A Beautiful Rant…
Read it, don’t read it, I don’t care…just needed to get some things off my chest.
In no particular order of chronology or importance…
Not on the clock. Sunday afternoon rant that has no deadline as far as time. Let’s turn and burn.
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1) Greetings and salutations. I might as well rant. The Steelers are relatively painful to watch thus far. Two hours of work done (on Sunday-ugghhh). Got nowhere to go. Lots to say.
2) The Marlins fired their team president. That is like firing Matt Damon for losing a poker hand when dealt a off suited 2-7. All seven fans who go to games at least know that change is happening in SOME way.
3) Derrick Rose evidently is “more confident” these days. I am so glad we get daily updates about Derrick Rose’s state of mind post injury. It makes me happy.
4) Gravity might be the best movie ever. It has Sandra Bullock in it, meaning that I will have to be sitting in a room with no windows or doors and a DVD player…and then maybe I will watch the thing.
5) I really like the newer Eggo commercials with the kid doing Hammer time. I find it pretty funny.
6) The Braves are solid. Ok. They still have flaws. I personally think we should just ship the Cardinals to the World Series right now from the NL. They are like the baseball version of the Spurs. No real story, they replace stars regularly, but yet they always are in the mix. Hey. It’s an odd year too, so my comparison would dictate that they WOULD win.
7) “Suh cleared.” You don’t see THAT headline that often. Way to just be far enough in the gray area to not get penalized, fined, or suspended.
8) Texas is keeping Mack Brown around because he had a “passion to stay.” Hmmm. If I was overpaid at one of the most premier football schools to win one championship in like 15 years, I think I would have some passion, too.
9) I just saw a play in this Steelers game that is symbolic of the Steelers season. They force a fumble on 2nd and 6, the ball touches three Steelers, but then pops out of the pile and is picked up by a Vikings receiver for a first down. Sweet.
10) Lane Kiffin has been fired. Unlike people in the Marlins baseball organization, Kiffin was doing nothing WITH talent galore.
11) AND the NCAA denied the USC appeal for reduced penalties. Bad week for USC.
12) The conversation in Ohio was somewhat about a QB controversy after stellar play by their backup during Miller’s injury time. After Miller tossed 4 TD’s yesterday in a big win versus Wisconsin, I would say the conversation is more about the fact that Ohio State just has a really, really good backup QB.
13) The NFL is considering expanding the playoffs. I told baseball and I will tell YOU. The ideal model is NOT hockey and basketball. NOT the ideal model. The season HAS to mean something. Geez.
14) The Heat are nearing a deal for a long term contract with coach Erik Spoelstra. What a nice life Spoelstra has. Give me three of the top 15 players in the league on the same team and try to win.
15) Wilson Kipsang broke the marathon record for time. Running 26 miles in 2 hours just doesn’t compute with me. That is sick. In Kenya, their mailboxes must be really, really far down the driveway.
16) Because this is primarily a soccer blog even when the World Cup or EURO isn’t being played, I will inform you that Lionel Messi is out 2-3 weeks with an injury. There you go, Logan.
17) The Titans are reportedly taking offers for WR Kenny Britt. The cops are reportedly just waiting for him to do something else stupid.
18) OU finally beat Notre Dame yesterday. Solid test regardless for the Sooners. They are one of the quietest contenders in the nation, and I am NOT just saying that because I live with a diehard Sooner fan. I am just looking at the rest of the Big 12, seeing that Oklahoma State lost this week, and admitting that the road is not exactly paved, but you don’t need a Jeep Wrangler to go down it either.
19) Ok. After a very confusing communication time for the end of the first half, the Steelers just scored a TD on the opening 2nd half drive. At least if this season goes to hell, I know that my gut feeling that LeVeon Bell being a STUD was not that far off.
20) And that Troy Polamalu looks fast as hell, and is nearby every single play.
21) I SOMETIMES root against the Broncos. Ok. Maybe a LOT of the time. Ok. Maybe all the time. Maybe I am a hater. Anyway, today I will be rooting against them for two reasons. It knocks out almost 70 people from my losers pool that I have been sponsored for. My colleague and I are “sharing” Jacksonville each week. The second reason is Michael Vick is my starting QB.
22) Georgia took down LSU. This makes things interesting. Georgia beats a fellow heavyweight, they still have one loss, but it is to a top 5 team AND out of conference. I would talk about a “road” again, but there is no road in the SEC.
23) I am presently reading a fantastic article (not right NOW. Watching Steelers. It means that the Mag is in the bathroom) about Dan Gable everyone should check out. Don’t know him? I even knew who he was and I don’t follow wrestling. Dude went 64-0 in HS, 118-1 in college, and then coached Iowa to 15 national championships in 21 seasons. He is a STUD. Anyway, check it out. It is about him post career. http://espn.go.com/espn/feature/story/_/page/Dan-Gable/the-losses-dan-gable
24) If you knew anything about him in college, it doesn’t surprise you that NFL player Vontaze Burfict received a fine this week for actions on the field. Let’s put it this way. I deploy Rant Squad scouts for incidents. I just have a scout permanently watching him because I KNOW he will explode and do something dumb relatively SOON.
25) Even Deadspin mentioned this. Anytime Deadspin mentions a “nut shot,” you should read the article. http://deadspin.com/vontaze-burfict-draws-a-penalty-with-a-ball-tap-1367347719
26) Nice to be 40 plus, get ID’d by a worker at a liquor store not just as a usual protocol, and then have the woman go “Wow. Never would have thought.” Thank you, nice woman from Argonaut.
27) It is practice time now for NCAA basketball. I just got goosebumps.
28) On that note, we all know that Arizona is slowly building that program to be BACK in the mix. VERY quietly, Zach Peters got ok’d to play THIS year for them after transferring from Kansas. Dude doesn’t have to sit a year, and is 6’10” with a solid skill set.
29) 27-17. Kind of glad I sucked up my pride and dropped the Steelers D. It was tough.
30) I don’t know about you, but I still can’t understand how people are getting stabbed at Dodgers-Giants games. I just don’t get it. I love my Steelers, but don’t carry a knife and can’t imagine HURTING someone for wearing te other team’s gear.
31) He played at altitude, did not excel for enough years to be an HOF’er, but still VERY cool that Todd Helton hit a HR in his final home game.
32) ALSO cool how Andy Pettite threw a complete game in HIS final home game. Two gray area HOF guys at least saying goodbye in style.
33) 5 minutes before this Steelers game, I changed my starting W/R from Emmanuel Sanders to Greg Jennings as I remembered a different QB might actually throw to my underachiever. Greg Jennings just caught his second TD. So, my team is tanking, but my .0000001 % happiness is that I dropped their D AND started Greg Jennings. Ugghhh. That percentage might be a little high. Love of team over fantasy infinity times infinity.
34) I admit to not knowing near as much as I should know about the Brian Holloway story. Kids partying and vandalizing an athlete’s home. Someone flow chart that thing and get back to me. I will pay more attention if it was in a flow chart. I love flow charts.
35) South Carolina lost their starting QB Connor Shaw for 2-3 weeks to injury. Now maybe they can utilize that RIDICULOUS talent everywhere else and contend for a championship. He is like the game manager of college teams. Think Trent Dilfer without the ring.
36) To add insult to injury, USC’s Marquise Lee might be injured. He is probably one of the best WR’s in the land. Unfortunately, you need a good coach AND a decent QB to get the ball to you when you are a receiver.
37) While talking college football, Oregon did their usual 40 point pasting of a decent conference opponent, and Bama merely shut out the #21 team in the land. I have seen nothing to show me it won’t be these two teams at the end. Nothing. Robert, sorry you missed the beginning of your Bama game because our golf outing ran long.
38) Didn’t you make enough money to have a personal driver, Bernie Kosar? Nice DUI for the guy who was all stats and no real wins.
39) At the beginning of the Steelers game, they did the national anthem. I get that the U.S. wanted to have someone the English folks would know. I GET that. And I LOVED KISS. But Gene Simmons doing the national anthem with some kids military choir was just WEIRD.
40) Neat stat. Tell your friends. K Blair Walsh has started his kicking career in the NFL making his first TWELVE FG’s over 50 yards. That is sick.
41) Neat stat #2. See? FB DOES teach you things occasionally (I wouldn’t know). Lindsey informed me that since 2009 Rex Ryan and Tom Coughlin have the same wins-losses totals.
42) I ALSO learned that it is important to put the sheets right on the bed after getting them out of the dryer. We surely don’t want wrinkled sheets that we sleep on that no one sees. Confused.
43) That Minnesota kicker I was talking about earlier just missed a 40 yard field goal, keeping my hopes alive. Dude is money from 50 plus, but can’t hit THAT? I will take it. Ten point deficit. At least it is semi exciting misery.
44) We had a company golf outing yesterday. Props to my playing partners, Dan, Eric, and Joe. We all learned once again that having a couple shots DOES indeed relax your swing and provide for good shots…just before dismantling the last 4 holes when your coordination is gone.
45) EA Sports settled its lawsuit and won’t create NCAA Football 2015. Being a gamer myself, I am saddened. I don’t know what I will do at night.
46) I am not a gamer. I recognize my addictive habits and don’t need another one. Blogging might not be “productive,” but it is at least real. Most people just assume I own a gaming system.
47) I don’t have a definitive joke, and Lindsey watches it, but I WILL say the show Polyamory is “interesting.” I will stop there. There is nudity, gents.
48) Hey, Joe. LET Rivera play OF in the last game. It will be fun, and you have nothing riding on it.
49) I hear that the prosecution’s key witness suddenly changed his story in the Aaron Hernandez case. I assume to have this even be CLOSE that PLENTY of people will be changing their story.
50) Great. I crack on the Marlins and WHAT happens? A Marlins dude just threw a no-hitter…against the better than decent Tigers. Geez. I was just poking fun. Sorry.
51) Carlos Gomez admitted he acted unprofessionally in getting a one game suspension for his theatrics after hitting a home run and starting a brawl. I am glad he apologized, but what is going through your head WHILE doing that? It is ridiculous.
52) I like the word “theatrics.”
53) I just head that LC Greenwood died. Stud player, good guy. FOUR rings. Thoughts and prayers to your family, bro. Rest in peace.
54) Ha. Deadspin urging the population to send crazy celebrity stories to THEM and not TMZ. http://deadspin.com/tipsters-heres-why-you-should-give-us-your-stories-in-1405365140
55) When Deadspin puts “groupies” in an article, just read the damn thing. http://thestacks.deadspin.com/risk-and-romance-among-nba-groupies-an-embeds-report-1370693823
56) When Deadspin puts “golden cock” in an article, just read the damn thing. http://deadspin.com/the-cowboys-d-line-coach-nicknamed-one-of-his-players-1405427660
57) This is fantastic. A HALF marathoner takes an accidental wrong turn, ends up on the FULL time marathoner route, and WINS. Fancy. http://deadspin.com/half-marathoner-takes-wrong-turn-wins-marathon-1404285161
58) If you are curious about the Seahawks recent success under Pete Carroll, please read this article. I knew he was different, but this is absolutely awesome the things he is doing for this team. I had NO idea it went this deep. http://espn.go.com/nfl/story/_/id/9581925/seattle-seahawks-use-unusual-techniques-practice-espn-magazine
59) Holy shit. The Steelers are getting the ball back down 7. I will be back in a bit…
60) Ahhh. I am back. Misery in my world. Now I can start referencing the Chargers 0-4 start in the early 90’s and Super Bowl appearance when discussing my boys. I DO think the Chargers had an offensive line though. Inside the ten yard line, and a hypothetical 4 chances for a TD. Ben didn’t even have a second to throw the ball. Ugghhh.
61) I just saw a homeless looking guy carrying a cane riding a $500 bicycle…evidently to his next stoplight to pretend like he has no money.
62) Nick Saban is debating on playing a more up tempo offense. Because winning three of the last four championships evidently is NOT good enough.
63) Brian Wilson was caught on video yelling at the Giants CEO about not getting his championship ring from 2012. Give that guy his ring. I don’t think ANYONE wants that crazy guy yelling at them.
64) Josh Freeman. Stop texting me. Dude just wants to go out and get HAMMERED. Call Lamar Odom for Pete’s sake. I don’t have crack. I can send Marcus Vick if you REALLY want to have a good time. Geez.
65) The Colts Ahmad Bradshaw was listed as “out” this weekend…meaning Trent Richardson fantasy owners were happy. “Split carries” is the worse term for fantasy owners. See Carolina five years ago.
66) Lindsey informed me that we were projected to lose in fantasy 2 minutes before halftime in the NFL Thursday game. Glad I didn’t stress about it and waited until Sunday afternoon when everyone else is playing to refresh. We are rolling now that our players are actually playing.
67) Think picking up Indy’s defense and carrying two defenses for a week was smart? Indy got me 23 points versus Jacksonville today. Boom goes the dynamite. Thank you, rent a defense. Carolina? You are now my boys.
68) If I had money in the bank and any free time, I might consider doing this. Sounds fun without doing anything really wrong. http://www.belfasttelegraph.co.uk/news/local-national/northern-ireland/carrickfergus-clown-turned-himself-in-to-police-after-his-pranks-left-kids-terrified-29616453.html
69) Chiefs safety doesn’t like horses. The Chiefs have a horse around a LOT. That signifies a problem. I feel you Eric. This is like me and bees and wasps. http://www.buzzfeed.com/mrloganrhoades/nfl-player-attempts-to-overcome-his-fear-of-the-team-mascot
I find Katy Perry irritating. BUT, I remember MY high school as NEVER being able to pull this off. EVER. Too organized and evidently done in ONE take. Pretty tight. http://vimeo.com/75058173
70) I don’t know why all of the font and settings just changed in Word. Not fixing it. Moving on.
71) Hey, JJ. During the company golf round, how did you end up on our back nine hole when you were like three groups ahead? You freaked me out. I assumed I was actually the one playing the wrong hole.
72) My mom is the bomb. She did something REALLY cool for me and sent the below letter. Nelson DeMille writes these books where the main character is this NYC cop who has EXACTLY the same humor as me. She actually wrote ME one day years ago and told me to check this author out. She felt like she was literally talking to me while reading. I read one. She was right. Check out what she did for me. You are a badass, Mom.
73) I enjoy the Kaepernick-Flacco commercial about throwing it off the backboard is funny and all, but the people who don’t get HOW funny it is are the young ones. Here is the original, people. Bring it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_oACRt-Qp-s
74) Since Henrik Stenson won the Tour Championship, what exactly are we rooting for in golf?
75) Since this blog is mainly focused on NASCAR, I would like to point out that Matt Kenseth won last week. You are updated. Well, except for whatever the hell is going on right now probably.
76) If Bill Leavy officiated the very rare arguments between me and Lindsey, I think I might win a few of them. http://deadspin.com/bill-leavys-officiating-crew-blows-another-call-1368275284
77) VERY cool that Metallica actually played Enter Sandman for Mariano Rivera. Very cool.
78) I heard Metallica’s new song on the local radio station (yes, I still listen to normal radio-Eleanor doesn’t want Sirius). It is pretty tight I will admit.
79) Cornell lacrosse has hazing. EVERYONE has hazing. The dumb ones are the one who get caught. I pledged a fraternity. Some of the dumbest, most embarrassing, occasionally fun stuff I have ever done in my life. Jousting in a library,streaking Tri-Delt, etc, etc, etc,
80) Seriously, how is Denver the only crowd to say “In…com…plete?”
81) I am tired of hearing about the Buss family, Phil Jackson, and any coaching changes. Them not bringing him back makes them deserve ALL future misery and is like shutting the door in the face of John Wooden. Idiots.
82) I really, really like “Shaqamento.” Ever since I read in his Orlando years that he had an AQUARIUM as the trunk of his car, I have loved the guy.
83) Seriously, Pam. The OSU band does NOT play around. Get out of the way. http://deadspin.com/pam-oliver-nearly-steamrolled-by-ohio-state-band-1366617107
84) I just watched Broncos Holliday run back a kick return for a TD. 14-3. I guess if giving the ball to Peyton Manning is an automatic 7 points, the Eagles at least eliminated the chance of a two point conversion, right?
85) Jeremy Ross is looking for drinking partners by the way. Hit him up. I am having a quiet day. Stop texting me, Josh. Not going to happen.
86) The NCAA is slowly restoring Penn State’s scholarships. Just like the rest of the world is slowly forgetting about how dirty Sandusky actually was.
87) Maybe Aaron Hernandez was paid a lot of money to kill people to numb the Sandusky prison sentence and media coverage.
88) The Vikings owner (this was on my list-not mad at the game) will pay $84.5 million in a fraud case. He is also frantically Googling “adam Samberg.”
89) That is funny because both people made fame for talking about being or being an apprentice about being on a boat.
90) The strippers, people!! Geez. What I find funny and what you find funny might be slightly off.
91) I am SO glad I didn’t draft CJ Spiller early in the fantasy draft. SO glad. Lindsey picked up Fred Jackson and we are pretty happy though.
92) If Deadspin mentions Bill Belichick in an article, you should just read the damn thing. http://deadspin.com/a-scene-from-a-bill-belichick-press-conference-1373365286
93) There are many reasons why I LOVE the Steelers but don’t like most other Steelers fans. http://deadspin.com/shadowboxing-steelers-fan-is-the-weirdest-steelers-fan-1372946255
94) I heard in an ad that Rush might be the best Ron Howard movie EVER. What???? I will wait to see it before I judge, but here is a quick list of some Ron Howard movies. Come on. Cinderella Man, A Beautiful Mind, Da Vinci Code, APOLLO 13, Splash, Cocoon, Backdraft, Ed TV, J Edgar, The Chamber…I will get back to you on this.
94a) Seriously, A Beautiful Mind is a genius movie. Good Will Hunting without the humor…and craziness.
95) Terrelle Pryor was concussed. As you know, I am just reporting this because I think the word “concussed” just came into our language a couple years ago. At least they are starting the guy they are overpaying to be a backup.
96) Ponto, I hope you are doing well in the “Colorado State Disc Golf Championships” this weekend. Dude LOVES that game. I think he gets offended that I played the game at UVA but called if Frolf. He is the first serious disc golf person I have ever known.
97) Lindsey loves Tosh.O, but still leaves a special place in her for love of MY favorite show like it…The Soup. AND it is sports/ NFL related. http://www.eonline.com/shows/the_soup/news/462705/nfl-week-3-gif-recap?cmpid=sn-111021-facebook-na-soup
98) I watched an awesome show on Animal Planet about Killer Whales. The strategy they used to use group dynamics to get a seal off of an ice island was fascinating. It was like the whale version of the whole Velociraptor thing in Jurassic Park.
99) The Tigers might have been just been no hit, but put me in for Tigers vs. Cards in the WS.
100) I tweet regularly. I still don’t understand the point of hashtags. I probably won’t ever. http://gizmodo.com/justin-timberlake-show-us-how-dumb-we-sound-when-we-use-1382465357
101) MLB wants A-Rod files all unsealed. The public wants all A-Rod stories to be thrown in the ocean.
102) Bud Selig cracked on Oakland’s crib. They can’t make it TOO nice, Bud. Those Darth Vader football fans would get confused. Use the force, Bud, and exit stage left before 2015.
103) The Gators lost ANOTHER player for the year. DT Easley. Yay, Hayter is sad again, along with joining me in Steelers sadness. Bad week, sir.
104) Game, set, and match. Djokovic is now engaged. His girl is hot even though he looks a little goofy. No problem here. You and Phil Mickelson can go out for drinks and toast to beating the system.
105) Jason, we are both old, but only one of us is still hitting home runs in the big leagues. http://deadspin.com/jason-giambi-baseballs-favorite-old-ass-slugger-1384828694
106) I believe ANY article written about Rob Gronkowksi is really, really funny. http://deadspin.com/watch-out-world-rob-gronkowski-is-starting-to-get-jac-1388378935
107) I had a funny video from Deadspin to show you with a baboon grabbing a reporter’s breast, but evidently they already pulled it. Deadspin lives on the dark side, so sometimes copyright crap gets them. That is why you have to read it daily.
108) That is it. List is cleared. If you made it to the end, please email me whether you want gold or silver. This week, I am sending out to readers a free vehicle hood ornament that says “Buster” on it. Make sure your shipping address is correct. Hope you enjoyed. Will I blog tomorrow? That is a CLOWN question, bro. Peace.