Read it, don’t read it, I don’t care…just needed to get some things off my chest.
In no particular order of chronology or importance…
The weekend monster version. Not on the clock. Clearing the list. Let’s turn and burn.
This list is huge. I am just going to start from the top. If you can’t take the free form style, go read Friday’s structured format. It was a solid one. Otherwise, welcome to free-from basketball Saturday.
1) I am sitting here enjoying a fake gambling rush. I am consulting my buddy in Vegas on games. I am sitting here scoreboard watching like it is my money. Unfortunately, my full breakdown went to an incorrect email address last night, and also unfortunately my 4-3-1 record includes three early wins before he got on the phone with me to tell me he didn’t get anything from me. Ugghhh. Sorry, Scott.
2) Kentucky can sleep a LITTLE easier at night for the next week. Not much though. That 54 RPI sticks out like a sore thumb, and although the Florida win today was indeed a solid quality win, it was at their own crib and still might not get them the cred they need to get selected. Interesting point though about their body of work. Do you take their entire body of work, or rate them as the team missing Nerlens Noel? The right answer is the entire body of work, but it is what it is.
3) Cue Destiny’s Child and Creed. Tiger is up a couple strokes at the WGC in the third round against the strongest field thus far. Just like the old days? Maybe? Jack Nicklaus says that he still thinks Tiger will get his record. That makes THREE of us. Tiger, Jack, and me.
4) The Steelers released LB James Harrison today. I am surprised they kept him THIS long as usually they give up their star linebackers to other teams well before the age of 34 and in their prime. I am just crossing my fingers that doesn’t mean that fake girlfriend jokes will be floating around Heinz Field next year. Don’t do it, Mr. Rooney.
5) Anquan Boldin was given an ultimatum about his contract. Restructure, or walk. Anquan, take the lower price tag. You weren’t exactly lighting it up last year consistently (my fantasy stats tell me so), and you know you want to play with an overpaid, cocky QB who can’t fit his head through the front door. At least you are rolling with a decent team though.
6) The preseason Wooden Award list is just dumb. Can we put a moratorium (props, Jim Rome) on that list? Oladipo and Olynyk BOTH made the final cut, and they weren’t even on the radar before the season started to non basketball fans.
7) Props to the Colorado Avalanche. A couple games after they scared the living crap out of the streaking Blackhawks and blew a 2-1 lead late, they DESTROY Chicago in the rematch. The Avs might have the second lowest amount of points in the Western Conference, but as far as pure skating, they can roll with anyone. Good job, local team I am supposed to like after living out here for 15 years. Go Flyers.
8) In other streak news, the Heat won their 17th last night. They have one of the lowest remaining opponent win percentages left. This streak might go on a bit more. The joy of playing in the Eastern Conference can’t be described with words alone.
9) UVA grad Ronde Barber has been invited back for another year with the Buccaneers. Do it, Ronde. I know that you are getting to that retirement point, but how about giving one more shot for a team that once again will have the “darkhorse” label. Maybe one of these days, Josh Freeman will actually live up to that label.
10) I know you probably control f’d it to find the hook on it, so I will now tell you. You are probably losing sleep over the WBC right now like the rest of us. Well, Mexico beat the U.S. in the tournament. Feel free to watch some games and send me your own hooks on it. There are only 24 hours in the day for me, and the WBC isn’t exactly a hot topic for me. I will include it with my NASCAR, WNBA, and SOCCER category in the new work week format.
11) While Ron Artest, Floyd Mayweather and others are being boring, we have an old school Rant Squad member to the rescue. She is the only female member of my team, and apparently has a warrant going out for her arrest for battery and stalking as she struck an ex at a gym on Valentine’s Day. Sweet. Good work, Jennifer. Now announce a comeback, go do some drugs, or go to the strip club with Marcus Vick. Everyone told me to get you off my team, but I knew to keep you around. Keep your head up. You have another 3 or 4 arrests left in your tank at LEAST.
12) Lauren Silberman made the news for being a female trying out for the regional NFL combine as a kicker. I hear that Bon Jovi just came out with a new song also. It is called “You give females who can actually kick the ball…a bad name.” Check out the tryout kick. http://www.latimes.com/sports/sportsnow/la-sp-sn-watch-lauren-silberman-20130305,0,3031952.story
13) My colleague and friend, Brian, asked me what “WAR” was. I told him. Well, Brian and others who don’t fully understand it, here you go. ESPN Mag has a very detailed explanation of what the most prominent stat in baseball is. Here you go. Plus, it references Mike Trout so you really can’t go wrong. http://espn.go.com/mlb/story/_/id/8959581/why-wins-replacement-mlb-next-big-all-encompassing-stat-espn-magazine
14) I was going to write a hook about the paternity suit that MJ wants dropped. That sounded boring, so I thought I would just share a great article about Michael turning 50. It is well-written, and seeps the idea that this 50 year old is simply still Air Jordan with all of his competitive fire just hindered by that thing called age. http://espn.go.com/espn/story/_/page/Michael-Jordan/michael-jordan-not-left-building
15) I know I am just a software salesman sitting in my apartment writing a sports blog, but I will be totally confused in life if the Yankees don’t renew Robinson Cano’s contract after giving out so many useless big name contracts over the last 15 years. You might argue that it is fear of doing it again. I would just say this is a no-brainer.
16) Lance Armstrong might lose his Legion of Honor award. I have an idea. Instead of telling us about all the things the cheater is losing or being banned from, let’s just put one article out about what he IS allowed to keep.
17) Someone who walks in my apartment might make fun of me for being a “candle guy” because of the one I keep lit on my coffee table. They would then probably ask Lindsey how she could date a candle guy. The simple explanation of me being a candle guy is that I have stinky feet. I have to bring in reinforcement good odor. Let’s just call the candle “the cavalry.”
18) I am not saying you listen to the same workout music as me. But, if you are in the same ballpark (new rock music that teases 80’s rock with a little anger), I will have to say I am pretty happy with some of the new recruits. Check these four out. All That Remains: Stand Up http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BBA4frqKvt8 Nonpoint: Left for You http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3AP45_H7uLI Korn: Get up http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cK8YSsjIaDs and my favorite…Stone Sour: Absolute Zero http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJuEjAo4ues
19) Texans RB Arian Foster shut down his Twitter account. Arian, you were fine on Twitter. Sure, maybe you didn’t tweet like every ten seconds except when sleeping like Steelers S Ryan Clark, but I can think of about 100 professional athletes who should throw in the towel before you, bro. To pick a recent one, I wish I could guarantee Von Miller would quit Twitter.
20) Do you think Carmelo gets sad thinking about how he has no one to blame about illegal contact for his injury? He was by himself by about 10 yards from anyone when he tripped, and about the only person he can throw any blame at is his coach, as he claims he asked to come out of the game before the injury.
21) Have you heard that Thrift Shop song? It is all over the radio, and pretty catchy if you ask me. It is pretty much about…going to the thrift store. Anyway, I was surprised to find one of the first shops to utilize this catchy song was in Idaho.
22) Fox will be releasing a new 24 hour sports network it has been announced. Having 24 hours of ridiculous Fox spin on sports sounds like fun. I can watch ESPN when I really need information, and then watch Fox Sports when I have had a few drinks. THESE are the headlines Fox is good for, and are actual hook ideas I am bypassing. Google them on your own. “Montana man kills sports host, then self.” And. “Twin brother attacks NBA player Fernandez.” I would love to comment, but I have four sheets of rant ideas.
23) I think I keep them around because I like to laugh at my loyalty and stupidity. Whatever the reason, YES, I still have three boxes in my closet filled with VHS tapes of Seinfeld. I taped them in the 90’s when I was terrified that Seinfeld might go off the air. I taped them, and ranked them. I guess I wasn’t really thinking about technology or that there were already reruns on TV at that time.
24) I had 8 hits on Wednesday on my blog from a particular search. The search was “awesome volcano pictures.” Sorry, that my new laid back fish hook header took that awesome volcano down.
25) I have watched enough of their games that I think I am becoming a believer. The Nuggets are 27-3 at home, and quietly are 2.5 games back from the #3 seed. I am not saying that they catch the Clippers, but I think they have enough juice to at least get the home advantage against the Memphis Grizzlies. No one wants a part of them, and they might somehow prove that having several semi go to guys makes up for not having ONE single go to guy. If they get four games in 7 at Pepsi Center, they can beat anyone.
26) I still think Eddie Murphy “Raw” is one of the better comedy skits before he went all Rick Ankiel on us in the 90’s and 00’s (is that how I label the early 2000’s?) and became not funny/ lost the strike zone. Delirious was better, but the material is pretty good in Raw…and how can you NOT laugh at that ridiculous outfit he wears?
27) Do not read the article unless you like numbers. Warning is passed along. That being said, if you DO like numbers and basketball, then check out the WAR stat for college bball. It is called DER. I can’t give you the link as you need to be an ESPN “insider.” Go buy ESPN Mag though. It goes through the advanced metrics that Florida’s Billy Donovan uses to measure his team’s defensive and offensive prowess. Good stuff. The sabermetrics of basketball, and unlike the Oakland A’s, Billy has TWO championships.
28) I have never been a pizza delivery guy, but I wonder if they sit outside every open door hoping there is a scantily dressed lady on the other side. That must be their Eye of the Tiger motivation. Yo, Rocko! It’s the eye of the tiger, it’s the pepperoni…
29) I hear the Niners aren’t serious about Darrelle Revis. First of all, EVERYONE whose heart beats and is in NFL football management is serious about Revis. The headline should have said they are not serious about Revis “trade collateral.”
30) It was extremely sad to see the final game of the Syracuse-Georgetown rivalry today as Syracuse is exiting stage left from the conference. It was also sad to see the terrible effort the Cuse gave IN that final game. Blowout city, only hours after ESPN building up the hype by showing all of the great game highlights from years past. I will say THIS. I was not a believer in GTown at the beginning of the year. I am slowly coming around. They are simply efficient. They don’t do anything great, but they do everything well. Not having a lot of weaknesses is a good stepping stone for winning 6 straight games.
31) I think they are starting the Madness a week later this year. Not sure why, but when “March Madness” STARTS in the third week of March, I think you are pushing it a little too much into April. April Madness just doesn’t have the same catchiness. Kind of like America’s 12.
32) TSA is allowing racquets and golf clubs on board now. So, if I golf, does that mean I just take my favorite single club on board? I am laughing at this, but since I suck at golf but have pulled a 9 iron version of Tin Cup in real life, I believe me and that 9 iron would be taking long naps in that too small of seat. Hell, I suck so bad that I could probably JUST take the 9 iron on my trip.
33) Having fun one moment, getting mauled by a lion the next. Sounds fancy. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/03/07/lion-kills-zimbabwe-woman-having-sex-in-african-bush_n_2820870.html
34) Notre Dame is NOT a bad team, and will be dangerous enough in the tournament. Am I a Notre Dame fan? No. Do I think they have what it takes to make a run? No. I am saying this because if you are not in the mindset that Louisville is the team to beat this year in March, then you obviously did not watch any of the dismantling that occurred earlier today. ND got RUN.
35) I have been cleared to write another couple hooks by the doctors, but I choose not to. PLEASE tell me that at some point during this Derrick Rose waiting period, he gets on the mic and says “I CHOOSE not to play!”
36) You know the sports world was hurting for stories when I happen to catch that the Niners released their kicker, David Akers.
37) Now we just need a music video, LeBron. LeBron “Brandon Jenninged” his kids. http://www.usatoday.com/story/gameon/2013/03/06/lebron-sons-kid-n-play/1968241/
38) I still like the story with the kid making like seven three pointers from a couple years ago, but this is still very touching (no sarcasm in that statement as I know it is hard to differentiate in my rants). Trainer finally gets to play. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SkmaFjEGnk4&feature=youtu.be
39) Mariano Rivera says that 2013 will be his last year, keeping that child goal of playing baseball until at least 43 years old intact.
40) Does anyone else care as little about the last second heroics and 42 and 41 point outputs by Kobe as me? Why do I ask? Yay, the Lakers won twice. What I personally see is two wins against teams that absolutely suck…for even the Eastern Conference (that is saying a LOT). He pulled these glamorous wins out against Toronto and New Orleans. Whatever.
41) I am glad that Widespread Panic tickets went on sale today. I am glad they come for 4 nights in CO. I am not glad that I will have to wait on the cash to get them the more exciting way down the road. I can go on Craigslist two months from now and maybe get tickets AND purchase that minority owner’s share of the Cedar Rapids Titans (previous rant reference. Be a regular reader).
42) What is this business about Justin Bieber rolling around in a gasmask disguise? Thanks to whoever informed me, which means it was either ESPN, Colbert, Tosh, or Joel McHale.
43) Bryon Scott has informed the media that he might shut down Kyrie Irving. That makes sense. When you are out of the Eastern Conference playoff picture, it makes you think of very radical and very sad things.
44) I just went to look under my mattress to look for money. It must be fun to do that if you are Mark Cuban. He “lent” out one of his personal jets to the Chicago Bulls this week. I will go on the record and say this. If I had a jet or multiple jets, I too would loan it out. Just getting that on the record for when it happens.
45) Bring “too cool for school” back as a cliché in a way, the Miami Heat informed us this week that they are “unimpressed” by their streak.
46) Hope Solo had surgery on her wrist this week. That sucks, but I have bigger goals in mind. Can someone perform surgery on her damn mouth at some point? Maybe her and Snowball should get together (regular reader joke)…
47) The Anvik is offering a free 7 course meal to the first Iditarod racer to that checkpoint. No word on whether dogs are allowed in that restaurant.
48) Steven Jackson has announced that he is not a back up running back. That is great, but correct me if I am wrong. You were ALREADY a starting RB for the team you are leaving. This statement would make sense if you were leaving BECAUSE you were demoted. Non sequitur.
49) Thanks for catching up, Mississippi. In case you missed it, they officially banned slavery…THIS MONTH.
50) “Hey, man. We might go to the NCAA thing. Want to go to Taco Bell?” http://www.cbssports.com/collegebasketball/blog/eye-on-college-basketball/21826541/akron-pg-alex-abreu-arrested-on-drug-charges
51) Notre Dame QB and ex-super HS recruit Gunner Kiel wants to transfer. Wherever he goes, I will keep up with him. Why? Is that name MADE to be a QB or what? It is like a track and field sprinter being named Noah Ahmfast.
52) The Miami Dolphins signed Brian Hartline to a new deal this week. This means that I will know the team category to dodge when trying to make a fantasy football midseason pickup.
53) Will we all be sad when Morgan Freeman stop either being in movies or stops being the documentary voice? Someone call Jack Handy.
54) Just when I was about to get on the KU bandwagon, I am watching Baylor literally dismantle them. I guess Baylor decided to finally play like they should. Glad to know those top 5 recruiting classes play here and there.
55) Mark Martin made history or something in NASCAR this week. I am not going to look it up, but I assume that it has something to do with being REALLY old and still racing.
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56) Thanks to my brother for trying to pay forward the phrase, “Boom goes the dynamite.” Keep saying it, bro. People like it. Trust me. You KNOW how much I am liked and how many friends I have.
57) It is really fun selling to the government when a sequester is going on. I could be a freaking Jedi Knight, and I would STILL have trouble. There ARE the signs you are looking for.
58) Lindsey is the best for a lot of reasons. One of them is near the top. When I give her control of the remote control, I usually come back to find the TV on Family Guy.
59) It is Lindsey’s ring tone for me (I call it sometimes just to hear the song). When the movie is on, I stop my life. We were having drink last night and someone not only played Here I Go Again, but ALSO played this gem. Karate Kid. Boom goes the dynamite. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iBktYJsJq-E
60) I think Cheez Its are still the Mount Everest of snack food.
61) The Packers let Greg Jennings go in free agency. A team that had too many good receivers suddenly just lost Driver and Jennings. I am waiting on the call.
62) What is the cliché? Not the brightest bulb on the tree? http://www.cnn.com/video/?hpt=hp_c3#/video/us/2013/03/08/pkg-waitress-handed-her-own-stolen-id.kusa
63) VERY cool story. When Kevin Garnett got to Boston, he asked a ball boy to get him a peanut and jelly sandwich. Looking at KG’s menacing stare, the ball boy did indeed get one. Now, it is a pregame Celtics ritual to be brought out 18 PB&J’s before the game.
64) I am glad my buddy is in Vegas and not me. Sorry, Scott. I thought New Mexico was a freaking LOCK. Air Force beat them in final seconds. Go large on Duke minus 1, buddy. You have the money. Don’t be a hater. I had a bad day.
65) The NBA is nearing HGH testing. It took them forever to get rid of those short nut hugging shorts, and I would say they are a little late to this party, also.
66) US Soccer goalie Tim Howard has a broken back. I don’t think ANYONE wants a broken back, but a team that might not even MAKE the World Cup DEFINITELY does not need one of these.
67) Danica Patrick was hit by a rock at the track. The rocks must have just watched Days of Thunder and got a little excited.
68) Bulls sharpshooter Kyle Korver makes a LOT of money. Is he trying to look white trash and ugly on PURPOSE?
69) I hear that Charlie Sheen wants to be Lindsey Lohan’s mentor? Am I the only one thinking of that Friends episode where Chandler says “too many jokes?”
70) That is it. 70 is a lot. Will I blog tomorrow? That is a CLOWN question, bro. Peace.
71) Just a tagline. I will talk with you all Monday. Thanks for making it to the end.