Read it, don’t read it, I don’t care…just needed to get some things off my chest.
In no particular order of chronology or importance…
Not on the clock. On an airplane. Pissed that the WIFI isn’t up and it is Game 7 in the Pacers-Hawks series and I am blind. We are exhausted. But this kills time since I am too tall to properly fall asleep on a plane in cramped quarters. Let’s turn and burn.
CO-BLOGGER TWITTER: @gaberoyal
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1) Greetings and salutations, people. Thanks for joining me. Got room to type because at least the person I am elbowing to my right is my girlfriend.
2) I mean fiancée. It will take some time getting used to that.
3) If you think I won’t be quoting the Seinfeld with “lost fiancee” and “the dingo ate your baby” for the next year or so, you would be way wrong. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sYTIGXvc88Y
4) I was in a trademark blues bar. I was the only person looking at the TV when Lillard dropped that 3 on the Rockets. Snowball is out of the playoffs and I was watching NBA basketball on a New Orleans trip. I have some issues. I know.
5) I wonder if Floyd Mayweather is just going to take his $32 million from tonight’s fight and deposit it on the Clippers.
6) I got to catch the Derby RIGHT before they told us to turn everything off electronically. That California Chrome horse I had HEARD was blowing everyone away, but I didn’t believe it until I saw it. Affirmed, look out.
7) I am sure I am not the first genius to think of it, but “sun drunk” IS an actual term. Pay it forward. Just don’t get stabbed at the end of the movie.
8) I have “unforgettable” written on my list. I don’t remember if it was a bar, a band, a street, or what, but enjoy it your next trip to New Orleans.
9) Remember, aging party people. It is not the day OF talent you lose. It is the recovery time you lose. Plan accordingly.
10) I am concerned about Twitter not exploding like they were projected to. Facebook is killing it. I am still staying on Twitter. 359 followers.
11) I assume Tom Thibodeau is texting the crap out of Derrick Rose right now considering NBA’s dream job Los Angeles opened up. “Are you going to be freaking HEALTHY this year, Derrick? You are digging my grave if you are hurt again.”
12) You are in a great food town when the AIRPORT food is one of the best things you have eaten.
13) When I was 5, I assumed 2000 was going to be the Jetsons. It wasn’t. When the HELL is that Beam me up, Scotty shit going to happen? When I want to be home, I want to be home. Presently, I want to be home.
14) Hey, Donald Sterling. Thanks for telling us that you would have liked to pay her off, but my opinion says you are a little late to that party.
15) Kevin Ollie, don’t go ANYWHERE. Unless you really hate the weather. NO where. You have already checked one thing off your list and can be legendary at a school that will keep basketball alive and kicking.
16) I was in the Big Easy. I have been out of touch. What is this crap with Kevin Durant being unreliable? Where do I get the crack that the writers of that are obviously out smoking?
17) Aside from the strategic end to a few games, I really have’t seen shit. Sorry. I got engaged. Cut me a break.
18) Harrah’s, you won overall, but you have to like my $120 drive by and getting some cash back this morning. Boom goes the dynamite.
19) I should marry Lindsey for a lot of reasons, but considering she is the ONLY person I have listened thus far in relation to leaving a casino, that is a HUGE start.
20) You might have a better voice. You might have a better range. But, trust me that you do NOT put on the SHOW I put on for Sweet Child of Mine in karaoke. Sorry. Busted it out Wednesday night again.
21) Gabe, your request is officially accepted. We have the Burger King soda poach, the alleged assault on the girl, and now crab legs. Motion accepted. Jameis, you are on the rant squad. Janikowski will finish the interview, and Marcus Vick will pick you up. Got it?
22) It has taken until I am 41, but I suddenly notice the lack of getting ID’d. Damn.
23) I am not totally sure, and I assume it is a fake guy doing it, but some sort of Ben Roethisberger is following me on Twitter.
24) The plan was NOT to have the Flyers and Avs exit at the same time. I wanted at least one more series of teasing.
25) I weirdest thing about me FEELING like I went to two days of Jazzfest is that I did. I might fall asleep any moment now.
26) Editor’s note. My bad, Gabe. Blake Bortles girlfriend’s boobs are real. Sorry for the miscommunication.
27) Are we calling the D’Antoni thing actually a resignation or just beating the Lakers brass to the punch?
28) Ray Rice pleads not guilty to assaulting his lady, meaning the tape I saw online WAS bogus and pulling someone by their head on the floor is not wrong.
29) The fact that the Spurs are going seven games in round 1 is pretty ridiculous, but I have a feeling they will take care of business and then some.
30) Do the San Jose Sharks underachieve or have they just gotten stupid drunk right before they start playing playoff hockey?
31) Mr. Kaminsky just likes drinking in Madison. I don’t think he really thinks the NBA is boring.
32) It feels weird talking about the Raptors in the playoffs. Hell, I can good times in Raptors basketball history and the freaking shooting guard is now playing baseball.
33) I get fitness. I really do. But, I have a message to that shirtless guy running I saw yesterday. Find a park. Don’t pass us people drinking on Bourbon. I KNOW there are other places to run, dammit.
34) Why have I not been to a bar before in my life that sells a “very hairy Mary? I am sure I must have covered that at SOME point, right?
35) You can spin it however you like. Those articles I read comparing the Clippers’ situation to the Redskins and their “racist name” were just plain stupid.
36) Top flight basketball recruit Myles Turner decided on Texas for his school of choice. What does this mean in the general scope of things? It means he isn’t going to Duke, Kansas, or another school that he would be changing the basketball forecast. It means he is going to pull a Kevin Durant, and just waste a couple years under the worst coach of good talent I remember.
37) At Jazzfest, we ate concert food that was really ridiculous. The choices were endless. Whatever they put in that crawfish Enchilada probably wasn’t healthy, but it was damn good.
38) Go see the band Alabama Shakes. Niche voice, quality music.
39) Go see Amanda Shaw. Female fiddler that leads the charge.
40) If you go to Jazzfest, go to the gospel tent and the economy tent that had the best blues I could imagine.
41) I am proud to say I saw Irma Thomas sing.
42) Go see Cowboy Mouth. Funny lead singing drummer who rocks it out and plays to the audience perfectly.
43) I am proud to have seen Fred Wesley play again. Pretty sure Mr. Price and I caught him with Maceo Parker on NYE back in the day.
44) I am diehard Widespread Panic. Always. That being said, whenever I see String Cheese Incident play, I get SLIGHTLY concerned they are better than Panic.
45) I can’t believe I just wrote that.
46) Maybe it was a good idea for tracking each other. Maybe it is a cool thing to do. I don’t know. But more than 8 dudes all dressed in random sports jerseys seems irritating to me. Just saying.
47) I am a Steelers fan and things have been ok overall over the years outside of a QB raping a chick in the bar. That being said, I feel for Browns fans. Years of pain, the Drive, and the knowledge that you are trying out both Vince Young AND Tyler Thigpen. That hurts on a lot of levels.
48) I told all of you the Griz would give the Thunder a run in this series. That being said, settle DOWN, Griz. I am happy you gave them a run, but now go back to your home, OK? I have the Thunder winning it all, and outside of whatever Scott Brooks calls that thing that we label an offense, they need to advance.
49) I doesn’t get much more old school than Bruins-Canadiens.
50) It doesn’t get much more new school than Ducks-Kings.
51) I feel horrible for anyone who gets cancer, but are you telling me that news leaked about Sterling less than a week after he was banned for life?” Whatever you are selling, I am not buying.
52) Rehab, schweemab. Reds P Aroldis Chapman already clocked 101 MPH in a start. Dude can toss the ball a little to say the least.
53) I don’t know about you, but I am tired of discussing who the Texans will take at #1 in the NFL draft. Tell me you want to break it down further. You don’t. Trust me.
54) With this Sterling thing, they took away personal property. If you think that this thing will end quickly, you would be wrong. On some level, there are court battles galore awaiting us.
55) My useless piece of information I gathered before going to Jazzfest is something to the effect that all Pixar films have A113 somewhere in them for some reason of another. Sad that the moment I heard it, I started thinking about the urban legend of Seinfeld having a Superman reference in every episode but two and whether it is true or not.
56) Pretty sure it is true by the way, as long as you leave out the Subway and Parking Garage.
57) The Marlins won their 6th straight at home. Listen, they are making small strides. Them doing anything good for more than one time is kind of leaps and bounds for the 12 people who attend their games.
58) Wait. We already all know that Zach Randolph is really good but just idiotic enough to keep us on our toes. I have been at Jazzfest. I am presently on an airplane. Did he really get suspended for GAME SEVEN? He should hang with Donald Sterling. Just when we thought things were stable and good with him, he does something like this. And maybe it should have been a fine instead of a suspension. True. But, him just BEING in that situation is not a smart thing. Don’t even do gray area when your team is going to need you.
59) The 49ers have picked up Aldon Smith’s option. I guess with the whole Kaepernick thing going on, a guy who drops bomb lingo at an airport doesn’t seem so bad.
60) And just in case you care, Colin Kaepernick “has changed.” I believe that as much as I think Chad Johnson won’t change his name again.
61) I hear UCONN might double Kevin Ollie’s salary. I am not a math major. They better do SOMETHING.
62) Maybe you don’t care about basketball recruits. Maybe you hate the Jayhawks. Maybe you don’t know who Devonte Graham is. Well, I am here to tell you that Baylor just rolled their eyes, grunted a little, and then went to the bar. Nothing worse than hearing KU just got better if you are in that conference.
63) I am not saying he is not RIGHT, but maybe Magic Johnson should not phrase it as “rejoicing” when discussing Mike D’Anotni and his departure.
64) Some of my friends like Ponto always can record stuff and just tune people out so they can enjoy a game after the fact. I can’t. The MOMENT we land in Denver I HAVE to know who won the Pacers game. Immediately. I have to know in the moment.
65) I believe Thursday the media was kind of teasing Phil Mickelson. He shot a 63 today to jump back on the leaderboard. I have no idea how it has taken me so long to come around, but I think I like Phil these days. I THINK I do. Not totally on the record.
66) As president of the “I despise Ryan Braun club,” I sort of enjoy the fact that he has an oblique strain.
67) I do not understand why Mark Ingram is not a better NFL player, I know more about him than I should because I was just reading a local New Orleans paper, and it is amazing how no one cares about drafting top flight running backs these days. What a crazy trend shift.
68) I would like you to go Google “toilet bowl kills Brazilian fan.” I will continue when you get back.
69) You lied. You didn’t Google it yet. Seriously, go do it.
70) Michael Carter Williams will be named the Rookie of the Year evidently in the NBA. We just need him to watch Happy Gilmore so he A) has a happy place B) doesn’t go into a long depression. Philly is just bad.
71) Maybe you were surprised that Mike Trout bought his mom an Infinity QX80 SUV. I wasn’t. Dude is like reading from the “I am going to be the best damn baseball player AND good guy…like ever.”
72) In the airport today, I had “Just like Paradise” by David Lee Roth come on. What a freaking happy song. You should go listen to it. Especially if you are having a bad day. The song has killer, happy guitar.
73) I never thought I would ever write “killer, happy guitar…” like ever.
74) When is Moneyball II coming out? The A’s are paying no one once again and are in first place in their division. Amazing.
75) The Vikings have declined Christian Ponder’s 5th year option. FIVE years. When they talk about “projects” in sports, very few franchises go for 5 years to see if someone panned out. Do Vikings fans and Browns fans meet to have drinks?
76) I like to set up camp at an airport. I am an experienced traveler. I should have known when I saw “Atlanta 5:25,” and Denver 5:26” that there was a problem. We ended up switching gates of course.
77) Not sure how much I believe and especially not sure how much I understood of his New Orleans accent, but thanks to our cab driver Smokin’ Joe for the two entertaining rides.
78) Know that if you see a guy carrying around a trash bag at a hotel, he knows what he is doing. Trust me.
79) I leave you with lyrics from another song I heard at the airport on my Shuffle. Possibly my top 3 lines of lyrics ever. Phish. Rift. “And silence contagious in moment s like these, consumed me and strengthened my will to appease. The passion that sparked me one terrible night and shocked and persuaded my soul to ignite.”
80) That is it. This is the airplane rant written on Saturday that I am posting on Sunday. Hope you enjoyed or are at least more informed. Will I blog tomorrow? That is a CLOWN question, bro. Peace.
81) And someone tell me who won the freaking Pacers game.
82) I laugh how scared Lindsey is of spiders, but we saw one there that was just plain scary. Complete with carting around a huge white sac behind it like a trailer on a truck. Even the New Orleans people were scared of it.
83) And know that the entrance by the horse in Jackson Square is OURS, ok? OUR proposal territory. You should have thought of it. Slacker.
ADDENDUM DONE MONDAY:
1) To think. ALL of the Game 7’s we had and in every case, the better team won. It is the same concept in rooting for underdogs in the NCAA tourney. It is cool and all, but the better team advancing makes for a better next round.
2) I am so glad “sources” have told us that Durant will win the MVP. I had no idea that was materializing. Maybe I will find out today the sky is blue and the grass is green too. What a day.
3) The Game 7 between the Warriors and Clippers was a classic like shootout. Complete even with a scuffle in the tunnel afterwards. Old school.
4) Mark Jackson should NOT lose his job and we should just stop talking about it right now.
5) Kevin McHale should also not lose his job, although I am more down with talking about it.
6) Mr. Puig/ bat flip guy. Stop doing odd, weird, random shit that makes us think you are problematic. Just play already.
7) 858 punches is a LOT. Maidana might get the rematch, and perhaps Mayweather won’t be getting a pedicure with Mr. Bieber pre fight.
8) Michael Vick has told everyone Geno Smith will be the starting QB this year for the Eagles. I disagree, but nice knowing you are going to play the media game with us.
9) I wonder if riding the subway to the game hurt the Raptors’ coach’s prep time.
10) I read an article in ESPN Mag about how this might be the year Nadal falls at the French Open. Stop this nonsense. He flips a switch, and age and injuries are not stopping him any time soon, ok?
11) New bar in Capitol Hill. Oblios. Go. Dead music, outdoors bar, and not badly priced.
12) As fast as the Winston thing took to develop, he is now back on the team for the crab leg incident. Pretty efficient process I guess when you are talking about a player you need.
13) I get the feeling that another switch that is being hit is with the Blackhawks. Thrown in how tired the Wild have to be and I smell a sweep.
14) Tiger Woods says this will be a slow process in coming back. We have waited around pretty much a decade for you to be good again. We can wait a little more.
15) I am not saying I agree with Oregon State firing Craig Robinson, but 94-105 isn’t going to cut it either in a pretty weak Pac 12.
16) That is it. Hope you enjoyed or are least more informed. Will I blog tomorrow? That is a CLOWN question, bro. Peace.