I think there are about 14,178 better things you can do with 2 hours. Depp tries to save it, but it doesn’t happen.

Read it, don’t read it, I don’t care…just needed to get some things off my chest.

In no particular order of chronology or importance…

Not on the clock.  Day rant-Part 1 write and Part 2 edit/add.  Let’s turn and burn.

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1)       Greetings and salutations, people.  Thanks for joining me.  Two parter.  Kind of.  Starting first part now and finishing up later with additions and edits.  I can’t exactly take my Jeep, Eleanor, to get a simple oil change without them finding out SOMETHING else is wrong.  Car is in shop for a couple hours.  I am rideless.  Let’s rant.

1a)  LIMITED PICS, Logan, as you are lucky it is almost game time and I have to shut this laptop.

2)      Only baseball is on right now, and somehow the remote stopped on The Lone Ranger.  I am catching it midway through, and after about 20 minutes of it, I would highly recommend you also blogging or doing something else constructive while it is on in the background.

3)      For those of you who clicked on my blog last night, I didn’t go.  This seems to have been a bright idea with the whole Eleanor situation.  Might not have made it up the hill and then my weekend would REALLY be jacked.  Plenty of opportunities in the next couple weeks to get my $100 back.

4)      Here is my thought for today.  Today is not must win on the books for the Pacers.  They just need to steal one of the next two.  BUT, I have a problem with this theory.  I think they NEED THIS one.  If Miami were to win tonight, with the players they have, they would go into Game 4 knowing another win would be a stranglehold on the series.  They would flip the switch even further.  I think the Pacers can surprise them tonight, and I think they will.  The loss in Indy led us into conversation about how the Heat are still doing their thing.  THIS game would send the message that things are now different.  Miami would sneak out Game 4 and we would head back to Indy 2-2.  I still am VERY much in the corner of this thing going 7.

4a)  Please be as productive AND as smart as last game, Lance Stephenson.

5)      I am saying the above with the understanding that Paul George’s head is ready to go.

6)      Plus, I assume the Heat possibly playing Greg Oden might hurt them.

7)      Isn’t it fun when there is a Greg Oden sighting though?  Jog your memory on this former #1 pick and remember who was the #2 pick?  Durant.

8)      Why doesn’t Kevin Durant just accept the Durantula nickname.  I like that the best.

9)      Hey, Klinsmann.  I really don’t care if Landon Donovan has lost a step.  I don’t care if you didn’t even play him in Brazil.  What I DO know is that you took a lot of experience off your 23 man roster.  And the heart and soul of US soccer.  You can say we are in changing times and you are about the future of US soccer, but all I know is the future is not here yet, and you should not be going to Brazil to compete.  You better be going to win the damn thing.  Screw the future.  You need him on the team.  But way to put ALL blame on you going into the most prized trophy there is out there.

10)   And close down your freaking son’s Twitter account.  The fact that the kid is laughing at Donovan not making the team leads me to know what dinnertime conversations were about.

11)   Welcome to town, TJ Ward.  You have some good guides for the town.  At least they took you to the all nude PT’s.  Hate those just topless ones.  Thought you would get your first interception at least before your first police interception.

12)   The Habs…just won’t go away.  Luck is even on their side in the playoffs.  If you can’t have your starting goalie, I guess luck is the next best thing.  If anyone thinks that either of these East Coast teams can beat either the Kings or Blackhawks, raise your hand.

13)   I have figured out a main problem I had with the Godzilla movie.  And I have an idea.  It doesn’t matter the special effects we have these days.  When Godzilla and the other monsters are on the screen for more than a couple minutes, it becomes laughable.  I say let’s do another movie, but treat it like the old scary movies that were actually good.  What you DON’T see leaves it to your imagination, and therefore is effective.  That is why I haven’t seen a good scary movie since The Shining.  Ok.  ONE.  I forget the name of it.  Some movie in the last year or two in a farmhouse.  I blogged about it.  It was the closest thing to making me jumpy of any recent flick.  ANYWAY, the point is don’t show the gore to make it scary.  So, make a movie about Godzilla and BARELY show him at all.  Maybe one middle scene and one end seen.  THAT is why the trailers were so effective.  Use that thought process for the actual movie.  LESS IS MORE, and I think this is the solution for Godzilla.

14)   And, as Logan says and is correct on, can we have ONE freaking movie that accurately shows the military process?

15)   I am going golfing Monday on my day off.  I hear the City Park course needs some fresh divots.  I can accommodate.  Another day of trying to break 100 and being on my specialty “Plus System.”  A par is a birdie.  A birdie is a par.  Etc.

16)   Not in my SCORING of the round.  The Plus System is just for my mental stability.  Less clubs are thrown.

17)   Mark Cuban apologized for his grey area comments.  I get why to a point, but I lose respect for your statements if you backtrack.  You were fine in your usual abrasive zone.  Let it be.

18)   Prince Fielder will have surgery that might sideline him for 2014.  Make sure you find a neck surgeon who has done one or two surgeries with tree trunks.  Dude is HUGE.

19)   My respect for hockey players is extremely high.  That Rangers-Habs game is the first time I remember seeing a player even come close to hitting a ref.  No Bueno.  I expect less from the other sports, and expect more from the guys with less teeth.

20)   That was not derogatory.  I love hockey and admire hockey players.  Toughest trophy to win, people.

21)   This freaking Lone Ranger movie is ALL over the board.  Definitely use it just as background noise.  There was just scene where EVERY good and bad guy were all pointing guns at each other in ONE train car.  It wasn’t as suspenseful as that sentence sounded.

22)   Ray Rice talked about getting knocked down in his apology.  I might suggest a scripted, well thought out apology the next time you drag your woman around casinos.  Maybe if that intervention doesn’t work, we can have a take two.

23)   Ed O’Bannon’s antitrust case is ABOUT to be in your living room.  He has a solid case, it has been a side story for a very long time, and he has advanced another step this week.  Don’t know about it?  You will.  As the Soup Nazi would say, no delay for you, NCAA.

24)   Serge Ibaka is suddenly day to day with his injury.  Well, that is some magic healing.  Guess the Spurs doubting it before the series DID have a point.  I hope when they say day to day meaning that they mean he can play the NEXT game, because it would be a shame for him to be all healed up being down 3-0.  No Bueno.  These 17 days off in between games definitely helps though.

25)   Matt, Lindsey is past level  500 of Candy Crush/ Sugar Mash.  How’s it going on your side?  Have they even made enough levels for you at this point?

26)   I spent a lot at the bar/ went out of town today.  I had a great time.  Bottle service, rented a limo, etc.  I didn’t do any of that.  I am just rationalizing off the $100 buy in last night for poker.  It doesn’t happen often, but I bowed out early last night.  I was FIRST out.  I don’t think that has happened since post college when I actually learned how to play the game.  Read some players wrong, didn’t play my more aggressive style and make people make a decision, and then compounded that with a little bad luck in losing to a full house, a flush, and a higher straight on hands when I was invested.  Not a good showing for the Fillerbuster.  By the way, Cerk, I was mad when I left because of WHEN I exited the game and how I played, not just THAT I lost.  I am relaxed.  Just competitive too with certain standards in every competitive thing I do.  That is why I am in sales.

27)   Except golf for the competition thing.  I accept I suck, and just go out and hack it up.  Only game on earth I don’t care about winning.  I just want to clear the freaking water and miss the trees.

28)   Kyle Orton would like to retire and the Cowboys don’t want to let him go.  Interesting situation.  If that doesn’t tell you the status of the Dallas Cowboys, I don’t know what does.

29)   The Grady Sizemore article in ESPN Mag in the last month was high quality.  He was a 5 tool prospect, chronic injuries wrecked his 2009 through 2012, he found a guy who went deeper in his solution (he was the guy who kept Bird’s back together for the last few years), and now Grady is back for the Red Sox.

30)   Of course, ALL of that said about the article, it is a shame it was written early in the season before his average dropped to .214 and he has 2 HR’s and 13 RBI’s.

31)   Yesterday’s diet.  I really watch what I eat.  Let me see.  Breakfast burrito for breakfast, burger and hotdog for lunch, burger and hot dog for dinner, and (since I eat breakfast WHENEVER I want to) a breakfast burrito covered with hot sauce for my before bed snack.

31a)  Thanks, Rojo, for the burger, hot dogs, and poker hospitality.

32)   Kurt Busch will try and do the Indy 500 and Charlotte NASCAR race in same day.  He is the fourth person to try this.  Here is my hook on this.  Since she is not winning, why doesn’t Danica try this for media exposure?  I sure as hell would watch her try it.  AND, she STARTED in Formula One.  It just makes sense.

33)   I believe I just wrote SIX sentences on auto racing.  High five.

34)   OK.  I thought this movie already was ending twice.  It pains me and I am only paying about 20% attention.

35)   You can scan through the entire front page of Deadspin in about 10 minutes.  I am sure there are 10 minutes of your day you could reallocate.  It is important, people.

36)   I was sad to find out that the lawsuit against Johnny Manziel was a hoax.  Very sad.  Maybe something like this would be BETTER though after he gets steamrolled in his first season.

37)   I really have NO idea when I started hating Manziel so much.  I remember blogging about him BEFORE his fame and telling everyone how amazing he was.  I did a total 180…or 360 per Costanza in Seinfeld.

38)    Bowling is only a specialty of some people.  I think a good idea for a short story would be observing people and their toss at a bowling alley and making assumptions about them.  Tell a story from their throw.  Interview them after to test accuracy.  It is not as locked on as my FrostZip and Tripod ideas, so I can write about it.  Plus, I don’t feel like going to hang out at a bowling alley.

39)   I am just joking about my other two ideas.  I am told they are a reach and NOT million dollar ideas.

40)   Ok.  I think I am finally near the end of this freaking movie.  It is absolutely ridiculous.  Two trains running parallel, the freaking theme music, the horse running around on top of the train, Johnny Depp using a ladder to get to the other train, and other things too numerous to say in one blog.

41)   Bubba Watson wins an occasional Masters and has LOTS of fun in his off time.  Golf cart hovercrafts, the General Lee, and still has time for putt putt and this RIDICULOUS shot.  Dude must be a blast to hang with.  Click on this.  This is tight.  http://www.sbnation.com/golf/2014/5/23/5744844/bubba-watson-putt-putt-king

42)   We have a Yao Ming sighting.  Him and Grant Hill have just entered the ever increasing line to buy the Clippers.  Maybe the list needs to just say who ISN’T interested in buying the franchise.  ANYONE but Oprah is my vote.  I might even let Sandra Bullock buy the franchise before Oprah Winfrey.

43)   Ok.  That was a crazy statement.  I spread my hatred equally between those two ladies.

43a)  Lindsey had some movie on earlier this afternoon with Sandra Bullock in a mine.  I watched the end when she was working hoping Sandra didn’t get out of the hole.

44)   I thought we were getting a break from is antics as he grew older, but just in time before we thought that,  Michael Vick strikes again.  Something about taking the Jets to the Super Bowl.  Win the starting job and stay away from microphones, dog.  It still scares me that somehow Rex Ryan got an 8-8 record out of that train wreck last year.  I TRY to hate Rex, but that was a miracle.

45)   We are less than a day from the Rafael Nadal show.  Just as I will root for California Chrome to get the Triple Crown in magnificent fashion, I will be watching him dissect everyone in his way at Roland Garros.

46)   Love how Mel Kiper is on the wire, already working on next year’s big board.  That guy literally just spends his life knowing about every college player out there.  The ENTIRE year.

47)   That might have sounded like I was saying that in a derogatory way, but actually I am just very jealous.  I am jealous of anyone with a sports related job.  Wish I would have taken a break between frat parties in college to actually THINK about my future.

48)   I actually just plowed through what I needed to say and now have gotten the call Eleanor is ready to go.  Or at least better to go.

49)   I am back a couple hours later.  Let’s see what they talked me into that I have to listen to since it is sometimes amazing  Eleanor is still trucking.  “transfer case drain and refill”  and “fuel and induction system cleaning.”   As Costanza once said, they could tell me I need a new Johnson Rod and I would probably agree.

50)   Picked up my World Cup Preview Sport Weekly Special Edition.  It is thin in relation to a book or something I should be reading, but will provide me HOURS of reading material in the next few weeks.

51)   I am well read.  I read every sports magazine I can get my hands on.  BUT, I am making a change.  A book a month.  Don’t be worried about me becoming well read though.  I am going to alternate between four types of books.  I will start with a sports biography, move to a classic I haven’t read since sometimes the Cliff Notes in school, do a professional development book, and then rush through some hip book like Divergent so I can get to another sports book.  Hey, I am trying.

52)   No more Lone Ranger crap.  I am all on NBA TV ready to watch 90 minutes of pregame while doing this.  SO pumped for tonight’s game.

53)   Just watched a commercial for 22 Jump Street.  It starts with Missing You by John Waite.  Did you all know that #1 song took ONE take during recording?  Tell your friends.  Unlike me quoting John McEnroe incorrectly and knowing I do, that is actually true.

54)   MLB Standings.  Here is my updated prediction for each league’s final two teams.  I love Toronto and Detroit in the AL.  Give me Detroit to advance.  The Angels continue to be the team with a high payroll with no chemistry.  I like Washington to wake up in the NL and win against San Fran to go to the World Series.  St. Louis will be a factor, and the Dodgers are the NL version of the Angels.  Washington in 6 over Toronto.

55)   Bill Simmons has less fans now that he is on camera during NBA games.  Stick to writing, bro.  You are a GENIUS as a scribe.

55a)  Is “scribe” the correct term?  Don’t know.  Moving on.

56)   Uh oh.  Gotta go.  Lindsey wants to eat before game somewhere so we have to go NOW to beat the game tip.  That is it.  Hope you enjoyed or are least more informed.  Will I blog tomorrow?  That is a CLOWN question, bro.  Peace.

57)   That is probably crap.  I will probably save up my next one for Monday.  Talk to you then, but check back in case Mr. Royal got bored and sends me one.