Read it, don’t read it, I don’t care…just needed to get some things off my chest.
In no particular order of chronology or importance…
NOT on the clock. Afternoon rant. Nowhere to go, lots to say. Let’s turn and burn.
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1) Greeting and salutations, people. Lots to get to. I thought I had a bad weekend with the Steelers, but my colleague, Ben, had a worse weekend ON his birthday. Diehard Ohio State AND Cleveland fan, and both of them lost heartbreakers. AND it is his birthday today. Happy bday, Ben.
1a) During editing, a last minute addition. Remember the dude who had a movie made about him for getting out alive after cutting off his arm from a hiking trip gone wrong? He was arrested in Denver last night for “Assault and wrongs to minors.” Damn 15 minutes of fame.
2) Hey, Matt, I watch no other games during the Steelers game, so although I am sure that the Minnesota-Baltimore game was crazy, I caught none of it.
3) I was too busy getting my heart ripped out of my chest. I was down most of the game, saying that Pittsburgh didn’t belong in the playoffs. On the last drive, deep in their own territory, I said to Lindsey that something special was going to happen. It did. ONE LEFT FOOT out of bounds away from being special. I think I would have preferred Ben just to throw an interception or get sacked. I was excited for about 5 seconds. Ugghhh.
4) Cerk, did you end up starting Big Ben? Not bad fantasy numbers from what I saw.
5) OK. CLICK on this link. This is a Guiness commercial from across the ocean, and it is HILARIOUS. A dog herding drunks in a competition. No mention of enjoying responsibly. http://twentytwowords.com/2012/03/17/sheepdog-herds-men-to-the-pub-in-a-funny-guinness-commercial/
6) Kobe will return today to the NBA. Raise your hand if you live outside L.A. and care.
7) When dogs start schools and we are not paying attention, they will make us pay for this fantastic dog shaming. Kind of like the dog version of Terminator or Planet of the Apes. http://thebarkpost.com/ultimate-dogshaming/
8) The Nuggets were hot. The Nuggets were going East and it was supposed to get easier. The Nuggets have lost two of three against very bad Eastern Conference teams.
9) I have on my list “further breakdown of the World Cup draw.” I will be going over 100 hooks today. We have plenty of time for that, and as usual, I have plenty to say. Another time.
10) Fox sports announcers are really, really horrible. All realms. All days.
11) Tiger shot a 62 the other day. I bet you are wondering what tournament is going on. Right. Some post Major, wintertime, waste of time one. We are on like the fifth consecutive season of me saying, “wait until Augusta, bitches.” I am over that. Good job at excelling at nothing recently, El Tigre.
12) Notre Dame accepted the “Pinstripe Bowl” invitation this week. Even putting them on national TV and letting them be non major conference couldn’t let them escape playing in some crappy bowl. I bet you all now MISS players with fake girlfriends.
13) OSU’s Marcus Hall wasn’t allowed to start it was announced for this weekend’s game versus Michigan State. Not starting in football means like you miss three plays. At least he got a cool t-shirt made from his double finger move to the crowd last week.
13a) And for you once a week readers who don’t backread, here is my fitness eccentric brother wearing a mask to allow him to train in altitude, and a photo of him jogging and helping a eighteen wheeler that broke down.
14) Lindsey has acknowledged that I don’t pay attention to much while blogging. For the first time, she has busted out the headphones on her iPad. She is right of course. I am in a ZONE.
15) The Phils are looking to deal Papelbon. Might as well. You have to be AHEAD in a game to get saves.
16) Google alert. I just saw that Rod Streater had more than 100 yards and a touchdown today. Rod freaking Streater. I am personally stumped. Hold on. I will be back. (PAUSE) Temple. Undrafted. I do not feel bad in not knowing that. I guess Darius Heyward-Bey didn’t pan out very well.
16a) I am so proud of myself. Crabtree is playing today and I called out that Bey got drafted BEFORE Crabtree.
17) There sure are a lot of commercials for that show with Woody Harrelson and Matthew McConaughey considering it starts in mid January. Are we going to get a break at least during the holiday? I have seen like ten of them and I am in the first quarter of the second round of games.
18) In case you care, going into today (that may have changed recently), the Jags were NOT eliminated from the playoffs. That is scary considering they were previously the laughing stock of the NFL…which is now the Texans of course, who no one has ANY clue how that collection of talent is THAT bad.
19) I was rooting for you, Dana. Dana Barros didn’t have much outside of basketball junkies’ brains, but he had that consecutive three pointer record going for him. Dammit, Kyle Korver.
20) Darryl Sutter is making ALL of our heads hurt.
21) Deadspin. What NOT to do when your favorite athlete is accused of rape. (PAUSE) Dammit. I think someone made them take the post down. I am glad I read it while it was out there. It was very grey area and very funny. Should have been taken down I guess.
22) I still laugh at that Snickers commercial with Robin Williams on the football field talking about winning the game for Mother Russia.
23) Lindsey and I watched We’re the Millers Friday night. Why didn’t anyone TELL me how funny that movie was? I wouldn’t have waited so long. I would say moderately funny, decent plot, with 2-3 MEMORABLE comedy scenes. And Jennifer Aniston is a stripper. You can’t go wrong. I WILL warn you that the nudity in the movie is NOT Aniston and is actually the kid’s nut after getting bitten by a tarantula. But you can have hope if you would like.
24) I don’t think that OU beating OSU was that big of deal. I had to explain that to my yelling girlfriend at the beginning of the game, but OU always has the players to beat anyone. I heard I missed a great game. For the first time ever, I knocked out Christmas shopping before the last couple days before the holiday. I went and did my tradition of wandering around the mall. It was the usual. It was browsing with no buys, then a buying “giving is so much fun” extravaganza, then “get me the hell out of here.”
25) Auburn took down Missouri in a shootout. Listen, no one is talking up Auburn’s defense. They are simply saying that NO one has figured out how to stop Auburn rushing even when you know they are going to rush the ball. FSU will. Book it.
26) Michigan State beat Ohio State and finally wrecked that schedule strength argument about how OSU just beats whoever is on their schedule. Congrats to Michigan State for not only beating them, but also giving us all a year or two of Urban Meyer ranting on the microphone. Funny thing is this. With FSU wrecking Duke in the ACC Championship, they actually would have gotten the pleasure of NOT playing an SEC team. They MIGHT not gotten their ass kicked. Take that, Urban.
27) This is useful, as Deadspin always is. We all have used various methods of trying to cool a beer in the fastest time possible. Well, Deadspin ranks them. http://gizmodo.com/the-fastest-way-to-cool-down-beer-1472736442/@kylenw
28) In case you need more than that insane Christmas list I posted this week, here you go. http://deadspin.com/a-treasury-of-childrens-insane-christmas-wish-lists-1477990567
29) OK. I am over stalling at red lights/ putting it in park to NOT do it. A wreck is in my future. Eleanor, I LOVE you, but I will go on record and say that I WILL be going to one or two car places in the next month to get my feet wet on the car dating scene.
30) I am sore today. Lindsey and I played Wii all Friday night. The sports games were fun, and then we put in boxing after I had a few drinks. I went 6-0 of course before signing off dripping with sweat, but am feeling it today. I am just not making sudden moves on the couch I will be sitting at for the next 6 hours or so.
31) I can’t believe it took this long for me to catch it, but have you all noticed that one of the people’s names that pop up before Family Guy each episode is THIS ridiculous name? Cherry Chevapravatdumrong.
32) That is a crazy name.
33) Young dudes and kids on farms must be loving life these days with sites like Cougarlife.com and that singles farmers dating site.
34) Baylor beat UK bball the other day. That sounds about right. UK is on a learning curve with all NBA talent, and Baylor is now performing after the last few years of NOT performing with NBA like talent.
35) All in all though, good times for schools like Missouri and Baylor. Both football and basketball coming around nicely.
36) The Yanks lose Cano and gain Beltran. So, they just get older than they were.
37) Baylor beat Texas yesterday in football to gain the Big 12 crown after OU’s upset. I just date an OU fan, and have no allegiance towards ANYONE in that general scope, BUT I TOO am just glad that Mack Brown lost something. Dude sucks as a coach. Great recruiter in a geographical region where recruits pretty much knock on YOUR door.
38) When someone has a free moment, can someone explain to Lindsey and I how David Akers had zero points when the Lions had 14 points and how he managed -1 points for the day?
39) 16 Mix place in downtown Denver. Bartenders kind of sucked, food was delicious, not my type of place if Lindsey didn’t have Travel Zoo, but kind of cool place regardless. Get the Squealer. Bacon, bacon, bacon.
40) WOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. I just watched Prater hit a 64 yd FG for the all time NFL record. That was pretty amazing. I still think kickers should still use their toes like Mosely and Dempsey.
40a) Kind of cool to watch NFL history live. I had to nudge Lindsey as she still has her earphones on.
41) Why was I downtown? We went to see Catching Fire and then watch the Parade of Lights in sub zero temperature. Catching Fire. Hmmmm. You can read online movie reviews to get a full breakdown. I just want someone to explain to me two things. She didn’t sleep at all, and she never ran out of arrows. How did either happen? Otherwise, I figured out I obviously need to read the books to understand that the story is more about the rebellion than the actual games, and I was happy overall.
41a) Too much kissing though during a war scene…love or not. I would have been more pissed had I not been wondering about how she kept reloading on arrows.
42) Did anyone else notice in a year that no one seems to want to separate themselves from everyone else in the Heisman race that BOTH lower tier conference guys outed THEMSELVES in the final few games? Northern Illinois AND Fresno State’s guys both blew it.
43) They lost, but kind of cool that the Oklahoma State kicker can forever say he kicked a FG DURING an earthquake. 4.5. Richter.
44) I don’t know what the Stanford-ASU spread was, but that game kind of turned out like I expected it to. Better team won by two touchdowns.
45) David Ortiz says the Yankees gave away the face of the franchise. No, I believe that Benjamin Franklin is the face of that franchise…or whoever is on the larger bills I have never seen.
46) Missouri beat UCLA basketball the other day. I already mentioned that Missouri is on the up and up, and UCLA is as bipolar as usual over the last ten years. Can we just have UCLA and UNC play each other EVERY game for the remainder of the season to figure out who is wasting the most talent on a year to year basis?
47) Soccer news. Man U lost a stunner to Old Trafford. Not even sure if I spelled the victor’s name right, as my mind is totally is on the World Cup…as it always is. But Logan likes my soccer updates.
48) Gus Malzahn got a raise and extension. Sounds about right. Remember, he was an assistant coach on that championship team. He is no slacker.
49) In case you hoped that Brett Favre was just lucky in football, you are wrong. As irritating as all of the news headlines are, here is another for you. He was OC for the HS team that just won a state championship. Dude is a winner. Irritating, but a winner.
50) Bud Selig apparently rejected the A’s from moving to San Jose. Kind of barely recollect that story, but once again, I don’t care.
51) India might be kicked out of the Olympics. This would be a HUGE power swing. Never mind, no it won’t. Polo was discontinued after 1936 as an Olympic sport. I googled it.
52) There is that damn Woody Harrelson-Matthew McConaughey commercial again.
53) In case you care, FSU covered against Duke.
54) In case you care, Baylor lost to Kentucky in women’s basketball. 133-130. It was the highest score EVER for a women’s game. Dammit. I need a horse race story now.
55) I don’t have one. Secretariat was solid flick.
56) For those of you who don’t get that, you obviously never listened to Jim Rome…ever.
57) Did anyone catch the Oklahoma State cheerleader trying to trip Stryker? http://deadspin.com/oklahoma-state-is-lousy-with-sore-losers-1478701215
58) Lindsey didn’t think this is funny. She says she watched Popeye. I think it is PERFECT. Bob Stoops doing his best impromptu Popeye impression. http://deadspin.com/bob-stoops-is-popeye-1478686295
59) I am sitting here making sure Lindsey knows that although Stafford sucked today, that DeMarco Murray will get three TD’s again, McCown will get 30 points, and Carolina will lose but somehow get 15 points on defense.
60) There is that damn and/or commercial. Dammit. I HATE them now.
61) Where are the damn AT&T commercials? They don’t have a freaking Xmas one yet? Get ON it.
62) Somehow, some way, I am eating triscuits like a mad man these days. Don’t tell Cheez-Its. I am married to them. I guess I am having a snack food affair. It is torrid.
62a) I recommend the Cracked Pepper-Olive Oil ones.
63) Which brings me to my next point. Easy Cheese. I bought some yesterday at the store. Two cans. They are about done. If I actually bought the amount of cans of Easy Cheese at the store that would last me until my next grocery trip, I would have to buy about 20 cans…rounding low.
63a) AND although it is fun to try crazy Triscuit flavors, just go with the standard American Kraft version of Easy Cheese. The bacon version teases you, but don’t pull the trigger.
64) Nick Saban apparently wants to have sex with non SEC teams. http://deadspin.com/i-think-this-means-saban-wants-to-have-sex-with-osu-and-1478626543
65) The Colts are seriously bipolar. A chance at the Bengals today and they got smoked. Luckily, the rest of their division is like the NBA’s Eastern Conference.
66) The Broncos just went up 34-21. As I told someone, the over and spread would be fine. Still time to go, but I think all is good.
67) YES. AT&T commercial. Boom goes the dynamite. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W45DRy7M1no
68) I am hearing that Tim Tebow MIGHT be a college football broadcaster. I want him announcing just as much as an NBA team would want Isiah Thomas running my basketball team.
69) Yes. I just cracked on my basketball idol. It was ON the court, dammit, that I liked him.
70) Thanks to Lindsey’s parents, who evidently can’t use their time share next week in Aspen. Square Grouper return (my new favorite bar in the world), you have to literally DRAG me to Aspen (sarcastic-favorite place without an ocean on earth), Popcorn Wagon, and since we don’t ski, we can dodge the most expensive skiing rates in the United States.
71) In case you care, only ONE person has hit a plus 50 yard FG in the history of Heinz Field on the open end. That is pretty amazing.
72) Lindsey has just informed me that Tiger Woods has missed in a playoff a five foot par putt against Zach Johnson to NOT win the tournament that no one cares about at all.
73) I am depressed that the Steelers lost, but my breakfast was delicious…probably because Hollandaise is the #2 rated sauce of all time behind Chiptole.
74) The gold medal from Jesse Owens from 1936 sold for $1.47 million this weekend. I have always said that if I had $1.5 million to blow, I would LOVE to own a gold medal from a legend.
75) Whisenhunt is on the radar of the Houston Texans. We might care after the Super Bowl.
76) Mike Shanahan is reported to have been close to quitting during the 2012 season because of Griffin. After seeing their score at home today against the Chiefs, I think we can just copy and paste that for this year.
77) Lindsey and I have both decided that Michigan State’s head coach kind of looks like the Hoodie. Lindsey called this by the way. I am just agreeing.
78) FSU wins. FSU going to BCS Championship. Fisher re-upped. Sound about right. Did anyone else notice that during that whole “down” time, their recruiting class was still always top 5. You didn’t? I got your back. I check daily.
78a) She didn’t like the pic. Try this one.
79) Colorado beat the Jayhawks at their crib this weekend. Altitude, the Jayhawks are still maturing, and someday MAYBE they will be talking about how they watched the second greatest basketball player of all time play at their arena (behind Michael of course). In case you care, Wilt already played there, so they might be able to say 3 of the top 5. Andrew Wiggins is a stud.
80) Jeff Triplette blew another call today and might be fired. Well, from ONE job, as I assume those guys all have other jobs. Either that, or they either have the perfect dream job, or they are underpaid and we now know why some of them are a little angry.
81) Brooks Orpik. There is already fighting in hockey. You don’t have to overdo it. Stay within the rules. You all are carrying around sharp sticks and have blades on your skates.
82) In case you care, KC won the MLS title. I didn’t even know it was going on, but I figure that is out of spite from the Denver crowd for not being in it.
83) This dude won $100k beating a girl throwing like you SHOULD throw a football while HE was throwing like this. http://www.ign.com/boards/threads/asshole-beats-girl-in-100k-football-throwing-competition-by-throwing-like-girly-asshole.453593523/
84) Have I mentioned how good the Pacers are lately?
85) This is NOT a good idea. A bar owner celebrating Pearl Harbor stuff.
86) The Parade of Lights was cool, although frigid. They had a couple floats, and I have to admit all I can think about when I see a float is Woody Woodpecker from Seinfeld.
87) We caught a little of Scent of a Woman last night. In case you care, besides the majestic dance scene, I still think of this every time I hear about the movie. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YJyGJQx2Fgk
88) Paul Rudd was on SNL last night. My guy. Love that dude. I think his skits were kind of weak, but overall was pleased. Plus, bringing out the Anchorman clan was awesome.
88a) I Love You Man totally represents me. When Lindsey and I get married, my groomsmen list is SHALLOW. Kyle. you are in. Cerk, you are in. Kvancz, you are in. But can I think of enough people to actually invite on my side? Ha.
89) I know Will is doing it other places so this is not groundbreaking news, but this one from South Dakota is pretty cool. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H8fSyBwdiFA
90) North Dakota. Whatever. Still places where animals outnumber humans.
91) I don’t stay up to watch Letterman, although I DO like him, but Colbert is on there tomorrow? Might have to check it out.
92) Why did I read the Hobbit books constantly as a kid, but continue to ignore what apparently are the best movies in years? I have not seen more than 5 minutes of either the Hobbit stuff or Lord of the Rings stuff, and I think I read all of the books like three times over.
93) Where the HELL is Drunk History? The best show ever comes on TV and then disappears?
94) In case you can’t figure out how Ryan Tannehill from Miami is so deceptively fast, remember he was a college WR.
95) I think Carolina is really, really good, and I know Seattle beat the hell out of N.O. last week, but N.O. is at home, and you can count me in as a pretend, retired bettor who would bet a LOT on tonight’s Saints-Panthers game. 3.5? Joke.
95a) The Panthers will make it interesting, but it is at the Dome and on Prime Time, meaning the Saints will act like they are good. Put me down for 31-21.
96) That is it. I promised Lindsey I would finish by the time the Broncos game was over, and my list is pretty clear. Sorry I didn’t make 100. Hope you enjoyed. Will I blog tomorrow? That is a CLOWN question, bro. Peace.