Read it, don’t read it, I don’t care…just needed to get some things off my chest.
In no particular order of chronology or importance…
On the clock (oddly on a Sunday). Day rant. Speed version (oddly on a Sunday). Let’s turn and burn.
CO-BLOGGER TWITTER: @gaberoyal
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1) Greetings and salutations, people. Thanks for joining me. Normally this would be my long one. But, I went to see Godzilla (more on that in a bit), Lindsey is grumpy and apparently is not happy I am STARTING blogging at 4pm, and I have to prep for my transition from government to gaming at work tomorrow.
2) So, to expedite this, I AM going to cover all topics. I am NOT going to take my time on each hook. This is a long, speed version. Is that what they call an oxymoron? Maybe less pictures. I have stuff to do, and in a perfect world, I wouldn’t have a day job or have monster movies to go see and I could just blog all day and write thoughtful things like Mr. Royal does.
3) DO read Friday’s blog by him. Awesome stuff. At least one of us can stick to a topic and go into depth on it.
4) I need to start going to strip clubs like some of my friends. I think it will make Lindsey realize once again that writing about sports on my laptop at home on the couch is not the worst thing her fiancée could be doing right now on a weekend day. I kept my old passes. Maybe they are still good.
4a) Every time I say fiancee, I say “the dingo ate your baby.” I can’t help it.
5) Speaking of the above. My rule is this. You have a 15 minute window to tell me after something happens to NOT put it in my blog. Anything after that is fair game and up to my discretion.
6) I would like to welcome back the REAL Indiana Pacers, who took care of business at home today against the Heat. There are three things I think good teams forget when trying to win it all that Indiana had today. Energy, poise/being smart, and ball movement. Nicely done. You KNOW you have the talent. Telling you all. OKC over Pacers in 6.
7) BUT, the loss of Ibaka worries me. The window is NOW. Can this team catch a freaking break? Westbrook last year? Ibaka this year? WAY different positions, but still a loss either way. They have to win ONE to become the basketball version of the 90’s Atlanta Braves.
8) I rarely laud myself, but I thought that last hook was solid.
9) I also make fun of myself. I had the cognizance at my engagement party to turn on the Preakness. I also admit that although I was PASSIONATELY rooting for California Chrome, I was watching the wrong horse for 2/3 of the race.
10) OK. It is your lucky day, Logan. No pics today. The pic additions add like 45 minutes to this writing and I don’t have the time today. I ALSO promise that the theme won’t be the same as I threatened yesterday (once again, more on that later).
11) SO good to have you back, Mark Jackson, on ESPN. Thoughtful analysis, and you will ALWAYS have the trump card of making the playoffs the last two years in the tough west and still getting fired. Idiots. I don’t care who he pissed off. You stick with that guy. Those players PLAYED for him. I have said it before and will say it again. I hope the Warriors SUCK next year just because they fired him.
12) I wasn’t sure of my “ranting” edgy mood, but pretty sure this will heat up. I am typing faster.
13) OK. Idea that helps everyone out. Ready? Let’s do improve/ speed theme. Never tried this. Without looking at WHAT is next on my list, I am going to PLOW through 15 hooks in one sentence or less.
14) Indy-Wizards Game 6-who cares-better team won and Hubie Brown announcing makes all things better.
15) Like how I hyphenated that last hook to keep it one sentence?
16) I love the Greg Hardy story MUCH more since it was his concerns over her Nelly relationship that made him go nuts.
17) Kobe wants a say in the new coach but won’t say anything-interesting.
18) I just got a text from Phil Jackson that I am on the short list for the Knicks gig but told him I don’t like New Yorkers.
19) I feel bad for the Browns, feel bad that Gordon got busted for a non athletic helping drug like pot, and LOVE the Bennett and Austin signings.
20) I loved hating Johnny Football as he was, and am kind of sad he did something cool like text the Browns GM that he wants to “wreck this league” with them and “hurry up.”
21) I am confused why a kid is allowed to pitch 194 pitches AND is removed before the end of the game in the 15th inning.
23) Speak your mind, Doc-the NBA rules are jacked right now with being able to review who hits it out without being able to call a foul when that was the reason it went out of bounds.
24) I am confused why Brian Kelly wants Michigan and Michigan State on their schedule and we have been confused for 20 years why Notre Dame football isn’t in a freaking conference.
25) This one sentence stuff is fun.
26) I hereby give you a new grouping in my blog…the “No Fly Zone.”
27) That includes shit like Michael Sam, A-Rod, Brett Favre unretiring, etc.-shit we are ALL tired of (thanks, Logan, for bitching about one of those previously mentioned things).
28) I am confused how Milan Lucic doesn’t understand that SOME of us WAIT for the end of a hockey game to watch the treasured hand shake line.
29) Sterling will sue, it will not be a short process, the sky is blue, and the grass is green.
30) The only thing about the NFL draft shifting cities is that I wish it would have been Denver, and I wish I would have run into Johnny Football after 6 Jamesons.
31) The Clippers are out of the playoffs, and now they can officially EXHALE about this whole Sterling thing.
32) I am crazy and going to continue the one sentence thing.
33) For the entire rest of the blog.
34) That is nuts.
35) One sentence only-let’s do this.
36) Google “deadspins sharper slut shaming.”
37) Just freaking read Deadspin everyday in general.
38) I invited about 40 people to my engagement party, and thanks to my three local friends for showing up.
39) Cerk, Vince, Kyle-MUCH love.
40) July 1st Drunk History comes back, and since Seinfeld is off air, you should notate your calendars as such that the greatest show in the history of the world besides Seinfeld is coming back.
40a) Ok. Cheers is up there.
41) Eat yeast before day drinking and you will feel better the next day and last longer during the experience.
42) It took me 40 times of watching the Home Sweet Home commercial to stop enjoying the song and realize it is a commercial for Coldwell Banker.
43) Jack Nicholson was at a Clippers game and I keep looking out my window wondering if the end of the world via Africanized bees or Godzilla will happen.
44) I almost cried watching the Louis C.K. bit on smart phones and airplanes.
45) Must be nice to retire for 18 months, come back, and already win the 100 fly against the best competition in the world.
46) Harrison Barnes has said he will sign EVERYTHING that is sent to him by fans, but we are all trying to figure out who sends something to sign to a guy who underachieves and averages 9 and 4 for his career.
47) Bridgewater is taking 1st team reps at OTA’s, and then we pinch ourselves and realize that we are talking about the Minnesota Vikings.
48) The only bad thing about late NBA playoffs is that I have to watch Snapped at this time on Sundays because we are running out of teams and games.
49) The only good thing about blogging and not paying attention to Snapped is that Lindsey is cooking, told me I can change the channel, and I will take advantage.
50) The good thing about being engaged to a normal woman who watches Snapped religiously is that I truly believe she doesn’t want to kill me and be on the show.
51) Boom-the first Police Academy is on-CHOSEN.
52) At a work event, I said that SOMEONE from our bowling lane on Friday, when I knew I was the worst bowler there (still bowled a 141 scoring 5 pins on the 10th frame), which got my colleagues pumped up, would beat my VP of sales in the game, and would like to thanks Ross for taking him down 168 to 167.
52a) Yes, I know that was a long, sloppy sentence.
53) I see a lot of similarities between John Wall’s and Allen Iverson’s game speed and skills.
54) Lindsey somehow thinks that soaking dishes in water without dish soap is worse than not soaking dishes at all.
55) Lionel Messi got a RAISE-isn’t he already the soccer playing Floyd Mayweather?
56) If you don’t get goose bumps thinking about the fact that the World Cup is in less than a month, than we are very different people.
57) Peyton Manning visited Omaha and probably was thinking he should have made it San Diego, Seattle, Miami, or Maui.
58) Is Maui a city, island, or what?
59) I have noticed that although I have a tapeworm, I now eat only ONE breakfast burrito on Friday instead of two.
60) The Pens have cleared their admin staff, are debating roster moves, the grass is green, and the sky is blue.
61) Gundy says he is to blame for OSU’s APR failure, he is 40 and a man, so we accept that reasoning.
62) Wes Welker was overpaid $14k, and that is not the last time a slightly past his prime receiver slightly made a little too much money.
63) I am not sure which is a better bet, but I think we have a better chance of Julio Franco still playing professional baseball in ten years than you achieving your goals.
64) I wonder if Robert Mathis was telling teams he was not past his prime WHILE doing the drugs he was just busted for.
65) I am not concerned with her care of fans, but it is disturbing that Oprah Winfrey might soon be in the sports world.
66) When Brittney Griner announced she was gay this week, wasn’t that the second time she said this or did I just assume?
67) I don’t know how I get in touch with him, but I would like to have beers and shots with the Mets guy who sent out his GM’s SS# and CC#.
68) I think Derek Fisher might still be playing basketball WHEN he gets hired for a head coaching gig.
69) I love MJ, but all of his new shoes are just ugly.
70) How Lindsey scheduled an engagement party without hitting ONE NBA game and knowing the previous series would be done is beyond me.
71) (This will be tough) I went to see Godzilla, and as long as you go into it KNOWING about the cheesiness of his past, treat it like a Rocky movie where we love when he wins regardless of the movie quality, you will be fine.
72) Everything before “I’ll Do Anything For You” is considered DECENT Bryan Adams.
73) Somehow Joey singing songs after sucking helium or Shauna literally climbing trees to GET the balloons didn’t even phase me last night.
74) I think Plush by STP acoustic style is one of my favorite 5 songs…ever. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gnSxtv5BnZo
75) I bought $200 worth of liquor for the party, it fell onto wood floor from a third shelf 15 minutes before the party started, and nothing broke.
76) After Lindsey went to sleep, I suddenly couldn’t figure out how to work the remote control and went tv-less.
77) I am signing up for a triathlon this summer because my old boss told me you don’t do one until you just pay the money and put it on your schedule.
78) I am going to try and do one in Glenwood Springs, as we just bought tickets to the best kept secret anywhere-Adventure Park in Glenwood Springs (they have everything but bungee jumping as someone died-amusement park ON a mountain).
79) If California Chrome has to sit out the Belmont because he is not allowed to wear a freaking nasal strip…I will do something.
80) I think he is an idiot, but respect Stephenson talking smack about Wade and then backing it up with good play today.
81) Vince is right I think when he tells me my entire wardrobe is based on Woody Harrelson in White Man Can’t Jump.
82) Happy trails, Don Meyer. You could have coached ANYWHERE, and everybody who knows basketball loved you, and you will be missed.
83) Kevin Love is not interested in staying with the Timberwolves, and my internal stereotype of Minnesota will continue outside of Mitch and Cerk.
84) Abreu on the DL is robbing us of a great player blossoming.
85) Am I supposed to be happy for Justin Gaitlin for posting the fastest 100m time this year when he previously cheated?
86) If you ever have “Moruga Scorpion Garlic” hot sauce in front of you during a meal, do NOT pour a lot at once.
87) My friend, Kyle, was over last night and reminded me of how freaking surreal him doing karaoke to Informer is.
88) I would bet my ex’s would never think that I would be the guy spearheading the post party cleanup…or the cleaning BEFOREHAND.
89) I would like to congratulate Gini for not only being the pass out person at my party but somehow weighing 40 pounds in body weight and somehow cracking our toilet seat.
90) I would like KFC to extend the Double Down special one more week as I still haven’t had a chance to stop by.
91) I think I have decided that Scarlett Johansson has displaced someone in my top 5 and have no idea why it is a recent announcement except for maybe she was on the cover of one of Lindsey’s chick mags.
92) The long previews today before Godzilla of Edge of Tomorrow did nothing to not make me think that the movie is not just a war version of Groundhog Day.
93) John C., your new girlfriend, Bri, is not only cool for being a Steelers fan but just cool in general.
94) I can flip a switch, and whether after an engagement party with a lot of drinks in me or not, I can still win three games on a Saturday night at a pool table at a bar and walk off like I am bored.
94a) LOVE just leaving the table…
95) That is it. Been fun. Hope you enjoyed or are at least more informed. Will I blog tomorrow? That is a CLOWN question, bro. Peace.