For those of you who don’t get the Seinfeld reference… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S3hBWpr2UvE
Read it, don’t read it, I don’t care…just needed to get some things off my chest.
In no particular order of chronology or importance…
Not on the clock. Bonus blog. Sitting here watching football with no plans whatsoever presently. Let’s turn and burn. I didn’t even have to change that intro from yesterday.
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1) Greetings and salutations, people. Lindsey is napping, I welcome James Harrison as a new Twitter follower, and the Broncos are the only game on TV.
2) Anyone else find it disturbing that I spent 45 minutes finding a starting a #2 RB on Wednesday, I have three people left to play, Donald Brown is my starting running back, and I am STILL up 11 points???
3) Thanks, Nick Folesl. Take THAT and rewind it back.
4) Before football, I had one of the most moving trivial moments of my life. I went to a house where someone had pet chickens. Little Jerry. Seinfeld. Take a look at my new FB photo. I not only don’t go on FB, but haven’t ever changed my photo. Little known fact that I will only tell you all. The chicken was pooping on me during the photo.
5) Lindsey was offended slightly when I still went and watched the Steelers game with chicken poop on me.
6) The Steelers WON. First time I can talk about it. It was the first win AND the Jets. I am done with this topic. Chargers went 0-4 in the early 90’s and made the Super Bowl. They also had an offensive line.
7) Kurt, you are a D-Bag. I have Welker on both my teams. I have Carolina D. I have…whatever…you will lose, biatch. Lindsey informed me today that she A) didn’t hear you say I was her bitch B) mention any physical stats. I believe she also told me subconsciously that she would have forgiven me for whipping your tiny frame THAT night.
8) I have beat the system by not BUYING cheese. I have NOT beat the system by not eating shredded cheese or Lindsey’s cheese that she hasn’t figured out she should hide.
9) Guys. You don’t need rhymes. You don’t need paper. Just write your lady a haiku every couple days. 5-7-5. It will make YOU feel good and she does also.
10) Neat stat. Tell Your friends. SEVEN ranked teams lost yesterday. FOUR of them lost to UNRANKED opponents. Glad there is no losers pool in college…that I know of. DON’T call me, people who know of one.
11) Jacksonville is presently beating the spread. I find that funny.
12) I have been giving you a break on Deadspin links. I have an idea. Just READ it on your own.
13) Welcome, Donald, a gentlemen I spoke to an hour ago. You were a pleasure speaking with and thanks for checking out my blog. I TOLD you I was going home to blog.
14) No one freak out about “Donovan/ Howard off U.S. national soccer roster.” We are already IN, biatches. As soon as I figure out a way to get to Brazil, I will blog about it and you can join me.
15) I love Lindsey, but I will NOT lie about (Rules of Engagement episode) the fact that I had a blast watching football, dude movies, making up meals from the fridge, etc. while she was gone. It was like a private, really boring party.
16) John, per our discussion, let’s talk. John is a friend of Lindsey’s and was doing the exact same thing four blocks away.
17) A.P. played today. He did fine. I think he should have been attending to things. By the way, Sam, I am pretty sure A.P. was already aware he had a kid before three weeks ago. Nice attempt, Ole Miss (Sam is an Ole Miss fan who doesn’t read this blog). I will say one thing. You guys beat the spread. Yay.
18) Holy smokes. Have you seen Olympus Has Fallen?? Wow. MUCH better than you have heard. An ex-Secret Service guy wrecking up plans in the White House. Think Diehard…but in the White House. Since Diehard already came out before it, it gets deducted a star. Still pretty riveting.
18a) I was hooked. Make your own decision…
19) Holy smokes. Jacksonville just scored. Not only are they beating the spread, but they will be down by one. I can’t WAIT to tell Lindsey about this when she wakes up a couple hours from now.
20) If you are local, go to Park Tavern and get the Park Skillet. It is dirty. Awesome dirty. Like fat with a “ph.”
21) Am I OFF? When you get out of the shower, you are clean. Does everyone in addition to Lindsey wash a towel every time after toweling off? I use mine for at least a week. I take about 3 showers a day, so I think this is a push whatever side you take.
22) I have made a huge decision. I have made jokes about never downloading “apps” on my smartphone. I sell software. I probably SHOULD have apps on my phone. From here out, you will probably hear more about how cool of apps I have on my phone. Right now, I have “watch ESPN” and some app to tune the guitar I never play.
23) But plan to…
25) Johnny Football should get rid of the “money” TD sign. Not good karma. BUT. I will say this. I watched from start to finish the best two football games yesterday. PSU- Mich. A&M-Ole Miss. I am a Johnny Football HATER without a doubt. BUT, him answering two touchdowns with two touchdowns AND a field goal was DOPE.
26) Yes. I am writing the word “dope” a lot more lately.
27) Lindsey and I are moving in two weeks. I hate moving, but I love TRYING to throw things away. I have a “pale.” LOVE it. In my 14 years of bartending, I always carried around this huge bucket with aspirin, band aids, bottle openers, etc. I have this AWESOME pale that people made fun of me for carrying it. I don’t talk to many people who signed the thing. BUT, I do talk to Wingnut. Andy, You are my boy, Blue.
28) Pittsburgh won. I just realized I haven’t experienced this in almost a year. Crazy. Ahhhh (sung).
29) Houston. You are as bad as Philly fans. They cheered Matt Schaub when getting carted off the field. Listen, he sucks, and Lindsey is NOT happy that he is our UVA fantasy backup, but let up a bit. Geez.
30) I am up by 20 in fantasy. Looks like that 45 minute search for Donald Brown was NOT needed.
31) Lindsey and I are up 9 points in the other league with the other punk having Colts D left and us having DeMarco Murray and Gates left. Child’s play. Yeah, Kurt, and your weird friends who couldn’t hold a sports conversation if it hit you in the place. Whatever cliche about the barn applies…
32) That sounded angry. Sorry. Kurt really made me mad talking about my lady that night. Sorry again.
33) ENC. That is my tagline. Early nineties Chargers. I will wait until the Steelers are 3-4 to use it. Our schedule is NOT bad though. We have blah, blah, blah at New England, blah blah blah over the next 6-7 games. We are not the Broncos as far as schedule strength, but it is optimistic.
34) It is 14-12. This is just weird. I wish I was at a bar watching Denver fans squirm.
35) Yes, YOU Vince.
36) I don’t think my right big toe nail will ever grow back. I appreciate you saying hello very forcefully on my toe, Mark from Olde Towne Tavern. I missed you too.
37) My colleague, Bob, tells me every Monday “to not sleep on UCLA.” We are in mid October. I am SLOWLY coming around, Bob. Go eat some more seaweed, Bob. Maybe THAT is what is working.
38) Ponto, I am honest. I used your smoked Tabasco for like the entire time you were gone. Sorry. I buy stuff, but I am a hot sauce whore.
39) Lindsey went to a wedding. I blogged and watched football all night last night. The same amount of alcohol might have been consumed, but a “home drunk hangover” is much different than an ”out hangover.”
40) I admit it. I forgot, although I have the general idea. We had some drinks during Hangover III. Lindsey came clean and asked what happened. I answered “well, you know. They were in a jam, and the Asian guy got them out of the jam while escaping, and then all was good.” Basically, we should probably watch the last 40 minutes again.
41) If you came up and told me that Clayton Kershaw lost, and I said, “it MUST have been 1-0 since he was a stallion,” then no one would be surprised that it was that score.
42) Lindsey started Justin Blackmon as a gut feeling. Nice call, Lindsey.
43) Seriously, HOW is Denver the only city that says “In-Com-Plete?”
44) Theme is new FB photo. I am SO excited. Combine my love for Rocky and my love for Little Jerry from Seinfeld, and my life is complete and I might put this photo on my gravestone.
45) Neat stat. Tell your friends. First time ever that MLB had two 1-0 games…ever. I personally think it was cool.
46) I think a good drinking game would be to drink a shot when Peyton says “hurry, Indiana, or Omaha.”
47) I take my vitamin late in the day. I am forty years old. I take One a Day. They happen to be blue in color. Now, I know what my male coworker was talking about when he asked when I was going to take my “blue pill.” Dude. Look at my chicken picture. I am immature in a LOT of ways, and that happens to be one of them. Boom goes the dynamite. No need for that OTHER blue pill…
48) That is it. Hope you enjoyed. Will I blog tomorrow? That is a CLOWN question, bro. Peace.
49) Kurt, we will win again today, biatch. I don’t even know you, but I hate you. I could quote a bunch of movies, but your skinny ass wouldn’t know them… When Lindsey and I win the league, I WILL probably quote Good Willl Hunting. “Do YOU like apples?”