… I want you all to remember this moment when I hopped on the Mavericks bandwagon before it was cool. They’re the only team to take the Spurs to seven games in last year’s postseason, they have the best coach in the league, they got Tyson Chandler back, and they’ve cleared enough cap space to make a run at Lebron/Melo or anyone else they want.
Every day that goes by I think it’s less and less likely that Lebron will return to Miami. Having said that, I still think he will. My gut feeling says that he doesn’t want Bosh on that team to take up cap space. I think that he drags this thing out until Bosh takes the money and signs with Houston, then he gives into Pat Riley because – let’s face it – Pat Riley is a scary dude. Or he could just fulfill every blogger’s dream and go back to Cleveland so I can write about it.
Good on Cleveland for locking down Kyrie. All the sudden, Lebron is looking at a secure Kyrie Irving and Andrew Wiggins in Cleveland. But Miami has signed Danny Grainger and overpaid for Josh McRoberts. So there’s that. No? Not buying that? Why not?!
As for Melo and the Knicks, I think this is a lose-lose for Phil Jackson. He whiffed on Kerr and now he’s played his cards wrong with Melo. Melo said he would take less money, Phil exploited that by making it a big, public story, and when it looked like Melo was going to leave for the Bulls/Lakers/Mavericks/Heat/whoever you want to throw in here, Phil backed down and offered Melo a max deal the Knicks can’t really afford. In scenario 1, Melo takes the money and you have to hope you can land a championship-caliber leader in 2015 (DEAR GOD, PLEASE LET IT BE KEVIN DURANT). Melo has proven he’s not your “1A” guy. He’s a “1B” guy. He plays defense when he wants, lacks several leadership qualities, and is purely a volume scorer. He’s Robin, not Batman. In scenario 2, you throw everything you got at Melo and he leaves for another team. Honestly, as a Knicks’ fan I think we might be better off with scenario 2.
I don’t care what anyone says, Billy Beane is awesome. You can spout all the crap you want about how they haven’t made it past the ALCS in the moneyball era, I don’t care. Look at that total team salary, people. I can’t believe he beat Cashman to the punch and locked down Samardzija (did I spell that right?) and another starting pitcher to add to a rotation that has been fantastic in the absence of two starters being out already. I’m blown away. This “moneyball” guy clearly knows when to play moneyball and when to shell out the cash and just go for it. The A’s look like the best team in baseball (best run-differential in the league) and Samardzija was the pre-deadline gem in baseball and they got him for a prospect (although a very good prospect).
Side Note: Jason Kidd. I don’t get you dude. That is all.
Congrats to the Blackhawks on signing Brad Richards after he was discarded from the Rangers’ salary heap. Hope you like overpaid, underachieving second-line centers who choke during the playoffs. (Ugh, my bitter Ranger fan just showed itself)
P.K. Subban and Chris Kreider have arbitration hearings coming up. Both deserve to be paid more, but P.K. Subban definitely needs to be paid more. He was the Canadiens’ playoff run last year.
Wayne Gretzky has a group put together to try and get an NHL team put in Seattle. I love the idea. It sucks that they lost the Sonics and I think hockey would be a hit for that fan base. Plus, another thing to add to my list of reasons why I need to go visit Seattle.
Brenkus did a SportsScience in which he shoved hot dogs into something that resembled a female organ and then yelled “69!!!!!!” at the top of his lungs. That is not a joke, that actually happened. Here’s the proof. Sometimes things happen in the sports world that tell me that sports Gods really do care about sports bloggers like me. This video is one of those things that was hand-delivered from the sports Gods to me. Thank you, sports Gods.
Transformers 4 set some box-office record for it’s opening night/weekend. Yea I think I can wait to Netflix this one. And the next four. I mean, seriously, Michael Bay doesn’t really even have to try anymore. Transformers 5, starring Eric Bana and miscellaneous hot girl coming your way in a few years (probably, I just made that up). Plot? Ha! Irrelevant. Cha-Ching!
I did spend my money on 22 Jump Street and it was everything I thought it would be. I genuinely hope they make a 23 Jump Street where they go to grad school or something. That cast is gold.
What I’m most excited about is the Hercules movie. A childhood idol delivering the People’s Elbow to mythical creatures on the big screen? Are you kidding me? Sign me up.