Read it, don’t read it, I don’t care…just needed to get some things off my chest.
In no particular order of chronology or importance…
Not on the clock. Day rant while chilling in front of football. Clearing the list. Long list “speed (because I have lots to say) version.” Let’s turn and burn.
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1) UVA football won 49-0 yesterday. UVA football is marginal at best. So, with that rationale, I don’t care that it was against a directional school, a Division II school, or in this case, Virginia Military Institute. We have small goals at UVA when it comes to football.
2) Now Georgia is a totally different ballgame. It is national championship or bust every year. So, it is nice that some chick was sporting the colors yesterday at the grocery store, but kind of confused why grocery shopping somehow beat a not necessary grocery trip. I suppose she could have needed bread or toilet paper.
3) Lindsey and I went to the park yesterday. I took pictures with plans of showing them in this blog. It sounds like a lot of effort on this lazy Sunday now. I had a pic of a guy who definitely should hedge when coming to going shirtless, a badass old dude strolling through the park with his walker, and some old couple still cruising around like it was their first date. As my buddy, Kyle would say, the last one was adorable.
4) We set up camp in the grass next to this park bench on the path. Without having signs on it, this park bench was somehow the designated pot smoking bench. Like three people in a row.
5) The Chiefs are 3-0 and people are now questioning Chip Kelly’s system. I think the Eagles will be fine. I think they need to get the personnel in to RUN the system, and that will take time. Overall though, I wouldn’t be too concerned if I was back in Philly. Your division will be won with 10 wins anyway. Not time to panic. I would also like to thank pathetic Michael Vick and Yahoo Fantasy Football, as somehow he still got me 18 points. Some loophole was established somewhere.
6) Nice f-you for Andy Reid, who abused his old team.
7) Gentlemen, if you are not reading sex articles in female magazines, then you are being too stubborn and missing out. Your loss. Know your enemy like your friends or however the hell that cliché goes. And I guess that doesn’t really work, because they aren’t exactly our enemies.
8) Lindsey is sitting next to me reading Friday’s airplane rant. She says my spelling/ word usage mistakes crack her up. I will make sure that when I get an editor for this thing, they pick them up. I am a one man show working 65 hours a week at a non sports gig. Cut me a break on the editing.
9) The Dodgers won their first division title since 2009. First of all, look at their competition. Second, 2009 just doesn’t sound that far back. I would compare this when a football team scores 7 unanswered points.
10) I think them celebrating in the D-Backs pool was a D-Bag move, but sounds kind of fun regardless. I would have done it. Of course, I am not well liked.
11) Are the Yankees actually still hanging around the wild card spot? Those overpaid players are resilient.
12) Speaking of the Yankees, A-Rod broke Lou Gehrig’s grand slam record. Those two just don’t belong in the same sentence. One non cheating class act, and one cheating overpaid massive ego. I had another add on joke with this hook, but I have decided that although it is WAY funny, it is also WAY over the line. Even the Fillerbuster, Rickey Henderson, and others who occasionally speak in the third person have rules.
12a) Is that right? The third person? I think so. Moving on. You get my point.
13) It is closing in on Halloween, and I still don’t know what I am going to be. I did Kramer (my hair can be crazy) and Howard Stern (big nose) back in the day flawlessly, but I think the younger kids wouldn’t know where the hell I was going with those costumes.
14) Lindsey didn’t like my idea of me dressing up as Manti Te’o and her wearing a white t-shirt with the words “invisible” on it.
15) Mike Holmgren blasted the Browns over making that Trent Richardson trade. We all love when guys with no jobs talk to the media.
16) By the way, the Browns are looking at Ben Tate for next year’s RB job, and looking to trade Greg Little and Josh Gordon away THIS year. Basically, they are following the 1998 Florida Marlins model without actually winning anything. Fire sale with no past accolades. Joe Thomas has said that no one on the team is untouchable. That is an understatement. Sorry, Ben.
17) Henrik Stenson is presently up big at the Tour Championship. This is not just a tournament, people. If you are in the top five in standings, and win THIS tournament, the rest of the tournaments are null and void, and you get a nice $11.43 million check. Not a bad four days of work.
18) Is there a Twitter helpdesk or training class? Paul Pierce needs a little assistance on his devices.
19) Any time you read about a punter getting ejected for fighting, it is worth sharing. http://deadspin.com/punter-ejected-for-fighting-1363144638
20) This is a pretty sick one handed catch by a Toledo WR. http://deadspin.com/toledos-alonzo-russell-makes-ridiculous-one-handed-td-1362037679
21) One more for now. A Marquette athlete dropped some acid and then decided to punch a cop. http://deadspin.com/marquette-lacrosse-player-accused-of-dropping-acid-pun-1358281588
22) In another interview where Adrian Peterson insists on telling us HIS opinion on things that actually have nothing to do with his life or expertise, he has informed us that RGIII will be fine. I know Skins fans are happy to hear that from someone who the only parallel is that they both came back from injury.
23) Face guy. Scott, you saddened me last night. A face guy is a good looking dude who can pick up chicks by just standing around and can only mess it up by talking. Scott, I was not referring to the A-Team. I was referring to our term for Erik from back in the day that I BELIEVE you and I invented. Erik, you were one good looking dude.
24) I apologize if this is a repeat hook, but it is worth saying again. Mike Trout is the first AL player to post 25 HR’s, 30 steals, and 100 walks. He is reinventing what a five tool player is and what boundaries a particular TYPE of baseball player can have. Dude is a stud.
25) My colleague, Ben, could not stop talking about this, and I can’t say that I disagree with him. In airports, does Hudson News have a freaking stranglehold on the business of getting you water and newspapers? How is there not another competitor? How are they in EVERY airport, delivering the most simplest of products? What is going on?
26) Come on Steelers. It says here that losing teams’ fans are fatter. I have no interest in gaining weight, but this does explain a lot for fan stereotypes. The losing ones are the ones scouting out the wings specials. http://www.npr.org/blogs/thesalt/2013/09/19/224148230/diet-of-defeat-why-football-fans-mourn-with-high-fat-food?live=1
27) Arian Foster says he received benefits at Tennessee. I am just ballparking it here, but let’s line up the ten best athletes who went to college in every sport and put them on a lie detector where there are no reprocussions. I am willing to bet 50% of them got paid. It will be the athletic version of Seinfeld. Freaking Michael. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h_Sw6by7pig
28) Another baseball season ends, and Andy Pettite is once again retiring as many times as boxers in the 80’s.
29) The Niners have set their hopes on a Super Bowl win. Aldon Smith is a key cog in that drive. Aldon was training hard all week by getting a DUI on Friday. Yes, Aldon, I will send out what available Rant Squad scouts that I have. Ok. I hear you are playing even though you might go to rehab soon too. That is one classy organization they are running out west. I say you should sit him, no matter who you play.
30) I hope you didn’t turn off this Packers-Bengals game. This thing is crazy.
31) Funny stuff. My colleague, Robert, came up to me at work Friday, and said “Filler, who is that weird voiced comedian who may or may not be dead?” Oddly, I thought about it for about a second and said Bobcat Goldthwait. I happened to be right.
32) Dammit. Miami beat that 60 point spread versus Savannah State. They won by 70. I have decided to get back to posting my best college picks again starting next week. Although I said Miami wouldn’t cover, 4 of the other 5 picks that I didn’t post because my airplane seat was too cramped DID come in. Coming soon, you people who need the action.
33) Mack Brown says that popular sentiment is irrelevant. Well, guy who barely has a job at the present time, I suppose you have a point. BUT. Calling out your fans is probably not going to HELP you.
34) Gale Sayers is getting into the sue the NFL party. This is only the beginning. Take a number.
35) Alabama suspended TJ Yeldon for a QUARTER this week for his on field actions last week. ONE quarter? That is just silly. Don’t you all have All Amercian RB’s just like filling up the Gatorade coolers. Round up at least and make it a HALF.
36) If you are in Capitol Hill, and don’t like foreign food like I do, I still suggest checking out the brunch at Parallel Seventeen. I got the pork benedict. It was solid, and allowed me to stay away from those crazy food descriptions that scare me.
37) Speaking of being scared, I have a phobia of bees. I am not even allergic. I would like to say I am sorry to the people around me at the park yesterday. Lindsey swears it is what we call a “hummingbird moth,” but I am still convinced I was eye to eye with the largest bee I have ever seen. I ran away like a girl, and will continue to reference it by “Mega-Bee.”
38) There was a guy at the park with a metal detector. Trust me, dude. I KNOW from my dad’s exploits. You need to be finding old farms where they just tractored it. I don’t even care that “tractored” is not even a word.
39) I have a feeling that Bo Pelini and Mack Brown are getting hammered at a bar somewhere near the midpoint of their two schools.
40) Florida lost their QB for the year. I am internally smiling as I know someone down at Hayters is not happy about it.
41) Things I learned from my mom. Hydrogen peroxide, Neosporin, and jumping in a chlorine pool cure a lot of things. Lindsey had a bike crash yesterday. We don’t have a pool, but the other two were definitely used after trashing my bathroom looking for them.
42) Holy smokes. Cleveland is beating Minnesota at THEIR crib?
43) Hey, Colorado State. You made a GREAT showing at Bama yesterday. Did you win? No. You beat the spread and looked more solid than about 90% of any other team Bama will play for the rest of the year.
44) The Skins lost again? To the Lions? Sorry, Scott.
45) Thoughts and prayers again to my buddy’s family. Scott is my boy and his pops had a stroke this week. Fantastic dad. I had the pleasure of meeting his dad years ago. Great basketball mind, was mentioned in Red Auerbach’s biography, and he is doing better from what I have heard from Scott. Going to the Final Four and sitting across the aisle from Calipari and Self in the 29th row of the final game HAS to be one of my sports highlights in my life.
46) Maybe it is just me, and I DO know of relationships that have ended because of it, but to state it again, I would NEVER get mad at my girl for cheating on me with another girl. Never.
47) Another odd side note. I read the men’s mags and feel like I am not the norm, but I have not downloaded nor owned a porn in about 15 years.
48) The Bengals will discontinue playing Katy Perry’s song, Roar, when coming onto the field. This has to do with media heat about the song (which I know nothing about). Without really examining this on a deeper, more analytical level, what the hell is a football team coming out to Katy Perry in the FIRST place?
49) Ohio State won 76-0, and Louisville won 72-0. Anyone else excited about conference play to really get into gear? Not you, Louisville. Your schedule is like Boise State’s from a couple years ago…just SLIGHTLY more amped.
50) Georgia Tech marked their gear to show athletes’ allegiance in fighting NCAA rules. It would have been cooler if they would have kept what “APU” actually meant. You guys kept a secret like George did in Seinfeld. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=orPlK0wlYMQ
50a) All players united.
51) North Texas gave Georgia an early scare yesterday. The ten people who predicted them to beat the spread are happy people.
52) Tennessee switched QB’s this weekend. Remember when we actually KNEW who their starting QB WAS?? When they were good year to year? I have no more information on this topic.
53) Jeremy Lin was humble, but predicted that the Rockets would contend this year. He was going to predict a championship, but has now figured out how truly weird Snowball IS.
54) The only thing that sucks going to the park is that we still don’t have a dog. I am top tier when it comes to being a dog lover, but refuse to own one until I am in the right situation. Need a yard, but like living centrally in Denver. What I wouldn’t give for an African Boerbel to be chilling next to me on the couch while I am ranting.
54a) Luckily, Lindsey’s new place doesn’t have a yard but DOES have the largest patio…like ever. I am researching buying clown’s faces and windmills. I am going to make a miniature golf course on the patio.
55) Well, maybe on the floor for the dog. I want the biggest dog ever, and not sure if a couch would house it.
56) My toenail that never grew back after an accident at Olde Towne Tavern might be classified as a Lethal Weapon…but probably a huge reason why I haven’t gotten on a kickball team in a very long time.
57) I watched TWO people stretch before throwing the Frisbee yesterday. I will go on record and say that PONTO (who is a professional Frisbee golf guy allegedly) is the only one who can escape my wrath while stretching before tossing around a disc.
58) But, stretching before Frisbee is NOTHING compared to the fat guy in long sleeves and long pants doing Tai-Chi for an hour yesterday.
59) Cleveland actually won their game. THAT will knock about 20 people out of my losers pool.
60) I have enjoyed the last two weeks. No need to go to the sports bar to watch my Steelers. Monday night last week, and Sunday night prime time tonight. Of course, I wish they would actually LOOK like an NFL team, but it is nice having a couple low key Sunday afternoons. Back TO it next week.
61) As a diehard Phillies fan, I am happy to report that they officially released that Ryne Sandberg will be their PERMANENT manager going into next year. I asked WHY the guy wasn’t being given a shot for years, and now I have MY guy on MY team. Boom goes the dynamite. Maybe he has a magic potion to actually pay Ryan Howard what he deserves…which is a LOT less.
62) If you live in the Cap Hill area, order Sexy Pizza’s Sexy Sheikh pizza. It is fancy. I have gotten to the age where I think that cream cheese tastes good on EVERYTHING. I didn’t have the energy to fry an egg on it, but it still hit the spot.
63) Putting an egg on pizza is BEYOND fancy.
64) The reason I DIDN’T fry an egg on my pizza was because we were “relaxing” watching World War Z. Wow. I recommend the movie without a doubt. It started FAST, and then pretty much doesn’t give you a break the rest of the showing. Brad Pitt was good, the plot was solid, and it gets you jumpy a little. MUCH better than I expected. Think I Am Legend with Independence Day without the humor. Or any dead dogs. It takes you a while to figure out whether Brad Pitt’s new friend is a girl or guy, but you figure it out. Plus, the movie is brilliant because they let you see how much he cares for his family, but then they drop them out of the action plot like a rock.
65) Breaking news. Von Miller apparently tried to beat the drug test with his urine sample. So, not only did he cheat, but then tried to cheat after getting busted for the initial cheat. I thought him and I were going out later tonight, but evidently him, A-Rod, Barry Bonds, Ryan Braun, and Jose Canseco had some strip club thing going on. No worries, Von. I get to watch the pain that is observing the Steelers trying to play football going on tonight.
66) That is it. Hope you enjoyed. Will I blog tomorrow? That is a CLOWN question, bro. Peace.