I beat the system.

Read it, don’t read it, I don’t care…just needed to get some things off my chest.

In no particular order of chronology or importance…

On the clock as I am tired and airplane seats are small. Let’s turn and burn.

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1)       Greetings and salutations, people.  Thanks for joining me.  Some written on way TO Nashville, and some written on way BACK from Nashville.  I figure I will be very tired on Sunday coming home.

2)      Johnny Manziel was late to practice, giving us not only a more interesting DAILY Manziel update that the national media seems to deliver, but another negative for us haters.  Dammit.  I just realized I STARTED with a Johnny Football hook.  It is like a disease.  We all just get sucked in whether we live in Ohio or not.

3)      I have encountered a neat new line that I don’t think I have heard like it is exactly, and once again, it is a line from the sport that gives us HALF our lines in life.  Horse racing.  The line?  “No matter which horse you are, someone is betting on you.”  Might be the story of my life, but that is neither here nor there.

4)      An ASU lineman has come out and announced he is gay.  Monumental, and props, my man.  Hopefully, in 5-10 years, it will be more mainstream and less on top of the wire.  Can we just accept everyone as is?

5)      I wish they would have been doing this when Ichiro was on the team, but it is SO nice to see the Mariners in the playoff hunt.  I have no idea why, and maybe it was Griffey that hooked me initially, but always been a closet fan.


6)      I just put those hooks accidentally together.  Read them again.  That is kind of funny.  Think about it.

7)      Darvish is put on the 15 day DL for the Rangers.  I think we all would care a lot more if we had a plausible explanation of how they suck so bad this year.

8)      Good, Tiger.  You SHOULD pull yourself from the Ryder Cup.  I am not in the mood for any Kellen Winslow attempts in the golf world.

9)      Playing hurt, people.  Playing hurt.

10)   So, let me get this straight.  Oakland is in CA.  L.A. doesn’t have a team presently but people want one.  We don’t  even know if San Antonio is a football town aside from the fact that it is in Texas (ok, so it is one I guess).  And, the Raiders are looking THERE to possibly go.  Read my earlier blog about culture shock and teams moving.

10a)  And someone get me a freaking flow chart.

11)   Luis Suarez might be mad, but I kind of am happy we won’t be hearing about the biter for the next 4 months.  Ban upheld.

12)   The Sniffing Accountant was a classic Seinfeld episode.  So is this line and I am not sure why I don’t ever toast to this.  I was missing it.  Anyway, “here’s to feeling good all the time.”  Classic.

13)   The Frontier chick is doing that awards program elevator speech.  Seriously, they need to stop doing that shit.

14)   Poor Tulo.  He comes out, says he is tired of losing, and then gets hurt for the season.  Someone tell me if he can still win the batting title.  I think I looked too fast after it happened and no one mentioned it.  Curious if he has enough AB’s for that .340 to hold up.

15)   I hung out with my cousin who I haven’t seen in like 10 years last night in Denver.  It was a lot of fun for a couple hours.  I would say the only downside was that we didn’t expect myself and her friend to hit it off so well with pool, sports, etc.  Shout out, Ryan.  Good times were had by all.  I didn’t know I had a clone in Northglenn.  Nice 8 ball shot.  3-2 and champions of the world.

16)   I used to make a reference that got me a lot of weird looks.  I used it a lot.  More than I should.  Anyway, the anchor from SportsCenter busted it out the other day and I almost fell off the couch.  “(Sung) Frustrated, incorporated.”  Early 90’s alternative awesomeness.  I think it was the Screaming Trees, but probably won’t look it up.  Google it.  Nice song.

17)   Hey, Big Ben.  So, you are “hurt” because Sanders didn’t reach out to explain himself?  Were you expecting a card too?  Just go start suddenly staying after practice with your receivers and let it go.  I assume Peyton WOULD be a better leader than you.  We know this.

18)   So, Dwayne Bowe is dropping passes in training camp BECAUSE of of injury?  Well, THAT is refreshing that there is now a reason why he sucks.

19)   Good for Vince Young.  I am hoping this community relations gig for UT takes up his practice time in thinking he still might be an NFL QB someday.  You were the best college football and got a trophy.  Let it go.  You are the less successful Doug Flutie.

20)   Pedro says that Roger Clemens deserves to be in the HOF.  Maybe, as much of the good stuff he did was before PED’s were mainstream, but I still can’t support it.  Keep Bonds, Clemens, and the rest of the goons out of the HOF or build a separate wing for those guys.

21)   Fun article on ESPN Friday about how big of Mets fan Jerry is.


21a)  I am still waiting on an autograph from Keith on a napkin that simply says “I will help you move.”  I know a guy who dated his daughter.  Failure.  Empty promises.

22)   DeMarcus Cousins is ok after a bad fall, and we therefore dodge another tirade from Mark Cuban.

23)   Good job, Rob Manfred.  Congrats on being the new commish for MLB in 2015.  Note to self.  First order of business?  Get rid of that silly extra wildcard and the fact that the ASG determines the home team for the World Series.  Both rules suck.

24)   Hey, USA Today.  Was showing the most all time preseason receiving yards on the front page of your sports section a JOKE?  Had to be, right?  Ugghhh.

25)   If you care, which I hope you don’t for sanity cases, Victor Cruz leads the pack with 297 yds.  Consider yourself informed.  Tell your friends.

26)   Tony Stewart won’t race again this week.  Smart call, bro.  Let the dust settle, and just pony up for next year.  You will be respected for it.

27)   When I saw the headline “Bortles looks good in game, I thought they were talking about his woman.

28)   So, in that Jags-Bears stat line, I noticed that JORDAN PALMER and JIMMY CLAUSEN are fighting for the #2 behind Jay Cutler.  Wow, Chicago.  You can love or hate Jay Cutler (I prefer to hate him), but NO one would argue that you aren’t screwed if he goes down with THOSE two backups.

29)   Max Scherzer is proving me wrong.  I said after last year that I didn’t believe his stuff was all that, he relied too much on getting ground balls, and that he would fade away.  That is why I sit on my couch and others scout pitchers.  Max fanned 14 last night, and has a 1.78 ERA in his last 10 starts.  Great stuff, bro.

29a)  Less pics.  I am tired.  Just good pics.

30)   Ok.  Part I (Friday) complete.  I already wrote my catch of the days for the next two days, and I will finish this bad boy on Sunday’s flight.

31)   Alright.  Part  two.  On way home and frankly tired.  So, although I am in a bloggable zone mentally, the fact that I slept for first half of flight lets you off hook.  I have to get through my stuff, but I only have about 45 minutes.  We are now in speed version mode, folks.

32)   Aloft Hotels are interesting.  No matter what town you are in, I feel like the furniture is weird, space is very unused, but at least they have something cool like a tiny pool table to make them different.  I also feel like I will walk out to South Beach.

33)   Of course I won the only pool game I played.  Don’t be silly.  Actually, it was cut throat where no one else got to shoot.  Just don’t play me at pool.  Well, play me at pool, but not for money.

34)   The lady at the front desk must have been getting paid more than what others were making.  OVER friendly, but somehow sincere.

35)   As usual, my traveling thoughts will be scattered throughout the ran t with no order.  Flying back home from Nashville.

36)   New line.  When telling others about the brick through our condo’s window, and when asked who it could have been, I admitted to being “brickable.”

37)   Lindsey WAS going to have a long couple days hanging with THREE Seinfeld fans with inside jokes right and left, but one of them got weird  and the jokes stopped…more on that in a bit.

38)   The married couple.  The woman?  Awesome.  Genuine.  Beautiful. Charmful.  The guy?  Awesome and kind of like the likable version of me.  With me being an add-on to his invite list, we still managed to develop a line dance called “the rope,” destroy Devil Went Down to Georgia onstage on the strip, AND have him be aware enough during that song to grab my dropped cell phone, but drunk enough to not give it back to me after the songs.  You guys rock,  Thanks.  Great time.

39)   I am on an airplane with no internet, and I assume any joke about Dwayne Bowe getting a game suspension for drugs would be made much funnier if I did some research.  He has a history.

39a)  Ok.  I have lots of pics.  But it is past 9pm and I am tired.  Just read this and check back tomorrow for the pics.

40)   There is some happy baby four row ahead of us that has provided me  MORE birth control.  I want a dog, not a kid.

41)   I am sure if I was sitting on my couch this weekend relaxing that I might be able to come up with my own Notre Dame jokes…but I haven’t.  I am pretty sure everything has been covered.

42)   So…Tuesday either ends things until about NFL week 5…or starts the nightmare/ hailstorm that IS Johnny Football.  At least I will know though whether to move to Alaska or not..

43)   I think any mention of Blake Bortles should have his lady in the corner of the TV screen in a bikini.  Just an idea.  I think I already showed a photo of her in part one.  These two part rants are confusing.

44)   I might be more bothered by spending the money I spent this weekend, but I just consider it “Rory money.”  Thanks, Rory.  I had a good time.

45)   The Miracle On Ice SI cover beat Brandi Chastain, and therefore giving you LOTS of hooks instead of The Fillerbuster just going OFF on that one for two hours.  Lucky us.

46)   Really?  Clayton Kershaw is not only the best pitcher but also a good guy?  VERY classy to politely accept Mone Davis’s pitch off challenge…”whatever that is.

47)   Seriously, Tony Stewart.  This whole missing racing thing would draw more respect if you would just TALK to us for a second live.  Or, at least tape a phony apology like Stephen A. Smith did.

48)   Twice I occupied their area this weekend.  There is seriously a bar called “Loser’s” about ten feet from a bar called “Winners” in Nashville.  I have a pic, but I said no pics.

49)   Ok, local people.  When did hotel desk people and cab drivers totally lose their sense of direction?  A couple days after the woman in OKC saying “I don’t know where downtown is,” a cab driver in Nashville relies SO much on an address that he doesn’t know where a freaking convention center (and the wedding) is and WE have to get out and walk the remainder?

50)   Don’t  expect to have your arteries to be any clearer and don’t go hungry if you go to Monell’s in Nashville.  The food is nonstop, and I assume that everything is fat free.

51)   And if you leave from Monnell’s and decide to walk downtown like four of us did (Lindsey did not), walk through this MONSTROUS beautiful park that no one else in Nashville seems to know where it is.  Pics tomorrow.

52)   I like to leave a city knowing “I did that town.”  I have succeeded once again.  Tootsie’s.  Check.  Honky Tonk Central.  Check.  Feet in the river.  Check.  The monstrous Capitol park.  Check.  Bluebird Café.  Previous trip.  Opryland.  Previous trip.  Hattie’s Chicken.  Check.  The Stage.  Check.  Benchmark.  Check.  Printer’s Alley.  Check.  Singing country song in Nashville onstage.  Check.  Silver Dollar.  Check.  Sleeping ALL day in the hotel room on a crazy Saturday.  Check.  Wait.  That was the REST of the people’s plan.  I tried taking a nap, and Lindsey just said…” just GO, babe.”  I did.

53)   Funny pic from Honky Tonk Central.  Tomorrow.  Remind me.  (this is during editing).

54)   Funny pic from The Stage. (Same)

55)   Losing my phone doesn’t matter to me as much as other people who live their life on Facebook, Candy Crush, and other digital things, but it still makes you feel lost.  I think the MOST freedom I have had was the period of time of losing my phone, but KNOWING Tylinn had it and would return it the next day.  THAT was peaceful.

56)   Seriously, Jimmy Graham.  We ALL know why the goalpost rule exists and that YOU are the cause of it.  We all know that you can dunk the football over the goalposts.  SOME of us, like me, don’t even think a preseason game is an actual “game.”  BUT, we all think you should stop dunking the freaking football.  You scored two touchdowns during PRESEASON.  Stop.

57)   Did I hear correctly about a Broncos game flying out to San Fran for a preseason game?  Please tell me that you just wanted to see the Golden Gate Bridge.  Or drive down that street?  Or see a those walruses?

58)   So, Eagles CB Cary Williams talks ALL this shit about the Pats and cheating about 17,000 years after it happened and then APOLOGIZED?  What?  That is like saying you don’t respect the movie Rounders and then apologizing.

59)   I have no idea what that last hook means.  Maybe I just wanted to mention Rounders.  I don’t know.

60)   I couldn’t live without Lindsey.  I remembered to take four solo cups on the trip…one for each of us.  On Saturday, I awoke and thought I had lost mine.  Then, she said “check in the fridge.”  I did.  It was there.  Smart of me to always keep my drinks from the night before, and nice she is there to remind me.

61)   So, when did Nashville become bachelorette HQ of the entire east coast?  Not sure.  I talked with someone who had 28 of them at his hotel alone, and pretty sure I saw about 50 of them out and about.

62)   Including 4 of them on Ptinter’s Alley, where I went solo (because everyone else was taking a four hour nap in the hotel room), and of course busted out Sweet Child O’Mine.  I had to work to get the mic stand though.  NEED that for that song.

63)   Nashville was so fun that I KIND of ALMOST thought I made a mistake on college choices…as I got into both UVA and Vandy.  Nah.  Nashville is fun, but my entry into UVA’s semi-country environment was hard enough as a Jersey boy….Nashville is PURE country.

64)   Eat brunch at The Row.  Make sure you order VERY carefully from the initially seeming southern nice guy who is your server and then you become very doubtful about everything and order very carefully

65)   My 2.5 hour adventure when the nap was going on was even better because I didn’t have my phone.  No directions.  No communication.  Perfect.

66)   I learned this weekend that you can DIE from a Vitamin A overdose if you eat a polar bear’s liver.  No one seemed to get my joke, but I still find it funny.  If I am surviving in the Arctic, run into a polar bear, kill it, and am eating its remains in staying alive, I guess I will have to get over my cockiness of killing a polar bear and try and remember to not eat its liver.

67)   It happened.  During my 2.5 hour adventure, I put in a request for a country song.  They didn’t know it.  I am not saying Charlie Daniels is a TN guy in all respect, but how the HELL do you get on stage in a country town and play live music and NOT know Legend of Wooley Swamp?

68)   I showed my friends the spots I had learned on Saturday on Sunday.  The people in that town go SO hard on Saturday that I guess they run out of gas on Sunday.  It was vacant and made me even MORE glad I had fought off the evil nap.

69)   You live and you learn.  I will say that I love all of Lindsey’s friends, but that there are no future plans for any tight quarters with her friend, Annette.  Aside from the fact she knows everything there is to know about Seinfeld (which gets my ultimate respect), I hope her health and life are good, because she sure as hell was a dead weight this weekend, Debbie downer, boring for the last two days.  And if not, just tell me your problem with me.  I am from Jersey but love your friend SO much and will care for her forever.  Ugghhh.

70)   If you are lacking a toast when in Nashville, just say “holler and swallow.”  You will have friends.

71)   Really?  Miguel Cabrera has a bobblehead night with lots of organization, and they label him as the NL MVP?  Too funny.

72)   The captain just announced that it will be “bumpy” arriving in Denver.  When is it NOT bumpy going into Denver?

73)   I am not going to finish this because of my brief nap at the beginning of the flight.  I just remembered though that True Blood is on tonight, giving me an hour of cleanup/ pic time.  Sweet.

74)   I admit to forgetting that Santonio Holmes was without a team before being signed by the Bears this weekend.

75)   I admit that I think it is pretty freaking amazing that the Rays are now at .500 after being 18 games under .500.

76)   I admit that I support the fact that Joe Mixon got suspended.  You shouldn’t have ANY gray area when things are going on at 2am or after.

77)   Can I two step?  Hell, yeah.  The twirls throw off my rhythm slightly, but you weren’t allowed in Michael’s down south without knowing how to do it.  You learned quickly.

78)   At The Stage today, I heard a band called Eddie King.  Another reminder for those of us who maybe think we could have made it in music, and then go to a town like Nashville and realize the talent that is out there.

79)   He is also the closest thing to John Bell’s voice I have heard thus far in my life.

80)   I will guarantee that unless someone does it as a prank, you will NOT hear Don’t Stop Believing at my wedding.  That song needs to be taken out to the pasture and shot.  If you are rolling your eyes right now, YOU try bartending at a karaoke bar for 14 years and NOT hating the song.

81)   I was curious, so I asked.  I asked how many average pictures a photographer takes at a wedding.  800 for small ones, and 3000 for large ones.  Now you know.

82)   Thanks, Aaron, for including “sometimes Y” as one of your vowels as the table numbers.

83)   I invented a new term when you have been sitting for a LONG time in high humidity.  “Sweaty tummy.”

84)   Glad to see my boy’s still killing it.  Heard Peter Gabriel’s The Book of Love this weekend.  Beautiful song, genius songwriter, and one of the best live acts you will EVER see (Woodstock ’94, mom-sorry).

85)   Lindsey and I THINK our wedding song might be She’s Got a Way by Billy Joel.  Leader in the clubhouse.  Thoughts?

86)   Staying with three girls in a hotel room.  I will admit that I don’t even know what channel ESPN was at our hotel.  Shameful.  AND the bathroom in the lobby was out of order for the weekend.  I ignored the sign.

87)   Shawn Marion signs with the Cavs, and builds even more the case that is the Cavs winning the title this year in the NBA.  Older, but still has the nickname Matrix, still a mobile 3 that can defend, and still has the weirdest looking foul shot outside of Shaq.

88)   Yes, Mr. Scioscia, no one knows where the hell Josh Hamilton went.

89)   Lindsey’s friends though it was weird I had to go to a Gentlemen’s Café in Nashville.  I went, pulled on the door of the shady establishment, and then walked home.  Listen, I hate strip clubs.  I didn’t have to GO.  I had to KNOW how shady it was.  Big difference.  I just had to GO try.

90)   Hattie B’s chicken was good…really good.  Not sure if it was worth one hour in line and 30 minutes waiting after ordering.  Surprisingly, the mac and cheese sucked.  Come on.

91)   Still to this day. I think carrying Ziploc bags in your bags is genius.  Absolutely genius.  Bring it, rain.

92)   Sammy Watkins got hurt the other day.  Hope it is not for long.  If they can run ANY kind of offense, that dude will be a terror to the defense for many years to come.

93)   Are the A’s in a mini slump?  What gives?

94)   Bri.  Props.  Also a Seinfeld expert, she admitted it when she made a mistake.  The mistake?  I went to check out the wedding food and came back with my report, which she found faulty.  “Sausage?  Bacon?  No.  That wasn’t on the menu.”  Umm.  I just saw an entire container of bacon I am pretty sure.  You rock, girl.

95)   I don’t think I can eat chicken for a couple weeks.

96)   Cerk travels with me next.  You know the rules, bro.  You are game for my blog unless telling me no blog material with 5 minutes of the event’s happening.  He will NOT be dead weight I guarantee.

97)   Deep thoughts, and coming from the Hattie B’s story.  A long line is only worth staying in line fore IF the line remains long behind you.  Bring it, Jack Handy.

98)   Oddly, Hattie B’s played early 1990’s R&B.  So random.  I heard BBD When Can I see You Smile Again.

99)   We watched a cover band that did mostly Allman Brothers.  Kind of fun to show my younger fiancée the genius of the original jam band.  Revival.  Awesome song.

100)                       Check out this sign from The Stage.  Too funny.  Pics tomorrow.

101)                       Tootsie’s was pretty cool.  Legendary bar.  Kind of felt like Vegas at Cheetah’s as the bartenders pretty much were all over ANY person without a drink, but there was an American Idol person there playing, kind of like a country version of the old Dead Beat Club, and worth the time.

102)                       Seeing a slide guitar live is just SO cool.

103)                       Also dancing with Aaron, he came over and asked if anyone “had any Michael Jackson moves.”  I went out there.  Damn right I do.

104)                       That’s it.  Hope you enjoyed or are at least more informed.  Will I blog tomorrow?  That is a clown question, bro.  Peace.

105)  If you made it, I will send you a chess board with football players.  Colors?  Black and gold…and orange and blue.

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