Hey, stewardess, these pretzels are making me thirsty!

WATCH: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QBrNkPyr8I8

AND: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DRaLpHoZA8E

Read it, don’t read it, I don’t care…just needed to get some things off my chest.

In no particular order of chronology or importance…

Not really on the clock, but in the middle seat on an airplane with a sleeping woman on one side and a tall guy on the other.  I will write what I can tolerate and finish off the rest tomorrow.

Let’s turn and burn.

1)      Perhaps Deveric Gallington is an idiot, or perhaps he just really wants to be on the Rant Squad.  The Texas Tech center, hours after having their best win of the year and one of the more significant in a couple years, decided to go to a bar and get arrested.  He didn’t have any exciting, creative charges.  He decided to just run the gauntlet on the “normal” ones.  I believe a couple of them were a DUI, resisting arrest, drunken intoxication, disturbing the peace, etc.  Classy, Deveric.  Find another outlet, or be a happy drunk.

2)      So, the opponent of MMA fighter Jon Jones has been determined.  Bring on Chael Sonnen.  Yes.  THAT Chael Sonnen.  The one that lost to Silva in a weight class below, and STILL has decided to move UP to fight Jones.  Without anyone really stepping up to give Jon Jones a run, I guess the UFC powers that be are taking the loudest one, right?  Sonnen likes to engage in throwing some words around, but he hasn’t won a fight since 2006.  The UFC is recycling if I have ever seen anyone do it.  Oh, and they plan on them both being coaches on that MMA TV show too.  Reaching…

3)      YES.  I literally JUST bought it, so I tell can’t you ANYTHING about it, but I don’t doubt giving it a shout out anyway.  John Corey is BACK.  Who, you ask?  He is the main character for about one of every four of Nelson DeMille’s books, and I feel like I am talking to myself when I read the books.  You might consider that a bad thing.  He is the proven writer, fancy, more fun to read version.  The name of the book is The Panther.  Or, if you want a sure thing of something I already have read and vouch for with the same character, then here are a few.  The Lion, The Lion’s Game, Plum Island, Up Country, Wildfire, Night Fall…just to name a few of them.  John Corey is a sarcastic, dry witted, kind of cocky cop who winds up working for the FBI through the books and gets into some serious shit while doing so.  Anyway, DeMille tells the stories great, they are one of the books I finish regularly at one sitting, and the story lines are legit.  Usually, Nelson throws a bunch of made up, believable stuff at the reader based on a real event or string of events, with a slight twist or conspiracy on that story coming personally from him.  GREAT stuff.  OH.  And final thing on this.  I usually get bored with action characters who get slowed down by chicks.  John Corey married another cop, and it hasn’t slowed him down a bit in the books.

4)      Steelers James Harrison has said that he has had double digit concussions in his career.  I don’t really feel sorry for him.  No matter how you slice it, dude, you are one of the dirtiest players in football.  I can’t really see how it would be any other way the way you throw your body around.  Good that you are supporting this new kind of helmet that is extra padded.  Any technology that we can get to assist in limiting the chance of concussions is important, and you supporting in the public eye anything positive is ALSO good.

5)      Not in an exhibition.  NOT in a friendly.  In World Cup qualifying.  The REAL kind of soccer game, Germany allowed SWEDEN to come back from a 4-0 deficit.  Not that Germany won’t make it to the WC or anything, but using Jim Rome’s relational scoring of world football/ soccer to American football, that is like a team coming back from 56-0 (each goal equals two touchdowns).

6)      Down 3-0 in the series with the Tigers now, who CARES why Alex Rodriguez was benched?  Maybe it was the performance by him previously.   Maybe it was the recent performance of Ibanez.  OR, maybe it was flirting with the bikini models near the dugout.  A team source confirms that he sent a baseball over to them asking for numbers.  A-Rod.  Dude.  You are pulling the dual stream version of Ghostbusters.  You were already busted for allegedly cheating on your woman.  You were also factually accused of sucking in the postseason from a baseball statistics point of view.  Now, you are making it easier on total time spent on what we hear and read.  You are just COMBINING the two.  Nice.  I like it.  If you go off on some media person, we can just can it into one story and kill Sigourney Weaver.

7)      Say it ain’t so.  A day after Bobby Knight announces he is selling all his championship rings and medals and stuff, Ozzie Smith says he is selling his stuff, too.  Dude, the Gold Gloves??  Come on.  Is this to get your grandkids through school, also?  I think it is sad, unless he is just handing down through his family for free.  I would want that stuff to stay in the family, but it is what it is.

8)      CB Richard Sherman sent out a Twitter feed of a photo of him confronting Tom Brady after the Seahawks win and asking “Are you mad, bro??”  I would slow your roll, Richard.  Sure, I know it is exciting what your Seahawks are doing right now, and we are proud of you.  That being said, I wouldn’t exactly go around waking up sleeping dogs.  Tom has three rings.  You should wait it out a little before he starts throwing to your side extra lots to piss you off and make you look bad.  If he didn’t answer your question about whether he was mad, he doesn’t need to.

9)      NASCAR is changing their qualifying rules.  There.  You are up to date.  Hold on.  Never mind.  I WILL say one more thing about NASCAR.    Crazy.  Dale Earnhardt, Jr. recently sat out a race or two (I wasn’t paying THAT much attention to know how many races it was) with a concussion from a wreck.  Admirable and smart.  Anyway, Jeff Gordon said he would have “hid” the concussion to keep racing.  Hold on, Jeff.  That is fine if you want to do that.  And we know you race car drivers are tough.  But, in an age when other sports are fighting it pretty hard about concussions and a player’s future and health, do you HAVE to shoot your mouth off in a negative way on this?  Keep that to yourself, and stop using the mic for personal agendas, random comments not involving you, or misguided public advice.

10)   This is fun.  I have no idea what number I am on in the rant.  For the next two hours, I am literally CRAMPED into one position. I did take one of the arm rests from the sleeping lady so I can type.  She is smaller.  She will be ok.

11)   I guess you could say Southwest is ok because you never get stuck behind a drink cart in the aisle (they take orders and bring the drinks back).  Well, I would rather chance the cart and have my drink now.  I have a soda coming at some point, brought pretzels on the plane, started THINKING I was thirsty after eating the pretzels and after ordering the drink, and NOW?  Yup, I walked RIGHT into that one.  These pretzels are MAKING me THIRSTY.  Use that line at parties.  SOMEONE will catch the reference.  Seinfeld lines haven’t aged THAT much since being off the air.

12)   Interesting.  The announcer made a sharp comment during the Tigers/ Yankees game last night I hadn’t thought about.  Everyone is wondering what would have happened this year if Mariano Rivera was playing.  Because of them playing from behind so much in all of their games, the announcer figured out that Rivera would not have ONE save thus far in the playoffs.  Amazing.

13)   Unless you live in a bubble AND don’t care at all about the NBA, you know who Kevin Love is.  Each year, he has advanced more and more, and last year, he quietly was in the top 5 in scoring AND rebounding all year.  Anyway, dude broke two bones in his shooting hand and is out 6-8 weeks to start the season.  Sad.  I was waiting for him to tear it up again this year, and no one likes having a late start.

14)   Nike terminated their contract officially with Lance Armstrong today.  I thought they already had done that.  What is that?  OOOHH.  That was Tiger?  Whatever.  I am moving on.  Let’s just say I am not sure who is officially not with who, and WOW, Nike has had some bad breaks with their superstars lately.

15)   I am not good at knowing the names of the chicks on TV, in music, or the movies.  I am not sure who that is in the Buick Enclave commercial who thinks everyone is looking at her car, and then says “I can relate,” but I don’t like her.

16)   Nice gesture, even if it is ridiculously optimistic.   John Harbaugh placed Ray Lewis on the injured reserve AND on the “designated to return” list.  He allows for a miracle return for Lewis, he gives respect to his leader, and he doesn’t lose a playoff roster spot because of the rules.  I like his style and angle, even it is for the team I hate.

17)   Dammit.  The cheater gets away with it.  Kentucky’s Nerlens Noel has been cleared to play for Calipari this year with no recruiting violations.  Great.  Now, Cal can have a possible front court on the same floor here and there of 7’0”, 6’10”, and 6’9”…regularly.

18)   BUT no total love in the new released coaches poll.  Indiana, Lousville, and UK make up the top 3 at this point.  I am still not sure who is shooting the rock from the outside for Louisville, but ok.

19)   Although I hate car return shuttle buses, I like what BWI does.  They have a shuttle, and it is far away from the airport, but they do ALL of the car rental companies at ONCE for pickup, instead of having to rely on one particular crappy company to get you back.

20)   NHL.  The owners submitted their proposal earlier this week.  NHL Union chief Fehr says it will cost $1.6 billion over 6 years to the players under their proposed terms.  Sweet.  Tomorrow, I bet they are calling each other to schedule a meeting to tell them this directly and not through the media, so that maybe the owners might think about having another meeting at some point…SO, SO slow.

21)   The NBA is going after LeBron’s chalk toss, I don’t care HOW you spin it.  They have a new rule saying players must be ready to start game within 90 seconds AFTER introductions are done.  They can say they are trying to limit the odd hello’s and handshakes from everyone at that time.  I think they are shutting down THAT thing LeBron does.

22)   CEO?  GM?  Holmgren out? Someone REALLY must have pissed off SOMEONE in the Browns organization to make all these changes mid-stream.  They do know they are in almost MID-season, right?  Weeden got me and Lindsey 22 points on Drew Brees bye week last week.  I am ok with the Browns.

23)   A man sold a TWENTY year old gallon or so container of McJordan BBQ sauce to SOMEONE for TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS.  Is a joke here really needed?

24)   You might be able to save yourself from remembering the name of Mr. Irrelevant this year after all.  Sad to see the Colts let him go today.  I guess he is the bad luck on the team.

25)   Odd that long awaited back LB Terrell Suggs practiced this week on the same week where Ray Lewis was lost.  I believe the Ravens wanted them BOTH on the field tag teaming the opponent, and not actually follow the tag team rules of wrestling of one or the other.

26)   Hello there again.  Stationary or not, cramped or not, my head just went back and I was knocked OUT…for a whole TEN minutes.  Anyway, I woke up I think because of some turbulence.  Sweet.  Awake again.   Back at it.  As Forrest would say, when was hungry, I ate.  When I was tired, I slept.  And while he RAN, I RANTED.  Damn, I want that Running on Empty song to play while I write the rest of this.  Moving on.

27)   I am so confused.  The judge wants to see the Bountygate docs?  I thought the right people already LOOKED at the damn documents.  Is this a different judge?  How many times can the same people appeal this nonsense?  Do I need to open these articles do answer these questions?  Ugghhh.  I am so over this.

28)   This is not a rant where I get into much besides sports or trivial, random stuff.  No politics.  I watched the debate.  My one sentence synopsis?  The elevated feistiness of this debate made me think less about how I was missing some of the Yankees/ Tigers game and reruns of Seinfeld somewhere.

29)   Well, all the teen records are officially done, since my boy Bryce Harper turned 20 this week.  “The youngest teenager to ever…” line of statements is officially closed.  He is TWENTY people, and already has gone to the playoffs after a stellar year.  This kid is going to break some records.  Maybe Mike Trout will break them all first, and then Bryce will stay a year or two after Trout retires, since Trout is older than him, and clean up after him.  Between the two, they will be a lot of fun to watch.  And hopefully, they won’t get a ridiculous 10 year record payday and slack off like some people.

30)   This is the anniversary week of “they WERE who we thought they were.” By Dennis Green.  Classic.  The Bears were who we thought they were…awesome.

31)   Beyonce gets the nod for the Super Bowl halftime show, which suddenly over the last decade is the hot spot to get in the music industry.  Sounds good to me.  She is easy on the eyes, and I can hope she plays that damn chick song I liked that I irritated everyone at Deweys with back in the day.  Irreplaceable.  In thinking about this fully, that is most likely when I will be taking a quick break from watching the game and commercials, so I rarely ever see the halftime show at all.

32)   Yay.  The US advances to the next round of World Cup qualifying.  They came back strong after QUICKLY being down a scary 1-0 to Guatemala, Dempsey almost got a hat trick, and I was lucky enough to hear the following two lines from the announcers while watching it here and there.  “Lovely left foot” and “ever changing tapestry.”  Fancy.

33)   Andy Reid NEVER makes changes in mid season with his Eagles, which is why the firing of Defensive Coordinator Juan Castilla was such a bold move.  I am not sure how this affects the team’s offensive turnovers, but it still is a statement that he recognizes they are not where they need to be.  Where is Dennis Green?  Let him play the Eagles with someone, and say they were who we thought they were because they were not the team they needed to be.  That’s GOLD, Jerry.  Dammit.  Grab me a damn flowchart so I can write this statement more clearly.

34)   That is it.  My legs are cramping up, we have a full hour to go, and perhaps I can get my sleep sitting straight up mojo back.  I hope you enjoyed the second of two consecutive airplane rants.  I apologize if this was not edited like usual.  I am over having this computer open on the plane, and I always just put a picture and post when I get home with these airplane rants.  Will I blog tomorrow?  That is a CLOWN question, bro.  Peace.

34a)  Post flight/ pre-post notes:

-About John Corey, I read three chapters after I blogged.  Fantastic set up.

-It is 628 pages

-The guy sitting next to me thought I was crazy.  John Corey and Jerry Seinfeld are the only two people, fictional or not, who make me laugh out loud.  Oh, and Peter Griffin.

-John ALSO has a woman 14 years younger than him.  We are more similar by the day, except I don’t work for the FBI in a book and bust terrorists.

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