Read it, don’t read it, I don’t care…just needed to get some things off my chest.
In no particular order of chronology or importance…
Not on the clock. I have hours of basketball and NBA All-Star Saturday Night coming up with nowhere to go. This would be a “clear the list” rant. The legal pad list appears to be quite full and have multiple pages.
Let’s turn and burn.
1) When Celtics Rajon Rondo went down with an injury for the NBA season, they obviously have to make a call of who to replace him with in the All Star Game. The coach gets the call, and the Eastern Conference’s coach is Miami’s Erik Spoelstra. OK. What happens next boggles my mind. Spoelstra made the announcement yesterday he will replace Rondo with Miami’s Chris Bosh. So, NOW we have to deal with a starting lineup that includes the whole freaking Miami Thrice. This is BS. I would be ok with it if the stats absolutely supported it, but he just replaced a point guard with a big man. It makes NO sense. How about Kyrie Irving, Erik? Be homer allocating playing time, but give a little guy the start in the official lineup.
2) Brewer and former MVP Ryan Braun’s name was found on another list involving the PED Bosch supplying clinic. This doesn’t surprise any of us, since I think that about 98% of us out here KNEW he cheated when the loophole was that the sample had to stay the weekend at the clinic. Ugghhh. Just come clean, bro. By the way, I see that you were right under A-Rod’s name. Did you guys carpool?
3) I have no joke for this, since merely writing it provides the effective gravity it needs. Did you all know that NFL commissioner Roger Goodell makes 29 MILLION DOLLARS in salary? I didn’t. It is ridiculous enough that the other commissioners make about $20 mil, but the fact that the most controversial (I am letting you off the hook on this one, Gary) one makes $9 million MORE scares me.
4) It scares me, but not near as much as South Carolina’s basketball coach, Frank Martin. That dude is just horrifying.
5) I usually “process” movies after I see them. It takes me a couple hours to form my official opinion. Well, with Diehard, it is not necessary, as the movie is pretty straight forward. My review? Hmmmm. It is “fun.” It is “action packed.” It is “typical Diehard style.” And once again, they found an easy way for John McClain to be around trouble. I liked it, although I thought the last one was a little better. It wasn’t bad, but I think they pushed the envelope about ten times too hard on the whole “diehard” thing. I mean, he gets into two horrible car crashes…in the SAME chase…at the BEGINNING. I won’t tell you anymore as I am not a movie spoiler. Let’s just say I am curious to know what YOU thought of the method they got out of TWO buildings. The other thing is that it was really short for movies these days. They just pack as much kick ass into about 95-100 minutes as possible and call it a day. The damage caused on the first chase scene HAS to rival the top dollar amount in damage ever spent. Terminator 2? Bring it on.
6) I realized that last hook sounded negative. I am being picky. It is Diehard and it is fun to watch.
7) LeBron James responded to MJ’s hypotheticals with him and Kobe. NOT a good idea. He said he would take Bill Russell over MJ if it was just about rings. It is a lot to do with the rings, bro. It is fun to say those types of things when you don’t have but one. Anyway, why don’t you shut your King James trap, focus on winning another one, and leave the summations and comparisons to people who are already done playing, the media, and fans?
8) I am warning you. This one might be the record one as far as length.
9) The Colts tell Dwight Freeney that they will part ties. I get it. Money. Up and comers. Ok. But although he has fought injuries, he is only 33, and he LOVES being a Colt. Can’t you all find a way? One of the problems is this. He can call Allen Iverson about this. When your game DEPENDS on that first step/ move, and you lose a step/ move due to age, then there are problems.
10) Carmelo Anthony will be OK injury wise to start the All Star Game. Good thing. Erik Spoelstra might find a way to sneak Mario Chalmers or Mike Miller into the lineup.
11) I am watching Duke-Maryland as I rant. Maryland is giving them all they can handle. This is surprising due to Alex Lin’s foul trouble in the first half. This could be as simple as being a trap game, but wow does not having Ryan Kelly in their lineup hurt Duke’s flow.
12) I watch TV admittedly with high volume. I still “heard” my neighbors across the hall over the Maryland crowd. They obviously really like the living room, and if I get some money, I am buying them 100 cartons of eggs for them. They need to Hustle and Flow/egg carton their apartment. Good work, bro. I guess. Moving on.
13) The Packers ALSO released one of their old school veterans, Charles Woodson. Hey, Pittsburgh. I am not sure of the present health status of Polamalu, but you can use my phone to call them if needed.
14) The Vikings GM has said there are no plans to trade discontented WR Percy Harvin. Good idea. Christian Ponder needs receivers who can get yards after the catch, because he sure as hell can’t scare people over the top.
15) Former soccer player Robbie Rogers has announced he is gay. Good for you for coming out, Robbie. We all support you. I will also tell you that Lionel Messi scored #300 and #301 for Barcelona so you are FULLY updated on soccer. No riots in the last 24 hours.
16) Do you think that Oscar Pistorius wept because he was mad he killed another human being, or because he looked at pictures and realized that his lady was pretty freaking hot for a guy having two fake legs?
17) Let’s get you updated on NASCAR while we are at it. They crashed in the very first practice in the first couple minutes, and Danica Patrick had the fastest practice time going into qualifying. The good thing about the race coming up is that maybe we can stop hearing about her relationship with Stenhouse. There. You are now updated in NASCAR.
18) This is one of my favorites of the week. The creator of the Dallas Cowboys logo died this week. I am sad that he died, but it didn’t exactly take Monet to design that basic star design. He must have been brilliant.
19) The Sandusky “bill” is $27 million so far. I think they should just call Roger Goodell to knock that out.
20) The divorce trial date is now set for Kris Humphries and Kim K. Wait a minute. I know I don’t watch TMZ or read People, but that thing isn’t over yet?
21) Do you even NEED to open an article stating “Rob Gronkowski will work the red carpet at the Oscars?” It is funny already.
22) So, Nadal lost a clay final last week, and Federer lost in the quarters this week. What the hell is going on? This is so crazy I think a meteor might hit Russia.
23) Maybe he was just happy. Maybe he is just a great guy. I think Minnesota coach Tubby Smith was recruiting. “Look how much fun WE are having.” http://www.usatoday.com/story/gameon/2013/02/15/minnesota-dance-kesha-wisconsin-video/1922759/
24) I am sad to say that the streak of days that someone stumbles on my blog googling “barry manilow” is over. I am happy to report though that a new one has started today. THREE “barry manilow hits.”
25) Lindsey and I watched Taken 2 last night. It was decent. I wrote down two questions I needed answered before we started the movie. 1) Why would anyone mess with this guy again? 2) How do you LET yourself get taken again 2a) Why the hell didn’t they name it “Taken Again?” I got my questions answered. It still has obvious rip offs from Bourne including music and stealing a cab, it still has fight scenes where you oddly don’t see an old Liam actually hitting people with the full motion, but it was fun. By the way, Liam. Bourne won Oscars for special effects. I had to just ASSUME you were kicking ass in YOUR fight scenes.
26) Although aged over a decade, Lindsey didn’t believe me that the wife was Petra, the NY talking chick, from Rounders.
27) Michael Kidd-Gilchrist admitted he got worked in 1-on-1 by a 50 year old MJ. Dibs to him for saying it, and now let’s organize an offseason duel with King James and MJ. I am all in on that (NO. I don’t believe it would happen that MJ would win, but if it was close, it would be funny.).
28) Thoughts and prayers to the Anderson University football player’s family who died while playing basketball this week. So young, and so sad.
29) Cal Rypken’s son will redshirt in baseball at South Carolina. He should have chosen a different sport. I bet you THAT kid has some insecurity issues. “your dad was the BEST!”
30) 2009 Horse of the Year Rachel Alexandra is in serious condition. I had a killer joke about horse racing and the WNBA (thank you, Jim Rome), but I will just say thoughts and prayers to the horse’s family and human family.
31) James Harrison is so funny. He tweeted that he was signing with a different team and freaked out Steelers fans. He signed with a dodgeball team. I didn’t fall for it as I don’t log onto Twitter and stare at it OR send it to my phone. Just a casual Twitter user. As soon as someone can flow chart how I actually can utilize it to my advantage, I might do those things.
32) Lindsey made shrimp in chipotle sauce last night. DELICIOUS. But, she also knows that anything with chipotle IMMEDIATELY has my interest even though I don’t know that the hell the stuff is. The taste is good, but I also think I just like SAYING “chipotle.” Say it. Smooth, right?
33) The Naismith HOF finalists were announced. Quick hitter opinion on a couple of them. Gary Payton? Yes. Poor guy had to deal with Jordan, Hakeem, the Utah pick and roll, etc. I think he is good. Tim Hardaway? Although he has the coolest move named after him (UTEP Two Step), I don’t think he makes the cut. Dawn Staley? HELL YES. I don’t care about her stats, she almost got UVA to a championship, she was SOLID in the professional league, and I just want to say I guarded a HOF’r multiple times and did ok. Mitch Richmond? He was always in the top 10 in scoring, but I just don’t FEEL like he did enough. Not enough college accolades to back it up. Maurice Cheeks? You had Moses and Dr. J on your team. I love you, but no. Spencer Haywood? I don’t care about consistency over the years. He averaged 32 points and 21 rebounds in a year. Take that college year and throw in the 4 All Star nominations ( I guess I am still thinking about Gronk and the Oscars), and I say he is good to go. Bernard King? Get him in NOW. Rick Pitino. He has taken a couple of teams coaching to the Final Four. Good to go, and overdue. Jerry Tarkanian? If we say the given in this proof is that you didn’t cheat in recruiting those early 90’s team, then I am ok with it.
34) This Duke Maryland game is still on. Maryland is doing EVERYTHING in their power to let Duke come back. They will cry like babies if they lose this game and watch the film.
35) I won’t tell you the progress on the legal pad list because you don’t want to know.
36) I had my whole day planned out and then I found out the UVA was on TV. It jacked up my schedule, along with bringing me pain in WATCHING them. They have a PG who can’t shoot, rely too much on the 3, and luckily have Joe Harris to look like they have ONE relatively competent player on their team. How is THAT guy not in that mock draft I mentioned yesterday? Are they scared that he is another Adam Morrison? Good fear, but I think I like Joe better.
37) Oklahoma State beat Oklahoma today in OT. Oklahoma State STORMED the court. Why? Act like you have been there is the usual rule, OR DEFINITELY don’t do it against an unranked team. What gives, OSU?
38) A shout out to Bob, my cubicle neighbor at work. I was telling a story to my colleague, Jason, about seeing the Twitter creator being teased on The Colbert Report 10 years ago, was about to summarize my story, and then Bob said “so Boom goes the dynamite.” I think Lindsey is already getting tired of that phrase revival. I personally am NOT.
39) I watched the new The Following last night. It was a quality episode, actually had two twists we didn’t see coming, but still had a hostage who was released by the “good” guy and ran into a barn. If you release me from being killed, I am running a straight line into the woods. If I get killed by a bear or die of hunger, whatever. DON’T run into the barn ON premises.
40) Maryland wins at the buzzer. They storm the court. THAT is ok. Most of us hate Duke, and they are ranked #2. This would be a legal storm.
41) The ASG festivities have begun. A shout out to my buddy, Justin, who used to bet me during bar shifts on every event. It was fun.
42) I didn’t even know that Karrie Webb was still playing golf, but THIS must have been a site. http://msn.foxsports.com/golf/story/karrie-webb-waits-out-kangaroos-on-ninth-hole-of-womens-australian-open-021413
43) Well, although the guy is a retired Rant Squad member and somewhat of an idiot, we KNEW he could always SCORE. http://www.nst.com.my/latest/diego-maradona-becomes-father-again-1.218764
44) The “tape a cheetah to her back” commercial was just on. I am writing this by myself, but I still laugh out loud.
45) Lindsey Vonn could still be good for the 2014 Olympics. That gives Tiger and her plenty of time to get to know each other.
46) I still haven’t read the ESPN Mag article relating to why Dre and King James were on the cover, but I am sure as hell curious.
47) Amazing that doing it only once a week, my swimming muscles are coming back. I only did 50 laps today (had to see Diehard), but it was pretty easy. Plus, to remember what lap I am on, it really keeps my jersey numbers sharp in sports.
48) The Bears terminate WR Johnny Knox. That gives the Bears one less receiver to get pissed at Jay Cutler.
49) Dominique Wilkins just buried a half court shot. How can you not love that guy? Scoring MACHINE back in the day.
50) If this was about bees, I would probably cancel any mental wanting to go to the 2014 World Cup. http://www.grindtv.com/outdoor/blog/50981/freaky+phenomenon+shows+hundreds+of+spiders+hanging+in+midair+in+brazil/
51) That cruise ships stuff sucked, but it is not the cruise line that my company deals with, so that is good news. I loved the tough guy who came on and said he felt bad for people who were scared, but that he wouldn’t sue and that he put himself in a positive mental state. Your parents must be rich. Act weak and sue.
52) An upcoming snowmobile competition has been cancelled for further investigation about dangers of the sport. Good idea. Sucks for the people who were entered and had practiced, but I have to say I personally wouldn’t choose a sport where the thing I was rolling with could be on top of me and kill me. Thanks to my mom and dad for not being into horses either.
53) I don’t think I should be called to be a judge for the Westminster Dog Show. Because I DEFINITELY wouldn’t pick this ratty guy to take it all. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/02/13/banana-joe-affenpinscher-wins-westminster-dog-show_n_2674782.html
54) I won’t bore you with the whole story. Let’s do high level. Ohio State coach Urban Meyer told a story about old school coach Woody Hayes, and how Woody said no one was tough these days. To prove it, he pulled “it” (Seinfeld reference) OUT, and let a turtle bite “it.” He then says NO one on the squad would do that. Woody, you and I have different ideals of “tough.” http://www.sbnation.com/college-football/2013/2/12/3978682/ohio-state-buckeyes-urban-meyers-woody-hayes-turtle
54a) You need to watch the Seinfeld reference. Hilarious.
55) I am very excited to load up new workout songs on my ancient 2005 Shuffle. Headliners include Stone Sour “Absolute Zero” and All That Remains “Stand Up.” Check them out, Matt.
56) So, Matthew White went to the Final Four with PENN in 1979. His wife stabbed him this week, saying he watched child porn. Apparently, she is mad, as the article was just a footnote. With Pistorius killing HIS hot wife, and Dorner doing HIS thing, this thing got NO pub.
57) Providence manhandled a good Notre Dame today. People, they have a top 10 recruiting class and are only 6-7 in conference, but KNOW Providence WILL wreck your bracket IF they get into the tourney.
58) SO cool. The Red Sox had totally open tryouts for their new game voice. I would have LOVED to see every person who came in and read. I had my shot with Denver’s Dream Job back in the day. Opportunity knocked, and I had a brain freeze on ONE name ON camera WITH anchors in the room. What could have been? I went from being in the top 5 of over 600 people to being “led out by security” of the competition. Live and learn.
59) Barry Bonds wants his felony conviction dismissed and I am flying to the moon tomorrow. I just A) wanted to incorporate another Seinfeld reference B) wanted to see if you read the rest of the sentence if I started it out with “Barry Bonds.”
60) Tell your friends. Odd stat. Marquette has won TWENTY THREE straight home games. Pretty impressive for a school who is decent but hasn’t done anything recently AND plays in the Big East.
61) If you like this post, can someone send me a flow chart breakdown of that idiot who poisoned the Auburn trees? I am not the sharpest knife in the drawer, but I admit I am kind of confused.
62) I still have some work to do, but the end is relatively in sight. Let’s keep going. I have plenty of basketball to keep me occupied.
63) Kevin Durant says he is inspired by LeBron’s recent dominance. This would generate a joke, but it is only funny to people who HAVEN’T seen Kevin play ball.
64) I am so low tolerant and so lazy, that my fire alarm is chirping once every minute, the batteries are sitting directly to my left, and yet I still continue to listen to the chirping sound.
65) Florida hit FIFTEEN 3’s today. This would be a story, but they played Auburn.
66) Indiana won handily today, but I guarantee all their fans care about is what the status of Olapido’s ankle is. Without him, they are good. With him, they are championship caliber. Zeller gets the pub, but most bball junkies know that he is the best player on that team when you break it down.
67) Nerlens Noel misses first game after injury and Tennessee crushes them. Let’s not overreact. They are ALL young on UK’s team, they WILL be ok eventually, but they WILL be inconsistent without their anchor in the middle. Can you IMAGINE if UNC AND UK didn’t make the tourney? Has that ever happened? I am on hook #67. YOU look it up. I need to finish this shit before the dunk contest.
68) Did they change the rules on the dunk contest yet? I HATE that there is a time limit rather than a one chance only format. YES. I am talking to YOU, Nate Robinson.
69) If you are starting a franchise, and are thinking of a mascot, go with a bulldog…or camel. http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/condor-breaks-free-hockey-match-article-1.1260833
70) Hedo Turkoglu got busted for steroids. 20 games. He says that someone in Turkey gave him something and he didn’t know it was steroids. Hey, Hedu. I have tickets to Phish. Care to go? You sound fun.
71) Is Gronk going to wear this shirt when he “works” the Oscars? http://www.tmz.com/2013/02/13/rob-gronkowski-sorry-for-partying-tank-top-las-vegas-wrestling-video-broken-arm/
72) I am pretty sure that there is maybe 1% of the population that would like to be informed that Billy Hunter is out as NBA players chief. Am I wrong?
73) So. An attorney killed NBAer Eddie Curry’s ex and son? This could be a sports Grisham movie and would be much more headlineable (can I patent that? Oh. That’s right. I am working on patenting “the Tripod” this week (you will LOVE it)) if it wasn’t for that Pistorius thing.
74) Am I the only one who thinks about Gladiator when I read those Pistorius stories? Oh. That’s right. It’s Praetorian. Damn.
75) As Chandler once said to Joey in Friends, “too many jokes.” There will be a Albert Belle bobblehead night. I will just skip the gray area and move on.
76) Arkansas DE Austin Flynn was charged with a DUI this week. No word on whether he either drank with Bobby Petrino or had an intern in the car.
77) They are serious in Minnesota about hockey. http://nesn.com/2013/02/minnesota-high-school-goalie-scores-own-goal-on-purpose-flips-off-coaching-staff-exits-ice-video/
78) Tell your friends. Odd stat #2. The Curry brothers officially passed the Hansborough brothers as the highest scoring brothers of all time in the NCAA. Cool article in ESPN Mag this month about Stephen Curry’s pre game rituals.
79) I have mentioned this song before. Nikki Sixx. Motley Crue. Side project notating his exodus from drugs. VERY cool song, and sounds nothing like Motley Crue. Check it out. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SSyMSkbIHiA
80) Chris Paul and Blake Griffin would “welcome” Kevin Garnett if he was traded there. Their follow up comments were “the sky is blue and the grass is green.”
81) About that meteorite in Russia, I am easily confused/ intrigued. Not that I am rooting for any fatalities, but how do 1100 people get officially “injured” and no one “dies?”
82) Kenneth Faried gets the MVP of the “Rising Stars” game. It is odd his discrepancy in numbers from home to away, but he IS a stud. If you are having name recognition issues, he is the badass rebounding guy from college who knocked out Louisville his last year at Morehead State and now plays for the Nuggets. Basically, he is the guy who jacked up your bracket.
83) I was telling Lindsey that ANY movie can look good during a long preview. For some reason, I keep Master and Commander as my prime example. It was post Gladiator, I went opening night, and I was quite sure all good parts were in those previews.
84) If you took the over, you won last night. My current over/ under for sneezing is 14.5. I went for 16 consecutive sneezes last night. Boom goes the dynamite.
85) Dwight Howard for Rondo? It is SO fun during NBA trade season when all of these hypotheticals are discussed. Let’s trade Carmelo for Kobe Bryant. SO much fun.
86) I am not popular, so I don’t get a lot of texts. I broke down the percentages today. I will say 82% Lindsey, 7% Kyle, Scott, Adam, and Rob, 7% family (mom, Matt), and 4% Blackjack Pizza (I am too lazy to unsubscribe).
87) Arsenal was upset by Blackburn this weekend. Damn. I already gave you your soccer update. Sorry.
88) Tiger and him might not get along, but not a bad day for Butch Harmon. What did he do? He golfed 9 holes with President Obama today. I went to the grocery store. I should have drank less in college and been more successful.
89) Congrats to Mikaela Shiffrin for winning the World Championship Slalom yesterday. I am still figuring out what “slalom” is, but she IS the first 17 year old to win that in 39 years. Boom…yada yada yada.
90) That is it. New Rant record. 90 hooks. Hope you enjoyed if you made it to the end, or broke it up into Saturday read and Sunday reads. Will I blog tomorrow? That is a CLOWN question, bro. Peace.
91) Just a tagline. I am off tomorrow. Talk to you Monday.
92) Thanks to my brother, Matt, who sent me that Bryce Harper clown line to the media and I have kind of adopted it. Dibs. Much love.
93) Steph Curry just made 9 of his last ten in the three point competition. Wow.