I have two guns…one for each of ya…

October 4, 2015October 4, 2015 Filler

Read it, don’t read it, I don’t care…just needed to get some things off my chest.

In no particular order of chronology or importance…

On the clock (because I don’t feel like sitting here all afternoon). Not an airplane rant. Evening rant. SUPER speed version. Let’s turn and burn.

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Greeting and salutations, people. Thanks for coming aboard (the boat). Not saying I am Tolstoy or anything, but have a feeling this will be special. Bob, log off. Mom, log off. This is an important one that might have some cuss words.
Waiting…
Just kidding, Mom. No cuss words.
Judging by the traffic, I have new readers. I truly appreciate it and pour my heart into this thing. I will say it like Jim Rome. Give it two weeks and you will get some of the jokes, and one sentence hooks literally means I have one sentence to get out my thought per hook.
There might be prizes in this one.
A guy I respect just saw The Martian and said my #1 man crush was good, and agreed with me that it was weird he was a botanist by trade and that it is Armageddon last minutes for the entire movie.
Have you ever turned off the last 10 minutes of Armageddon?
My neighbors are out of town, and I have turned the TV UP since they can’t eat out every night.
Yes, I bought Easy Cheese when I went to the grocery store today.
Pittsburgh and Seattle have the best two records against the spread when you pick the team they faced the week before. SO interesting.
Gumbos is the best value in town for a happy hour.
Ha, ha, ha…Nebraska lost and suddenly Marty isn’t on text as much today.
My ex is a huge Cornhusker fan, and kind of smirk when I see they lose.
Seriously, HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.
This is her with her 17.000 kids from 3 dads with the guy she was banging during our engagement. SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO glad I am out of that.
BUT, the history of the Rant (changed it because there is a whole website called The Rant) is awesome, and I just started emailing everyone and their mother because I was post cheating engagement angry, and then this just evolved.
Those people I emailed were SOOOO pissed before I got a site.
My new line in life is “FI.” Figure it out, and that is why I don’t care if they were pissed or not.
I will be just saying FI alot from here out, and keep up.
I KNEW I should have taken the under on the 110 Baylor/ TTU game.
I can’t believe OSU won against K. State 36-34, and my mentor apparently doesn’t comment on games or read this blog.
There are a lot of people who don’t read this blog, and they are missing out on this one…prizes.
I see this monstrous, cool guy named Cory everywhere in Denver, and nice to see you at Texas de Brazil the other night, buddy.
He doesn’t read this…shame.
It was Steve’s birthday when I saw him, and although I was more concentrated on the lobster bisque than his birthday, he gets it.
He doesn’t read this thing either.
He is the crankiest, grumpiest, nicest, giving guy I have ever met.
Him and my dad will get along just fantastically.
Do you think when the Oregon players got stuck in the elevator, they talked about Utah?
I have made a decision, it will be very irritating, it is spawned off my co-worker, Ralph (doesn’t read this), and I am going to initially lie to EVERYONE except for my family, my cat, and my lady.
So, I will just say I am in another town if anyone asks me during the weekend.
Example. “where you at?” Maine (straight face).
My boss (doesn’t read this) has the AMAZING ability of being difficult and acting like I don’t work 65 hours a week the day after I destroy shit in sales, but I will be there at 6am tomorrow to do it all again.
I am going to Aspen at the end of October, so I am going to the greatest city of all time and you may or may not be.
I am #3 this year, and being behind Alison (doesn’t read, never will), JJ (my man who IF you get by me with a problem, you have about 1000 other people to deal with), and Ross (doesn’t read this, my mentor, and I don’t NEED to get his back) isn’t so bad.
The story about the blind Tulane long snapper is pretty cool.
The Angels better make the playoffs so the right MVP can win the trophy.
My MOM is so cute, as she called me about the amazing Angels making a 9^th inning comeback during the UGA-Bama game.
I didn’t turn the channel, Mom, as Jackson (the cat) is sick.
That’s my guy…sitting next to me while I write this blog and freaks out when there is a door between us.
Older pic, but notice he is already eyeing up my blog list.
Mike Trout works out 30 minutes from my home town.
My brother doesn’t read this anymore (see you in 6 months), but he goes to same gym as Trout. Too bad my brother checked out.
Joseph I believe reads this, and I just cleared out a file cabinet this afternoon and saw you as a kid…cool stuff.
I just look at pics and past stuff and do this.
My objective in life is to say I have given a total of $40 (accurate) to Draft Kings and now have won $2 million.
$35.
Drew Brees can start being Drew Brees at anytime now.
Larry Fitzgerald, combined with Devonta Freeman, have made my fantasy football team unstoppable.
Jake, you out there (SE from FWI and then left)?
He still lists Four Winds as his employer…
Keefe, you out there (doesn’t read my blog) ever.
That’s not Chris, but I thought my other co-worker popped up when I google him (doesn’t ever read this blog either).
Jason is one of the most bad ass worker guys ever.
Rojo (assumes the fact that I won one night of poker and then was an ass at the next game indicates that he doesn’t want me at his games…your loss, RJ), LOVE you bro.
That is one serious pic.
I really hope that Cerk names his kid “BENNETT,” as I won’t have kids, have no say, but it sounds pretty good.
Brian is a face guy, and looks like Roman model-like, and you are insecure if you can’t say another guy is good looking.
Matt Damon, JT, and Tom Brady are GOOD looking.
He doesn’t read this blog.
GREAT to play ping pong with you the other night, Cerk, and 6-0 definitely means I was drinking and you are the better player.
Apparently, there is a Robert Lewandwoski PART II (Sergio something).
On editing, my Twitter feed just told me my brother JUST now joined Twitter, although apparently he doesn’t know that social media is social media and he doesn’t have to tell me shit.
He can pull a tractor trailer and has the greatest family we could ever hope for, but he is difficult (he doesn’t read this-we are safe).
The Mets are rolling, but I am tracking the Cespedes injury like I play FFB.
The Cards will come out of the NL anyway.
I said UCLA and UGA were really, really good. I was wrong. Billy (doesn’t read this), Greyson looked like shit. Bob (DOES read this), you looked horrible.
Can you imagine going out with me having drinks and talking about like serious stuff.
My boss is being difficult, I am booked for Cali next week for the US-Mexico soccer match, no one has let me know of their plans, so I just BOOKED stuff. I don’t really give a shit. Here is my boss (he doesn’t read this blog).
I am taking PTO and working Thursday and Friday, bossman (doesn’t read blog). I am beyond stellar. I bleed my company.
I need to buy a red, white, and blue shirt.
I am staying at the Vagabond Inn next week in CA-Glendale, which I think fits ( no one going with me reads this blog-not sure why).
Ross, you are RIGHT again, as I went 7-0 in drunk foosball even though I sucked at sober lunchtime foosball with you that time. I was unstoppable.
Ross doesn’t read this thing either.
Do you know anyone who would spend two hours changing their blog background and listen to Dre and WSP in succession?
I remember listening to 2001 Dr. Dre and Eminem and falling off the couch.
I don’t wear the shirt with Love Tractor because I think I am a Love Tractor…I wear it because I never owned a shirt with a tractor on it.
There will be more changes to the Fillerbuster coming, but I think “The Cast” is clever, different, and a shout out to my Dad, who took me on some of the best fishing adventures of all time.
If I change the tagline on my blog, the next in line is this. “I will not let a stone take my glory.” Bad. A%^.
I watched the Jax game like my life was ending, because I had them in the losers pool BEFORE Luck was out of the game.
Watching Jay Cutler do a two minute drive was painful today, and Jeff George didn’t do it many times.
I feel like I was 8 when Arian Foster last played.
Yup, I am the guy who picked up Devonta Freeman in fantasy on ALL teams.
I met a guy named Rob tonight who won his fantasy football league last year without making a trade and autodrafting…amazing.
Why do all chicks have their phone die at night, as I get below 50% and get nervous?
Michael Bennett siting, a touchdown, and someone out there gets that joke.
Lindsey thinks I don’t miss her, but that is untrue, as I just am Puddy and eat Cheetos in the bed and go eat pizza when she is gone.
Jackson is sick, it is stomatitis, he has to have all of his non fang teeth removed, and the only thing that keeps me going is that he got home from the vet and literally tackled me that he was in pain, will be in more pain, but at least I care. We have the best cat in the world.
No doors between me and the cat, otherwise it is chaos.
If you didn’t check out the Jennings run today, stop reading and DO.
Pretty amazing, aye?
Does Morgan Freeman ever stop working?
Sebastian Janikoski has officially made me start working out tomorrow.
He is fat.
I will do a flag by the end of the year, which sounds impressive enough, but my brother has checked out of this thing, so I guess the tree falling in the forest cliche applies.
When do you think that my brother will figure out I know he is on Twitter because it NOTIFIES me?
Throwing two no-no’s in one year…is dirty, monumental, and historic.
I hope Lindsey doesn’t come home and realize how few things I have done (she doesn’t read this either).
I cleaned a file cabinet that Lindsey wants me to give her room in today, and found some interesting stuff.
I wonder what I threw away from A-J.
I found the official paperwork why I got kicked out of the Navy.
I found 75 Widespread Panic ticket stubs.
I found the Belinda Carlisle monument photo, as she is the hottest chick of all time.
I found my Golden Tee card, as I was the greatest player at that game during my prime (Andy doesn’t read this-actually does ANYONE read this???).
God, I was so good.
I found the solution to Rubik’s Cube, which is good, because I can’t remember the last move, am stubborn, and will finish that shit (sorry, Mom, cuss word) tonight).
My brother did 145 and I came in at 210.
That’s Incredible cutoff was was one minute.
I love that Bill Simmons is still talking shit about ESPN from where he is at right now.
I found the evidence that I worked the movie Virus, drove Donald Sutherland, dogsitted Billy Bladwin’s dogs, and drove Donald Sutherland to the set every day.
His only line to me in 1997 was “are your parents still alive?”
Reading the reason I got kicked out of the Navy was painful, I have told one person in life, and he then forgot the next day across the street from Sigma Pi.
I found the entire list of greatest lines from Tombstone when I cleaned out my filing cabinet, and I would rank quotable movies as Top Gun, Princess Bride, and Tombstone.
MOM, just rent Princess Bride tonight so I don’t have to ignore you anymore.
When cleaning the filing cabinet, I found the stripper pic, which is basically me bartending and saying “I would do that,” and then having to strip the next week.
I might have accomplished less than anyone in the world this week.
Oh, yeah..I cleaned out my filing cabinet.
I am going to get really drunk and then go out with Tristan Thompson.
Bossman, you were too busy complaining about last week and I forgot to mention Mudiay had a horrible night (doesn’t read).
I admit to knowing Arenado was a badass, but NOT thinking he might take the HR crown.
There is a guy on Ole Miss named Stringfellow.
If you don’t get that, then just keep following for a couple weeks and maybe you will.
Mom, the glasses pic is coming, but not tonight.
I don’t remember how many times that I told Linds that OU would win by a lot against WVU, but it was a big number (she doesn’t read it-starting to think we are in a vacuum and are solitary and can’t be heard by anyone).
Rob (doesn’t rea this) and Marty (doesn’t read this), just needed some pizza and was bored Friday. All good.
The biggest news of my life is that I have OCD and I just transferred all of my contents from one notebook to another notebook, which happens to be blue.
So many jokes there…try to keep up.
Lost Lettermen is the greatest twetter of all time, and if you aren’t following him, then shame you.
The intriguing thing about the OSU-IU game wasn’t the final score…it was that everyone and their mother thought OSU would run away with it in third quarter.
The U is Virginia., so stop calling your university “The U.”
Haters…
I plan on buying this next week, and will order more if interested.
, the 21 reasons why you should watch this movie.
I actually get angry with anyone who hasn’t seen this movie…except my mom of course.
Texas is sure making a national move, aye?
I won’t be blogging tomorrow, as my tryout for the Steelers kicking job is at 1pm tomorrow.
In case you thought you were the only one who wanted Charlie Strong fired, you obviously aren’t on the Rangers Twitter feed.
I might bet the other team against the Michigan State spread, or just take Purdue and the points.
Read the article about the alternate court for the Bucks…and then come and explain it to me.
Is Florida college football really good, and how should I adjust?
Cheez-Its are my wife, and Cheetos is my affair.
I was in the grocery store today, and someone actually gave me 10 minutes of real time to explain why I picked out the reduced fat version…I went to town.
Reduced fat is not good because of fat…it is more crisp.
Buy your woman flowers at regular or unexpected times, and watch her smile.
If she doesn’t smile, find another woman.
If a place doesn’t have a PBR and a well whiskey, I usually leave.
Have I mentioned the pizza necklace yet?
I always thought Pitino’s recruits looked like they slept with a mother and daughter.
I don’t have energy to put pics in this blog. More to come.
Houston sucks, and I went there because my girl was out of town and I was bored.
I am lying, but that is not unreasonable.
How can the 2007 Pats be the greatest team when they didn’t win it?
Where did that guy go and why have I not cared about him during fantasy?
So, once again, I just ate an entire of Easy Cheese within 3 hours on the couch.
Dammit, Irving Fryar.
I admit to just knowing that my girl is in Nashville this weekend, but having no clue WHY she is away.
Park & Co is the fourth best burger in CO, and if I didn’t have a bad experience with the Scarponne, it might be #2.
Justice Snow’s will always be #1…let’s not put the cart in front of the horse.
For the fifth year of our friendship, I am missing Man of the Cliff with Cerk….just sneaks up on me.
Channels 517 and 522 are awesome after 12am on the weekends.
Final thought, and I am excited to go see US-Mexico soccer next weekend. I am going with a dude who invited a chick during a guys weekend, a guy who is doing who knows what, a random guy we don’t know, and dbag Chris Dunne who is housing Marty but says he can only get a “tent” for me. I roll how I roll and probably will have more fun than all of them combined. Not ever worried about someone having more fun than me, and Chris and Rob are weird anyway. Chris is tough guy weird, and Rob is B&B weird. I love Bryan, but pretty sure he booked logistics without me also. Whatever. None of them read this blog, so who cares. Dbags. Ah dohnt cahr.
That’s it. Hope you enjoyed or are at least more informed. Will I blog tomorrow? That is a clown question, bro.