Read it, don’t read it, I don’t care…just needed to get some things off my chest.
In no particular order of chronology or importance…
Not on the clock. Day off yesterday. Afternoon rant. FIRST rant in Lindsey’s place. Everything moved and I have to say I gave more than an “effort” in cleaning my place. Important boxes unpacked, I know where everything is relatively, and I am enjoying my first hour or two of not having carrying stuff or unloading boxes hanging over my head. I am just going to BLOG and do nothing else. I am not lifting a box for a WHILE. Let’s turn and burn.
1) I don’t own a lot of stuff. Thanks to Dustin (recently THIS weekend engaged to an INCREDIBLE girl and Lindsey’s friend, Shauna-congrats) and Cerk for helping me move faster than the authorities spent at Aaron Hernandez’s house gathering evidence today. 15 or so bags in 3.5 hours. I would say he is relatively in deep shit, even if it is “only” an obstruction of justice charge. Still a felony, and you still will be trying to not drop your soap in the shower.
2) By the way, Dustin. When you were trying to tell me you were JUST going camping, I thought it was only about the jet skis. I never heard the proposal part. My bad. I will schedule an ear doctor visit. I didn’t realize you were passing along a secret of the happiest thing of your guys’ life. We were moving large things on a Friday night and my concentration was elsewhere. Forgive me. CONGRATS.
3) Lindsey and I were having lunch when the Uruguay-Tahiti match started. I made a joke to her that since Spain beat them 10-0, that based on rankings, Uruguay would beat them 7-0, and of course said that I was most likely joking. Score check? Just went final. 8-0. In Jim Rome lingo, that is 112-0 in American football.
4) Thank YOU, Bill Simmons. The Clippers are trying to finally be a winner, have turned Boston and Doc Rivers down in a trade, and now are looking at Byron Scott. Just for the record, and as noted in a Bill Simmons tweet, although Scott fit in perfectly in Tinseltown championships back in the day as a PLAYER with Magic and Kareem, the fact of the matter is that Scott still has the 2nd lowest winning percentage among coaches with 400 or more wins. NOT boom goes the dynamite.
5) There was a lot of hype for the Adrien Broner and Paul Malignaggi fight. Taking a chick that the other boxer was trying to get OUT of his life and putting it on national TV was NOT cool. Broner won in a split decision (not quite a decisive win if you ask me), and then said “I took his belt AND his girl.” Not nice, you were not cool during pre-fight, and let’s put a watch squad around Paul Malignaggi. There are some dudes I WANT on the Rant Squad, and there are good guys I DON’T. I hope Paul stays out of trouble. You were the better man even with the loss.
6) If you have stopped watching most zombie based movies, and have lost hope on them being good, check out Zombieland. That flick was HILARIOUS, making fun of the whole zombie like thing in a PERFECT way. The kid from Social Network was the main character. Once again, respect for him. GREAT flick, and thanks to my lady who had to alert me I was missing the boat.
7) If you live in Denver, and don’t order from D.P. Dough at least once a month, then you are missing out. I am a simple eater, and usually can pick an item from a place out of the things I DO like, but I seriously have a hard time eliminating ANYTHING when ordering from there. http://www.dpdoughdenver.com/menu/
8) If you would have told me before the year that I would be blogging about Stephen Strasburg winning his first game in June on the 23rd, I would have told you to take a hike.
9) Mississippi State and UCLA will face off for the CWS champion. Go, MSU. You beat UVA. Let’s at least lose to the winners of the whole thing.
10) There is a great article in ESPN Mag this month about Troy Polamalu having ALL of his finances in an “investment family.” Interesting stuff. You put everything in a pot with other rich people, but then there are checks and balances. “You buying a 2nd yacht? I don’t think we can let you go forward with that.” Good stuff, and the list of rich athletes who should look into that is VERY long. They listed a couple of funny, selfish buys from athletes. Tiger adding a four hole golf course to his abode was on there. $20 million. So was Al Jefferson, buying a 10’ by 12’ $23,000 bed. My favorite one was a small one. Rant Squad member DeShawn Stephenson bought a $3500 ATM machine for his guards station. The guy STILL charges $4.50 per transaction and always has $20,000 on hand. Go drink a 40 in an apartment complex, DeShawn. Yes, by the way, Ryan Lochte was also on there. Look it up to see “what he would do” and the other 4-5 idiotic purchases.
11) Cool that a club paid the entire alcohol tab for a team that took such huge pay cuts to align themselves to win the thing. Ugghhh. I think those guys have the money to pay a $100k tab. I think they are feeding their children in only making $18 million/ year.
12) And the legend continues. Colin Kaepernick throws an 87 MPH first pitch at a ballgame. That dude should never throw a first pitch again. That is Will Smith stuff.
13) I didn’t explain that joke enough. I don’t think Will Smith is the ultimate stud. I was making a reference to “I Am Legend.” 87 MPH is tight for someone playing a different sport.
14) Thanks, Boston villain bomb guys. I heard that you weren’t allowed to wear backpacks to the Miami NBA parade as a safety measure. I don’t remember the last outdoor anything I went to without a backpack. Keep the faith, Denver. I won’t have anywhere to put sunscreen and water bottles.
15) Is it bad that I actually just googled Tim Tebow’s height to see if he actually COULD play tight end? No tight ends, and a replacement for Wes Welker. How’s life, Tom Brady? The city of Denver is feeling pretty good (ugghhh). They are loaded, and every crossing pattern for Tom Brady’s targets is pretty minimal at this point.
16) Lindsey and I are watching Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel and they are doing a special on the runners who couldn’t finish the Boston Marathon being invited to the OKC one within a couple of weeks. The OKC National Memorial was shown. Story was good, and made me want to see the memorial someday. Gorgeous on TV, and Lindsey says better in person.
17) VERY cool. The DBacks drafted a paralyzed kid whose career was cut short. The kid visited the DBacks this week. Awesome. http://www.foxsportsarizona.com/mlb/arizona-diamondbacks/story/D-backs-paralyzed-draft-pick-Hahn-visits?blockID=914195&feedID=3702
19) Is this whole Putin-Kraft-Super Bowl ring thing over yet? I will miss the headline, but have no idea what is going on.
20) OK. This is HILARIOUS. Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel just went to their third story. Storm Cat. Do you know who this is? This is a recently deceased horse whose story was just told on TV. The dude was the grandson of Secretariat. So, he has the genes. Not much in winnings for his racing career. So, how did he roll? His handlers got paid $500,000 per live horse produced from mating with Storm Cat. He got two different chicks a day. He plays in straw in between. He even had a “teaser,” the poor horse whose sole job was to get the chick “worked up” before Storm Cat came in and had his 5-10 second roll in the hay. I pray the name of the teaser was Blue.
21) Then you have Zenyatta (female), who can only get action for 10 seconds, has to be pregnant for a year, but then can produce a colt that runs only about $8 million EACH. I would say that Zenyatta is giving the most back to her owner but still has to allocate time to be a mom. Storm Cat just needs to get it up twice a day at $500,000 a pop. Jersey didn’t have horses. I didn’t grow up into this atmosphere. I am amazed.
22) Stop protesting, Brazil. When I somehow find the money to go to next year’s World Cup, I just want peace and soccer. Or riots resulting from a soccer match RESULT are cool.
23) When moving, I left the most random stuff out front of my house with a “free” sign on a Friday night. Not only did the bass speaker with all of its other components thrown away disappear, but even the heaviest TV made in 1991 make it a half block down the road apparently attempted by two drunk strong guys. Everything was gone by today except a file cabinet that has to be put together, but is top line. I don’t get it.
24) Brazil beat Italy 4-2 in the Confed Cup. Playing at your home crib. Doubling up a heavyweight. Neymar being one of the hottest names in the sport. They will be tough to beat next year, whether they are ranked #22 or not. You have to watch Spain to get a feeling for WHO can beat them. Spain’s passing is GORGEOUS. Germany is looking great these days, Netherlands are at their top 5 spot, Croatia I did a double take on their ranking, Argentina will be at least playing on their own continent, and I am getting excited for Brazil 2014 just WRITING this sentence.
25) It has come out that Dwayne Wade had his knee drained before Game 7. Nobody is surprised. You have definitely lost vertical, speed, and a BIG step at this point. LBJ stole the show, so I am not giving Kellen Winslow points on this.
26) What is this Serena Williams-Maria Sharapova stuff? I could go into who said what, whether Serena already apologized to Maria, and how we should interpret this. Why would the Fillerbuster do this with his known information? The Fillerbuster would more likely do THIS. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Za1XVgQhsJU CAT FIGHT.
27) As predicted, the Hawks got Game 5. The percentage is not quite as high as the NBA for grabbing Game 5 and winning it all, so Boston should not be alarmed. That being said, their backs are against the wall. I still like Boston to answer, and then have a thrilling Game 7 in Chicago. I think Chicago’s early winning streak in the season wins this series with the home advantage. Otherwise, these teams are pretty much locked on to each other.
28) Just saying. My list says that the Blue Jays won their 10th straight. I just checked some scores. They are now on 11. Boom goes the dynamite.
29) Thoughts and prayers to the Le Mans driver who died this weekend.
30) An arrest was made in the Bob Stoops vehicle burglary. It was NOT the Norman prospect who committed with Bama. Damn.
31) Ten players have reportedly been invited to the NBA Draft Green Room. Outside of bball inner circles and junkies, CJ McCollum will need a name tag. Dude is LEGIT though. If your team gets him, think Damian Lillard of Portland last year.
32) Is it bad that when reading the Calgary Flames flooding story, I was more intrigued by the name of the place rather than the flooding of the locker rooms? Scotiabank Saddledome? That is AWESOME.
33) I had a hook on the Biogenesis thing. I think that we are all tired of it, it had something to do with bans before appeals, and I am going to move on.
34) Lindsey and I watched the new Wizard of Oz pre-quel last night. It was honestly SOLID. If I had to compare it to the Star wars pre-quels, I would say the Wizard of Oz beats at least one of the three of them. Even a quick reference to the Lion and being a coward. Worth watching. Actually, ANYTHING not involving Jar Jar Binks is a winner in my book.
35) Lindsey FINDS excuses to buy me presents. It gets kind of ridiculous in the best way. Within a 24 hour period of moving, I got a Droid tablet (which I plan on figuring out as SOON as this rant is done) AND a dinner involving prosciutto, shrimp, chicken, and pasta alfredo. Bad. Ass. I just buy her flowers at the grocery store. I am the weak link which I already know.
36) Kobe is getting advice from David Beckham. I assume he is telling him “well, if you HAD won your second title last year on your second continent like I did, I would say walk. Now, I just say PRACTICE and stop bitching at Snowball. He is freaking SEVEN feet tall.”
37) I don’t know ANYTHING about racing outside of Days of Thunder and Talladega Nights, but I DO think that if Audi has won 4 in a row, either something shady is going on or they have what we call a dynasty.
38) Rondo and Rivers don’t get along? Wow. Thanks for telling me that the grass is green and the sky is blue. Probably cost them at least ONE title.
39) Rays Wil Myers hit his first hit and it was a grand slam. He should retire. That would be SO cool. He is not going to win anything, with Baltimore back in the mix, the Rays getting older, the Yankees being the Yankees, and the Red Sox just doing their thing. What a story. “I went to the show. I hit a grand slam and said it was TOO easy.” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-n3p6KSVcN8
40) I LOVE how Torrey Smith says he HATES New England EXCEPT KG. Dude commands that much respect. Torrey doesn’t even play the same sport, but makes sure that Kevin Garnett knows he is not lashing out at HIM. Fancy stuff.
41) I think the recently terminated Men’s Wearhouse guy is the poor man’s version of the most interesting man in the world.
42) NEWS FLASH. The Tour de France is coming soon. I will be having a house party each morning watching it. Please come over. It will be crazy. The code word will be to name one last name of a rider who is IN the race, not doping, has been in the top 5 in the last five years, and has more consonants than vowels in their name.
43) OK. I guess there is NO party. False alarm.
44) The new Direct TV commercial about the guy who blows up the lawyer’s house reminds me of a shortened Cape Fear. DeNiro was BADASS in that movie.
45) The AT&T commercial “infinity” commercial was just on. I just chuckled again. The producer HAS to be a White Men Can’t Jump fan.
46) I think that if I had bacon and prosciutto run a race, it would be Ben Johnson versus Carl Lewis. Even though I knew the PED guy was better and faster, I respected the naturally gifted one not cheating. Basically, that makes no sense, except that I REALLY LOVE BOTH.
47) I haven’t lived with a lady for a while. I had my first notice of that walking through Target the other day. I was needed for my Jeep, fitting a bike in the car, AND to make sure I like the chosen MATCHING night stands. I participated. I get it. But, I am good with putting everything on the floor for the next 10 years also. Whatever works. Matching night stands? She is the bomb though, and we have matching night stands coming via UPS.
48) I could say something funny about Kanye WEST naming his kid NORTH, but I am sure SOMEONE has already got jokes about it. I am still thinking about Apple jokes with Paltrow. Let me just refer you to this. Deadspin wrote an entire article pretending that “North” was not a stupid name. Awesome. http://gawker.com/your-babys-name-is-probably-stupider-than-north-west-532218069
49) Blake Griffin might be banging Kate Upton. They should remake that one commercial about how the kid’s future with “Bright, AND you will bang Kate Upton.”
50) Check out THIS awesome sky. http://deadspin.com/the-sky-above-wrigley-field-today-was-spectacularly-hau-535621811
51) I could go into a whole different direction with the “no pick” Seinfeld, but I won’t since I already gave you a link. Golfer picks nose on camera after awesome shot. http://deadspin.com/golfer-celebrates-a-nice-shot-by-picking-his-nose-543209493
52) Whatever. Here is the Seinfeld link. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F9RVChMqdqg
53) That is it. Going to go play with the tablet Lindsey got me. Will I blog tomorrow? That is a CLOWN question, bro. Peace.
54) I will keep up, but this week is going to be BUSY at work.
55) Editor’s note: It was noticed that I mentioned but did not post the BEST part of this hook. Aaron Hernandez.