Listen, here’s the thing. If you can’t spot the sucker in the first half hour at the table, then you ARE the sucker.

Read it, don’t read it, I don’t care…just needed to get some things off my chest.

In no particular order of chronology or importance…

Not on the clock today.  I am just writing at breaks and commercials until 3rd quarter of this colossal showdown between LSU and South Carolina.

Let’s turn and burn.

1)  There are some people in the Show Me state in drastic need of a hug.  During the offseason, Missouri made the Einstein decision to join the SEC.  How is that working for you, guys?  Sure, today’s loss can’t be laughed at as getting beaten up by Bama is kind of a regular thing for most teams these days.  But, it did continue to paint an ugly overall picture, as the Tigers are now 0-4 as the new guys.  They get a “breather” in Kentucky upcoming, but then have the pleasure of playing at Florida and at Tennessee down the line.  Good times.

2)  In case you were looking for a Baltimore Orioles comeback in the ninth last night, you just need to know this.  In the last 92 times that the Yankees have been holding a lead going into the ninth, they have won…92 times.  Sure, Rivera is most of that, but still…

3)  I was glad to hear that Minnesota Gophers’ coach Jerry Kill was ok and in stable condition.  Poor guy had a seizure right after the press conference in the locker room.  He is ok though.

4)  The Cardinals made a legendary comeback against the Nationals after being down 6-0 overall and 7-5 in the ninth.  No offense to the Nationals, but this sounds about right.  One team has players who already have been there/ done that and know it is never over, and the other team has a young, talented, inexperienced crew trying to figure out how to take that next step.  You HAVE to keep your foot on their throat, guys.

4a)  Sure, it is easy to jump on the bandwagon saying that they shouldn’t have Stephen Strasburg down the the end of the season.  I, as you know, AM in the that camp, BUT I WILL say this.  His replacement in the rotation actually had the best stats of anyone in their rotation in the playoffs.  Therefore, it wasn’t as much as losing Strasburg, it was more about that the other guys slacked off a bit.

5)  I love when people have arguments THROUGH the media.  Note to Jim Harbaugh and Kevin Gilbride.  Take it off line.  We don’t care.  OR, say something more juicy.  Either way works.

6)  Only in Jersey.  A woman wanted to sue the Nets CEO for relationship/ child care stuff.  She ended up having an abortion of their would be kid.  The courts have ruled that since she had the abortion, and that the final say WAS hers, she can’t sue anyone.  If I had a bunch of idle time in life, I might want to know more details of this thing.  I don’t.  Therefore, this story loses out.  Moving on.

7)  I am confused.  Darrelle Revis knew he had a torn ACL like a week or two ago.  The Jets JUST put him on IR, and have scheduled his ACL surgery.  What are they waiting on for the surgery?  Hypothetically, should they actually look like a football team for a couple weeks, make a run, make the playoffs, and play into January, wouldn’t you want a SHOT that he could play?  I would say that them waiting for the surgery pretty much shows me they have thrown in the towel already.

8)  World Cup qualifying.  Teams like Germany and Spain are looking like teams like Germany and Spain, and the U.S. is getting 89th minute goals against Antigua and Barbuda.  Barbuda???  Is this a new country, or did my grade school teachers not teach me about these guys?

9)  OU destroys the Texans in a game (Red River Shootout) I remember clearing my afternoon plans for to watch (I didn’t today.  I went to see a movie.  More on that later.).  Not to just use a term that I am assuming everyone is using, but one or two more of these, and we can rename it the Red River Blowout?

9a)  I don’t care about who won that game personally.  But I DO know that this makes for a happy girlfriend.  And that is very good.  SO nice to be dating a girl whose mood is connected with sports.  When the Steelers lost, she didn’t know what to say.  But neither did I when Kansas State beat OU earlier in the season.  Nice.

10)  Holy crap.  I am SO much a closet Steve Spurrier fan these days (pretty easy to root for someone else when UVA is losing games to Lousiana Tech and home games against Maryland.  Ugghhh.).  He just went for a 4th and 2 without calling a timeout and Marcus Lattimore shot out of the clogged up pile like John Riggins used to do for the Skins in the early 80’s.

10a)  LOVE the ‘ole ball coach.  He just was interviewed before halftime, used the word discombobulated (I am AMAZED I didn’t get red lined for a spelling problem on that word) during the interview, and blamed himself for calling crappy plays.

11)  Aside from Kansas State beating OU in primetime (sorry, Lindsey), Kansas State and Oregon State have to be the best kept secrets in the top 10 these days.  Shhhh.

12)  I hung out with my good friend, Adam, who I haven’t seen in years last night.  Along with catching up on both our lives, we played Buck Hunter.  True to my form, I lost the best of three showdown.  My updated record in that game is now about 1-120.  Probably a good thing my dad wasn’t a hunter who gave me a gun to shoot.

13)  I forgot to mention yesterday about the Steelers debacle.  HERE is a good note.  Big Ben actually ran for 14 yards in the same play.  He must have been thinking that the first down line was an underage college chick.

13a)  Also, Heath Miller passed Louis Lipps on the receptions list all time for Pittsburgh.  YOU might not know who Louis Lipps is.  I do.  I still have a cut up workout shirt from the late 80’s of him.  No, mom, I don’t throw away much.  I love that shirt.  I think that shirt cost me like two neighbors’ grass mowings.

14)  The NHL has the “potential” for talks this week.  I usually put quotes around something for MY sarcasm.  That first sentence was pretty much verbatim off the ESPN wire.  EVERYONE is making fun of their lack of interest in getting this thing going.  Chris Pronger is HEALTHY for Pete’s sake.  Let’s play some hockey.

15)  Talk about subconscious messaging.  Overstock.com calls themselves the Big O evidently.  Today, I saw a commercial for the company with a chick in pajamas in her bed. Come on.  You can tell me that you are portraying the idea that the chick can do it without leaving her house.  I think otherwise.  Admit it.

16)  As fast as the Jeremy Lin phenomenon took last season, so goes the Geno Smith Heisman bandwagon.  He would have to AVERAGE about 8 TD’s a game now for his now dismantled Mountaineers to have any shot at it.

17)  The Irish pull it out in overtime against Stanford.  The goal line stand controversy?  I personally think he didn’t get in and here is why.  The refs are idiots.  You can hear the play called dead, and therefore could make the argument that the Notre Dame players stopped trying.  That being said, it is irrelevant.  They had two tries from that spot.  If it is that close, then you called the wrong plays anyway.  The only people who are really upset are in Palo Alto.

18)  I hear that Tiger apologized to the Ryder Cup rookies on his team after his bad showing.  After that good gesture, maybe he made it successfully in and out of Perkins without waiting out a server’s shift to end also.

19)  I hear that they are airing a movie called Steve McNair:  A Football Life.  That story would be so much more powerful had his guy broken that Rams tackle at the 1 yard line in the Super Bowl, and maybe it is called “a football life” to let us know that the biography is sticking to the football portion, since he had some shady stuff going on off the field.

20)  Lindsey rented a movie the other night.  The Orioles/ Yankees game went into extra innings, meaning there was no way we were watching the movie.  She inquired about how we are going to make time to watch movies with my sports schedule.  I wonder how I remember to eat, sleep, and run errands because of my sports watching schedule, let alone watching a two hour movie on a school night.  Decisions, decisions.

21)  A-Rod is back in the lineup for the Yanks tonight.  Good call, Joe Girardi.  You were gutsy and Nostradamus like after pulling him the first time.  You were pushing it when you didn’t have him in the lineup for Game 5.  But having him not play Game 1 of a new series?  The stats might support anything you do, but let’s not push it TOO much.  You ARE in New York.

21a)  Plus, Joe, you can use him as your scapegoat if you all drop the game tonight.  Genius.

22)  Mark Sanchez will start “this week.”  This is a great Seinfeld parallel when Jerry didn’t get invited to a party.  Did Rex accent “will?”  Did he stress “this?”  Did he accentuate “start?”  One way or the other, the fact that people are breaking down sentence structure means that the Tebow chants will continue.  Cut Mark some slack.  You could put Joe Montana in that lineup, and he might go .500.

22a)  I was making a joke.  I think Joe Montana is the best ever, and he would have them going to the Super Bowl with ANY lineup.

22b)  Kind of joking on that last one also.  I admit it.  Take both of the last two hooks…and MERGE them.  Yeah.  Moving on.

23)  RGIII will play this week.  He BETTER.  The nation’s capital needs SOMETHING to make them forget about the Cardinals comeback.

24)  THERE you are, DeShawn.  One of the bench players of my Rant Squad, he unfortunately didn’t do anything really dumb.  I was disappointed.  He merely tweeted an apology to Deron Williams for thinking Deron was talking about him when he lit up last year’s Nets squad.  Go to a strip club with a gun, DeShawn.  Or wander around an apartment complex after drinking some Mad Dog.  You are so much more exciting than apology tweets.

25)  I went to see Looper today at a matinee showing.  I was kind of excited for it because of all the reviews.  I admit I don’t get into futuristic, time travel movies as much as others.  My thoughts on it?  It was a decent movie.  To solve the plot problem, they did a good job at hiding the outcome.  Acting was good.  You could have cut about 15 minutes from a couple scenes that dragged a little.  You made me want one of those small guns that loopers carry.  The sex scene came from left field.  Bruce Willis gets a vintage badass scene.  Basically, I would put it top 5 of time travel movies I have seen, but since no time travel movies exist in my top 20 or 30 of all time, then that is not saying much.  Summary? It is worth seeing.  Once.  A grade above “watchable.”

25a)  I sat three seats down from a guy who was literally asleep before and during the beginning of the movie.  Dude.  MAXIMIZE your overcharged visit (the matinee is $8.50-ridiculous).  Before I go into a movie, I go to bathroom, make sure I have eaten, have something to drink…basically make sure I don’t need to go ANYWHERE during my viewing.  I even have tissues in case I sneeze.  I have fallen asleep during one movie in my entire life because of the cost of movies.  Robocop II.  Kind of random, and I haven’t seen the movie since, so I can’t tell you if it really WAS that bad, but there you go.

25b)  By the way, UA Pavilion Theaters on 16th Street Mall, theater #7 still plays the damn roller coaster multiple times.  Fix that since my movie of choice seems to be in that mini theater every time lately.

26)  A small fact that you can get more sleep after I tell you and you can tell your friends.  So random.  Bryce Harper is the youngest player to ever hit a TRIPLE in the postseason.  He was second in home runs.  Damn you, Andrew Jones.

27)  YYYYAAAAAYYYYY.  Midnight Madness occurred.  This officially is the appetizer to my favorite season.  College basketball.

28a)  CRAZY what happened at Syracuse’s Midnight Madness.  Someone stabbed someone at the event.  It is supposed to be a happy time, knife carrying people.  Happy.  Did the guy who stabbed Monica Seles get out of prison or what?

28b)  I realize that that last hook was a terrible reach, but it is what it is.  Senseless stabbing in the sports world is where I meant to go on that.  So you know.

29)  I thought it was kind of dumb when it first came out, but I like the “QBR” rating system.  I studied it (and blogged about the synopsis), understand it, and now don’t have to remember that damn 158.1 (or whatever it is) perfect score number.  Based on 100 now, and weighted for play at the end of the game.  Like it.

30)  Later tonight, google “Sanders South Carolina punt return.”  I just watched one of the better ones I have seen in years.  Too bad there was a personal foul on the play (after the play), but pretty badass nevertheless.

31)  The girlfriend is in Chicago tonight, meaning I am rolling solo.  I am heading to a strip club as I believe that is what a dude is supposed to do during these times.  That translates to me “let’s go play free pool and Golden Tee.”  Odds are about 2-1 that I end up falling asleep on the couch watching Rounders.  With the Steelers not playing, the Broncos playing Monday night, my weekend work done, and me not wanting to go to church because of my pastor no longer being there, I really have nowhere to be tomorrow.  I will either wander the streets aimlessly in Capitol Hill, or go to my watering hole and not care WHAT game is on in front of me.

31a)  I know I have NEVER mentioned it, but Rounders is the best movie of all time that no one seems to have watched.  Great flick if you are not a gambler, and incredible flick if you have the itch.  You don’t know if you have the itch?  If you go to Vegas and go to shows, you don’t have the itch.  If you don’t get an orgasmic rush when you hit a double down in blackjack, you don’t have the itch.  If you cash out your coins the moment you win ONCE at a slot machine, you don’t have the itch.  If you don’t know what an over/ under is, you don’t have the itch.  If you go to a casino and ALWAYS eat breakfast before going to the casino, you don’t have the itch.  If you haven’t calculated what type of dealers you like or don’t like, you don’t have the itch.  If you have never stayed in with an off-suited 2 and 7, you don’t have the itch.  I could go on with this forever, but my more exciting stories would be a little much.  Point made.

32)  A shout out to my local readers.  If you haven’t gone HERE (my watering hole), you are missing out on a fun time.  http://www.barsindenver.net/

33)  The NBA is building a “multiplex” in China, one of their largest not USA markets.  I think it is a buyout to make sure we are aware of any other 7′ centers they have in their young person leagues. Yao Ming was great, but the NBA would prefer one that doesn’t get hurt every other day next time.

34)  Not all teams would stick to their guns in this situation.  The Giants are in the next round, technically have Melky Cabrera back from his drug ban, but will not include him on their roster.  Good for you, guys.  Keep the cheat out of this, and make the Fillerbuster proud.  I blogged (old site) that you all would be in the World Series a little under a year ago.

35)  Nice.  Classy.  Take it a notch down.  Kind of surprised it happened in Utah rather than New Jersey, but whatever…  http://www.democraticunderground.com/120421363

36)  I don’t know if Sri Lanka is like the Buffalo Bills of the early nineties, but the Fillerbuster reports ALL sports:  http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/cricket/19857255

37)  The punter from LSU is an All American.  Not that it is the difference in the game so far, but it is not helping.  You are punting like shit today for your Tigers.  Not that I am complaining at all.  Go South Carolina.

38)  K-Rod has been arrested for a domestic violence incident in September.  Grab me a flow chart.  I read the article.  Was it a delayed arrest?  Did we just find out about the incident?  What gives?  Confused.

39)  We had to skip two Seinfeld episodes the other night (in my continuing catching up of Lindsey on Seinfeld expertise).  She recorded the shows from her phone at my place.  That technology still freaks me out.  I have a smart phone because work requires it.  I would take my flip phone in a heartbeat.  KNOW this.

39a)  I still have never downloaded an app.  Ever.

39b)  My mom texts me from her iPhone.  She is 70.  SHE is even more technologically advanced than I am.

40)  Dibs to Carlos Rogers.  He imitated Victor Cruz’s salsa dance in their last meeting.  He was asked if he would do it again this week.  He said no.  He either was informed, or read the same article I did about Cruz in ESPN Mag.  Victor is not being flashy.  He is giving props to his mother, who taught him how to do it when he was growing up.  Way to be classy, Carlos.

41)  The Yanks might have had an up and down year, but going out in Game 5 with CC on the mound must have been really, really settling.  Dude is a horse.  If you watched the game, it seemed obvious that he would be relieved in the ninth.  Nope.  He came out and threw heat.  Nice confidence in your stud, and nice that he backed it up in the most pressured circumstances.

42)  I hear that Reggie Bush is a first time father.  Get a nannie, Reggie.  Don’t lose sleep. I need your fantasy points.  You were going to lead the league in rushing, correct?

43)  Aqib Talib (where is the “u?”) was busted for drugs in his system and banned four games.  I say the point is more this.  He is contributing to his fullest to provide an excuse to why the Bucs were a preseason darkhorse in like the last FOUR seasons, and they continue to suck.

44)  This is a REALLY good football game.  Some might say the SEC is overrated.  I am watching about 5-10 future NFL players playing, and enjoying the shit out of this.

45)  That is it.  I cleared my list for the most part.  Will I blog tomorrow?  That is a CLOWN question, bro.  Actually, I am lying.  I am taking the day off and hanging with Lindsey, watching football all day.  I hope you enjoyed.  I am going to enjoy the rest of this game.  Writing during commercials and halftime is tiring.  Enjoy the rest of you weekend.  Peace.

45a)  Dammit.  LSU looks like it might win. Dammit.

45b)  My rant title could be my favorite line EVER.

45c)  But THIS is why we don’t give up on games.  As I am signing off, South Carolina just made it a two point game.  Peace.

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