Read it, don’t read it, I don’t care…just needed to get some things off my chest.
In no particular order of chronology or importance…
Not on the clock. Day rant. Not a speed version. I have 14 more holes to watch of the US Open. Let’s turn and burn.
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1) Greetings and salutations, people. I have had some pops, so some of you like or hate my rants when I am honest about that. I will give you a minute to drop off if you need to…
2) Ok. So, we have the remaining people who are either indifferent or LIKE when I have some pops and put some thoughts into the public eye. I don’t care either way. I am just talking here watching Martin Kaymer NOT break down like I expected.
3) Who does this guy think he IS? Geez. This is NOT Tin Cup. This is the hardest Major to win. If you are par, you are in the ballgame, and -8 after three rounds is just plain…rude. I set my schedule up to watch this. Ross too.
4) I still do cry here and there when I watch the final scene of Tin Cup. He is SO like me in character and I would have hit that shot also until I ran out of balls.
5) I don’t volunteer, but I spend money at Elitches winning games and picking kids to give the stuffed animals to. I DO win things.
6) I would still draft Julius Randle where he should be drafted and not sweat his injury. He is a stud. That thing will heal.
7) I am kind of glad Martin Kaymer is this far ahead. Otherwise, I would have to talk more about that guy Erik Compton.
8) Whether you are gay or straight, Kawhi Leonard is a physical specimen. Kind of like Shannon Sharpe was back in the day. I rarely use the word “specimen.”
9) Sorry, all of you pitiful, Phil Mickelson fans. Seven over. Whoops.
10) I know it is the US Open. I get it. But, I am glad Mr. Taniguchi shot an 88 so at least I know I am about 12 strokes on a city course off what a Major player is.
11) That commercial with Clint Eastwood and Arnold Palmer is KILLER.
12) Call me crazy. I think LeBron ends back up in Cleveland. It is more because I can’t think of a situation that would work better, and in my opinion, unless we are talking about AMOUNT of rings, he doesn’t need to prove anything else to me.
13) As long as he understands I will always believe MJ was the best.
14) You people who don’t think Argentina-Bosnia will be a great soccer match…don’t know anything about soccer. And watch it with your lady. Ronaldo is a fantastic looking dude.
15) Jimmy Rollins, you might be the Phillies hits leader, but I treat you all like the 90’s Braves. You should have won more than one.
15a) And Mike Schmidt will ALWAYS be the shit.
16) Well, I am glad I don’t bet anymore, and even more glad I don’t bet on soccer…because I would have lost some serious cash on the Uruguay-Costa Rica match.
17) I am stuck on 433 in Tiwtter followers. It is like a tough level in Candy Crush, or so I hear from my brother and Lindsey. And I have tweeted some pretty intelligent stuff. Dammit. Follow me. It is SO important to me.
18) I heard someone who jacked a golf cart during the Open went to jail. Let’s just say that this blog is too short for me to list all of my exploits on a golf cart where amazingly I didn’t get arrested. I should have been thought…about ten of the times. I LOVE golf carts.
19) I am glad Vince Young retired, since no one really was sure whether he was unretired or not. You will always have 2005 and your Wonderlic score, buddy.
20) What do you call a cow jumping a fence? An utter disaster.
21) What is green and fuzzy and can kill you if falling from a tree? A pool table.
22) What is red and bad on your teeth? A brick.
23) What do you say to a gorilla with earmuffs? Anything you want since he can’t hear.
The best joke EVER is of course…what did the fish say when he ran into the wall? Damn.
24) It was fun watching the Enlgand-Italy match yesterday across the street from an English bar.
25) The Broncos offered Mr. Thomas a contract extension after realizing that Wes Welker might look really, really old this year suddenly.
26) I am surprised that Greece got worked like they did in the first match.
27) Ivory Coast, Ghana, and Chile are the same basic thing in the WC. They are all good enough for the knockout round, and all fun as hell to watch. Strikers galore.
28) Lindsey is not watching golf with me so I don’t have witnesses, but when they break down someone’s swing, they ARE playing Bourne music.
29) How do people function in life with more than 10 messages in their Outlook inbox? More than 15 would make me not sleep at night. I have colleagues who have like 14000 in it and use the search function. No freaking way.
30) I went to Elitches yesterday. We bought the season pass, which makes sense if you think about it. One more time, and we make our money back, and it doesn’t make you mad when thunderstorms rain on your parade. You simply don’t care.
30a) But for some reason, after I got talked into buying these tickets, I was crucified by my lady for a long shower. Confused.
30a) By the way, the new ride is the Brain Drain. I watched it twice. It is boring looking, and boring to even watch. Ugghhh.
31) I would like to thank the Uber driver who let me play Widespread Panic in the car yesterday. I enjoyed it.
32) Shit. Speaking of that, I suppose at some point I should get WSP tix for the show at Red Rocks in two weeks. Such a procrastinator.
32a) If you didn’t know who Erik Compton was like I did, Google him. Amazing story. He is on his THIRD heart and the teenage photos of him are plain crazy.
33) Lindsey and I went to a gay bar yesterday that happened to have a sex show answering questions. Interesting thing to do after some pops and an amusement park. Hey, I want to learn EVERYTHING. If you don’t, then you are just dumb.
34) We had brunch today with a person who was SO pumped to turn 31. She apparently gets pumped whenever she turns a prime number. Makes me want to remind you to see the movie Pi. It is weird and awesome.
35) I think the conversation that Adam Rank and I had is worth reading.
36) Chuck Noll dies. Listen, people. Name another team with 4 or more Super Bowls and you can do it. You CAN’T name another head coach with four Super Bowls. The person.doesn’t exist.
36a) Martin Kaymer sure does putt like he is on a links course. I would bust on him, but he IS 5 strokes ahead in the toughest major, so what do I know?
37) Sure, I didn’t know a lot of the games would be close or in OT, but you DID read it here that the winner of the Blackhawks-Kings series would CREAM the other side. Done and done.
37a) Which is also why assume Mr. Royal’s production has gone down. You had 1994, man. keep it real.
38) Cerk doesn’t read this blog any more even though I reference him all the time. It is what it is. Well, Cerk, thank for the impromptu party on Friday, and sorry for drinking some of your scotch. I am in a good situation, so I am not, but I would say 90% of people in the world would be jealous of what Cerk and Colleen have. They are flawless. I hear Colleen is kind of a house slob, but my last visit showed she is improving. Actually, I would be equally jealous of what him AND I have. We found the chicks, boys. Your loss.
38a) I still have no idea why she loves me so much, but she does. You can take the sports scheduling ALONE and you would break up with me.
39) I had Chile written down again. Just know they are dangerous, and evidently I thought as much so that I wrote it down twice.
40) I entered a hot dog eating contest Friday. It didn’t go well. I have three things to say on this topic. A) Before you make fun, most of you wouldn’t even enter B) I didn’t win, but I ate an entire cheese plate at Cerk’s 90 minutes later C) ALWAYS dip the WHOLE bun in water-not partial (I got stuck on the first hot dog for partial dipping)
41) They beat Cameroon 1-0, and Mexico WILL make it out of the first rounds and unfortunately will lose a close one with Brazil in the knockout round.
42) Important question. What topic do you care about less? Melo hitting free agency or Clowney getting surgery. We don’t like either of them, right?
43) Hah. Coming from the least liked guy I know….
44) So, when they subbed in Mark Wahlberg for that other kid, they didn’t sub anyone in for Megan Fox, did they???? Since I am telling Lindsey I want to see Transformers because of special effects and my man crush on Marky Mark, I just am curious about the female element of this thing.
45) I loved you already, Deadspin. But you dedicating your entire front page to soccer on June 12th was awesome. Soccer IS cool, people.
46) This is beyond hilarious and also soccer related. http://screamer.deadspin.com/a-european-model-named-marcello-caught-hell-for-marcelo-1590224450
47) I am not writing anything else until you click on the previous link,
48) You think I am joking. Not writing anything.
49) Just click on that freaking link and let’s be done with it.
50) It is not freaking porn.
51) Whatever. It is YOUR loss. Moving on.
52) I am still excited to see Jersey Boys. And only 10% of it is because I am a Jersey Boy.
53) I admit that I am addicted to Twitter.
54) Lindsey admits that she is addicted to Snapped and Candy Crush. She actually didn’t say that, but there was a pause in my TV programming, and I heard the Snapped chick talking in the other room.
55) You can check me on this. Hopefully, if you are reading this, you know I know my shit. If the Melo thing pans out with the Heat, and Hinrich and Darko somehow make it to South Beach, we basically have the 2003 draft against the world. And yes, I thought of that on my OWN. Because I can name the top 10 picks in pretty much any year’s draft.
56) My world stops when a golfing Major happens. This might be the most boring final day I have ever seen. Kaymer, we need a triple bogey. Geez.
57) Seriously, you just can’t catch up 5 strokes in a round at the US Open.
58) Lindsey is silly. I just told her this is the most boring final round of a US Open I have ever seen. “Are you going to not watch it? No.” And I won’t watch the NBA FInals tonight, baby.
59) You can pretend you are not watching the O’Bannon trial. It is very, very important.
60) Kaymer still has a 6 shot lead. You just can’t catch up that amount in the Open. Monstrous.
61) Hoyer is ahead of Manziel if you care. Manziel is ahead of him in Vegas trips. 1-0.
62) That we know about…
63) Mark Jackson, just ask for the salary that Cal was offered…
64) Wherever this Whatever, USA is, I want to go. I went for work to Clarkburg, WV. Nothing can be worse. Nothing.
65) Matt, Lindsey is only on 521.
66) The big question about the NBA Finals is who will get the MVP. Diaw? That would be CRAZY. Oliver Miller is jealous.
67) Seven times. Seven passes. 100% from field. Break out the Hoosiers references.
68) I have more to say, but we are going on the final 9 holes. Gotta go. Hope you enjoyed or are at least more informed. Will I blog tomorrow? That is a CLOWN question, bro. Peace.