Read it, don’t read it, I don’t’ care…I just needed to get some things off my chest.
In no particular order of chronology or importance…
NOT on the clock. Linds is at DMB for the first time. I have Great White on, have ridden a bunch of free rides today at Elitches thanks to my company, and I am just talking here. Jason, once again, you say just let you know when I write after a few pops. Well, here you go. Boom goes the dynamite. This will be fun.
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1) Hook #1: Logan, I can’t blog if you keep tweeting me. Dude is hilarious. You should follow him. @Logesmadoges
2) Yes, Logan. You made my FIRST hook. That is impressive considering there might be 100. I am loaded for bear.
3) My girl is at a concert. I feel like I should be calling people to go places. This seems way much more fun. Listening to Great White and blogging. It is like an Old Milwaukee commercial. “It doesn’t get any better than this.” (You regular readers MIGHT think that will be my theme. This is a rare blog where my theme was chosen before even writing anything.).
4) Right now THIS song is on. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qWlVWJtLI8I
5) Alright. I guess SOMEONE has tuned in wanting a SPORTS blog and is unimpressed thus far. Well, let’s make that person do a 180 (or a 360 in Seinfeld lingo). Not YOU, Woody Paige. I am already disgusted by you. Is anyone else bothered that Max Scherzer is 19-1 with a 2.73 ERA and Clayton Kershaw is 13-SEVEN with a 1.72 ERA?
6) Texans Antonio Smith lost his appeal. In a related story, the sky is blue and the grass is green.
7) If you are reading, Michael from Boston, VP of all of firefighters in the nation, me and my girl both enjoyed meeting you last night. I felt like I was talking to the Godfather. EVERYONE knew you. You are what we call a “BADASS.”
8) RGIII talks a LOT more than I would have expected.
9) I was told today that someone would read my blog more if they knew what the hell I was talking about. Sorry. I explain nothing. The given in this proof is that you know sports.
10) I think I am one of five people who own the Kip Winger solo albums. They are phenomenal.
11) Cali will face off vs. Japan in the LLWS Championship. I guess that the Angels DID get something out of this season. I hope Josh Hamilton is having beer.
12) Mike Tyson talked about his fight with alcoholism this week. Just read the ESPN Mag article three months ago. I feel like I now get the guy. Not getting a face tattoo, but I UNDERSTAND.
13) Lindsey and I are getting tattoos two weeks from now together. Different tats, but, Mom, I am getting Grandpa’s name in paint on the opposite shoulder than that other tattoo from the debacle.
14) I actually love the water tatt from my crazy ex. I think it is funny that I LIVE water, and my ex can’t swim. Plus, I wouldn’t have met Lindsey.
15) Derek Jeter will return to the Yankees lineup Monday. So, I guess he will be on the DL by TUESDAY????
16) Why can’t MLB and NFL get their acronyms accurate? PUP vs. DL. I will take DL. PUP makes me want to go to an animal shelter.
17) I know what the theme is, and want to talk about it, but you have to keep reading.
18) You too, Todd and David (VP of Sales and CEO).
19) I am a machine. TRY to beat me to work. I DARE you.
20) We have a huge problem. Whatever channel I had on just flipped to Ace Ventura: Pet Detective. First one. Might be a change in themes. Tough life. I would like to ASK you a question. Ok. I have decided. Ace Ventura is now the theme. Dammit.
21) Vince Young might be kept by the Packers. Now at least we know that Aaron Rodgers is really, REALLY healthy.
22) There is this solo Kip Winger slow song on now that would melt Clint Eastwood.
23) I mentioned him because he is tough. Good song though. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aE5CjG5Xg24
24) Sorry, Linds. I beat her at pool usually all the time. BUT, she didn’t know there are REGULATION pool tables out there. Funny as hell. She just kept saying “this table is HUGE.” I actually prefer regulation. Drinks in me, and was solid. You might think you can play. But give me a call, and I will change your mind. My Grandpa did this to me. I was twelve. He took me to a bar (told Nonna we were at the firefighter’s place, Mom). Guy wanted the table. Grandpa put $20 down and bet that I would beat the guy. After realizing who my Grandpa was (he was a legend), the guy didn’t want to play. Grandpa insisted. I whipped him. I have been a shark since (sorry, Mom. He took me to LOTS of cool places in Bradford).
25) I literally set up an alarm to wake up and watch him smoke his pipe and listen to his firefighting stories for HOURS. We once didn’t tell the girls we left the garage and went and found a brown bear on the mountain. Mom, I am about to get painted on my shoulder your father. He was my hero. Truly. Even when he was telling Nonna that he was drinking non-alcoholic beer after I watched him pour the real stuff in the non-alcoholic cans. My mom knows…kind of. She has no clue how much he molded my life. Tattoo ready to go. Mom, I talked with him about him walking Nonna to school every day…out of his way. Uncle David wrote that book “Train Tracks.” Just know that I took all this in.
26) I am silly. I almost started a fight with Lindsey because she missed reading a chapter of my blog. My bad. Lindsey and I escalated when she commented on my comparison between Andrew Luck and Landry Jones. Ironic that her Sooner QB ended up on my Steelers. We have a lot to get to, so I will keep this short. THIS is when I knew I was for her. Scott, my buddy, came in town and said that we could meet him at a house party his woman knew about. It was ten feet from my girl’s place. CRAZY. That is when I actually first learned Lindsey’s address. Summary? I started a fight because she missed a day of blog reading? If you didn’t think I was passionate about this…think again. I am still silly. It is KIND of ridiculous when I respond to my family members “It was in my blog.”
27) Lindsey is so hard core Sooners that this happened last night. We were at La Fondue. KILLER happy hour before 7. Taylor was our server. I happened to be discussing the QB pick at OU. QB’s name? Trevor. Apologetic Lindsey’s name for server? Trevor. Can’t really bitch about a girl for thinking THAT much about college football. She was named after the main street in Norman. Take THAT and rewind it back.
28) MMA fan gets asked if he wants to fill in for a contestant 3 minutes before fight. DESTROYS him. Who cares if it is fake? You know you want to see it. http://www.totalprosports.com/2013/08/22/russia-mma-fan-knockout-video/
29) I don’t think Lindsey’s roommates like me. I am SO irritating (sarcastic). I do all my dishes when I make them dirty, I blog and can be left alone for hours, I hate trash being in house, and I will let anyone put anything on TV that they want. I apparently make them “uncomfortable.” Don’t worry. They are moving AND don’t read my blog. If everyone read my blog, this world would be perfect.
30) Now, listening to Winger I GET would be irritating. But they aren’t here.
31) My favorite place to stop WHENEVER downtown. Shady, divey, but awesome. OK. They are SO divey that their website does’t work, but here is their Twitter feed (since I believe now that LIFE is on Twitter). https://twitter.com/ShagDenver
32) Is “divey” a word? It should be.
33) The window scene was just on Ace Ventura. I laughed out loud even though there is no one here. You know. AAAAAHHHHH. AHHHHHHHHH.
34) “Your number still 911? Alrighty then.”
35) Braun’s teammates “embrace” PED admission. They didn’t do THIS publicly EITHER. Let’s go all watch a Laverne and Shirley episode together.
36) Thank you, Living Social. Getting to it. Saw my FIRST Cirque Du Soleil Friday. Dirty. I might actually stop gambling in Vegas for three hours to watch the Vegas version. What I saw was Ms. Jackson.
37) Geez. Be a regular reader. Logan, you get it, right?
38) Santonio Holmes is off the PUP list. Now if he ONLY had someone to throw to him. Just stay on that list, bro. You are out of harm’s way that way. Tebow might be available soon.
39) I am hearing that Nike released a video of LeBron in a DUNK contest. Don’t ruin it for me. Actually, email whatever you have on this. I smell LeBron, Vince, Kobe next year.
40) Vince? You are on CRACK if you think he can’t dunk it still. CARTER????
41) I prefer to pronounce “Tarantula” “tar an TU la.”
42) I really do pronounce it like that.
43) Roy Hibbert in an airplane bathroom (it is funny because because he is like 6’11”) http://deadspin.com/roy-hibbert-wants-you-to-know-he-doesnt-fit-in-an-airp-1184768990
44) OK. THIS is why Kip Winger is a badass. Sit down before listening (you too Mom). http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Soi7nXzVYI
45) I would care that Geno Smith is starting the final glorified practice if it wasn’t a practice.
46) Dibs to my boy, Scott, who after the Skins-Steelers game, said “we are better at practice than YOU are.” Scott and Emily are the shit. I would take a bullet for you, Emily, and Zack, bro. Truly.
47) If you are bored, then write your own blog. By the way…second dumb fight last night. I told Lindsey to “get her OWN blog.” I am an idiot.
48) I would like to thank all the people who emailed me about drinks tonight. I am picking and choosing among the numerous texts I got about it, and will let you know.
49) That is funny because the person who likes me the most is 1000 miles away, and Rob, my good friend from 10 miles down the road, probably lost my number on purpose. I rub people the wrong way.
50) An officer got fined for escorted LeBron to a concert. I have been to Cleveland. You should be fined because rush hour is a JOKE. They have this mini-16th Street Mall. It is ADORABLE.
51) This is where I lose those people who say they just don’t understand my blog and therefore stop reading it. Browns (yes, YOU Ben) WR Greg Little. IMPROVEMENT plan. He just got busted for going 81 MPH. Good job. Last arrest this year? 127 MPH. If only Ron Artest had your plan.
52) I have a new dream. I wish to grow a huge beard, win a WS, go out of the game, keep growing the beard, get signed for a low $1 million, and then get OFFERED $1 million to SHAVE the beard.
53) Do I HAVE to say that hook is about Brian Wilson?
54) Sorry. If you don’t know what that means, then you must think you are reading an Oprah Winfrey blog. Lock and load. Come on.
55) If you care, I still have Ace Ventura on, but switched from Winger to Whitesnake. Greatest hits.
56) I have replaced it with Sweet Child O Mine just because of years, but I can still DESTROY Still of the Night by Whitesnake on Karaoke. DESTROY it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G3DJhwAhrjY
57) Still of the Night could be the greatest song EVER. Here is the deal. Four guys MADE the CD. Five guys were in the video. One guy was fired. YOU do the math. If you would like to hear where the fired guy went, here you go. SICK, SICK guitar. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hfsZ4EzSn80
58) After last year of draining three 3 pointers in a row, they changed the Elitches rules. I still won. Yes. Boom goes the dynamite. I bargained for a half court shot for ANYTHING in the next booth for this lad named Landon. Drained it. Do NOT f^&* with me in BBall. It was his birthday, and Lindsey was the most glad person I made it. We got to leave the game. I am very stubborn. Landon got his gift. I am happy.
59) Adrian Vandenburg? Vivian Campbell? No. Give me John Sykes every day and Sunday.
60) Google it if you have to.
61) Terrell Owens is suing Drew Rosenhaus for fraud and negligence. Drew Rosenhaus is suing TO for being an idiot. I actually think TO’s claim is more “court worthy.”
62) I haven’t talked about Jason Heyward’s jaw. That is probably because I am pissed off, DC and Atlanta. Geez.
63) I am a Phillies fan, newbies. They are in the same division.
64) Congress. NFL. PED’s. Blah blah blah. I think you and I are BOTH in agreement that I can move on. When listening to Great White or Whitesnake, this topic seems boring.
65) Kind of excited to go jet skiing tomorrow. You are the SHIT, Dustin and Shauna. They are not only engaged, but she just thought she was going jet skiing the weekend he proposed to her. He was helping me move the night before. I heard “we are going jet skiing” but didn’t hear “ I am proposing.” I am an idiot. Again.
66) If you are thinking about quitting reading, I ask for “Operation Patience.”
67) If you don’t get THAT joke, then you are obviously not a family member, my lady, or in the right blog zone.
68) RGIII got busted for the shirt. HELLO?
69) Whitesnake’s “Is This Love” is on. Incredible song with John Sykes on the guitar. I lost a bet back in the day. I told Dan in art class it would go to #1 WAY before it was released. I lost. It went to #3.
70) That is a true story.
71) The good thing about the MRSA infection at Bucs camp is that it distracts us from saying that them and Buffalo will be dark horses this year.
72) That is funny because it happens every year. Sorry. That sounded a little smart ass. I am still offended that someone told me they LOVE my blog but have NO idea about what I am talking about.
73) Still of the Night is cool, but I think that Love Ain’t No Stranger is a better song. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=opu1H-Pmbh0
74) Hey, JJ. This is a rant after pops. You still with me (JJ is the sales hero. STUD.)?
75) Sad things in life. Peter King started a branch off site of Monday Morning QB. That is great. So many people read it. Sucks that my work blocks THAT site. I am now lost on Mondays.
76) Seriously. The next time you Dutch Oven your girl, think about THIS. http://www.ronsonwriter.com/content/view/69/9/
77) I have decided to start progressing my life as soon as Sean Miller starts using his top five recruiting classes and showing results. I figure I have at least 3 more years.
78) Listen. I will explain that. He is the head coach for Arizona and has top 5 recruiting classes and hasn’t won crap.
79) When MLB said they would waive the confidentiality agreement with A-Rod, did anyone else think of the final Rounders Scene? Oreos?
80) I am lonely in so many ways. ROUNDERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
81) Geez. Just watch the freaking movie. Good movie understanding nothing about poker…incredible movie KNOWING about poker.
82) Gronk is unlikely for week #1. I thought we already knew this.
83) The Texans say that Foster is good for week #1 and fantasy owners are listening.
84) How COOL is it that a Marine can play after serving 5 years for the country? Bet you watch at least ONE MTSU game this year…
85) Tejada is also linked to FRTA. I just made up that acronym AND that accusation. This is SO funny. Best hook of the night. “NOW we know why they forgot Tejada in the movie Moneyball.”
86) THINK about that hook. Mull it over. Seriously, that is my BEST work of the night.
87) The 49ers and Chiefs basically exchanged bad girlfriends in Baldwin and Jenkins. Can you imagine just saying “I am over my girl. She is crazy. I will do your woman if you will do mine.”
88) They exchanged troubled WR’s. THAT it is funny.
89) Been done a million times. Still funny. http://www.buzzfeed.com/ashleyperez/21-types-of-people-you-meet-while-flying
90) I am NOT putting on the link. Lindsey sent me something about Prince and Chappelle. It is funny already, HAS been, and just Google the shit.
91) Ben and Logan, still with me? You KNOW I don’t have t-shirts. Ben, I am already researching bars in the Inner Harbor area since it has been 20 years since I tore that place up with Greeney (you don’t know that guy, but we were trouble).
92) There are real, people. http://www.buzzfeed.com/jessicamisener/shittens-mittens-to-protect-your-hands-from-poop-are-a-real
93) Yasiel Puig better watch himself. Be good for a COMPLETE year, and THEN we can balance your idiocy with you talent.
94) If I was a Skins fan, I would be nervous that Rex Grossman was even ON my roster.
95) Michael Vick wants to run more. So does everyone else in the NFC East.
96) I would love to continue this rant, but David Terrell just called me.
97) That is funny…nevermind. That is just FUNNY, and please stop reading if you don’t like sports. That person who told me that comment is still on my mind. “I LOVE your blog, but have NO idea about what you are talking about.”
98) Who DOESN’T want to see James Harden’s beard grow? Seriously, it is funny. http://deadspin.com/a-gif-of-james-hardens-beard-growth-1169043225
99) Whitesnake in still on. If you don’t hear Led Zeppelin in this hidden song, then you are on crack. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jA0iCUuGzco
100) I am bored. Luckily, I am not sick enough to go want to kill someone out of boredom.
101) That makes no sense, but I was referring to the kids who killed that baseball player.
102) Lindsey likes when I share things with jokes ( I have to make a joke about it), but I am just clearing my inbox. It is funny. Trust me. http://www.buzzfeed.com/video/justindailey/mind-blowing-facts-about-movies
103) I think Brian Hartline should shut up until he actually delivers on his fantasy value. I was a SUCKER last year. NEW RULE: NO BRIAN HARTLINE. SINK IN DAMMIT.
104) The way the Lakers are disguising them sucking is them releasing them new TIGHT, AWESOME uniforms. Steve Nash will look SO much younger in short sleeves.
105) I have no idea if this is the finished product, but PLEASE just be excited about the Steelers…I mean NFL. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lOrBoGZqaLY
106) I just switched to Van Halen 5150, which my buddy Hunter and I once convinced a group of 15 older people in Myrtle Beach it was the greatest album of all time. Later that night, we hosted a 90210 and Melrose Place party. Holy smokes. Do you NEED any more ammo to crack on me? Scott, you were THERE I believe, so don’t YOU go start cracking on me. “Filler, we should watch Melrose Place for RESEARCH…and INVITE PEOPLE” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h_Sw6by7pig
107) You know you are cool when you are Don Shula. You can talk a little smack to the Pres.
108) Anyone call Ty Lawson? I am wondering how that push/ pull cell phone fight is going.
109) Jeremy Lin might be talking to the media because he is realistic or because Snowball is coming into town. We will get back to you on the truth.
110) The RB who broke his commitment from ND MIGHT have known more about Manti Te’o’s fake girlfriend. DAMMIT.
111) I confuse N’Sync and Backstreet Boys on a regular basis, have no idea WHO might be coming to the VMA’s (I don’t even know what THAT means), WHO Justin Timberlake was in, who is coming out with a new album, or….I just lost my train of thought. Dreams by VH is on. Eddie, Enrico, and I lost out to anniversary BS. I could PLAY Dreams, it was perfect, and we are still mad at Mr. Flutie. Seriously, WHICH one of those boy bands is coming out with an album and who was Justin IN?
112) Yes. That was his name.
113) Does anyone else think that the Avs retiring Ray Bourque’s jersey is desperate and just plain DUMB?
114) Holy smokes. Sorry. Just realized we are at 100 plus. List is pretty small. We are almost there.
115) I will admit it. I used to be HOOKED on So You Think You Can Dance. I am coming clean. HOOKED. What is sad is this. If it was a drug, and I have been clean, then I still get flashbacks when Lindsey casually clicks on it…I don’t know the contestants…I know the PROS they are performing with. I know their NAMES. She is now aware of this and now puts the show on.
116) Buying online with size 14 shoes is hard. As Forrest Gump would say, that is all I have to say about that. Seriously, how can you buy shoes if you can’t try them on? Online loves me though. They don’t have to see my feet in person.
117) Seriously, Mr. Flutie?????? Dreams by Van Halen could not only got me more action in grade school but it was WAY cooler than that convention crap you made me learn.
118) Did Jamaica JUST start drug testing?
119) That is funny…because…never mind. You must be reading a blog you thought was about carpeting or rum.
120) I have no joke. Denver welcomes Nate Robinson. Here he is just dribbling around DIA.
121) It is 9pm. Lindsey is at Red Rocks. I feel like I should be at a strip club with a bunch of dudes or something. First of all, I was at a strip club last night. Lindsey is that cool. Second,Summer Nights http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lPUb4Wsi9kI VH just came on my little boom box. SUCH a happy song.
122) Mom, we just went IN the strip club. Nothing crazy. It just makes me NOT want to go to a strip club while she is seeing one of the best bands at the best venue in the country.
123) Summer Nights could be one of the best songs of all time.
124) Ok. Cirque du Soleil. Forty years old. First one. Last night. Let’s just say this. The 10 times I blew off the Vegas version because I was on a Blackjack table I now regret. The Denver version was incredible. I think I surprised Linds as to what was my favorite. I told her the balancing bones and the dude. The dude pulled a FLAG liked 80 feet up. Yes, Matt. Sure YOU could do it. It still was incredible. Kind of cool when the man says the coolest thing about the show was the dude. Stud. I am secure. Bring it.
125) Andrea doesn’t read my blog, but she still sends me stuff to include. Well, even though this is tree falling in a forest you are not in, I put the bit about the lion who was a DOG. http://www.news.com.au/travel/news/chinese-zoo-disguises-hairy-dog-as-lion/story-e6frfq80-1226698007499
126) We will all wonder how Vandy players plead not guilty to rape. We will all wonder what RGIII is doing. We will wonder how the Fillerbuster doesn’t go out when his woman is in Morrison. These are details that are obvious. I love my woman, I am comfortable, and I have Van Halen on a BOOM BOX. Would YOU move? Ok. I might need food in a bit. “Love Walks In” is on right now. THANKS for making for all 126 hooks. This is truly my passion. Someday the right person might read this and know that “if this guy didn’t have a full time job” IMAGINE what he could do. Until then. I will just rant.
127) That is it. Hope you enjoyed. Will I blog tomorrow? That is a CLOWN question, bro. Peace.