A blind airplane rant I wrote…happy you will be.

Read it, don’t read it, I don’t care…just needed to get some things off my chest.

In no particular order of chronology or importance…

Kind of on the clock.  Afternoon airplane rant.  Let’s turn and burn.

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1)       Greetings and salutations, all.  Thanks for joining me.  I am in the air right now traveling to New Jersey, which would normally mean I have all the time in the world, but I am tired.  I am pulling my remaining energy from within for this blog, and then assuming I will sleep like a little baby for the last hour.  Let’s do this.

2)      If you didn’t check out Mr. Royal’s post on Friday, discontinue reading this and go read that one first.  Or, if you are voluntarily choosing not to read it, then you just flat out dislike basketball.

3)      I am a master packer and master airport person.  Let’s just say that today’s flight was one of the closest I have ever cut it.  When you walk up to the ticket person and they ask if you are Mark, that is usually no bueno.

4)      I am trying to figure out how Memphis basketball can look so good one night and so bad another night, and then just blow it when they have a big game and are doing neither.  You are going to the tourney, but that road loss against UCONN might be a 2-3 seed difference when it is all said and done.

5)      Forget global.  Talk about logistics.  I don’t want an NFL team in London, Barcelona, or wherever.  Canada or Mexico is fine.  Let’s keep the time zones relatively close by.  The once or twice a year thing is fine for exposure.

6)      I love the NBA, and I love dunks.  I HATE the new dunk format.  Hate it.  Forget this conference crap and tell me who the real winner is.  Stupid.

7)      AND.  If it IS about the conference, then don’t let the East win anything.  Outside of the Heat and Pacers they are absolutely horrible.

8)      Lindsey had on Marley and Me last night when I relinquished control of the TV in the hours before the All Star stuff.  I love dogs, and I am fine with Jennifer Anniston and Owen, but that movie is literally the most painful movie.  Ever.

9)      Flipping to Office Space occasionally helped though.  TPS reports and all.  And the printer scene.

10)   I am using a lot of superlatives today.  Since I am HIGH above the ground, I guess I have some Bill Walton in me today.  This will be the best blog written in an even numbered year by a right handed person with a hat turned backwards in February…ever.

11)   Men At Work had an episode where they make fun of one of the dudes for drinking Rose wine.  Just like in Santa Barbara wineries with Scott and Emily, I had to pretend I could tolerate wine for a Friday tasting Lindsey and I did.  There is a disturbing trend going on with me that when I AM pretending to care, I seem to take to Rose the most.

12)   I find people who bring NOTHING to do on an airplane for 3 hours weird.  Somewhat irritating actually.  Yes, person two seats over.  You.

13)   But he isn’t talking to me, which means it is all good.

14)   Lindsey gets the best of everything today.  She has the day off tomorrow, which means she can do a Sunday Funday, but ALSO doesn’t need to watch ONE second of the NBA All Star Game since I am not there.  It will be a good rest day with March right around the corner.

15)   Richard Petty says he is not a sexist.  I guess I would just say “then why don’t you stop saying sexist things” and then start talking about ducks.

16)   You know.  That cliché about looking like a duck, acting like a duck, etc.  Don’t ask me.  I am the worst cliché person like ever.

17)   Before I got on the plane, I saw a headline that had “Mulder comeback halted” in it.  I didn’t read the article (because I barely made my plane in general), but if that is the case, it is a shame.  Good dude, classy, and I was rooting for him to make it back.

18)   Don’t bother me next weekend.  Ronda Rousey is fighting.  #1 fan.  Dammit.  That means I have to go downtown TWICE in one week?  Ugghhh.

19)   I, as you can guess, am not overly impressed with any type of skating and athleticism.  But, I WILL say the fact that that Abbott kid got up from that fall DID impress me and nailing the rest of the routine was simply nails.

20)   But not as much as that Japanese dude who posted above 100.  Now, I am really confused.  What the hell is the skating score based on?  Is this like the old school passing efficiency rating?  Where 155.8 is the highest?  What is good?  What is the best?  Confused.

21)   I fell for the oldest trick in the book for a master traveler like me.  I got on the plane and almost cussed out loud.  I don’t usually travel for work on Sunday.  What do I do with my foggy head today?  I got my water and McDonald’s, and then purchased the USA Today.  That all sounds standard to me.  BUT, it is Sunday, meaning the paper I got was from FRIDAY.  Ugghhh.

22)   I am excited to open my suitcase this afternoon.  I packed after bottomless mimosas.  Definitely testing my packing expertise.

23)   But.  Because I have the Friday paper, I can NOT accurately tell you whether the Lakers are still losing or not, and how well Chris Kaman did.  Whether I have access to things or not, if it makes my blog list, I write about it.

24)   Jim Fregosi died this week.  Solid manager and he loved the game and its players.  Given the circumstances, I will highlight that he got the Phils the ’93 Pennant and NOT talk about how that season ended ultimately.

25)   Bode Miller’s wife must be miserable.  She marries an ex-womanizer, has kids floating around from two different chicks, goes to the Olympics with her straight and narrow man, and he STILL can’t win a medal.  Maybe Bode Miller and Kwame Brown can go out for drinks next week.

26)   Dusty Baker says he wants to manage again.  Ok.  We get it, and our people will be in touch.  Since he pretty much wasted the talent the Reds had the last couple years, start your Monster search at teams who DIDN’T make the playoffs and will just be happy to get there and not win it all.

27)   Chris Paul and I have something in common.  We both say that New Orleans changed us.  I have a feeling his change was a little more constructive, but that is neither here nor there.

28)   I have been saying that last phrase a lot lately.  Weird.

29)   I am trying to think of a year when the college basketball player of the year was this easy. Doug McDermott if you live in a bubble. Maybe when Maravich averaged like 45 a game?  Talk about unbreakable records that are even more impressive considering he only played 3 years.

30)   Damn turbulence is ruining my hankering for a Coke Zero.  Come on, people.  I am not flying Frontier, meaning I get COMPLIMENTARY drinks.

31)   Raise your hand if you believe Richie Incognito was more at fault than Jonathan Martin.  Yup.  Thought so.

32)   Raise your hand if you believe that Michael Sam’s father was NOT terribly misquoted.  Yup.  Thought so.  Maybe he was at Perkins and left for drinks after the news for TGIF’s and not Denny’s and Applebees, but I think the dude had a mic at an upset time and told us who he was.  Sad.

33)   Raise your hand if you also have a million Darren Sharper jokes but don’t say them out loud as you think they are very grey area.

34)   Raise your hand if you think that Tiger has said he is just focusing on the Masters at about this time of year for the last 7 years.

35)   Raise your hand if you think that it is STUPID if Dwayne Wade is too hurt to play for him own team but has magically healed up for the ASG possibly.

36)   Raise your hand if you were impressed that CC Sabathia was in the same sentence as “weight loss.”

37)   Raise your hand if you wish you had enough hours in the day to click on and read the article about the slow US Men’s speed skating team changing uniforms.

38)   I wonder how long I can keep this raise your hand crap up.

39)   Raise your hand if you wonder if the Thunder would already have a title if they would have kept James Harden.

40)   Raise your hand if you think that JT’s song Take Back the Night is just plain incredible.  Ok.  I pushed it too far.  Retiring the raise your hand thing.

41)    But I DO love that song, dammit.

42)   You have heard me RAVE about the burgers at Park and CO in Uptown Denver.  Best burgers by far.  If you have a lazy Saturday or Sunday and think that their brunch must be awesome with the creativity of their burgers, know that the items are pretty much standard pancakes, eggs, French toast, and other things you could have stayed home and cooked.  Kind of a let down.

43)   Will someone please tell me what the hell happens at the end of About Time?  We watched it on VDay, and I am still putting together how the chips fell.  I am admittedly bad with time travel movies.  They confuse me.

44)   I haven’t won much on those $3 bingo lottery tickets, but they sure do provide an enjoyment and time factor that perhaps makes the purchase worthwhile.

45)   I see the drink lady with the cart, but it is moving way too slow.

46)   It is nice to have a digital sign at home.  After about 5 minutes of changes in our software, Lindsey had a fantastic red sign to come home to after work Friday.

47)   The Goo Goo Dolls have songs that all sound pretty similar.  But, since the given sound is GOOD and a niche for them, then I guess all of their songs are good.

48)   The US hockey team beat the Russians the other day.  Old school people are proud, and new school people are wondering how big of deal that is.  Well, in this case, the win was pretty much just pride.  Pretty useless for medals, but we feel good and proud.

49)   The loss of Brandon Ashley puts Arizona in a “we might not make the freaking second weekend” situation.  HUGE loss.  They looked pretty mortal against ASU the other night in their 2 OT loss.

50)   I am not being greedy and needing an adjective-animal bar or anything, but I am slightly concerned about lack of watering holes by my Hampton Inn in Princeton.

51)   In the Rising Stars game that not many people saw, Andre Drummond had TWENTY FIVE rebounds.  That is insane.

52)   Dennis Rodman would do that back in the day, and then would check himself into rehab, and then claim he is NOT an alcoholic.  What?  He just did that?  Oh.

53)   Max Scherzer might not want to talk contracts with the Tigers DURING the year, but says here that he SHOULD.  Last season, and his subpar ending, MIGHT have been a flash in the pan.  If I was him, I would sign something, take the money, and RUN to the bank.

54)   Just to make sure you know, Johnny Manziel is NOT acting weird by not throwing at the combine.  Pretty standard thing for a QB like him who has a pro day.

55)   New NBA commish Adam Silver wants a higher age limit for the draft.  First, that is wrong.  Don’t go there.  Second, can the paint DRY on the wall before you start changing the very successful league?

56)   What?  Is David Stern already in the HOF?  Why doesn’t HE have to wait like players?

57)   Thoughts and prayers to the injured Russian racer.  In whatever context, about ANYTHING, breaking your spine sounds HORRIBLE.

58)   We have a tailwind.  THIRTY minutes early we will be.  LOVE it.

59)   That sounded like Yoda just now.  Finish up I will.

60)   Whenever you try to feel at all sorry for Roger Goodell and the tough job he has, keep in mind that he was compensated $44 million in 2012.  Tough life.

61)   I don’t PROACTIVELY seek out bad food, but if opportunity knocks, my metabolism and tapeworm are still greased lightning.  On Friday, I had 2 hot breakfast burritos for breakfast, 2 McDoubles and fries for lunch, and 4 slices of pizza for my afternoon snack.  I only had 4 slices of pizza because it was quitting time at work.  That is a weak showing for me.

62)   Carmelo Anthony says he would take a pay cut to stay in New York.  Just like the first showcase in the Price is Right, I am not buying one cent of this story.  If indeed he had a reality check and suddenly thought that staying in New York would be a good thing, then I assume he would have learned to pass in that same reality check.  Ballparking.

63)   I would like to include on my “hobbies” the following item.  Reading NBA trade rumors.  Love it.

64)   Jonesy’s Eatbar is one of my new favorite places, although I will admit that the unisex bathrooms still are confusing me.  Do I lock it and hog the entire bathroom?  Do I leave it unlocked and risk a chick coming in?  Is the bathroom like that because it begs for fun weekend stories?  TOTALLY confused.

65)   The ONE TV though will eventually be a problem with my sports addiction.

66)   UNC beat Pitt yesterday.  Basically, UNC finally did something we expected them to do.  Win against a decent team at home in conference play.  That is what you are supposed to do, top flight athletes who can’t be consistent for some reason.

67)   Belinelli won the 3 point shootout.  He posted a 24 in the last round.  Killer score.  I will say this, when that dude misses, he MISSES.  Thought I saw at least one airball.

68)   I heard the song We Will Rock You the other day WITHOUT hearing We Are the Champions.  Is that allowed?  Aren’t those two songs inseparable?  Aren’t they like Foreplay/ Long Time and Eruption/ You Really Got me?

69)   The guy in the next row is watching Runner Runner and I am very jealous.  How have I not seen that yet?

70)   The more I think about it, and the more games I watch, the more I really, really like that Florida Gator basketball team.

71)   A guy, Andy, told me yesterday about renting scooters in Vegas.  I will admit it never crossed my mind, but apparently they are $40 for an entire day.  By the time someone gets out of your way on the Strip thinking you have problems, you are already by them.  I think that will be a definite the next trip to Vegas.  It would have made my end to end trip collecting bet money many many years ago MUCH more efficient and quicker.

72)   That is it.  Going to go get some shut eye or finally start reading Hunger Games.  Hope you enjoyed or are at least more informed.  Will I blog tomorrow?  That is a CLOWN question, bro.  Peace.

73a)  Parting shots now that I am at the hotel.  Newark Airport, you suck.  The only two good things about you are 1) the usual oversupply of Dunkin Donuts and 2) the fact that I am there means I am leaving.  I drove 41 miles on a SUNDAY NIGHT from the airport and was pissed off at traffic.  How is that possible?  I will do my thing tomorrow, and then get me the hell back to Denver.

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