Read it, don’t read it, I don’t care…just needed to get some things off my chest.
In no particular order of chronology or importance…
Not on the clock. Day off of blogging yesterday, and I have about two plus hours of writing time 35,000 ft above sea level. The airplane rant. Let’s turn and burn.
1) Sounds like a proactive night. Broncos Director of Player Personnel had some pops the other night, got behind the wheel a little tipsy, and got into a car accident. He at least made it convenient for the cops, as the car he chose to veer off and hit was a cop car. It eliminates logistics of a car having to chase him down.
2) Let me get this straight. Someone get me a freaking flow chart. The cops in Brazil are currently tracking down the people who BEHEADED someone. The person who was beheaded was an amateur soccer referee. This referee was the one who stabbed a player DURING a game while reffing. Wow. THAT came back full circle to him with spades.
3) Mad that his pop was a Hall of Fame linebacker, LT’s kid decided he HAD to be better than him at SOMETHING. The son was just arrested for rape while already being on probation for another sex crime. Word is he likes them young, too. LT is not an angel. I say the kid is still chasing.
4) Poor Omar Asik. Not only does he have to inhabit the same room as Snowball (a problem for ANYONE in my opinion), but he is relegated to a backup in a lot of lineups now also. He wants out. The Rockets say no. He provides nice depth at the position, and you don’t want to grant all players’ trade requests and give them the power, but you already have disharmony in the locker room with all of this talent? You have a huge asset, Rockets. I would trade Asik for a quality player and a backup center.
5) Feel free to email me all updates on the Tour de France. I am so excited to read them.
6) Chris Davis led all voting for the MLB All Star Game. That makes sense with the year he is having. THIS stat is scary. We BELIEVE everyone is clean for the most part these days and that testing is finally working. IF that is true, then it is AMAZING that he is presently only 6 HR’s behind the most HR’s EVER before the All Star break (Bonds had 39 while doping). Davis has 33 homers already.
7) Birth control. If I wasn’t so focused in my rant, I might say something about this irritating kid behind me kicking my seat. Someone get that kid food. She has said it like 40 times since being on the plane. Take them to McDonald’s before the flight next time, ‘rents. It sits in the stomach longer.
8) You all can eat healthy ALL the time. I am sticking with eating healthy except when it might be a long day drinking adventure or right before a flight. Then it is McDonald’s. Sits in my tummy for a LONG time.
9) Amazing as it may seem to those who know me, I actually CONTRIBUTED in putting Lindsey’s new bike together. Contributed. I tightened a few bolts. Baby steps to being a fixer guy.
10) Word is that Notre Dame’s Everett Golson is actually studying a little and may be back from grade problems by next spring. No one cares, as we only care about THIS year. Shame you blew it for this year, kid. I had problems in college with grades too, but I didn’t have the chance to be a QB on a runner up squad on TV on like 3 channels every week.
11) Cowboys teammate killer Josh Brent has been released and is now wearing some patch that detects whether he is on drugs. I will give it two weeks until I assume we can talk about how this cutting edge patch actually worked.
12) I am worried. I HOPE it is only because it was the FIRST game. If I have to hear about EVERY time Manny Ramierez goes 1-3 for the Rangers minor league affiliate, I will lose it.
13) A lot of people are tracking how Orlando rookie Victor Oladipo is doing in summer play. They are having him play some point too, along with dabbling with him at wing in smaller lineups. He has the skills for all of these, and word is he has already been studying film of Wade and others who made the switch to point after being a 2 guard in college. Kid will work HARD regardless. He had 18-7-6 in his first game. He did also have 6 turnovers, but already halved that in his second game.
14) Some group of people SOMEWHERE have to be playing fantasy golf. I don’t know of any, but just assume it is happening. I would LOVE to meet the guy who had Jonas Blixt on HIS team.
15) Not everyone walking the earth knows that Andy Murray was the first English winner in 77 years. That is fine. My bank likes to do trvia questions. They stumped me by compounding this stat. They asked how old Queen Elizabeth was the last time an English guy won. That is just rude. I was too proud. I didn’t ask the teller what the answer was.
16) The Oakland A’s are once again winning on a low budget. That is how they roll. Is there a way we could have snuck in ONE more player on the All Star squad than the one they got? Shame.
17) A Deadspin article to check out (on a plane-no links going out). A guy got a bat that was autographed by Mickey Mantle. It said “Merry Christmas you c%cks$%ker.” It makes me want to watch Usual Suspects, too.
18) I hear that Paul Pierce got eliminated from the World Series of Poker. My bucket list is pretty jam packed, but playing the WSOP is definitely in the pack near the top.
19) I bartended for years and STILL can’t get my flight drink orders correct. I want a freaking extra CUP of ice with my Coke Zero, not extra ice in the same cup. I am the window guy seat though, so I don’t want to be all difficult over these two people next to me. Geez.
20) OK. The kid has stopped kicking my seat and now is playing a video game that is VERY loud. It is ruining my white noise airplane blogging background sound. I suppose I could put on my Shuffle, but me and this other tall guy are perfectly positioned so neither of us is hitting the other. Going to the pocket would throw off the equilibrium. Teamwork.
21) This is NUTS, and another cool video to check out on Deadspin. A financial anaylyst across seas won a contest to actually get to play an exhibition game WITH Messi and other teammates. Sounds like a cool prize, right? It gets better. The financial analyst pulled a BICYCLE kick goal in the middle of the game. Nice story to tell your pals at the bar later if you are him.
22) The show Dexter is nearing the end. Great show, right up my alley, and now that it is stopping, perhaps I can finally take the time to catch UP on them. I slacked a bit…I think I am still in the first season. Just not enough time in the day.
23) Chris Paul is “excited” to be a Clipper still. No, Tim. He only said it once. YOU are still the idiot.
24) The Cavs are chasing down Andrew Bynum for a one year deal. That is a good play if they can pull it off. No one wants anything but a year or two with the high risk selection of Bynum. He will show he is going to be a star or not…in about one year. He still is a physical freak of nature regardless how idiotic or injury prone he comes across.
25) We aren’t sure if it is a sign of his coming style, but we do know that Jason Kidd was T’d up in his very first summer game as coach.
26) Kevin Durant is engaged to WBNA’er Monica Wright. Don’t know exactly HOW they met off hand, but I would conjure it has something to do with him being from Rockville, MD, and her going to UVA for her college ball.
27) Gotta love it. Tate and the Fail Mary ref reunited. Dude still says he was right. Go to the grave with that bad boy, I say, since you have stuck with it this long.
28) Haslam won’t sell the Cleveland Browns. Is it me, or do the Browns have more coaching, executive, and ownership changes and modifications than ANY other team?
29) Speaking of the Browns, the obituary of a diehard deceased fan requested six actual Browns to be pallbearers so the Browns “could let him down one more time.” That is a funny guy. Anyway, evidently the Browns caught wind of this and met him slightly less than halfway. They got him a customized Browns jersey to go to the other world in.
30) Ahhh. Keep an eye out for more stuff on North Carolina guard PJ Hairston. They have found strong ties with him and an ex-con. My Rant Squad scouts aren’t used to going down to the old Research Triangle for possible future Rant Squad members, but I WILL deploy one guy to go check it out. Make us proud PJ. Think of it this way. Aaron Hernandez overshot his arrest and didn’t even to BE on my Rant Squad. Immediate lifelong felons aren’t allowed. You have to TEASE the law.
31) EA Sports removed Aaron Hernandez from all of their games. With all the types of games out there with guns, prostitutes, violence, etc., I would have thought they would have had more fun with it rather than shipping him out. Maybe put a gun on the sideline, show clips of his flop house, or festivities late nights after games.
32) My boy, Bryce Harper WILL be in the ASG Home Run Derby. I guess I will have to watch that now. He is going to tear it up.
33) Michael Cuddyer also got selected for the Home Run Derby by the captain. Michael Cuddyer has 15 HR’s, but his name in the derby just doesn’t have the same ring to it. It sounds odd.
34) Victor Cruz finalized his deal with the New York Giants. 5 years/ $43 million. Not bad for an undersized receiver who was passed on by someone at every level at some point. He went to MASSACHUSETTS for Pete’s sake. I would question if they even HAVE a football team. LOTS of people out there proved wrong. And for you critics of his touchdown dance, it is in memory of a family member, not him trying to be Chad Johnson.
35) If you have never caught the show for some reason, give it a try. The Soup is REALLY funny. Lindsey still likes Tosh more and I am down with both, but I give the edge to The Soup for not only being a little funnier, but also being funnier first.
36) There really is a movie called Sharknado, it really has sharks in a tornado, and Tara Reid really signed on for it? Wow.
37) Bob Kraft says he feels duped by Aaron Hernandez. We all feel duped, Bob. You a little more because it was your money paying him, but the charitable showings and donations in the community fooled us too.
38) There will be a Weidman-Silva II in UFC. Good. Because I really WAS too tired that night to go see the first one. Dammit. I will catch it the next time round.
39) I just noticed that this United movie they are showing has Paul Rudd. So is that guy from Princess Bride. Time to dig for the earphones as it sound likes the kid has not hit naptime yet. Do I ask the parents the kid’s name before we get off the plane so this kid has a name? Nah.
40) It is weird to all of us basketball people that someone actually left the honorable Lakers for LESS money. It just hasn’t happened like that over the years. You WANT to play for the Lakers. Anyway, I know it is still fresh and Lakers don’t want to hear things about the status of their basketball team. Their PG is OLD. Their superstar is a year or two away from retiring. Snowball just left. In all of this, they signed C Chris Kaman. I like this move a lot for them. He will be good in D’Antoni’s fast paced system. He has some years left, can allow Gasol to play at the PF spot, and has been an All Star at one point (2010). Solid pickup that Lakers fans won’t appreciate right now.
41) Now it really smells. This kid is getting me from all avenues. The Nuggets, Warriors, and Jazz finally completed the Iguadola trade. The Nuggets actually pulled Randy Foye from the trade too. That is not bad at all. Look for a pink slip, Andre Miller. I would have to say “backup PG-check.”
42) Ex Skin LB Barrett Green is suing the NFL, because he believes the injury he received was because of a bounty on him, the bounty came from coaches, and therefore the NFL is responsible. Such creativity, Barrett. You could have just gotten too hot of coffee at McDonald’s in the 90’s and been just fine.
43) Now the kid next to “the kid” is singing. Ugghhh. This movie I am listening to with Paul Rudd in it either sucks or I had to catch the beginning to understand what is going on. Adding fuel to the fire, it isn’t even a comedy. The inconceivable guy is even serious.
44) We all have heard at this point that Rex Ryan ran with the bulls. That is top ten on my personal bucket list, and dibs to him for knocking it out. What most people HAVEN’T seen is the video of him hysterically climbing the fence to get out after like one bull goes by. Google “deadspin rex ryan bulls video.” It will be there.
45) Larry Bird says that he believes that Paul Pierce and Kevin Garnett have plenty left in the tank. I concur if in the right system and with the right other players. Here is the deal. They won’t be counted on as much for scoring with guys like Johnson, Williams, and Lopez in the lineup. So, it will be nice for Mr. Kidd. He will have two HOF’s that can be used at any point for a last second stop or shot that no one will be able to guess if they WILL be the one doing it. It is so much more fun having Larry Bird back with a team in the NBA.
46) I think the other kid just pulled a freakishly loud combo laugh, cry, sing. Sounded like a foreign bird.
47) Ryan Howard will be out 6-8 weeks. Wow, Ryan, you sure got pretty injury prone right after the Phils gave you that ridiculous contract (5 years/ $125 million to my recollection). You actually were having a good season in relation to any of the past couple years. .266, 11, 46 is not even near your paycheck though, and you are officially a waste. If my Phils are sellers at the trade deadline, ugghhh times 1000.
48) Colin Kaepernick says him wearing a Dolphin hat is no big deal and it is just clothes. He posted an Instagram with a 49er hat to make people happy. I think you ARE wrong, Colin. You can pick any other sport to wear other teams’ gear. You are employed by the 49ers, and you are still a 49er when not in season or on the field. I know you want to be different with your quirky personality and tattoos, but you DID lose last year, right? Wear the right hats.
49) Why is everyone freaking out about the tennis rankings and Murray still being #2 behind Djokovic after just beating him? The rankings aren’t match by match and are a composite of work over a period of time. It is just about points. It happens all the time in sports. Cool it, people.
50) OK. I think there is a third younger kid, who somehow has been harnessing all of her strength all of this time to be twice as loud than her brothers/ sisters. Brilliant plan if you are a kid, I say. That last cry was super hero like. Don’t worry about it kid. My left ear isn’t needed or anything.
51) Hey, Dolphins players. Stop talking smack about the Pats. Sure, they don’t have anyone to throw to across the middle with no Welker or tight ends, but YOU haven’t done anything yet. Show us on the field.
52) Note to self. If Lindsey asks me to go see the tough sounding movie Gravity, remember it has Sandra Bullock in it. Ugghhh.
53) Movie is over. Whatever it was, it sucked.
54) I will listen to the masses. The fact the The Lone Ranger is pulling in disappointing, descending figures at the box office leads me to believe I can wait to rent it.
55) This is a long enough flight to read some of a book after I finish this blog. Dammit. I didn’t really bring a book. Hey, boss, I guess I might take care of some of that boring looking sales skills book you gave us.
56) Hold the phone. Finishing up perusing the sports page earlier, I noticed that in the MLS, which is a league formed in the U.S., the best win-loss record belongs to MONTREAL? I know everyone is spread out in the league like other sports, but it just SOUNDS wrong.
57) I would be willing to tentatively bet that ANY team in the American League East could beat ANY team in the National League West in a seven game series.
58) That is it. Going to knock out 50 pages or so of sales strategy. Hope you enjoyed. Will I blog tomorrow? That is a CLOWN question, bro. Peace.