Read it, don’t read it, I don’t care…just needed to get some things off my chest.
In no particular order of chronology or importance…
NOT on the clock. Day rant. Clear the list. Let’s turn and burn.
CO-BLOGGER TWITTER: @gaberoyal
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1) Greetings and salutations, people. Thanks for joining me. Watching another dog this weekend, and he is looking at me like I am crazy right before I blog.
2) JJ. Pops. Bottomless. I don’t think JJ tunes in since I have stopped sending emails.
3) I might have to proofread this a couple times.
4) Jimmer frenzy is coming-wait for it. Lin take two.
5) My girlfriend skips ALL hooks that involve college bball. I could say anything I like right now. Anything. I think she just controls F’s her name.
6) Zona loses, KU loses, UVA loses. TRAP games. At least we have the best looking coach in college bball.
7) I would like to thank our best salesperson Ross for dropping EVERYTHING when I come and talk to him. Him and Mark Fine are my mentors.
8) Mark, thanks for the free Nugs tickets Friday. I have never been in Suite 1 before.
9) I am watching Wichita State. All I can think about is how True Detective is tonight.
10) I went birthday shopping for Linds yesterday. I let her down at Xmas. Two of my bday gifts next week will make her cry.
11) I have decided that since UVA is good again (except for today), I need a new XXL sweatshirt.
12) My flipper is PGA Tour golf. I will wonder why anyone cares about any non Major golf tournament when Tiger is still a couple behind Jack.
13) I suddenly had a hankering for Perkins.
14) It never gets old. Ever.
15) The thing about Kevin Garnett being injured is that I just assume he is always injured.
16) Ponto, where IS Bailey?
17) The Niners will NOT put extras in Harbaugh’s contract just because he hit a half court shot.
18) My co-blogger is really, really good. Not sarcastic.
19) Tyson Chandler called out Kevin Love on defense. In a related story, the grass is green and the sky is blue.
20) I am not impressed that Villanova won anything. They will lose to Stephen Austin in the first round.
21) Manny is coming back again. In a related story, he is out for beers with Sugar Ray.
21a) Because he retired a lot.
22) I can’t decide if I am short winded or really funny today.
23) I LOVE the Red Sox owner firing back to the Marlins with “they should apologize about their REGULAR season lineup.
24) I think that whoever the Texans draft will be looked upon as a failure.
25) I am old enough to have WATCHED Tony Hawk actually compete. I hear 2020 Olympics might have skateboarding. Props. I couldn’t do it to save my life, but I had friends who could. I just rolled around on a red Huffy.
26) My parents were schoolteachers. I am not lying. My friends had Mongoosees.
27) Thoughts and prayers to Rich Hill. You know what I mean. You should.
28) Tanakan 3IP, 1 R, 2 H. Not bad, not stellar, but I will go out on a ledge and say he will drink Darvish under the table after making fun of him and stats. I am a believer. Noted and on record.
29) Another Sunday, and another day of watching Tiger choke away a tourney wearing red. I should listen to Hall and Oates while watching Tiger.
30) So close, so far away, people.
30a) Asking for a basketball game while at a gay bar gets you funny looks. Just saying. I made them turn off Flock of Seagulls.
30b) Lindsey had never heard Blinded by Science in her whole life. I was blown away.
31) I feel funny today.
32) LeBron is open to mentoring Paul George. Gabe, When you talk about LeBron, can you either capitalize the B or not for an entire article? I have OCD, and you usually don’t.
33) I wish Gabe thought of the TD comparison like 6 weeks ago. We could have ridden that for a WHILE.
34) TD is the best show on TV, or ever. True Detective.
35) 5 Hours until the final episode..
36) I will not be surprised at anything Aaron Hernandez does in prison. And I think I have forgotten that he played with the Pats at all.
37) If I choose to go out for beers with Darren Sharper, I am now at a point that we need to figure out which states he is allowed to BE in.
38) Johnny Football signs with Nike, meaning he now has REAL money to act like an idiot with.
39) The Spurs beating the Heat the other night, fully healthy, was another sign that they aren’t going anywhere. Of course, we are in an even year, so it is impossible for them to win.
40) Pop was asked about how he was keeping LeBron out of the lane. He replied “I have NO idea.”
40a) That is an actual quote.
41) I can’t figure out who Michigan State is.
42) The dirty rice at Gumbo’s on 17th in Denver is incredible.
43) Their happy hour is the ONLY HH I go to in my life with table cloths. EVER.
44) Final Four. UF, KU, Michigan State, Wichita State. I was asked directly by someone who won’t even bet $10 on brackets. So, I thought I would post it.
45) I have the most amazing $25 tournament that you could even conjecture on if interested. Email me. It is amazing and the most fun you will ever have during March. Think King of the Hill NFL football and basketball, and let your mind just churn.
46) The extension for the Huskers Pelini makes me glad they will be 8-4 for the next ten years and therefore make my ex-fiancee feel some sort of pain.
47) I have “walhbugers” and “boston accent” on my hook list but forget what it is for. I must have been saying how Mark Wahlberg is a man crush of mine. My list is always pretty extensive.
48) Speaking of crushes, Lindsey told me SEVEN times how good looking Finnick was the other night watching Catching Fire. It was like me talking about Halle Berry. It was out of hand. I reminded her of it today, and she again went on a Finnick spree. He IS a good looking dude, but come on.
49) He IS a very good looking man, but my threshold is six.
50) Trader Joe’s is now in Denver, and Lindsey is the happiest person in the world. I am still just waiting for more Dunkin Donuts.
51) When she wakes up from her nap, I hear I am getting lobster pasta AND bisque. Boom goes the dynamite.
52) I don’t have to but I will. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W45DRy7M1no
53) I don’t have to but I will. The bisque. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gvOsNPPS8l0
54) It snowed in Denver Friday, I don’t look at the weather, and I dressed in my “going to the docks” Old Navy outfit. I really, really, really don’t care. I told someone at work who commented on my outfit “it’s not like I am a park ranger.”
54a) By the way, we have not gotten ONE good snow in Denver this year. Sucks. Just a lot of slow down my commute if I drove during rush hour snow.
55) If I fill out a form for something and it asked me my hobbies, I am now proclaiming that watching people parallel park will be one.
56) For you old school people, I am aware I mention this a lot.
57) Kyle and Toni, you are two of my most favorite people in the world. I had to explain to Lindsey on why Toni was aloof with her was because Toni doesn’t really like me. I get that a lot. At least Kyle likes me.
58) Actually, not many people like me. That is why I don’t unsubscribe to Blackjack Pizza. I feel important for a few seconds. I am like I Love You Man, and have to really think about how I would feel my usher list before freaking out that Blackjack Pizza probably won’t sit on my side of the church on our wedding.
59) I don’t even have a big family.
60) I love the way my girlfriend and future wife watches cartoon movies. It is amazing, and shows me how pure she is. She gets sucked into a cartoon like I get sucked into Rounders.
61) Cerk, your dog is exactly like you. Clever, efficient, sometimes aloof, moody, skiiny, and adapting. I hope you know all of those were positive.
62) Cerk, by watching your dog last minute, you DID RUIN ONE thing I was implementing our relationship. This is a public blog. Ask me about it. You will feel bad. Think DiMaggio.
63) There are highs in life and lows in life. Getting beat by 48 is a “low,” Lakers.
64) LeBron doesn’t like the sleeves and is blaming bad performances ON that. I HATE the sleeves, and you are so funny, 61.
65) He is passionate, he is athletic, and is very unlikable. He is Joakim Noah. Maybe we should go out for beers. I am the poor man’s version of you without the ponytail. They are playing out of their mind recently. Major League. Bill Simmons.
66) The pioneer of Tommy John surgery died this week. No, silly, his name was not Tommy John. Thoughts and prayers.
67) The Seahawks jersey 12th man is the 10th best selling jersey in the land. That is beyond stellar.
68) Geez. I must be emotional today or just really humble. I feel like I am writing jibberish in comparison to what Gabe writes. Gabe, my girl hears me laughing out loud, and I just say “…gabe-damn he is good.”
69) I don’t hear Jim Rome everyday now, but I would have LOVED to be a fly on the wall when talking about the Gauchos fan confronting the Hawaii coach DURING the game.
69a) Don’t tell anyone. He is one of my heroes.
70) The Saints have released Lance Moore. Good. I am tired of picking up Saints receivers for fantasy and having them underachieve.
71) Phil Jackson. Don’t take a front office job. You are a freaking coach. Cue Hank Winters. Triangle.
72) If you thought that Gerald Green was simply a high flyer, and considering the NBA is the top flight level of skills, I think that his EIGHT 3’s pretty much clears up THAT controversy.
73) The Saints are also releasing Darren Sproles. My rule is this. I either have Reggie Bush or Darren Sproles on my fantasy team as a third RB. Someone pick him up.
74a) Rashard Mendenhall retired at 26. Kind of like the poor man’s, underachieving version of Barry Sanders.
74) Frank Martin is one angry dude. His apology was for the ages though. As an asshole myself, I can say that being straight up and apologizing is the best thing.
75) I can’t believe I dogsat a dog with kennel cough. Sounded EXACTLY like this. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wXeV5cqb_3Y
76) I like Cerk, but I have decided I don’t really like anyone at ALL if they don’t think that True Detective is the best show on tv…or ever.
77) The fact that the Jaguars signed Chad Henne to a two year contract is indicative of the state of their organization.
78) I think Quizno’s subs just taste better than other fast food restaurants.
79) If Charles Barkley says that the Clippers are the best in the Western Conference of the NBA, I believe him.
80) I was kind of being sarcastic in that last hook. Kind of. OKC is the best, Chuck.
81) Please donate $1 to my head shaving venture. Good cause.
82) The Lakers are not ready to fire D’Antoni, just like we are not ready to believe that they chose him over Phil Jackson at one point in life.
83) I hate Dwight Howard/ Snowball. But, the Rockets DID just beat the Pacers and Heat in one week. Just saying. I pick and choose who to hate, but I respect who needs to be. I just made that up.
84) Lindsey just asked me why I am watching Michigan State vs. Ohio State. I answered that I would like to see Michigan State look good for a change, and I would like to be clear that Ohio State sucks. Sorry, Ben.
85) Ian Poulter, considering you proclaimed you would be better than Tiger Woods like 5 years ago, I would watch calling out a rookie who accidentally acted like an asshole as much as you already are.
86) I still chuckle at the owl/ Geico commercial. You should too.
87) Lindsey bought quality eggs yesterday during the shopping spree that she won during the Oscars. I have no idea why, and she has no idea of what to do with them.
88) I think Tommy Amaker from Harvard will replace Coach K when he is done.
89) The fact that St. Louis signed Matt Carpenter for 6 years and $52 million once again indicates that baseball players are overpaid.
90) The fact that Matt Cassell was re-signed by the Vikings once again indicates to me that they are the second most lost team in the league.
91) The first one would be the Browns unless you live in a bubble.
92) Yay. I am blogging, and Lindsey just switched from Snapped to the last episode of True Detective. Have I mentioned that the show is the best on TV…or ever? This is pregame, bitches.
93) Don’t sleep on the Olympics. That 18 year old bad ass skier just won again. Boom goes the dynamite.
94) I get lightheaded when people talk about Nebraska basketball being on the bubble. Just sounds weird.
95) Tiger sucked again today. I am slowly phasing myself out of being a fan. Wait, it’s almost April. Sorry. Nevermind.
96) Raise your hand if you are surprised that OJ Mayo got penalized for punching a player.
97) And it was Stiesma.
98) That is funny, unless you don’t like basketball.
99) Please read Gabe’s blog about the Jersey girl. I am from Jersey. I am allowed to make fun of my clan. It is really funny and only missing the massive amount of hairspray involved in raising that shit up.
100) My happiest day in life was my first day at UVA and seeing chicks without hairspray.
101) Damn. The whole indenting thing at hook #100. I need to get better at Word.
102) I don’t know about you, but my mind is still spinning on possible Jimmer Fredette mania nicknames. Too many jokes. Concur with Mr. Royal.
103) I would be more impressed with the Oregon win over Arizona if I actually believed Arizona was a Final Four team in the first place.
104) I am officially sold on the fact that the Florida Gators are really, really good. That is the one team that I will advance without worrying about the draw as long as they don’t play Oklahoma State.
105) I just realized I am over 100. I love blogging.
106) Hmmm. Wiggins gets 41 and is more aggressive and KU loses. Every day, he reminds me of the 2014 version of Harrison Barnes. NBA player, but NO eye of the tiger.
107) Pretty cool. High school hockey championship and both coaches call it a “co” championship after SEVEN OT’s. Glad I am not a coach. I would have said keep on trucking.
108) JUST in case that you live in a bubble and think Doug McDermott is NOT going to win POY, he reminded you with 45 points this weekend. Think a taller Adam Morrison that we like more.
109) Please tell me you just got that last joke.
110) Lindsey and I have decided we have more luck on $3 Bingo lottery tix than $5 tix. How convenient.
111) Ok. I am Woody Harrelson. I am older, uglier, and still immature. I will take it.
112) Gabe thinks that TEN things could be categorized as a rant. He is so silly.
113) I have enjoyed getting in touch with my teenage youngster self. Catching Fire was an awesome movie the second time too. I am reading the third one presently. It is REALLY cutting into reading my ESPN analytics issue.
114) I think the Packers signing Shields to 4/39 is indicative that some teams that free agency solves problems.
115) Seriously, eggs out of the chickens you know are BROWN? How am 41 and did NOT know that? This falls in line with me in the last 5 years just learning that avocados are guac and that cucumbers are pickles.
116) Maybe the Sixers WON’T win again. Really. I mean the Jazz are the best chance they have, right?
117) Oh yeah. The Bucks.
118) Havarti is the best cheese in the history of the world and I am sad AND mad that the place next to me HAS it.
119) I really like the word Chimichanga. By the way, Emilio’s has $1.75 house margs on Saturdays. Colfax. Just saying.
120) Louisville beat UCONN. I have NO idea of what I am doing with them in my bracket. Very confusing teams.
121) I applaud anyone who has made it to hook 120. Email me and you will receive a Fillerbuster pillow.
122) I watched a little of the UNC-Duke game last night. Lindsey was glad we didn’t have to watch much of it as she doesn’t dig bball. I told her “this is exactly what I expected to happen and I want to give you your last break before tourney stuff happens.”
123) Please tell me you have seen the Iowa State video about them making fun of Marcus Smart flopping. Google it if not.
124) Memphis beating SMU tells me nothing. I will have them BOTH losing in first round against some random mid major. Sorry, Larry Brown. You have that dude coming in next year. I have you elite 8 ALREADY next year.
125) Thanks, Matt. The new Linkin Park has a little Hybrid Theory in it. Little rough on the chorus, but it is obvious that SOMEONE had a divorce in the band. My Shuffle salutes you. The first 30 seconds of the song reminds me of the time my brother played me the long Europe-Final Countdown song. That was 1986 or so and that WAS a good song back then.
126) I have no idea what that means.
127) Finally, I have something very serious to show about my old church, and it is extremely depressing, but I am holding off, as some people might not have made it to #126. That is it. Hope you enjoyed or are at least more informed. Will I blog tomorrow? That is a CLOWN question, bro. Peace.