Read it, don’t read it, I don’t care…just needed to get some things off my chest…
In no particular order of chronology or importance…
On the clock. Quick 30 minute lunch break without the food.
Let’s turn and burn…
It is OVER people. I can’t speak for you all, but I just made it through the absolute WORST time of year that occurs EVERY year. What is it? It is that horrible, HORRIBLE time that occupies the area of the year AFTER NBA and BEFORE football season. It is over. In the words of Barry Manilow, “looks like we made it.” Anyway, let’s get to some hooks, and FINALLY have college football predictions. I am SO excited to be overloaded tomorrow with games.
1a) Oh, and just in case you are that person who thinks you DON’T like Barry Manilow, I give you this scene from Family Guy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ursTBD0sZ0
1b) Oh, and now that you are thinking you MIGHT like him, here is “Looks Like We Made It…” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lc4TnopiuzQ
1c) I think this is the FIRST time EVER that the theme of my rant is announced in the first hook. But? It was just TOO freaking good.
2) Now, let’s get serious. First off, I want to apologize to Andy Roddick. One day after I ripped him for being a waste of talent and laughing at him for wanting to be called ARod after he won his first and only Grand Slam event way back when, the guy announces his retirement. I joked with a colleague about how he reads my blog and then got depressed, and was reminded of the more likely reason dude is retiring. This:
3) I have to come clean and be righteous in my anger with everyone, whether they are associated with my teams/school or not. George Huguely, ex-UVA lacrosse player, was sentenced 23 years for murder. That will make you think about temper issues. Dude is getting out when his age is doubled pretty much. I hear they throw great 40th birthday parties in prison, George, and by then you will be telling the soap jokes TO the newbies.
4) Tyler Hamilton’s book says that Lance Armstrong gave in PED’s in 1999 before the Tour. I thought he already said this. Maybe he said this during the A sample controversy, took the B samples off while he was winning and then getting busted himself, and then decided to join the fun again by coming out officially in a book. I can’t track this shit. Someone grab me that damn flowchart.
5) I think I want to watch the movie Deja Vu tonight (might as well if I get that flowchart (you know what I am talking about if you have seen that flick)). The Nats are telling us they are shutting Strasburg down in 2-3 starts. Oh, maybe LAST time they said they were shutting him down FOR 2-3 starts. I got it now. However it breaks down, and unless he has another purposely bad outing (my conspiracy theory), just let us know when you are doing it, don’t give us a heads up, and THEN we can all say how crazy you all are.
5a) Also about the Nats, my boy, Bryce Harper is hot lately. THAT will sure help the cause to keep Strasburg pitching. ANYWAY, he ALSO goes around the bases faster than anyone in the league when he homers. 16.2 seconds. I love my job, but I want THIS guy’s job who figured this out. http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/dc-sports-bog/post/bryce-harper-has-baseballs-two-fastest-home-run-trots-this-season/2012/08/31/38ddb510-f384-11e1-adc6-87dfa8eff430_blog.html
6) I called it, not that I was splitting the atom or anything. They took Allan Pinkett off the Notre Dame-Navy radio telecast for his “they need criminals” rant. The powers that be must ALSO read my blog. Anyway, powers that be, I didn’t say pull him totally OFF the telecast. I just said he was an idiot.
7) I got excited today, and then quickly came back down to earth. I saw that Titans WR Kenny Britt was suspended for the first NFL game and I thought “Yay! What new wrong thing did he do now?” But, it was not to be. It was simply the punishment for his July 20th crime. Damn.
8) Oscar De La Hoya, obviously starving for some media time, has told us “he thought about” making a comeback. Thanks, Oscar. I almost appreciate you kind of telling us you almost thought about possibly doing something.
9) Most of my Rant Squad members just end up on the team by accidentally doing dumb shit. Well, I have sent my Midwest Rant Squad scouts (they exist) to take a look at someone who I was missing on. This guy sounds like he is TRYING to be on the team. Check THIS out. Purdue LB Dwayne Beckford was booted off the football team for getting arrested FOUR times in 14 months. That is trying really, really hard. Your arrests are pretty minor, Dwayne, so I can’t do the “three arrests and you are in” rule, BUT I will make you a deal. If you throw in one guns charge and get busted AT a strip club, I will bring you aboard. Same rules apply if you make it on. Marcus Vick will pick you up. Sebastian Janikowski will do the preliminary interview should Marcus actually get you there safely. Bonus points as always are awarded if you and Marcus actually get arrested ON the ride there.
10) Damn. I have been talking about an up and coming tennis player for a YEAR now. Jo-Wilfried Tsonga. I won’t go into anything now, just know that he is out of the Open and that means the Fillerbuster can’t tell you each round that he is going to win it like every day.
11) The brother of former Mariners star Greg Halman got acquitted this week of fatally stabbing his brother. He got off for insanity. I think that if I ever get selected for jury duty, an insanity plea defense would be in my top five crimes to do it for.
12) The Miami Dolphins charter plane clipped another plane in a Dallas airport. There are probably funnier jokes out there to use on this particular hook, but I will just play it safe and easy. After the event, the replacement refs were killed in the media the next day for not throwing the flag (ok. I know it is not that funny. I am aware. Just reach a little and know that my objective was to point out how at some point soon, the replacement refs will miss a pivotal call that will cost your team the game. THAT is where I was going. I tried. Moving on, dammit.)
13) Does it really ever end? Tebowmania survived with lots of action when there was NO football going on, and now football is starting so we know it will just get worse. It would be REALLY scary if he was any good. ANYWAY, going back to the point of this hook, uuugghhhh. http://1045theteam.com/weather-channel-reporter-tebows-during-hurricane-coverage-video/
14) Everyone was tripping out because a top ten South Carolina football team “survived” a pesky Vanderbuilt team. Everyone should just take a chill pill, ok? Bottom line(s) is this. It is a road SEC win, it is the FIRST game of the season, and their Heisman hopeful stayed healthy and looked good. Win, win, win. Move on. They are really good, I promise you.
15) A man died on an escalator at a Texans preseason game. Shame to see, and it won’t help ME to stop thinking that thought on those really, really tall ones when I have luggage, a backpack, and I am tired.
16) As I am writing this, Tiger is in second at the Deutsche Bank Championship. He is playing golf inverted from back in the day. He is winning the ones we don’t care about and flailing at the Majors. He is becoming one of THOSE guys. Glad to see your game is rounding into form just as the season…pretty much ends. Good job, El Tigre.
17) The Cowboys got OL Ryan Cook from Miami. Umm. Pittsburgh, don’t we NEED one of those, too, after the DeCastro injury?
18) The Big East is looking for a 14th member, calling all schools. The Big East is also looking for the list of its schools presently with all the conference changes.
19) Just when Jim Marshall was starting to become an obscure trivia question, his infamous run is revived. Why? Because of THIS kid from Kent State, who was befuddled on not getting any high fives afterwards (I got you a link that shows BOTH runs by the way). http://blog.seattlepi.com/seattlesports/2012/08/31/kent-state-player-runs-the-wrong-way-after-fumble-recovery/
20) And for all of you non retired gamblers or people who just like to watch the lines regardless, here are my picks this week:
Penn State minus 6.5 at home against Ohio. Listen, they lost some players. They had a tragedy. This is the first game back of the game that makes that school go around. You REALLY think they are not beating Ohio at HOME by more than a touchdown? I think not.
Nebraska minus 19.5 at home against Southern Miss. Nebraska will start fast this year, until hitting a brick wall in back to back games against Wisconsin and Ohio State. Until then, they are home, they have a returning QB, I HATE to pick them with my history with that school, but it IS what it is. They will win by more than 3 touchdowns.
Miami minus 2.5 away against Boston College. Come on. One has a lot of skill. One doesn’t. Missing a couple players or not, Miami wins this by two touchdowns. This is your Christmas present from Stardust Casino.
Navy plus 10 at in Ireland against Notre Dame. Notre Dame has the criminals now per Pinkett, and I like Navy to lose, but I think their control running game keeps it close.
Wyoming plus 31.5 away against Texas. 31 points is a lot of points, Wyoming always plays tough it seems, and these aren’t your father’s Longhorns.
Others I would play:
Iowa minus 10 away against Northern Illinois
Georgia minus 38 at home against Buffalo
Florida minus 28.5 at home against Bowling Green
21) I went to Linkin Park last night. Those guys are SO phenomenal. The noise curfew is silly at the amphitheater Lindsey and I went to, but it DID get me some more sleep on a school night.
22) That is it. Hope you enjoyed. Will I blog tomorrow? That is a CLOWN question, bro. Peace.