It was KIND of scary when I was eleven…living near corn fields helped that out.

Read it, don’t read it, I don’t care…just needed to get some things off my chest.

In no particular order or chronology or importance…

On the clock.  Quick-hitter.  Work break/ sanity check.  Let’s turn and burn.

1)  I hear that class act Brandon Marshall had some feedback on the air about Suh’s hit on Cutler.  Brandon called it vicious.  Hey, Brandon.  Suh’s hit was crazy athletic and rough as football allows.  You hitting your woman at home was vicious.  There are some people that I might listen to on this subject, but you are not even in the container of ping pong balls.  Go back to your team, disguise yourself as the more normal part of that QB/ WR relationship, and stop talking about anything but your team’s record and you catching balls on the air.

2)  LOTS of great games in college football this weekend.  I might even watch some of the Ineligible Bowl, with Penn State and Ohio State.  AND, if you would have told me before the season that Florida would have been playing for their SEC division title this early in the season, I would have told you to take a hike.  I am impressed.  I am not a believer yet, but I am impressed.

3)  For no real reason, I didn’t make the grocery store last weekend.  I don’t like to interrupt my weekly school night schedule.  Therefore, I am stretching my resources.  Amazing how creative you get with the lack of resources in the fridge and a metabolism that will never quit.

4)  Bubba Watson is happy go lucky and has a cool car.  But, Bubba, don’t be talking about how you are having fun and beating the others on an at the turn interview in the middle of a round.  You kind of sealed up your bad back nine.

5)  Ozzie Guillen was fired as the Marlins manager yesterday.  In perhaps the only funny, enjoyable segment I have heard on Denver local sports radio in like a year, they said the Rockies should bring him on…just for fun in their interviews.  They then played a couple classic Ozzie clips from other radio shows.  That guy is fun.  He got a ring, so he can talk a little, but I think that everyone is kind of over his whole act.

6)  I think the main reason I am already excited for the NBA season being a week away is this.  Checking up and down the teams, I see the Heat, Thunder, and Lakers as teams that could start out REALLY fast and possibly have some records IN THE CONVERSATION.

7)  Paul Tagliabue will be the mediator for all of these NFL Bountygate appeals.  It appears to be neutral based.  I think he has already been told what to say, and that the league just knows it will look better coming from his mouth.  Look for Paul to be shopping at Porsche dealerships most likely the week after he is done.

8)  Bobby Valentine is fired.  Is it over?  Ugghhh.  BOBBY.  Be quiet.  He came out and said that David Ortiz sat longer than his injury actually was after the monster, dismantling trade.  The party is over, Bobby.  Don’t be looking for last minute scraps.  Keep talking and the networks might not even have you back.

9)  I bet you Barry Zito is happy to be starting Game 1 of the World Series, but is sad that is arm isn’t quite as lively as back in the Oakland A’s glory days.

10)  He is not a ultra big name, but he is still a starter on a confused squad.  The Cowboys lost LB Sean Lee for the year.  For a team playing about 30% of what they look like on paper, this certainly doesn’t help them sleep at night.

11)  UCONN women’s bball coach, Geno Auriemma, has won a LOT.  He deserves to be listened to frequently.  He has not only been around the block, but kind of owns the block.  But, let’s not get carried away.  To make women’s basketball more exciting, he says they should lower the rims.  WHOA.  They might get more dunks and exciting plays, but THEN you create THIS conversation from here out.

“That was an AWESOME play!”

“Yeah, but they play on only 9′ rims.  Weak.”

(copy and paste)

Leave the rims alone.

12)  Bama has the best athletes.  Bama has team speed.  Bama has great facilities.  All of these point towards what they have-a perennial winner.  Well, here is one more thing for you.  They are PLUS 2.43 turnovers/ game this year over their opponents.  That will get it done on a LOT of different levels.

13)  In case anyone cares, Eva Longoria and Mark Sanchez have broken up.  I admit I HATE Tebow stories, but PLEASE tell me there was a love triangle or something (would that even be possible since he is a virgin?).  That would stir the pot that really doesn’t need stirred with anything involving Rex Ryan.

14)  Wire story I DIDN’T need to read (I peeked-I admit it).  “Teenager cries while telling court about having sex with Lawrence Taylor.”  This involves an incident a while back where a guy paid her money to have sex with his friend, which happened to be Lawrence.  That story in itself is like running your nails down a chalkboard.

15)  YES.  Carlton Fisk got a DUI when he was found in his van…in a CORNFIELD.  I thought maybe he was doing the South Jersey way of partying, but then read he simply fell asleep and went off the road.

15a)  This past of mine also must be why I think cornfield mazes are much scarier than haunted houses.

15b)  Hey.  Children of the Corn was a little creepy.  Either that, or I was just YOUNG.

16)  The University of Missouri has had a big year.  First they enter the SEC, get worked in all games so far, and now this.  When some accountant was going through some receipts, they found a $7000 one from a Vegas strip club.  Maybe someone should check and see if they laid down money to go winless in the SEC, too.

17)  AAAHHHHHHHH!!!  Ugghhh.  I said this very same thing yesterday, but will someone tell me if I am wrong or off on this?  Geez.  I commented yesterday that Dwight Howard must just get bored and lonely, and then thinks of something to tell the media.  A day after telling us he was “sad” for not winning the DPOY, he comes up with this.  He came out and said he had his first taste of alcohol after the L.A. trade.  Great.  Meaningless.  Is this good?  Were you celebrating?  It could be bad since maybe you will now be like a shark in blood infested waters.  Just go heal your back and shut up, bro.

18)  I couldn’t find the video quickly, but it IS out there.  You would think that this is a recipe for disaster in every way, but it came off incredibly funny and not over the top (well, not too much for a Tosh segment).  Check out Tosh.O’s web redemption of no-armed chef Tisha Shelton.  It is phenomenal.

19)  With the jewelry he has and the jewelry the other guy does not, I assume that Kobe is not TOO offended that Kevin Durant got picked as “most clutch” by the NBA GM’s preseason.

20)  I am waiting on talking about this whole Cam Newton/ racial thing until it pans out a little more.  I have read a few intelligent things written, and a few dumb ones.  I will get back to you.

21)  Joe Girardi has said that A-Rod is his third baseman for next year.  That is what he is supposed to say.  It still never really gets him out of the hole for playoffs next time around, and of course he might not even have him on the team to start or not start, since that is not his job.  Wait on this one.  It will get MUCH more fun before it is over.

22)  When scanning through the channels last night, Lindsey and I noticed that there was something showing on Lifetime that was called “My life is a Lifetime movie.”  I need less sarcasm and a flow chart, and maybe I could comment on this.

23)  Speaking of Tosh, we checked out his cartoon he created, Brickleberry.  It is harsh.  It is vulgar.  It is all over the board.  I need another episode to fully judge it, but whether I admit it or not, I was laughing LOUDLY during the show.  Therefore, it must have been funny.  Thumbs up so far.

24)  DJ WIlliams was put on 30 day house arrest, but he was told it could be AFTER the season.  Come on.  Make him pay for it now I think.  It is just another example of professional athletes pushing the envelope on the rules.

25)  I have only heard this song once on the radio.  Maybe it is new.  Maybe it is old.  But, it IS now my new favorite workout song of all time for the next month.  Stone Sour.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yw3cHIFny0g

26)  They are erasing Lance Armstrong’s marathon results also.  This is like the cycling/ marathon/ charity version of The Net.  They are just erasing him everywhere.  I HATE you Sandra Bullock.  Hate you.

27)  That is it.  Hope you enjoyed.  Will I blog tomorrow?  That is a CLOWN question, bro.  Peace.